One day I was walking along a dock, and on one side, I saw Bill Clinton Drowning. On the other side, I saw Steve Case (President of AOL) drowning. I had a tough decision to make. Should I have a burrito or a cheeseburger for lunch.

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Once Bill Clinton visited a elementary school to talk to a group of 3rd graders. He said to them, "Today we are going to discuss the difference between a tragedy, a great loss and an accident". Then he said, "Can anyone give me an example of a tragedy?" A little boy raises his hand and says, "If a kid runs out in the street after a ball and gets hit by a car." Clinton says, "No, that would be an accident. Can anyone else try?" A little girl raises her hand and says, "If a busload of kids drove off a cliff." Clinton says, "No, that would be a great loss. Come on, anyone else?" A boy raises his hand and says and says, "If you and Mrs. Clinton was on a plane and it blew up." Then Clinton says, "Well, Yes, but can you tell me why it would be considered a tragedy?" And the little boy says, "Well, it wouldn't have been an accident, and it sure as heck wouldn't have been a great loss."

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What is Bill's idea of safe sex? When Hillary is out of town.

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Mr. Reagen, Mr. Bush and Mr. Clinton are on the Titanic. Mr. Reagen says, "Save the Women!" Mr. Bush says, "Screw the women!" Mr. Clinton says, "Do we have Time?!"

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Hillary Clinton hired a new intern for Bill. Lorena Bobbit

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The country seems to be doing pretty good -- everybody's got a job, money is up, lot of houses. How many people care that the President's having sex? Does it bother anybody? See, that's basically the difference between the Republicans and the Democrats . The Republicans are after your money, the Democrats are after your sister.

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The former Surgeon General was discussing who is the easiest to operate on with some friends. One surgeon said engineers were the easiest to operate on because their insides were color coded. One surgeon said librarians were the easiest because their insides were arranged in alphabetical order. Elders said that Clinton was the easiest person to operate on by far. He has no guts, no spine, no heart and this dick and brain are interchangeable!

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Clinton is a butwipe so vote to impeach him Dear Friend, We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for raising five million dollars for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the Hall of Fame in Washington, D.C. This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue. It was not wise to place it beside George Washington, who never told a lie; and not beside that of Jessee Jackson, who never told the truth, as Bill Clinton could never tell the difference. We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of all. He left not knowing where he was going, did not know where he was, he returned not knowing where he had been and did it all on borrowed money. Over 5,000 years ago, Moses said to the Children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land." Nearly 5,000 years later Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land." Now Bill Clinton is going to steal the shovels, kick your asses, raise the price of Camels, and mortgage the Promised Land. If you are one of the fortunate people who has anything left after paying taxes, we expect a generous contribution to this worthwhile project. Fraternally, Bill Clinton Statue Committee P.S. It is said that Bill Clinton is considering changing the Democratic Party emblem from a donkey to a condom, because it stands for inflation, protects a bunch of pricks, halts production, and gives false sense of security while being screwed.

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Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's specials are chicken almondine and fresh fish. "The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," Hillary says. The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks. "Oh, he'll have the fish," Hillary replies.

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Bill and Hillary are on a sinking boat. Who gets saved? The nation.

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Clinton told an aide today "I'm not saying I had oral sex with that woman, but if I did it would be because I love my wife."

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Clinton finds a bottle, opens it and a genie pops out and grants him one wish. Clinton wishes for peace in the Middle East. The genie says there are some things even a genie can't do and tells Clinton to make another wish. Clinton says he wishes that the whole Monica thing would go away. The genie says he'll take a second look at the map of the Middle East.

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"Top Ten Ways President Clinton Can Distract Attention From The Scandal" from Late Night with David Letterman 10. "Make guest appearance on Ellen as Ricky the Gay Gabana Boy." 9. Have name of country officially changed to Spiceworld. 8. Call himself El Presidente and ride around the White House on a Donkey. 7. Star in new movie about misunderstood genius, Good Bill Clinting. 6. Begin State of Union address by announcing, I am so baked right now, dude! 5. Appear on CBS special, Presidential Interns Do the Darndest Things. 4. Release rap album under name Puff Puffy. 3. During press conference, use fly rod to yank off Sam Donaldson?s toupee. 2. Appear on Jerry Springer and beat the crap out of Kenneth Starr. 1. Start harassing himself.

