FLASH ALERT FLASH ALERT FLASH ALERT

ATENTION: Fruitcake Resistance League (FRL)

AGENCY: Bored of Governors of the Fruitcake Reserve System

ACTION: Notice of proposed rulemaking.

SUMMARY: The Bored of Governors of the Fruitcake Reserve System (Bored) is requesting comments on proposed regulations requiring domestic and foreign fruitcake supplier organizations supervised by the Bored to develop and maintain "Know Your Fruitcake'' programs. As proposed, the regulations would require each fruitcake supplier organization to develop a program designed to determine the identity of its fruitcake customers; determine its customers' sources of funds; determine, understand and monitor the normal and expected number of fruitcakes its customers have; and report appropriately any fruitcakes of its customers that are determined to be suspicious, in accordance with the Bored's existing suspicious fruitcake activity reporting regulations. By requiring fruitcake supplier organizations to determine the identity of their customers, as well as to obtain knowledge regarding the legitimate activities of their customers, the proposed regulations will reduce the likelihood that these organizations will become unwitting participants in illicit fruitcake activities conducted or attempted by their customers.

FRL members and would-be members: Comments needed.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 11, 1998

Answers

My fruitcake supply chain is all full of nuts. Highly suspicious. May have to switch to Pound Cake, and knock em in their egg noggins.

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), December 11, 1998.

Do the regulations define what precisely constitutes a fruitcake? Or in order to be considered a fruitcake it has to have *what* ingredients and how long must the shelf life be?

-- David (David@BankPacman.com), December 11, 1998.

Fruitcake hits the headlines....

THE MIRACLE FRUITCAKE CURE. NO WALNUTS. NO CANDIED FRUIT. MORE CAKE. NO BOOZE

Published on 12/06/98, Article 4 of 677 found.

Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and fruitcake in December.

It is a tired subject--the pros, the cons, its use as a doorstop, the recipes promising you will love this one even if you hate all others. Discussions of fruitcake should be outlawed in the new millennium. But before time runs out ... (SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS , 1827 words.) Complete Article ($1.95)

Searched on [Y2K or "year 2000" or millennium] at http:// www5.mercurycenter.com/resources/search/

Cant seem to locake full-text article even tho its within 7-day search deadline. *Sigh*.

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), December 11, 1998.

WHAT? No walnuts or candied fruit? No Booze??? This is worse than I thought. What you are describing Diane is Fiat fruitcake, that is, not " baked" with anything other than confidence.

It's value diluted by 'more cake'... this will definitely have an impact on us being able to use it on the catapult effectively... why just imagine, when the fruitcake hits the fan there will be no collateral damage due to the hard candied fruits and ossified walnuts being missing!

We must start raising awareness of this with an all out media blitz. Wait till Oprah hears about this! If our fruitcake goes, socks or teletubbies or (shuddderrr) rubber ducky may be next! To arms, to arms.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 11, 1998.

What will this do to the price of fruitcakes? This could cause a tremendous increase in the sale of fruitcakes on the black market, which in turn could put many fruitcake manufacturers out of business.

Also, how does this apply to the sale of last year's leftover fruitcakes? Would those sales have to be registered as well?

-- Buddy (DC) (buddy@bellatlantic.net), December 11, 1998.

When first joining the FRL, I was under the impression it was a movement to protect the rights and freedoms of people. If I need to register my fruitcakes, I would like to resign from the organization. Like Diane, I can easily switch to pound cake. Whether the FDIC is counting my dollars or the FRL is counting my fruitcakes, its all the same - no matter which way you *slice* it.

-- Christine A. Newbie (vaganti01@aol.com), December 11, 1998.

Reuters.....

The Canadian government has just announced another program that will require all Canadians to register their fruitcakes before 2003. This program, modelled after the very successful firearms registration program will ensure that Canadians are protected from violence that is inherant to the fruitcake culture. A fringe group from Western Canada are protesting on the grounds that regsitration will restrict their freedoms and that known fruitassassins will not register their baked goods anyhow.

The program is expected to be revenue neutral, and as such, will only cost the average fruitcake registrant $85.00 per slab. Jean Cretien, the Prime Minister was quoted as saying, "This program is necessary in light of the new advances in fruicake warfare, particularly the advent of the fruitcake catapult." In an attempt to show reasonable compromise, the feds have decided not to increase the registration fee for fruitcake accessories and add-ons. Supporters of the icing sugar and marzipan industries in Quebec were elated.

Cretien dismisses rumors that Mince Pies are soon to be added to the program, and suggested it was merely a Reform Party ruse to take focus off the real issue of protecting our society from fruitcake violence.

-- Craig (craig@ccinet.ab.ca), December 11, 1998.

Oh NO! Craig do you think they've found out about the boney fruitcakes and they're just keeping the knowledge secret from the public? I'm glad I already have mine all lined up and ready to let fly. Do you have a Canadian source for the automatic that you're willing to share? Thanks in advance for all your help.

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), December 11, 1998.

How can that happen in THIS country?! This is unconstitutional!! For years I've bought fruitcakes and have a huge collection. I don't go around throwing fruicakes at people either, I'm not a killer! I just like my fruitcakes. We ought to be left alone us fruicakes lovers.

We need to start a grassroots protest. Lets all email our congressmen and let them know what we think of this proposal from the FRL. I'll post a template of my own letter later for your convenience.

