I am still in the early stages of becoming a Catholic, but I have one thing holding me back. I am on several medications that make it dangerous for me to become pregnant at this time. My doctors have not advised as to whether or not I will ever be able to have children. I am married and I am on birth control. I cannot reconcile going off birth control and endangering myself and a possible child because of my health conditions. I have considered NFP, but my husband does not feel that it is reliable enough under the circumstances. There are also the considerations that we are newly married (only a year) and are both still in college. Although we are mid-20's, we are not stable enough to start a family.

Also, if I decide to become a Catholic in the future, will having taken birth control affect my conversion?

-- Anonymous, June 23, 1998

Answers

I agree with what Rich has said.

But, I also think you need to step back and question some of your assumptions.

NFP is not unreliable. NFP is clinically proven to be as effective as the contraceptive pill in avoiding pregnancy. These figures come from a number of studies, including studies on illiterate women in the Third World who used NFP. The "unreliability" of NFP is that it breaks down our anti-child mentality and makes it so much harder to continue refusing God's calling to parenthood. But, if you have serious enough reasons to avoid having a baby, then you'll have the motivation to ensure that NFP works!

I accept that you have to avoid pregnancy for medical reasons. But that doesn't automatically mean you have to take the Pill for medical reasons.

I also understand your concerns about your situation. It is hard for young married couples (I am half of one!). But, if your marriage is Sacramental, you have a wellspring of grace promised to you by God to cope with whatever situation you find yourself in. God's an equal partner in your marriage and He should have a say in your plans for your married life too. Don't feel you have to plan for every contingency yourself. God will look after you no matter what happens. You have to believe that.

As for having used birth control affecting becoming a Catholic, it is unlikely to. If you are unbaptised, and don't intend to continue using it, you need not even mention it. Your baptism will wash away every sin you've ever committed. If you are baptised, you will need to confess the sins of your past life, be truly sorry for them and firmly resolve not to sin again. It will be a matter for you and the priest who hears your confession how you deal with your prior and possible continuing use of birth control in that situation.

We'll keep you in our prayers and pray that everything works out for you.

-- Anonymous, June 24, 1998

Hi,

Here is my understanding of the moral implications of medicine and medical procedures with abortive risk. Contraception using drugs taken orally is in fact not actually a way to avoid conception it is a means of preventing the implantation of of new life already conceived. Abortion in short. However if taking these drugs is medically necessary for SOME OTHER medical reason or condition and the contraceptive side effects are a secondary risk there is no imputability attached. Same for a medical procedure. If a procedure cannot be avoided and has grave risk to the unborn child it may be preformed as long as everything that can be done is done to protect the child. But if the child dies then no sin is involved. The key here is that the primary purpose is not the termination of a pregnancy. If NFP is not acceptable then abstinence is an acceptable option untill your medical condition improves. One thing concerns me though. You seem to look at contraceptive/abortion as a "Catholic issue" it's not it's God's law. And should apply no matter who or what religion you are.

-- Anonymous, June 23, 1998

I am troubled by one of your statements, "We are not stable enough to start a family." If you are not stable enough to start a family, then you are not stable enough to be married.

-- Anonymous, June 25, 1998

I am troubled by one of your statements, "We are not stable enough to start a family." If you are not stable enough to start a family, then you are not stable enough to be married. I suggest you think about this.

-- Anonymous, June 25, 1998

Response to Birth Control for medical reasons...

Hazel, I wonder if you really meant to sound as coldly judgemental and righteous as you did in your response to Melanie..."if you're not stable enough to have children, maybe you're not stable enough to be married". Having read several of her posts, she sounds like an extremely lucid, stable and intelligent young woman, and she and her husband appear to be making this tremendous journey of faith together, looking at all of the aspects of joining the church, and wanting to come into it fully, without conditions. Nothing about her questions or the manner in which she has posted them suggests instablity...or was I the only one who understood that she meant "financial" stability, as in getting on their feet? I'm sometimes too quick with my questions and too rash with my opinions, too (witness my apologies earlier to our Mormon friend). As someone pointed out to me, this is a place, more than most others, where we should all practice cyber-kindness. :-)

-- Anonymous, June 29, 1998

Response to Ms. Sluga:

I was not very clear. I meant financially stable. My husband and I are very emotionally stable and we are both firmly committed to each other and our marriage. We both believe that marriage is forever, not for now.