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The president got a dog so that Hillary wouldn't be confused when she walked past the Oval Office and heard, "Roll over, sit, stay. Good. Now here's your bone."

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What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton? Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Clinton doesn't know the difference.

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White House Crisis Watch It was reported on Sunday morning that Clinton's Chief of Staff, Erskin Bowls, approached the president with some news. "Mr. President," he began, "I am afraid I have some bad news,good news and some bad news for you." "Give it to me in order," requested the president. "The bad news is that a picket demanding your impeachment is in front of the White House," said Erskin. "What is the good news?" asked the president. "Well," said Erskin cautiously, "there is only one so far." "That not too bad," said the president, "what could be so bad about that?" "Its Gore holding the sign." said Erskin.

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If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win? Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that harass is one word.

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CLINTON-SPEAK from the Tonight Show What Clinton says What he really means I was not lying. I was standing up and she was lying. I wasn't adultery. She wasn't even an adult. I did not have oral sex with her. She was having it with me. It is time to get on with the nations' business. If this isn't off the front page by tomorrow, I'm bombing Iraq.

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White House Internship Recruitment Information Greetings prospective White House interns! This year, our program is heading into its 69th year of bringing America's best and brightest to the Nation's Capitol to help the "Head Man" do his job. We expect that 1998 will be the most exciting one yet! Why, you might be asking yourself, do I want to be a part of this demanding, yet rewarding program? Check this out: Be a part of the action in the pulsing, throbbing political scene of the hottest city in the world! Get up close and personal with some of America's movers and shakers! See rooms in the White House that even a VIP tour won't show you! Get total access to plenty of sensitive Presidential activities! Sound like it's for you? Just listen to this testimonial from a former intern: "I couldn't believe it! After only a few months on the job answering phones and fetching coffee, there I was, debriefing the president. ... Getting involved in executive branch affairs is just fantastic." -- M. Lewinsky, Beverly Hills, Calif. Interested? Fill out this information form and send it back to the White House at president@whitehouse.gov Name: __________ Hometown: __________ Sex: F__ Age: ____ Measurements: (required for medical purposes) _____ How many beers it takes to get you... ...Giggly: _____ ...Drunk: _____ ...Hot: _____ ...To lie to a federal prosecutor: _____ Quick quiz: You've always considered the White House: a monument to democracy the place where great leaders meet vaguely erotic extremely erotic Hillary Clinton is a(n): model wife and mother icon of late 20th century femininity an obstacle inappropriate companion for the leader of the free world You've always wanted to know more about the President's: Israeli policies childhood in Hope, Ark. romper room "monument to democracy" My social life as an intern would likely consist of: hitting Georgetown bars with the other interns reading, studying late nights working at the White House late nights working the White House Score 1 point for each a, 2 for each b, 3 for each c, 4 for each d. Scores of 16 can start tomorrow. Scores of 12 and above, please call soon. Uncle Sam wants you.

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While Bill, Hillary and Chelsea were vacationing at Camp David the housekeeper was tasked with looking after their pet parrot. They hadn't been gone for more than a couple of days when the parrot was found dead in the bottom of it's cage. The housekeeper knew the first family would be desolate at the loss of one of their family pets, so she set out to find a replacement bird and visited nearly every pet store in Washington. After nearly two days of looking non-stop, she came across an almost exact duplicate of the bird. As she purchased the parrot, the shop owner cautioned her that the bird had previously be owned by a Madam and had lived for several years in a house of ill-repute. The housekeeper replied that no one would ever know and she took the bird back to the White House. The morning after the Clintons return to the White House, Chelsea walked through the room and the bird said, "Too young." A little later Hillary came into the room and the bird responded with, "Too old." Late that afternoon the President entered the room and the bird said, "HI, BILL!"