I can't believe this is happening! First the fruitcakes then what next? Egg nogg??

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), December 11, 1998.

Chris: Yes, grass roots protest... Diane will be proud. Count me in too.

I have just found out some additional information regarding the Bored and the insidious proposed laws:

"One of the most effective means by which a Fruitcake supplier can both protect itself from engaging in transactions designed to facilitate illicit fruitcake activities and ensure compliance with applicable suspicious fruitcake activity reporting requirements is for the supplier to have adequate Know Your Fruitcake policies and procedures. By knowing its fruitcake, a fruitcake institution is better able to fulfill its compliance responsibilities, including its Fruitcake Secrecy Act and suspicious fruitcake activity reporting requirements."

Get that? Secrecy Act no less. What a world, what a world....

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 11, 1998.

You guys are missing the point. It is well established that no fruitcake has ever been actually consumed. This has, over the years, allowed the establishment of the 'Fractional Fruitcake Reserve' system, in which the 'fiat fruitcakes' are backed by a reserve of less than 2% of 'hard' fruitcakes. The public's growing Y2K awareness, coupled with the stresses of the regular holiday season, are likely to prompt massive civil disturbances this month as frantic citizens attempt to redeem their fiat fruitcakes. In fact, I am informed that Clinton has prepared an Executive Order prohibiting private ownership of 'hard' fruitcakes. The inevitable resistance to this draconian policy will be used as an excuse to declare martial law and cancel the elections.

-- Ned (entaylor@cloudnet.com), December 11, 1998.

As a charter member of the FRL,this causes me deep concern.Since our fruitcake travels around in a circle (more or less) does that mean everyone would be considered a HOARDER or only the one holding the fruitcake at the present time? Also I have lost track of it,so am without ammo for my catapult.If I have to actually buy a new one then I will be on the list, but even worse will it harden up in timeby 1/1/00? In case of martial law, and they want our ammo,do I consider it food? If they want our food,do I consider it ammo? Problems, problems,problems........

-- y2klady2 (y2klady2@aol.com), December 12, 1998.

Thing is, all the fruitcakes around here are chock full o nuts.

-- Paul Davis (davisp1953@yahoo.com), December 12, 1998.

Report our fruitcake, that's the threat

if we let 'em we'll regret

lost fruitcake freedom true and proud,

let us raise our voices loud,

monitoring we'll not abet.

We need our fruitcake, without permission,

we need it for our ammunition,

so let us take,

a little break,

and protest this fruitcake decision.

Write the congress and the press,

let them know of our duress,

of candied fruit,

there is no loot,

just a fiat fruitcake mess.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 12, 1998.

Somebody else beat us to the fruitcake weapon punch.

Government fruitcake confiscations can only accelerate.

http://www.tampabayonline.net/news/news101z.htm

<< Italy Tests Fruitcakes After Activists Poison Two Panettones

ROME (AP) - Officials tested samples of two popular brands of Christmas cakes from stores across Italy on Saturday and considered a recall after animal-rights activists claimed to have injected them with rat poison.

Tests on Friday found poison in two cakes sent to the Bologna and Florence offices of Italy's ANSA news service. Notes with the cakes said the Animal Liberation Front was poisoning them to protest genetic engineering.

Both brands of panettone - Motta and Alemagna - are made by Nestle Italia. There was no word of any more poisoned cakes by Saturday. ``We believe that there are no other poisoned panettone around,'' Bologna Prosecutor Lucia Mustia said. ``All the same, we ask that people check the cakes to search for possible syringe holes.''

Panettone - yeast cakes laden with fruits and nuts - are to Italian Christmases what fruitcakes and plum pudding are to the holiday in the United States and Britain.

Many Italians said they wouldn't buy the cakes this year and stores were making individual decisions on whether to pull the brands or not. Nestle suspended production at its plant in Verona through Monday, and company executive Yves Barbieux said the scare has already cost Nestle at least $30 million.

Authorities said they would question members of the animal-rights group. Health Minister Rosy Bindi said the government was prepared to order a recall if necessary.

...................................

-- NoFlamesPlease (noflames@sulfur.com), December 12, 1998.

Sheesh! Is nothing sacred? Fruitcake Terrorists are really NUTS!!

My kitty cats are jumping up and downjkljfl;dsfhikufharuifhsdjlaksd on the keyboard really upset that any idiots would try to harm humans as a protest FOR animal-rights!! Human's are part of their food chain ... as in Meow Mix.

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), December 12, 1998.

The only sane and righteous people remaining on this earth are fruitcake lovers. And we're persecuted. This IS the end of the world. It was prophesized in Alpocatnyps that fruitcake lovers all over the world would be prosecuted martyrs. This is proof.

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), December 12, 1998.

NoFlamesPlease: At first I thought your post was, well, you know, some fun in the fruitcake spirit of things... but then I went to the link!

This inspired me to new lows... I did a search on "fruitcake" and got 4,746 hits... including the following from a Fruitcake Follies Contest! The url is http://www.kaplan.com/holiday/fruitcake_contest.html

"Just come up with the best alternative use of fruitcake. The more original the better. Think about using one fruitcake (yule log, anchor) or many (insulation, giant dominoes). If you come up with the MOST original use of fruitcake, you'll WIN":

one fruitcake (make your fruitcake vision a reality) a book or piece of software from Kaplan's online store

The site has an Entry Form to send a description (200 words or less) of your fruitcake brainstorm. The entry deadline still has last year though.