Thank you all for your help!

-- Anonymous, June 26, 1998

Response to Birth Control for medical reasons...

Melanie, I just want to say that I am very impressed with your questions and your honesty and with the care you are taking before making this huge decision as to whether or not to join the church. You seem to be utterly sincere in wanting to do it the right way or not at all...there are many "cradle catholics" (myself included at times in my life) who "pick and choose" what they will or will not follow regarding church rulings. I've been where you are, and I DO understand your concerns about being financially stable enough to have children. When my husband and I were just starting out, things were enormously difficult for us, too...it's not a question of "stability" (by the way - no one else can judge how stable your marriage is)...being newly married is a serious transition and has a dynamic all it's own...and then when children come, that is another dynamic, and you are, I think, rightly careful to consider getting on your feet before having children. That's why it's called Natural Family PLANNING... the church has given us this tool to enable us to enjoy the wonderful, sacramental gift of sexual union and oneness while at the same time trusting us to know when is the right time and the wrong time to have a child. (By the way, financially, it's hardly ever the right time to have kids, and my hubby and I sometimes had to roll coin to afford haircuts, but somehow, God does provide what is needed! ) This is just my opinon, okay? I'm not as learned as many of the people here, or as articulate, and I am certain I'm a sinner and an impudent person but I hope I'm not being as absolute and rigid as others. Using the pill (which I had to use for several months when I was first married due to endometiriosis and yes, my priest approved) or using condoms could be considered "playing God" as these measures prevent the possibility of conception, but using NFP within your marriage is not playing God...it's playing on God's field with His rules, in order to share in the delightful gift He has given us. I don't believe God gives you something this wonderful just to say "okay, here is your toy, but you're not allowed to play with it, you're only allowed to use it for procreation, and by the way, you'd better not enjoy it too much." God is certainly there in the sweetness and sacramental mystery of marital lovemaking, and since He IS there...then I believe what McLachlan said earlier is very true, and also very real...you just have to really trust Him, and really believe, and know that you and your husband are His beloved children - so if you ask for a loaf of bread, you won't get a stone!

-- Anonymous, June 29, 1998

Melanie,

Hazel commented on your statement, "We are not stable enough to start a family," and you made a clarification.

A Catholic husband and wife should only have sex, even if they are using NFP, with the mind-set that they are willing to have a child. So, if you're not financially stable to have a child, then, according to Catholic teaching, you should not have sex -- NFP, birth control, or not.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 1998

Dana,

I don't think Hazel was being righteous or judgmental. And calling someone righteous and judgmental might be seen to be being righteous and judgmental too. :) You're reading a lot into what is a very short post.

I have to admit, I had exactly the same thought.

I certainly don't mean this as a criticism of Melanie and her husband, but we have really got into the mindset that marriage comes first, we see how we cope, then later, once everything's fine, we've made some money, had a bit of fun, put a downpayment on a house, we discuss when we want to start making a family.

Marriage and children go hand in hand. If for some reason, a couple cannot have children, that is a tragedy.

No Catholic couple should contemplate marriage unless they are equally ready to contemplate children. If they have the maturity to admit that there are truly serious reasons to wait, then they use NFP to delay the first pregnancy and rely on God's grace to help them through the serious difficulties.

That is the most incredible challenge in Humanae Vitae, don't avoid procreation unless you have grave reasons to warrant it. To put a positive spin on that: You must welcome children unless you have the misfortune of having to delay a further pregnancy for very serious reasons.