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Why does Hillary Clinton wear high collared blouses? So you won't see her adam's apple move when Bill talks. What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton. One day, Chelsea Clinton asked her dad, "Do all fairy tales start with 'Once upon a time'"? Bill answered, "No, some start with 'After I'm elected. . .'" The Secret Service got a real scare the other day when someone threw a beer at Bill Clinton during his morning jog. Fortunately, it was a draft, so he was able to dodge it. What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton? His faces.

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Bill Clinton steps off of Air Force One carrying a small dog. One of his Secret Service men says, "Nice dog Sir." Bill says, "Thanks. I got it for Hillary." The Secret Service man says, "Nice trade, Sir!"

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Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President Must Die" written in urine across the snow. Well, old Bill is pretty pissed off. He storms into his security staff's HQ, and yells "Somebody wrote a death threat in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they wrote it in urine! Son-of-a-bitch had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?!" The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor. Bill hollers "Well dammit, don't just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT! I want an answer, and I want it TONIGHT!" The entire staff immediately jump up and race for the exits. Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says "Well Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some really bad news. Which do you want first?" Clinton says "Oh Hell, give me the bad news first." The officer says "Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The results just came back, and it was Al Gore's urine." Clinton says "Oh my god, I feel so... so... betrayed! My own vice president! Damn. ...Well, what's the really bad news?" The officer replies "Well, it's Hillary's handwriting."

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Bill and Hillary Clinton are at a baseball game. As the game is getting ready to start, Bill stands up, picks up Hillary, and throws her out onto the field. When he sits down, his chief advisor leans over and says, "You know, Bill, you may have misunderstood me. I said you have to throw out the first pitch."

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Clinton & his friend, Jesse, went to the gym. After breaking a sweat,they got into the shower and Clinton said to Jesse," Oh my gosh, Jesse, why is your penis so BIG??" Jesse replied," Every night before I go to bed, I slap it 5 times against the bedpost." So Clinton said," I am going to try that tonite." When Clinton got home, [ it was kinda late, and Hillary was asleep ] Clinton started slapping it. Well with all the commotion, Hillary aroused up, eyes still closed, and said," Jesse?"

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What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? I'll be home in 20 minute

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What would Bill Clinton do if he weren't a democrat? He would be a botanist and play with flowers all day.

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The male lion can mate 100 times a day. He could be called the president of the jungle.

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Clinton didn't commit adultury with Monica Lewinscky. She wasn't an adult

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Bill Clinton was running around the White House pretending to do his job and he had a pair of ladies panties laying around his neck. Like the King who went around without any clothes, no one would say anything to Clinton about the panties around his neck. Finally, a young inturn went to the President and asked him why he had the panties around his neck. He reached up, touched the panties, smelled his hand, and said, ( Oh, that's a patch. I'm trying to quit!!!!!!! )

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Where is America's income going to?

BILL CLINTONS PROSTITUTES?

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What did Monica Lewinsky say to clinch the White House staff job? "Prrrr"

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Why did Hillary Clinton want to get a dog for the White House? To chase away all the pussies.

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What do Bill Clinton and Disney have in common? Disney has a movie called the Lion King Bill Clinton is the Lyn' King

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When Bill Clinton was asked by his best friend if he ever talked to Hilary while making love he replied ''She calls me alot so that happens."

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Clinton is looking out of the window and he notices that someone has urinated the message, "BILL SUCKS!" on a wall outside the White House. Furious, he orders the FBI to take urine and handwriting samples from every member of the White House staff and find the culprit immediately. A week later, the FBI director calls. "Mr. President, I have good news and bad news," he says. "The good news is that the urine belongs to Bob Dole." "And the bad news?" Clinton demands. After a slight pause, the director replies, "Sir, the handwriting belongs to your wife!"

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I just got a new Bill Clinton Doll. Have you heard about these things? Pull the string and it never says the same thimg twice.

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Ken Starr told Bill he wanted him to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Bill said "I can't do it, those are three different things!