Previous winners included uses for kitty litter ( that should make some of the animal rights folks feel a wee bit better) and also bed warmers...Hmmm obvious Y2K implications there...

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 12, 1998.

Fruitcake registreation? You'll get my fruitcake when you pry it from my cold dead hand.

-- jdclark (yankeejdc@aol.com), December 13, 1998.

Nestle (of Italy) is making balogna fruitcakes? Is that not posion enough?

- Ah the humanity of it all!

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), December 13, 1998.

http://www.tampabayonline.net/news/news100w.htm
12/13/98 -- 12:11 PM

Nestle Tries To Recoup After Poisoned Christmas Cake Scare

MILAN, Italy (AP) - An Italian official declared a poisoned Christmas cake scare over, biting into a fruit and nut-laden panettone at a festival in Milan on Sunday.

....
The Animal Liberation Front took responsibility and said they were protesting the use of genetically engineered ingredients, such as types of wheat. Police are questioning group members.

....
The company says it isn't currently using genetically engineered ingredients in products sold in Italy. But Barbieux said the company will do so in the future.

``We will use these products, as we do in the rest of Europe, because it's part of progress,'' he said. ``We're trying to improve production and lower prices.''

Copyright 1998 Associated Press.

"improve production and lower prices" ............................................................

-- NoFlamesPlease (noflames@sulfur.com), December 13, 1998.

<>

Is that like a bridal registration when you sign up for treats and goodies? I'm not into these femimimimiminal thiongs.

'Course feminime thongs are alright, I guess.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), December 13, 1998.

We're trying to improve production and lower prices.''

I've heard that somewhere before...hmm...something about computers and expensive storage. I think it was in a fiction novel.

If they use mass produced geneticaly engineered wheat to bake the fruitcakes, won't we end up with a nightmare of embbeded defective wheat all over the world? And how will we know which are defective and which aren't?

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), December 13, 1998.

"And how will we know which are defective and which aren't? "

Don't let 'em try and snowball ya with buzzwords. Any fruitcake that is genetically engineered or has been fundamentally altered with no candied fruits or ossified nuts is Fiat Fruitcake plain and simple. The Fruitcake Reserve Bored is not only diluting the value of our existing fruitcake but also reportedly stockpiling the good stuff for the anticipated Fruitcake Runs.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 13, 1998.

"Nestle is making bologna fruitcakes???"

Bologna fruitcakes could truly end the utility of fruitcakes post y2k! I am not sure (is anyone?) what bologna is actually made up of, but I do know that it won't store nearly as well. I am sure the bologna will go rancid pryor to the year 2000. In fact, in my limited research, I have not found a single web sight that provides any indication of y2k compliancy in bologna.

Who would have thought the FRL would have infiltrated the secret troops and destroy their defending power? Has anybody else given thought as to what this might mean for us out here in the field? Or, has anybody given any thought as to how we can test the fruitcakes before storing them to determine if they are true fruitcakes or full of bologna? I would like to know prior to putting them in storage. I don't want my compliant fruitcakes to interface with the non-compliant bologna fruitcakes - can't run the risk of total loss.

-- Christine A. Newbie (vaganti01@aol.com), December 13, 1998.

Rob, my friend, the "fruitcake runs" have already begun. On our way home from Colorado, we again stopped in Corsicana, Texas, at the Collin Street Bakery. Just 2 months ago when we went there, only a handful of people were buying fruitcakes. But on Saturday, the line of customers extended out the front door and wound around the premises!! Once inside, we could barely move around. It was unbelievable. We got our ammo, uh, fruitcakes, and went back to our van. In the parking lot we began looking at license plates. They were from MANY different states. People seem to be coming from all over to get their fruitcakes. Lehman's and Walton Feed have nothing on the Collin Street Bakery!

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), December 13, 1998.

Ah Gayla, welcome back. Please tell me this isn't so. A run already? I should not be too surprised... Took the family to Fruitcake Depot and while there wasn't a run, the shelves were none too well stocked. It is beginning to look like time to consider midnight gardening to protect our existing stash. One question though, what will this do to the soil if any of the fruitcake isn't properly stored? Would this result in our non-hybrid seeds having mutant offspring????

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 13, 1998.

The real question is, can bologna fruitcakes grow, once planted in the ground? What will they grow into?

Remember "Little Shop of Horrors?" THIS is serious. The FRL must take immediate and decisive action.

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), December 13, 1998.

DOWN WITH THE FRL!! Can't you see they're the cause of the problem?! Diane I thought you were smarter than that. Do your research. You don't seem to "get it". Polyannas like you are dangerously spreading faulse positive rumors. Sheeple will go back to sleep thinking the FRL has it all under control. You bet they have it all under control, WE are under THEIR control!!

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), December 13, 1998.

Well, Chris, we could just let them, unsuspecting, plant the bologna fruitcakes, and let them mutate, uh, grow. Seems unethical somehow. Kind'a like Washington. Maybe the radioactive splinter group of the FRL can shed a little green glowing light on the national fruitcake issue, uh, crisis.

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), December 13, 1998.

Chris: I'm surprised at you! Have you forgotten that the FRL is an underground movement.You are needed here. There is important work to be done. Be part of the FRL solution. We don't have much time. Reconsider. Please?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 13, 1998.