The thing I find we (my wife and I) have to grapple with so often is whether our use of NFP between pregnancies verges on selfishness or distrust of God or whether our reasons are truly grave. Many women do not have a return to fertility for up to 15 or 18 months after birth. My wife has a return to fertility 3 to 5 months after birth which sees us abstaining for lengthy periods of time while we try and work out what her cycles are doing in the first couple of cycles while her body gets back to its normal state. But, why does God allow her fertility to return so soon? Does He want us to space our children more closely?

But, that is precisely the thing I find the most convincing and compelling about NFP. Every single time we want to make love, we have to make a decision - together - whether we still have to avoid a pregnancy. Contraception, on the other hand, has couples making a firm decision once and then only revisiting that decision infrequently.

It drives people up the wall when we tell them we don't know how many children we will have. We tell them that it all comes down to the circumstances at the time as to whether we should have another one or not. People just don't understand that mentality, the idea that someone might be willing to have more than two children for any reason other than to try for one of the other gender where you didn't manage to get a boy and a girl in the socially acceptable 2 children -- the idea that a sane couple might be happy to have the care of young children through their 20s, 30s and 40s, instead of just enduring the pre-school years for 5-7 years and then getting on with your life when they get to school.

All of that to say that I agree that a couple who feels they are ready to get married but aren't ready to have children really should think about whether they are really ready to be married, even if it is just a question of money. If they aren't open to the possibility of a pregnancy or willing to abstain (which is a big demand on a young marriage) with the help of God's grace, then they should reflect carefully on their priorities and where God and their Faith fits in them.

Sorry to get righteous and judgmental on you all... :)

God bless, Paul

-- Anonymous, June 30, 1998

Response to birth control for medical reasons

Paul, That was a lucid, well thought out response, but then you are always lucid, thoughtful and not a little provocative. My husband and I have struggled with all the same questions you and your wife have, and like you, I find NFP to be a very positive tool both in it's usefulness and in its tendancy to make a couple talk and think before they act. Having said all that, though, let's remember that Mother Theresa of Calcutta was running around teaching Hindu women NFP as birth control so that these impovershed (sp?) women would not be having children they really couldn't afford to have. While I agree with the spirit of what you are saying (if you're getting married, be ready to have children) we can't say....oh....you poor people in India, you can put off having kids because you're poor, but you comparatively wealthy people in the US really can't use finances as an excuse. And by the way, I do agree with you, that too often we, as a society, look at having kids as "7 years before I can back to my REAL life" (I have friends who have said exactly that!). My In-laws, who are the most wonderful parents I know, think of their children as their children and will parent and admonish them (us) for as long as they live, no matter how old we get, and I love the heck out of them for it. I admire you and your wife to your openness to God's plan in your lives, and I know that such openness will only bring with it tremendous spiritual growth and rewards - still...not everyone is where you are spiritually, and many of us have taken a much longer time getting there than you have. Life in Christ is a day by day growing experience, a constant turning TOWARD, even when the instinct is to do the easier thing and turn away. Particularly for converts, I think of it as day to day, sometimes hour to hour and minute to minute growth and learning, and my instinct is to not overwhelm them with law and dogma. A seedling needs to bask in the sun and get refreshing water to start...as it grows and gets stronger, that's when you start using the miracle gro! :-) In Christ, Dana

-- Anonymous, June 30, 1998

Dana,

Why can't we say "you poor women in India avoid having children because you are so poor, but you comparatively wealthy people in the US can't use finances as an excuse?".

That's precisely the mentality behind Clinton and the US forcing sterilization and population control on the Third World! We have a comfortable, prosperous lifestyle -- let's not jeopardise that by having a tonne of children, please! And you poor people in South America and Asia and Africa, you people breed like rabbits -- let's not jeopardise our comfortable, prosperous lifestyle by having to feed you all and forgive your debt, etc...

I'm an attorney, so eventually, I will have a comparatively higher salary than many people. If anything, that obligates us to have a larger family! We have absolutely no excuse to avoid it unless one of us goes insane or develops a debilitating illness.