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Elementary school teacher: All right class. we're going to have a little quiz. I'm going to ask questions, and if you give the correct answer, you get to go home for the day.

1. Who said "give me liberty or give me death"? Schoolgirl: Patrick Henry. Teacher: That's right. You get to go home.

2. Who said "ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country"? Schoolgirl 2: JFK. Teacher: That's right. You can go home, too.

Schoolboy: Damn girls should keep their mouths shut. Teacher: Who said that? Schoolboy: Bill Clinton. See you tomorrow.

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Bill Clinton got the day off of work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." Bill looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow!! That's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?," Bill asks. "Ribbit 3 wood." Bill takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. Bill is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, he'd golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog,"OK where to next?" The frog replies,"Ribbit Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and Bill says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, Bill asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, Bill figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year old girl. "And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room, so help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."

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At the Gore-Gephardt inaugural celebration, organizers will pay homage to former President Clinton by flying in some hookers from Memphis...

A new poll shows that 12% of Americans believe that oral sex isn't sex. Well they must not be doing it right.

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Bill and Hillary were taking stroll outside the White House gates one morning and came upon a little boy trying to give away a litter of puppies. When Hillary remarked about how cute they were, the little boy said,"Yes, ma'am, they are. They're democrats." Hillary thought this was so sweet that she told the boy if he still had one left by the weekend, she would be glad take one of them home. The boy agreed and Bill and Hillary walked on. So comes the weekend and Bill and Hillary are again strolling in front of the White House and notice the little boy with the puppies. Hillary walks up and greets the young man, who has two puppies left. She fawns over both of them and the boy remarks this time, "Only two left ma'am, and they're both republicans." Hillary quickly sneered and said," But the other day, you said they were democrats." The boy replied, "Well, yes ma'am, but since then, they've opened their eyes."

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Top things heard at the grand jury inquirary

12. "Let's speed this up--who *haven't* you nailed?" 11. "Aha! So you admit you've had sex!!!! What's it like? Is it fun?" 10. "And the situation in Bosnia didn't distract you from the booty call?" 9. "Can I have some of those fries?" 8. "Do you admit my getting Dan Rather to talk about your semen was pretty cool?" 7. "Would you *please* stop winking at the court reporter?!" 6. "Mr. President, how does it feel to be on the receiving end of a probe for a change?" 5. "Would you, could you in a boat? Have you, did you with a goat?" 4. "Okay, exhibit 25-A is yet *ANOTHER* ink blot. Now, does THIS one remind you of anything besides a beret?" 3. "Is it just my imagination, or are all of the women you know butt-ugly?" 2. "Are you now, or have you ever been, in a non-erect state?" 1. "Mr. President, did you bring any pants with you?"

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The most recent reports of the stain on Monica's dress have been released. This whole thing seems to be a vast right-hand conspiracy.

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Hillary Clinton went in for her yearly checkup. When she was finished, she asked her gynecologist how things looked. He said he was pleased and that she is in great shape but, that she was pregnant! She told the doctor there was no way, but he said that she most definitely was a month pregnant. Well, she stormed out of the office and went to the receptionist and took the phone and called the White House. When the operator answered she said that it was Hillary and that she wanted to talk to Bill right away. Well, they rang the Oval Office and Bill answered.

Hillary said: "Do you know what you did you rotten bastard" You got me pregnant!!!"

Bill remained quiet.

Again, Hillary screamed, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID, YOU ROTTEN BASTARD? YOU GOT ME PREGNANT!!!"

Finally Bill answered, "Who is this???"

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Bill Clinton went jogging one morning and came upon the Washington monument. He said, "George, what should I do?" After a few seconds George replied, "Abolish the IRS and start over." Bill thought about this for a few seconds and continued jogging.

Shortly he came upon the Jefferson Memorial and stopped. He said "Tom, what should I do?" After a few seconds Tom replied, "Abolish welfare and start over."