It appears that there exist two factions of the FRL. Many of us reporting to this thread were some of the FRL original members (Diane, Robert, Rob, etc.). I for one, am proud to serve for such a notable and trustworthy cause. However, the original post to this thread speaks of such things as registering fruitcakes - all under the guise of protecting the fruitcake as we know it.

Its a dangerous world out there folks! How can we be a part of an underground movement that supports the very things we should fighting against?

Who knows, maybe these bologna fruitcakes are part of a conspiracy by the pseudo-FRL to break up our forces. Maybe we can send a Yourdonite on an undercover/foil investigation to find out the root of all this confusion?

-- Christine Not A. Newbie Anymore (vaganti01@aol.com), December 13, 1998.

For years I've bought fruitcakes and have a huge collection.

Yes I've always wondered about you.....

Isn't the fungi settling in, maybe you keep the older vintages in a cellar then bore everyone with your vast knowledge of the fruitcake producing chateaux of bordeau.

The champenois FCs have to be subject to remulage, ie shaken, unplugged and disgorged every so often.

Hey isn't that what happens to unk's "guests".

-- Richard Dale (rdale@figroup.co.uk), December 14, 1998.

Christine, YOU are getting it! There is hope in this world. You can't trust anyone in this world but yourself. Read between the lines. All this fancy language in propositions/legislations/shmislations is a smoke screen, the fancier the more dangerous. Don't let yourself get lost among the fancy sentences, keep your eye on the big picture, the idea of what is being said. The B.O.R.E.D. want nothing less than to grab all the fruicakes for themselves, and what better way of doing that but to have you think that requiring fruitcake suppliers to register all the fruitcakes will protect the supply from the "illicit fruitcake activities", criminals? They will know EXACTLY where EACH and EVERYONE fruitcake is, and while you're sleeping, the B.O.R.E.D. of LOOTERS will get them!

Wake up people!!

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), December 14, 1998.

Richard dear, I wouldn't know anything about the fruitcakes produced in Bordeaux. I'm a fruitcake lover, not conaisseur. Only the french are conaisseurs of their own fruitcakes. Takes one to know one. But I do know a thing or two about fruitcakes produced in California, and to tell you the truth, they taste better to my palate, and I don't have to worry about the vintage year they come from, or their fungi content. Each year is a good as the previous. French fruitcakes are lethal one year, passable the next.

One must have a reliable fruitcake arsenal to entertain the enemy.

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), December 14, 1998.

The Fractional Fruitcake Reserve, as represented by the Bored, and in conjunction with the FDIC (Fruitcake deposit insurance corp.) are the enemy. We of the FRL have pledged to protect our fuitcake freedoms, including the quality of fruitcake, and stand as the only barrier to this evil "Know Your Fruitcake" porposal. Hope this makes things clearer.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 14, 1998.

Mr. Michaels, my apologies!! The acronyms got me confused, I mistook the FRS for the FRL! (blushing profusely.)

Well dang, I'll join! I'll even pitch in some of my fruitcakes for the cause.

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), December 14, 1998.

Everybody DUCK! Chris is pitching fruitcakes!

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), December 14, 1998.

Yes but can any of us hit them? What are the FRL team's fruitcake batting averages?

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), December 14, 1998.

If they are thrown with enough velocity and are fiat fruitcake they will likely come apart due to the lack of hard candied fruits and nuts. This would result in Unidentified Fruitcake Objects and may 'trip the fence' at NORAD. Welcome back Chris, and thank you for your unselfish and generous gift...you can stop pitching now.

Latest info: We have found an ally in the credit unions, that for now are not impacted by the "Know Your Fruitcake" proposal in its current form. In addition to our midnight gardening, we may have an alternative to safely store our hard-earned fruitcakes there. Also, lets all consider sending Congressman Ron Paul (R- Texas) a non-fiat fruitcake this holiday season for his efforts to help the FRL against the evil plot.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 14, 1998.

Chris, you should never pitch fruitcakes. As previously discussed, slingshots are much better for attaining the velocity and distance generally needed.

Everybody, please quiet down. If we are going to beat the F - one of the acronyms...we'll have to do it in an organized manner.

I will volunteer for the undercover investigation...

Be back soon...

-- Christine A. Newbie (vaganti01@aol.com), December 14, 1998.

Christine, where do you get your information on slingshots from? A catapult is much better. I happen to be an expert on fruitcakes, and here's the proof:

Perfect Y2K food?

Nice name btw, I'm Christine too...shhhh don't tell anyone ;)

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), December 14, 1998.

Chris - First, your secret is safe with me. I won't tell a soul. I kinda like the name too. It works anyway, anytime someone says Christine I turn my head. I wonder how my parents knew everyone would call me Christine?

But that's a different story.

I remember the thread well, I even went back to visit. I didn't see anything on catapaults, tho'. As I see it, catapaults are too cumbersome. Slingshots, as Diana reminded us, could easily be made from any local tree branch etc. Also, they fit in your back pocket. Although, the fruitcakes don't fit in your back pocket.

Although, in small Y2K communities, I see the catapault as a revolutionary tool. Much more of a team-like scenario.

-- Christine Not A. Newbie Anymore (vaganti01@aol.com), December 15, 1998.

I like your team spirit Christine, and obvious expertise with slingshots. You are on point!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 15, 1998.