But, personally, not owning a house, or a car, or a TV, or being able to afford private schools would be difficult excuses to swallow for using NFP...

Our wealth is our children, not our things. I would sooner have another child than another thing, and I would sooner give my children another brother or sister than another thing...

I really believe that the best thing I can give each one of my children at the end of the 20th Century and into the next is not a first-class education or a comfortable existence, but membership in a large, stable, loving family. My children are likely to be more well-balanced, well-rounded, confident, articulate, outgoing and intelligent than any child who has grown up being cared for in institutionalised daycare and relying on the love and support of a single much older/younger sibling and absent, probably separated, parents.

I think I've just gone off on a tangent... :)

God bless, Paul McLachlan (aka He who breedeth like a rabbit)

-- Anonymous, July 01, 1998

Response to Birth Control for Medical reasons...

Paul, Ah, you're a lawyer, no wonder you present such well thought out arguements! I'm not stupid enough to go up against you, but I ask one favor, please don't equate my argument (and Mother Theresa's NFP classes in Calcutta) with Clinton wanting to sterilize the third world. You did go off on a tangent (in a good way), and I understand what you are saying, and how passionately you feel about this, but I think your comparison was just a wee bit too broad. In a perfect world, everything you say is true (although coming from a large family doesn't equate happiness and well -rounded stability, as any of my 7 alcoholic and addictive personality siblings will tell you). I do agree with you that giving your children a loving stable family is more important than giving them a car on their 16th birthday, but I am still not convinced that you can equate a young couple just starting out and wanting to get financially "on their feet" with the misguided, rampant materialism you are alluding to. By the way, I have a friend who has 12 children, she would have had more if she could have, and this lady babysat for me when my youngest was 2 (I have 2 children and more miscarried babies in heaven than I care to tell) because although my husband worked very hard, it was absolutely necessary for me to help out (and our life is quite modest, we don't live large). I asked the Lord to show me what to do to help and I got work cleaning houses...I have to tell you it's NOT what I was expecting, but I did it, and found it to actually be profitable to both my pocket and my soul...something about housework lends itself to contemplation...so, I asked the Lord for help, I followed His lead and cleaned houses (gratefully) and in doing so I needed a babysitter, which He also lead me to. All of this is by way of saying that while it is easy to sit around talking about what would work in a perfect world, the reality is that it is not always the best time in the world to have a baby, and you can be darn sure that for the first year that I cleaned houses, I was using NFP. I did not even for a second consider abstinence since I was "not willing to have a baby". My feeling was that my loving Lord, who had given me the means to help my husband, and the stable, loving childcare I needed, had also given me the gift by which we could live our marriage fully...I was not willing to tell my hubby, or myself for that matter, hey, life is hard, we're both working hard, and we shouldn't have sex, either. My second year cleaning houses, my hubby got a new job, and I was able to say yes, and get pregnant again. Does that make me less than you? I don't know. I only know that I live by my lights with the faith and brain God gave me, and I think He likes me alright! :--) I'm enjoying this debate, by the way, although I am sure you will lift the big foot of your intellect/passion and whomp me with it again in the next posting! :-) By the way, how many children do you have? In Christ, Dana the Downshouter

-- Anonymous, July 01, 1998

Response to Birth control for Medical reasons...

>I'm not stupid enough to go up against you,

You give me too much credit, and yourself too little...

>but I ask one favor, please don't equate my argument
>(and Mother Theresa's NFP classes in Calcutta) with
>Clinton wanting to sterilize the third world.

