Our local paper ran an article that Central Texas was --they kinda made it sound like we pork-bellied it or something-- one of the 10 areas that would get an Anti-Terrorist Units, which would allow us to deal with all the Nuclear, Biological and Chemical hassles that are surely going to plague us any day now.

I remember... I think it was on this forum?.. somebody posting that the government was going to slice America up into 10 states so dealing with the year2000 fallout would be 5 times easier. This was about 4 months ago.

This means we need to re-structure the NFL, NBA, etc, while there's still time. Who else got one of these units? You think the borders will run vertically across America, or horizontally, or be circular? What do you vote to call your new State?

-- Lisa (nomail@work.com), October 29, 1998

Answers

Nah.....you got the facts all discombobulated.

Us expansionist CANADIANS are going to be dividing the USA into 10 sections, and each of our 10 provinces will then own one portion of the newly divied up USA. As an Albertan, we have been given section #8, which includes Montana, Arizona, Colorado, Wyoming and Texas. At the moment, we are in the process of removing our maple leaf and beaver logos from the sides of our black helicopters so as not to obvious that we are planning an invasion hey. Most American resources will be stripped and sent back to Canada in late 1999 except for Leonardo Di Caprio and assorted Village People albums.

COBOL's true acronym will reveal that it was designed in Canada as a deliberate ploy to bugger up all American systems in order to plunder your resources. COBOL, of course, really stands for 'Canadian Objective (to) Blitzkreig Other Lands'.

It's useless to resist and voluntary pre-compliance will put you in our good books. Get a head start by packaging up your valuables, and mail them to:

P.O. Box 2188 Edmonton, AB Canada T8G 2K2

Residents of Georgia please add 7% state tax to value of goods voluntarily sent.

-- Craig (craig@ccinet.ab.ca), October 29, 1998.

Hee hee... no, really, this makes sense to me. These ten sites are where circa-Y2K command & control will be, I think. I'd like to see the construction details of these centers.

This is just Pennsylvania's article, they got a unit, too.

http://www.state.pa.us/PA_Exec/Military_Affairs/guardians2/RAID.html

Hey Canuck, Did you know most Texans south of Dallas are still wearing shorts in January? We'll probably be out playing touch football or maybe golf while northerners ... do whatever northerners do when the power's out in winter.

-- lisa (nomail@work.com), October 29, 1998.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.....

7% tax on what?

US dollars, Canadian dollars, sand dollars, what? Should we convert it to lbs first and then take off 7% off the gross, add 7% to the net weight, or what? How can you measure net weight if you can't measure the value of the holes? Is this a Canadian 7% or US?

Sir Richard of Dale, help!!!! If I have to ship 80 lbs, and add 7% exercise tax, how many shillings is that is loose change? What if it is tight change? Do we mulitply or divide to get tupances if I only one pair of pants? What if I get a threepence back? Does Montreal get Euro's. What if I don't have a Yugo? Can she go?

If Georgia sends it 7% exercise tax to Alberta, what about the province who gets us?

God help us all if that is Sasketweaunweonceorwhatever, since nobody down here can spell it.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), October 29, 1998.

Revision #1 to rules for Georgia residents: Sales tax only applies to individuals not named Robert A. Cook. We simply do not have a large enough bureaucracy to handle the man. Okay, to all residents of Montana, Colorado, Arizona, Wyoming and Texas (residents of new territory #8) we want to introduce you to your new Grand Exalted Warlords for your area. They are the evil twins, Craig and Omer.

Please rise for the singing of your new national anthem then kindly send your goods and money as previously instructed.

-- Craig (craig@ccinet.ab.ca), October 29, 1998.

O Canada! Our home and native land! True patriot love in all thy sons command.

Hey, wait a minute...... Craig, why are you and "Omer" wearing coats? It was 84 degrees in Houston today. Is this a conspiracy? Besides, I can't be a Canadian, I don't know the rest of the words to that song. I'd have to hum along and I hate that. Sorry, no can do!