Fruitcake postings make us glad,

Who can read these and be sad,

Y2K, well its so serious,

That we would all soon be delirious,

Without some humor, it 'd be bad.

Some folks they post limericks,

With clever words they work their tricks,

Writing rhymes,

That have five lines,

Their humor is our sadness fix.

Off-topic, laughter cannot be,

Read silly threads, you will agree,

That you feel better,

And sometines wetter,

From laughing so hard you have to ---!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 16, 1998.

Rob, LOL ( or should that be ROFLTIP )! Thanks!

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), December 16, 1998.

Tricia: ROTFLTIP... I really like it! With creativity like that, you will always be honored here at the Fruitcake Fraternity!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 16, 1998.

Christine - who are you investigating uncovers with?

With whom are you investigating undercovers? Whose undercovers are you investigating? Whom are youm investigating undercovers withm?

How do I phrase this question with getting deeper into it? What happens when the undercovers get caught in the fruticake-laden fan? How would an undercover english teacher expose this situation? Would an uncover english teacher be teaching french?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), December 17, 1998.

Cook, Robert A.

Re: Christine - I think you have it covered!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 17, 1998.

First of all, I hope that an english teacher doesn't expose anything! (under the covers or not) - I just don't want to go there. Secondly, an undercover English Teacher is probably sleeping.

As for the investigation. It was a bust. Seriously, a bust. The bust resembled a large troll (not sure who the sculptor was tho'). I had to get there by walking over many bridges. Difficult, difficult, I tell you. Alas, I was too slow in recovering the info. I see that the Yourdonite forum is already at war.

-- Christine A. Newbie (vaganti01@aol.com), December 17, 1998.

Nope, I'm awake.

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), December 18, 1998.

To the top.

-- Richard Dale (rdale@figroup.co.uk), December 18, 1998.

Fiat fruitcake has more cake, If you fling it, it will break, No candied fruit, It will dilute, Fiat fruitcake is a fake!

Gather up real fruitcake rounds, Lock and load, fruitcake bound, In the air, It is fair, The enemy, it has found.

Let us help Christine uncover, All the fruitcakes that can hover, Catapult and slingshot true, Through the air and sky so blue, At battles end we will recover.

We can use stealth rubber ducky, This will make us extra lucky, Flying in the dark of night, Fruitcake tracers mark their flight, Aim them towards the mucky muckys!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 18, 1998.

How timely!

http://hotnews.oregonlive.com/cgi-free/getst ory.cgi?o0406_AM_OR--GulfGift&OR&news&ornews

Pass The Fruitcake: Harry & David Sends Gift Baskets To Troops In Gulf

.... (AP) -- Call it "Operation Fruitcakes to Iraq."
Harry & David shipped 2,000 boxes of its trademark "Fruit Confection" cakes to Bahrain today for distribution to U.S. troops involved in Operation Desert Fox.

....
Asked what Harry & David will do if the troops ask for seconds, Williams replied: "We can always send them more."
------------------------------------------------
xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), December 19, 1998.

Leska: ROFLMAO, ROFLTIP! They found out about our secret fruitcake weapon, but still no mention of the stealth rubber duckies. Notice the name: Operation Fox... something about it just didn't sound right to me. Now, after looking at your post and the link, I know why. It really is Operation Fruitcake!

-- Rob Michaels (sonfodust@net.com), December 19, 1998.

Rob Michaels, Foxy Fruitcakes, hhmmm, makes ya wonder who all lurks here, eh? ;-} Sshhh 'bout dem rubber duckies; they don't know what we've got cached in them yet. Truth is stranger than fiction, gotta laugh til it hurts. Suffering from a case of cognizance parallel dislocation. Next, Operation Ducky. Stay tuned.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), December 19, 1998.

Omigod Leska! What have you done?! You've exposed our "Operation Fruitcake" to the world! On the INTERNET! That makes you an...an...FRL traitor! =:o

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), December 19, 1998.

Hardly, Chris, actually I have bravely engaged in covert intelligence recon and found Foxy infiltration in ammo surveilance. Today we must rally together to defy the Iraq-headed depletions and rush our storage operation. The Europeans and Arabs are now being pelted with 40% genuine-article fruitcakes. This is an unexpected twist! Somebody come up with a salvage plan.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), December 19, 1998.

Now that Operation Fruitcake has been 'suspended', do we still need a salvage plan?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 20, 1998.

Could duct tape fix it?

From Tom (Jean's brother): What is more versatile, duct tape or fruitcake?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), December 20, 1998.

They are both indespensible for survival. Can't imagine repairing a car hose with fruitcake. A soldier saw a flying fruitcake, and knew what to do... he duct.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 20, 1998.

Uh...Tom, you should probably get another opinion on this duct tape question besides mine. You see..., well..., I suffer from DTC - Duct Tape Compulsiveness. It has a habit of finding its way into my shopping cart whenver I see it. Sometimes I get home and unpack what I bought and there it is, and I don't even remember buying it. My garage is full of all kinds of stuff, everything except my car... but especially duct tape. I think I may need help. Perhaps there is a good support group... DTA? Just wanted you to know.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 20, 1998.

Rob Michaels;

You believe as I do -- that if you can't fix it with duct tape that sucker is really broke and must be replaced?

S.O.B.

-- sweetolebob (La) (buffgun@hotmail.com), December 20, 1998.