I didn't equate Mother Teresa teaching Hindu women NFP with coercive population control policies. I took issue with your suggestion that what are serious financial reasons for using NFP in India should not be the criterion used for what are serious financial reasons for using NFP in the US or Australia. I equated the attitude that people in the first world are entitled to a better quality of life than people in the third world with Clinton's population control policies. I applaud Mother Teresa's actions. But I think all of us in the first world who use NFP need constantly to be challenged to consider whether we have sufficiently grave reasons to be using it in the first place. Often, in the comfort of our three-bedroom houses, our college educations, our 2 TVs, 2 cars, new clothes, computers, etc., etc, we tend to kid ourselves that we can't afford to have a big family. I think it is an insult to those women in the third world who want more children but truly can't afford them. Have I better explained what I was getting at?

>although coming from a large family doesn't equate >happiness and well -rounded stability, as any of my 7 alcoholic >and addictive personality siblings will tell you

I said "large, stable, loving family" as compared to a family with one much older/younger sibling and absent, usually separated parents. "Large" in and of itself has no magic. But, I'll grant that you can never generalize. However, on the whole, I would rate the chances of a child turning out normal much higher if they come from a big family with a stay-at-home carer rather than from a small family, with two career-oriented parents and hired carers.

>My second year cleaning houses, my hubby got a new
>job, and I was able to say yes, and get pregnant again.
>Does that make me less than you? I don't know.

I didn't realize it was a contest! :) All I'm trying to say is that NFP is not the end of the matter. The Church doesn't say "you can't use birth control, but you can use NFP". She says, "make babies, unless you have a serious reason to space them out, in which case use NFP". We have such a battle just convincing the birth-control-crowd that NFP works just as well, that we often forget ourselves the little caveat at the end "but you shouldn't even be using NFP unless you've got serious reasons why you shouldn't be falling pregnant any time soon".

I think that means we sometimes get complacent about why we use NFP, perhaps even a bit smug that we're in the 15% of Catholics who believe and follow Church teaching on birth control. Some people do have selfish reasons instead of serious reasons for using NFP. Unless we constantly give people a nudge, they might not do the navel-gazing to work out whether their motives are pure. It's not for me to tell people whether their reasons are sufficiently grave -- that's something for God to tell them. I just want to make sure they keep asking. If you've asked, and you think He gave you the nod -- great!

>I'm enjoying this debate, by the way, although I am sure
>you will lift the big foot of your intellect/passion and whomp
>me with it again in the next posting! :-)

Flattery will get you ....

>By the way, how many children do you have?

Is this going to be followed by a swift "Aaaaaahhh! Well, you'll learn once you've got a few more years under your belt..."?!

Married 4 years: Mary Agnes (3), Madeleine Ann Mary (2) and Patrick Joseph Mary (6 months).

There are adorable pictures of the girls on our home page at Our Family Picture Gallery. I still have to scan some photos of "Packet" in, but he's cuter than the girls even. God bless, Paul (apparently aka "The Crusher")

-- Anonymous, July 03, 1998

Response to Birth Control for Medical reasons...

Dear Crusher!

First of all, how do you do that kewl dialogue thing wherein you intersperse part of a previous correspondence into the current doc? :-)

No, I never tell people "wait till you get a couple of years under your belt" I think it's rude and arrogant, and hell, you already have more kids than me! :-)

I liked this part: Unless we constantly give people a nudge, they might not do the navel-gazing to work out whether their motives are pure. It's not for me to tell people whether their reasons are sufficiently grave -- that's something for God to tell them. I just want to make sure they keep asking. If you've asked, and you think He gave you the nod -- great!

I agree with everything you are saying, but I think I tend to be a little left of you (not a whole lot, but a little) in that I tend to put a little more emphasis on "If you've asked and you think He gave you the nod -- great", possibly BECAUSE of my own experiences with feeling I had to wait, I tend to be more sympathetic to others who have also struggled with it.