Bill continued jogging after thinking about this and came upon the Lincoln Memorial. He said, "Abe, what should I do?" After a few seconds Abe replied "Why don't you take the night off and go to the theater?"

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15. Your new paper boy is 35, wears dark sunglasses, a black suit, an ear piece and carries a semi-automatic.

14. Your new friend Linda starts every conversation with "Testing... 1, 2, 3."

13. You're a highly paid White House intern and suddenly, out of the blue, somebody gives you a typing test.

12. You could swear you see Yassir Arafat following you. (Oops! That's a sign you're being investigated by *Ringo* Starr.)

11. Your dry cleaners just hired a dozen Secret Service agents and added a hi-tech stain analysis lab.

10. Your best friend from 2nd grade is granted immunity after rumors implicate you in the "paste-eating incident of 1968."

9. You haven't been subjected to this many embarrassing leaks since you had that little bladder problem.

8. All of a sudden that video you returned two days late becomes "Ace Ventura-Gate."

7. The DMV insists you pose for your driver's license picture nude from the waist down.

6. Jay Leno's making lame jokes about you and you're not an Iraqi dictator.

5. You don't mind your toddler asking for a "detailed account of your unscrupulous business practices" in lieu his usual bedtime story, but you feel downright silly talking into his rattler.

4. You're the only contributor who's getting topics like "Top 5 Signs I've Made Millions In Shady Land Deals."

3. Pupils in Lincoln's portrait dilate a bit when the French Ambassador's daughter asks you to pass the KY.

2. For a change, Diane Sawyer is camped out in front of your house, instead of vice versa.

1. Since when did Lucky Charms start including "Crunchy Microphones"

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How many democrats does it take to screw a lght bulb? Only one, but Hillary thinks it is a republican conspiracy.

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Why isn't President Clinton going to bring the troops back from the Persian Gulf anytime soon? Because there are so many husbands away from so many wifes it will take him months to catch up.

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One of Clinton's advisors came in and said "the Jennifer Flowers thing has come up again." Clinton responded, "Oh no, what now?" The advisor said, "Well, there's good news and bad news." Clinton said, "I've had a rough day...give me the good news first." The advisor replied,"The good news is...you're bigger than Magic Johnson."

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Clinton received a letter from a man who says he'll break his legs if he bothers his wife one more time. Clinton goes Vern Jordon and asks what he ought to do. Vernon says, contact the man and promise never to see the man's wife again. Clinton says, "I can't, the guy didn't sign his name".

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Why is Monica always on top? Because Bill can only screw up.

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Bill Clinton and Chelsea are walking along a beach in California. Summoning up all the courage a father can, he asks... "Chelsea, how is college going, socially" Do you have any, uh, boyfriends, and are you being, un, nice?"

Chelsea thinks for a second, then replies "Well Dad, if you're asking me 'Am I having sex,' well, the answer is no, not as YOU define it."

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The country seems to be doing pretty good -- everybody's got a job, money is up, lot of houses. How many people care that the President's having sex" Does it bother anybody" See, that's basically the difference between the Republicans and the Democrats . The Republicans are after your money, the Democrats are after your sister.

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This is not a joke.

A quote from the infamous Watergate scandal of the 70's

"Yes. The President should resign. He has lied to the American people. Time and time again. And betrayed their trust. He is no longer an effective leader since he has admitted his guilt. There is no reason to put the American people through an impeachment. He will serve absolutely no purpose in finishing out his term; the only possible solution is for the President to save some dignity and resign."

- William Jefferson Clinton. 1974

Now that's irony!!

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How can Clinton save his Presidency?

Hit 72 home runs!!

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What's the difference between Al Gore and Leanardo DiCaprio?

Al Gore's actually on a sinking ship.

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I think Clinton is in so much stress, that we should do something special for him. That's why I'd like to introduce a new verb, specially for him. It's called: Clintonize If you really want to become famous, and if you are in a really bad situation, and there seems to be no way out, just clintonize, and before you know it you are the most famous person in the world, with your own 4hour video showing just your face on every tv-channel in the world.