S.O.B. - I'm confused... you have never asked such a perplexing question before. Doesn't everybody know this and feel this way?

If it can't be fixed with duct,

then truly you are out of luck!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 20, 1998.

Rob Michaels;

I didn't mean to get so crafty.

I just wanted to make sure that you were you and some other you wasn't trying to be you just to fool dumb ole me again.

O.K. I'm satisfied - he was who he was just as he was when last he was.

bye

S.O.B.

-- sweetolebob (La) (buffgun@hotmail.com), December 20, 1998.

Thanks, all. I'm laughitng so hard I can hardly type. Just what I needed after a 'fruitless' vistit to the local flea market.

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), December 20, 1998.

A frozen fruitless flea market? - Run for the hills (and dales), the shortages have started already..............Oh the humanity!

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), December 21, 1998.

" ...but especially duct tape. I think I may need help. Perhaps there is a good support group... DTA? Just wanted you to know. "

I know the feeling Rob. No one understands me, no one understands why I should love fruitcake so much. My collection must be one of the biggest in the States, of all sorts; dark spicy nutty types, light fluffy fruitier types, hard types, soft types, whiskey types, beer types. All are nutty and fruity, but at different levels of nuttyness or fruityness. I appreciate the subtleties in all types. One really must block out all other distractions and concentrate on the sensations each type gives...oh sorry Rob, am I boring you? I didn't mean to, it's just that I love fruitcakes so much...

Well anyway, I too would like to start a support group for my addiction...perhaps we could "tie" both groups together and start a Duct Tape the Fruitcake Lovers' Heart group?

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), December 21, 1998.

You know Chris, you are right about the tie. May I suggest that this really may go even further. There are so many of us here, supporting each other in our common Fruitcake bond, that we can be our own FRL support group, not only for fruitcake and duct tape, but for anything that we may need help with. Now that you and I have admitted our transgressions, I'm sure we both feel better. Maybe other FRL posters will want to join us. Maybe, like us, they were just waiting for this to come up.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 21, 1998.

Does fruitcake rise to the occaision? Or does it require a leavening playing field?

Given that fruitcake is apparently heavier than hot air, where does it fall in a political debate?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), December 21, 1998.

Could real (TRUE) fruit cake wrapped in TRUE duct tape be considered the ultimate weapon in our wars against all evils?

Would non-compliant (FALSE) fruitcake wrapped in generic duct tape then be considered a shorter range weapon in case we get too close to the evils?

I believe that only the true and compliant stealth geese should be used to deliver the true ductcakes, and that the rubber duckies be reserved solely for usage with the false (light weight) ductcakes.

This is due to the facts that the geese can fly farther and carry more weight than can a rubber duckie, and a true ductcake must weigh more than the generic non-compliant ductcake of the same size.

Perhaps, in light of the current temporary truce in effect with the "booger of the day", we can run practice runs on Washington to test these theories? This would also be of great use in the coming asault of the dread Canuckians, should they attempt yet again to infiltrate our unmanned borders and raid the land of milk and honey that is currently under the command of Uncle Deedah. This could only be done with the help of those geese which have seen the light and came over to our side. I've noticed quite a lot of them of late. I'll ask one of the local natives (they too speak French) to inquire about the deal and I'll get back to you soonest.

S.O.B.

-- sweetolebob (La) (buffgun@hotmail.com), December 21, 1998.

"I believe that only the true and compliant stealth geese should be used to deliver the true ductcakes,... "

This is a sound strategy for 'hardened' targets S.O.B., and we can use the duckies for deliverance of the fiatcakes, preferable without duct, on dispersed targets and so have a higher coinfidence of collateral damage from the Unidentifiable Fruitcake Objects.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 21, 1998.

-- Rob Michaels;

>>This is a sound strategy for 'hardened' targets S.O.B., and we can use the duckies for deliverance of the fiatcakes, preferable without duct, on dispersed targets and so have a higher coinfidence of collateral damage from the Unidentifiable Fruitcake Objects.<<

-- Rob Michaels

Agreed.

This does however mean that we will be using de-duct duckies. Is this IAW the Geneva conventions?

Must we "goose the geese" just to allow for equal treatment? Will they cackle and squack about this treatment? Will this involve the entire gaggle or just selected "volunteer" members?

Pending your reply I will proceed with the afore mentioned plan re: stealth masked ductcakes/goose(i).

S.O.B.

-- sweetolebob (La) (buffgun@hotmail.com), December 21, 1998.

There are now relaible reports of "unnamed but probably geese of Canadianian origin" that have stopped in the KS and IL regions. Apparently, they (on their way south to more temperature climes) found they did not need to go all the way to our hallowed Gulf Coast region. (It being very warm up near St Louis and all.)

So - it brings a problem. First are these true Canadianain geese? Are they false Canadiaian geese? Or just "misled" Canadaiaian geese? Since they did in fact fly part way South, are they misfled Canadaiaian geese?

If so, can we trust these "misfled" Canadianain geese with fruitcake, or only with false imported ductcake made by Bolognesians in Bologna? I am perplexed.........

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), December 21, 1998.

"Is this IAW the Geneva conventions?

Probably not, but we are deparate, no? I think this is what Robert meant by "leavening the playing field."

"Will this involve the entire gaggle or just selected "volunteer" members?"