I do think yes, we get all caught up with "2 cars, 2 tv's big house, etc" but I have to tell you, for my own experience, when we were waiting, we were driving 1 car and it was 15 years old and frequently lost parts as I drove, tiny house, 15 year old tv that had no yellow or green tones (not that that mattered a bit, but we WERE surprised when we actually did get a new set and saw that the world was more than blue and red!) and we had no VCR or dishwasher...I wasn't exactly pining for them, but the point I'm trying to make is that for all that we live in an economically gifted country, circumstances are not always conducive to having another baby - during the time I am talking about, my hubby was just out of college, and I had given up a pretty good job because we thought it was really important to be home with #1 baby, never regretted that for a minute, even though times were lean and we ate a LOT of macaroni and cheese (I can't look at the stuff now)...I suppose we could have pushed it and had a baby...if NFP had failed and we'd become pregnant, we wouldve just dealt with it and probably endured even leaner times, but ultimately we would have survived and still gotten to where we are now...but at that time...it's scary, you don't know if you can handle it, you don't how the strain of finances and the changing dynamic of another baby will affect you. Possibly, if I had family that could be supportive (not helping out with money, but just with SUPPORT and encouragement) maybe the whole prospect would have seemed less frightening.

People are where they are in faith at any particular time and I doubt that I had as strong a conviction as to the rightness of "things always working out" (they always do seem to, but I didn't know it then).

Along those lines, though, I think if God had wanted us to have a baby, we would have had it, NFP or no. I've had friends who've gotten pregnant on the pill, using diaphragms, NFP, whatever - in fact my NFP friend had twins...I think sometimes, God just wants you to have a baby, and then you get it, and you rejoice even if you're afraid, because they are so precious...the fact that I didn't get pregnant using NFP, to me, just told me that God was with me.

I like your kid's names. Mine are Jameson David Conor (13) and John Patrick Sebastian (9 - and a peice of work) As I said, there were other pregnancies in there, but they didn't make it, so I'll see them in heaven.

Ave Maria, Dana

-- Anonymous, July 04, 1998

I understand only too well the anxiety you feel. My wife and I are grappling with this issue right now. We have known each other for more than 20 years, have been married for 12, yet never did either of us have even the slightest urge to have a child. We knew when we married we did not want children; we've never regretted that decision. (Maybe it was something in our upbringings, maybe it was a genetic quirk, but the desire to raise a family has just not been there.) We've survived many setbacks, clinging to each other, cherishing each other, supporting and nurturing each other. Our love has grown deeper, stronger, steadier. We are both active in our church, have attended Marriage Encounter, have remained true to the spirit of the Catholic Church. And yet, and yet...we practice artificial birth control.

Now we are being told by priests we've spoken with that our marriage is "invalid." That we cannot continue as Catholics. That there must be something "wrong" with us. Needless to say, this has caused us both a great amount of pain and grief and anger.

Is it not possible for two adults who love and care for each other to marry and not want children? From what I can understand, the Church expects people like us to not marry, but remain as celibate best friends for the rest of our lives. Is it not possible for us to find a welcome home in the Catholic faith? Or must we leave and go elsewhere?

-- Anonymous, July 01, 1998

Re: Never wanted children...

>We have known each other for more than 20 years, have
>been married for 12, yet never did either of us have even
>the slightest urge to have a child. We knew when we
>married we did not want children; we've never regretted
>that decision.

Greg, I'm assuming you married in the Church. What did you both respond to the question: "Will you accept children lovingly from God?"?

>We are both active in our church, have attended
>Marriage Encounter, have remained true to the spirit of the
>Catholic Church. And yet, and yet...we practice artificial
>birth control.

How is that you have remained true to the spirit of the Catholic Church if you practice birth control? What do you mean by "spirit of the Catholic Church?" Is it something different from her teachings?

>Is it not possible for two adults who love and care for
>each other to marry and not want children? From what I
>can understand, the Church expects people like us to not
>marry, but remain as celibate best friends for the rest of our
>lives. Is it not possible for us to find a welcome home in the
>Catholic faith? Or must we leave and go elsewhere?

You ask two very different questions here. On the one hand you are questioning whether one of the fundamental purposes of marriage is procreation. On the other, you are asking whether a couple can have a sexual relationship without having children.