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Upon returning from his recent trip to Russia on Air Force One, President Clinton hears the voice of the pilot over the intercom speak; "Mr. President, at this time we are approaching Washington International Airport, and as usual, I have to ask you to fasten your seatbelt and return your stewartess to her full and upright position,...."

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What do Monica Lewinsky and a Pepsi machine have in common? Both say "Insert Bill here"

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What's the difference between the president, a white house intern and a janitor? one's screwing light bulbs, one's screwing the country and the other's screwing the president!

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What's is the difference between Clinton and the devil? The devil likes the hot seat!

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President Clinton called M. McGuire to thank him for keeping his name of the front pages of American news papers.

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President Clinton will always be know as the president after Bush.

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Did you know the Clinton Presidential Library has already been built?

It's every adult book store in Little Rock.

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Dear Mom and Dad: It has been eight months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. Don't read any further unless you are sitting down . OK? Good, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got from jumping out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire, shortly after my arrival, are pretty well healed now. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only get three headaches a day. Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant at a nearby gas station, and he was able to call the Fire Department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital, and since I had nowhere to live because of the burnt-out dorm, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it is kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but I'm sure it will be before I start to show. Yes, Mom and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents, and I know you will give the baby the same love, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our premarital blood tests, and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up, thanks to my daily penicillin injections. I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind, and although not well educated, he is ambitious.Also, he is of a different race and religion than ours, but I know, after all your years of teaching me tolerance, that you won't mind the fact that he is somewhat darker than we are. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good too; I am told that his father is an important gunbearer in his native African village. I guess that's it. Now that I have brought you up to date, I want you to know . . . There was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or skull fracture, I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged, I do not have syphilis and there is no man of another race in my life. However, I am getting a "D" in History and an "F" in Science, and I wanted you to see these marks in their proper perspective.

Your loving daughter, Chelsea

P.S. Stanford is great I love it, though I miss you both terribly, and Socks, too!

P.P.S. Dad, please give my best to Monica & the others.

Fill out the form below and you can win 100,000 grand or other great prizes like a BMW Z3. So check it out, then hit the back button to return.

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Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?

Becuase Janet Reno is her dad.

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Did you hear about the new Bill Clinton computer?

It's got a 6 inch hard drive, but no memory.

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Hillary Clinton recently went to a fortune teller and asked her to predict the First Lady's future.

The fortune teller stared into her crystal ball while making bizarre hand gestures all around it. After a few moments, the fortune teller got a very troubled look on her face and said, "I'm very sorry to tell you this but, in the next few months, your husband will be killed in a gruesome and terrible way."

Visibly shaken by this news, Hillary gathered up all her strength and managed to ask just one question:

"Will I be acquitted?"

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If attorney Johnnie Cochran had represented Bill Clinton to the Starr committee, he probably would have used these closing arguments:

10. If the dress ain't a mess, he won't need to confess.

9. The economy's great, let the white boy skate.

8. If the bitch didn't spit, you must acquit.

7. If she's not spread eagle, then it's not illegal.

6. Lewinsky's a whore, and Bill's better than Gore.

5. So he lied to the masses, he was just saving some asses.

4. He cheats on his wife, but it's his personal life.

3. Bill won't tell the truth 'til he sees Ken Starr's proof.

2. Bill's not sleazy, Lewinsky's just easy.

1. If the sex is just oral, it's not really immoral.

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After Hillary Clinton went to the doctor for her annual check up, she told Bill that the doctor had told her she had very firm breasts for a 50 year old woman.

Bill asked, "What did the doctor say about your 50 year old ass?"

Hillary answered, "Nothing, sweetheart... your name never came up."

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A guy walks into a bar and yells to all the people " hey everybody clinton is coming to town.

What should we do?" The guy at the bar says

"get the assult rifles and ammo" the guy sitting behind the table says

"No, grab the explosives" and the guy behind the counter says

" Wait a minute!! get some condoms and charge Clinton 4.00 bucks a piece we will make a fortune"

-- Anonymous, October 24, 1998