-- Gayla Dunbar in TEXAS (privacy@please.com), October 29, 1998.

"Hey Canuck, Did you know most Texans south of Dallas are still wearing shorts in January? We'll probably be out playing touch football or maybe golf while northerners ... do whatever northerners do when the power's out in winter."

We keep warm under the covers and make babies. We'll have plenty of time to populate those 10 new territories.

Craig, BC's behind Quebec, we have a head start in Florida. Next month they're passing the 102k law down there, all public signs in french.

Stand up and repetez apres moi: (give me a C Craig) Oh Canada! Terre de nos ailleux, ton front est saint, de fleuron glorieux! Car ton bras sais porter l'epe...

C'est la guerre! The Canadians are coming! Muhahahaha!

-- La Grenouille Canuck Chris (Catsy@pond.com), October 29, 1998.

Please, Oh, please take no notice of these Canadian twits - (why are you telling them national secrets Craig, Chris...this was supposed to be a surprise invasion). We are the only country never to be defeated by the U.S., therefore we must have superior intelligence (or we are desperate for the warmth of TX or AZ). You can keep the NBA, but the NHL was ours and always will be, or we will send 100,000 junior hockey players screaming across the borders brandishing sticks to body check anyone in the way. We don't just want a region - we need it all - we can teach you a thing or two about the way to really socialise, I mean communize a country. You too can have a free medical system, a queen and learn to say "eh?" at the end of your sentences.

-- Laurane (familyties@rttinc.com), October 30, 1998.

Which one is Omer, and which one is Craig?

-- Uncle Deedah (oncebitten@twiceshy.com), October 30, 1998.

Texas, eh?

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), October 31, 1998.

i live in indiana, and i think our new state should be named "Bob" in honor/honour of the Northwest Territories pub survey which determined that Bob was the most common name there. i'd want to be in the same state as Manitoba and Texas, with NO state income tax, please. our state bird would be the whooping crane, which sensibly migrates every fall to Padre Island. george bush and gary filmon could be co-governors.

-- Jocelyne Slough (jonslough@tln.net), November 05, 1998.

Craig. Now that the secret is out about our impending invasion of the good old USA, I suspect it won't be long before some investigative journalist learns that the Cdn. Govn't. through an unnamed Crown Corporation has bought up all the wood stoves and Kerosene heaters in the states (hence the shortages) to use as barter items to induce the citizens to quietly learn our National Anthem. By the way all the stoves and heaters are en route to your posted address.

-- Jim P.E. (outstrip@hotmail.com), February 20, 1999.

SILENCE INFIDELS!!!!! what fool would bElieVe DIEtER IS FRoM CANADA???? aRE YOU INDeeD SO FOOLiSH AS TO THINK AmeRICA CAn bew taken over BY SUCH A FOOLISH COuNTRY???? HOW WoULD That be so???? WHY do you STicK PINS IN dIETERs Nose???? HUSH!!!!

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), February 20, 1999.

FEMAs divided the U.S. up into ten regions ...

Regional and Area Offices (Map)

FEMA has ten regional offices, and two area offices. Each region serves several states, and regional staff work directly with the states to help plan for disasters, develop mitigation programs, and meet needs when major disasters occur.

http://www.fema.gov/ about/regoff.htm

See also ...

LINKS: Know Your FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency)

http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id= 000NRV

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), February 20, 1999.

Oh my gosh,...Diane, you forgot the midi file attachment with Twilight Zone music.

(Heck, I read Uncle's post and thought he'd changed his mind about abandonning us.{pout})

ROFLMAO for the original thread, and shivers for it's reseurrection as the khaki and camo-attired ones tromp over the landscape.

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), February 20, 1999.

Come on Dieter, when you've got a nose a big a road map of Canada you gotta expect to get some pins stuck in it.

Just be carefull when you blow.

-- Greybear, who has no small nose himself

- Got Kleenex?

-- Greybear (greybear@home.com), February 20, 1999.