You have a welcome home in the Church, Greg, and always will. But why does it have to be on your terms instead of God's terms? It's His house, shouldn't you live by His rules if you want to stay there?

The question you have to ask is what you think sex is all about. If it was just about intimacy, love, pleasure, why did God bother with pesky little sperm, and ova, and fertile-type mucous and wombs and menstruation. Why do you think you should be able to make love to your wife, if you both aren't prepared to accept the natural consequences of that love that God intended?

And that's the crux of the issue: God made married love fruitful. That's why the Church believes procreation is an essential end of marriage, willed by God. If you are not prepared to give each your entire selves, including your fertility and your whole future, in the act of lovemaking, then it is essentially a selfish, self-centred act, not an act of love (according to the Holy Father in Familiaris Consortio).

Greg, if priests are advising you that your marriage may be invalid, this is an incredibly serious matter for you and your wife. You have to resist the urge to get angry about it and storm out of the Church in indignation. If you are not validly, sacramentally married, your failure to take actions to validate your marriage could be an occasion of serious sin for both of you. For both of your sakes you have to try and understand what the Church is saying to you, what the immediate and eternal consequences of your response are, what each of you wants to do, and, finally, what you discern God wants you to do after much prayer and mature reflection. God bless, Paul

-- Anonymous, July 03, 1998

>Is it not possible for us to find a welcome home in the
>Catholic faith? Or must we leave and go elsewhere?

After listening to him, several of his disciples said: This teaching is hard, who can follow it? And several of his disciples turned away and stopped following him. And Jesus said to the Twelve: "And you, do you not want to go too?" And Simon Peter responded: "Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words of everlasting life." (John 6:60, 66-68)

-- Anonymous, July 03, 1998

I just wanted to thank everyone again for their help in my dilemma. I would like to point out, just for the record, that I am not yet Catholic, and neither is my husband. I am considering becoming a Catholic, and he is also. We were not Catholic or considering conversion when we got married. So we cannot go back and "unmarry" just because we have these issues with having children but still want to become Catholics.

I have thought long and hard about conversion. However, if I can not go into it with my WHOLE BEING and offer everything to God, then I cannot convert. Many Catholics I have asked for advice have told me to convert and continue to use birth control, because that is between God and me. However, if the teachings of the church say otherwise, I cannot in good conscience convert, go to confession, and leave out that I am violating one of the laws of the church. I also cannot convert and not go to confession and take communion without being right in spirit with God (as I understand the Catechism(sp?) to say).

Once again, I want to thank all of you for your postings, and I will continue to pray and consider conversion, and continue to discuss it with my husband.

-- Anonymous, July 01, 1998

I've been following this thread with interest. Just one comment slightly unrelated:

Earlier on, someone said:

I agree with everything you are saying, but I think I tend to be a little left of you (not a whole lot, but a little) in that I tend to put a little more emphasis on "If you've asked and you think He gave you the nod -- great", possibly BECAUSE of my own experiences with feeling I had to wait, I tend to be more sympathetic to others who have also struggled with it.

I've GOT to add a small cautionary note here. I'm very cautious about deciding that God and I spoke in private and he "gave me the nod". I'm just too darned good at rationalizing anything and coming up with a really good reason (excuse) to justify anything. I can prove just about anything is OK. And it's wa-a-a-ay too easy to let myself get off the hook through this rationalization.

It's like the kid who has been banned from going to Joey's house because Joey's a bad influence. So he goes to Tommy's house...and Joey just 'happens' to be there...but he's not at *Joey's* house. He's at Tommy's. So it's OK...though he's not going to mention to his parents that Joey was there because in his heart of hearts, he knows they wouldn't approve and he's just taking advantage of a loop-hole.

So just be careful.

Hugs, Melanie. Keep praying. It will all work out.

-- Anonymous, July 06, 1998

The arguments against artificial birth control are specious and most Catholics know it. In bed, most Catholics are Protestant.

-- Anonymous, July 06, 1998