This will have to be a Black Op, with hand-picked volunteers to fulfill the mission parameters. Amphibious duckies can be Ducky Seals, and Stealth Geese would fit in nicely with the either the Special Fruitcake Forces, or Geese Rangers. Sound reasonable?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 21, 1998.

Leska, "Chocolate Decadence" fruitcake, o-o-o-o-h!

Rob, could be a new military, FRL, recruiting tactic. Join Us For A Fruitcake Adventure. Is it a Dark, Milk or White Chocolate Black Op? Special Fruitcake Forces, operating behind enemy duct tape? Maybe you could join the enemies DT support groups?

All these unidentified duckys make me "quackers."

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), December 21, 1998.

Robert: I am perplexed also... Where did this 'reliable' info come from... the intel spooks? Me thinks we wait for Leska on this one.

Diane: I knew we could count on your superior and untiring organizational skills... with your recruitment plan we will have no problem getting the volunteers (no geese with gooselings accepted... or is it goose with geeselings?)

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 21, 1998.

It seems to be a heinous insidious strategy harkening back to the opium wars. Infuse 'Chocolate Decadence' into the fruitcakes, make them addictive, make ppl actually eat them and want more. Criminal! Then send them free to our troops. Like cigs in WWII. Also, could be bad for the geese. Did you know chocolate is sometimes fatal to dogs and other animals? It affects them like speed, like poison. Wonder if the Bologna bacterium plus the addictive choco-speed will thin the ranks -- we must guard against this! One of our member inventors must develop a geesger counter to detect these noxious obnoxious impurities.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), December 21, 1998.

Leska: It sounds to me like it's all part of the Fiat Fruitcake Plot. Good thing we are organized. Any ideas on what Robert posted about the 'misfled' geese?

Tricia: Same question for you regarding Roberts post.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 21, 1998.

wow, there's so much of this fruitcake talk, i'm startin' to think it's a code or somethin'

-- fruitcake (fruitcake@fruitcake.y2k), December 21, 1998.

Rob, don't know, got me stumped. Authenticity is in question on all fronts. Additives in fruitcake, our all-purpose discovery being pre-empt(i)ed by terrorists and Foxies, the misled geese ... we need a de-bugged war room, duct deductions, duct & duck decoys, and a geesger counter. Robert did mention the possibility of climatic changes influencing the Canuck carriers ...

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), December 21, 1998.

I've been informed by a stealth-duckie spying on "misfled" geese in a pond in IL that it appears the geese are being fed "dark brown substances resembling fruitcake" by what appears to be "counter-intelligence agents dressed as children", and that the geese after eating such substance flock giddily around these agents, totally oblivious about their mission to fly south.

In light of the report from Leska, I suspect this "substance" contains choco-speed toxins.

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), December 21, 1998.

No. They are not "misfled" Robert.

They just duct out at the first hint of stiff water, but then found that they had exceeded their maximum inflight gross weight.

This in turn was found to be caused by a miscalculation of the ratio of the baloney/chocolate fuel, that was onloaded prior to lift off, and the storage capacity of the main fuel tank.

The geese have recently been sighted on the ground as they are in the process of off loading the requisite amount of chocoloney so as to obtain the required maximum gross weight for take off.

They are scheduled to arrive local area, (hometown usa), approximately 0dark hundred +/- 3 seconds (CST), 24 Dec 1998. Proper arrangements have been made for their lodging, feeding (*cajun fried chocolate covered rice-a-roni) and such preferenced items as may be required by the senior (HEAD) goose of this unit. All security measures are in force to repel any and all geese which show any tendancies to off load prior to final approach this location.

* This fuel is being used so as to provide the TRUE stealth geese with a means of rapid and reliable return fire should such requirements prove to be necessary during the upcoming scheduled test operations against the unsuspecting Canuckianan residents during "Operation Just Desserts", as per my offline communications with OPCANDUCT2K/090919981221.

Interim Reports will be forwarded to you at your present location from this classified location via secure transmissions over ethernet radiation wave band digitized transfer systems using "Charlie band" only.

Request that you standby to copy all traffic originating this location. Local negotiating team members are presently being briefed reference their required participation in overall cover plan as previously briefed your office.

S.O.B.

-- sweetolebob (La) (buffgun@hotmail.com), December 21, 1998.

Thats what I was afraid of Leska...looks like it's up to Tricia the Canuck now. She may be undercover. Just have to wait.

We can at least get started though on the geesger counter....

Robert.... Oh Roooooobert?????

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 21, 1998.

S.O.B.

Roger, standing by. Pre-engagement assets are now feet dry and approaching theater.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 21, 1998.

Thanks Rob for the clue to where is Diane Squire thread. It appears she is here with the rest of the missing gaggle playing gleefully in a pond of chocolate syrup in the fruitcake forest! Gee, I love fruitcake, especially Collins Bakery Deluxe - could never be bad for geese! Makes all well with the world............ Diana

-- Diana (count@375.day), December 21, 1998.

Here's wishing all of you nutty friends the very best seasons greetings, and a virtual non-fiat fruitcake too!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 23, 1998.

...and watch out for Drive-by Fruitcakings!!!!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), December 23, 1998.

Fruitcake shortages loom!
===================================================================

http://www.tamp abayonline.net/news/news101b.htm

================================================================
xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), December 24, 1998.

But a short fruitcake (being lighter) would go somewhat further when thrown (assuming air resisitance is proportional to the frontal area of the object thrown) - or, failing that, more short fruitcakes could be placed in the missile compartment of a Chinese ICBM - as this story refers.

However, if fruitcakes are to be launched *at* the US and Canadianian provincial provinces from China, rather than *from* the US and Canadianian provincial provinces towards China, then I would think we should be worried about the number of fruitcakes in China, rather than in DC.

Given that there is evidence of an excessive number of fruitcakes in DC and NYC, I vote we buy back all the Chinese missiles referenced in the link, and shot them (and their cargo) back to China.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), December 24, 1998.

Uh-Oh, Robert, this is a case of the URL changing! I *knew* I should've posted the article highlights: those URLs are only good for a few hours. ``Sorry:( The article was about some monks who made the 'best' fruitcake, got a Web Site, and were so inundated and backlogged with orders that they unhooked their phone and removed their site. The article was talking about a severe fruitcake shortage that is expected to last 8 more months. Not that we don't have to worry about the Chinese ;)

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx x

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), December 24, 1998.

Now, I'm not going to let you off that lightly -

There appears therefore to be a future shortage of fruitcakes, there we must assume that fruitcakes will remain a cylinder of the same diameter (that is, if the pan - or whatever they are half-baked-in remains the same) but are somewhat shorter.

Now, lettuce assume that the average weight of these hypothetical short fruitcakes is proportional to total enclosed volume - that is thrown weight will be assumed proportional to length.

Further, we must asume the air resistance cannot be neglected - as time of flight will preclude extended periods outside the atmosphere - however, we probably must make the absurd simplication that air density (and therefore air resistance) will be the same over the period of flight.

[I apologize for these simplications in an important subject - but we must also neglect such important factors as the time of the month of the thrower and the rotational affect of the earth's Coriolis effect on the thrown trajectory. Likewise, unless the Canadianian readers suddenly start spewing hot air, or another cold air mass during the flight time, we must take the simplifying assumption too that air temperature remains the same during the flight time.]

Now, assuming the average throwing weight (of Diane, Leska, Chris, Christine, and Donna) remains proportional to an initial weight of 115 pounds - (which is about 260 kilometers for you in the metric system - or 3.5 Euro's or 12 shillings for those still using the UK system of measurements, or 12,000 in the Tokyo exchange but 1250 in Standard and Poor's.) This would be based on the simplification that the exercise of throwing results in an increase in strength offsetting the known fatigue effects of lobbing fruitcakes at convenient targets in a certain unnamed Southern-type state bordering on TN, AL, and the Atlantic Ocean.

Now, these assumptions being made, and assuming that the throwing energy of the average fruitcake lobber remains constant over time, will a short fruitcake get thrown further than a regular fruitcake?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), December 24, 1998.

Yes, because shorter = slightly lighter so the arm does not tire so quickly. Assuming the "throwing energy of the average fruitcake lobber remains constant over time" is pressure enough; we're not bionic! Also, we need stores of alternative energy close-by; lobbing is BTU work, and we mustn't be tempted to take bites of ammunition to sustain lobbing power. Therefore lobby for lobbing back-up. Homemade cornbread w/ curried lentil soup? Warmth, protein, carbos, tasty, and the ducks & geese like the cornbread too. :)

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), December 24, 1998.

Hi Leska: Too bad the article you refer to was gone. I looked at the link earlier this a.m. and didn't know why you posted it until now. Many of us anticipated shortages, and this was proof.No wonder it is gone already... they don't want a full scale fruitcake panic on Now!

Robert: Won't fruitcake atmospheric re-entry be different depending on if it has been wrapped in duct tape (heat shield) or not?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 24, 1998.

ALERT: (Long Post)

This story has hidden implications for the FRL -- Fruitcake Resistance League. Next the powers that be are going to require low-fat fruitcakes! Its the beginning of the end, when they go after the big guy. -- Diane

http://www.mercurycenter.com/premium/svlife/docs/santahealt23.htm Published Wednesday, December 23, 1998, in the San Jose Mercury News

Right jolly old elf really needs to re-examine his lifestyle

BY CAROLYN POIROT Knight Ridder Newspapers

Sure, Santa Claus may be a symbol of joy -- but certainly not good health.

Rather than spending so much time delivering toys to good little boys and girls, The Bearded One might be better off getting himself to a gym, suggest the PR specialists at Methodist Health Care System in Houston.

Just take a look at the big guy's health chart.

 Santa's overweight.

Symptoms: Abdomen shakes like ``bowl full of jelly.''

Concerns: Heart disease, adult-onset diabetes.

Recommendation: Comprehensive healthful lifestyle changes -- beginning with a prescribed weight-loss plan such the ones offered at the Institute for Preventive Medicine at Methodist Health Care System and Baylor College of Medicine.

 His cholesterol is high.

Cause: Eggnog-and-cookie diet. [And fruitcakes, we assume]

Recommendation: Try bringing along some fat-free snacks (raisins, carrot sticks, apple wedges) to take the edge off Christmas Eve cravings. Weight management programs can offer help (see ``Overweight'').

 Santa suffers from back and knee pain.

Cause: Hefting large sacks of toys; obesity.

Recommendation: Enroll in weight-control programs and head for the gym (see``Overweight''). Use ergonomically correct cart or dolly for toys.

 He doesn't hear so well.

Cause: Spending most of the year in a noisy workshop.

Recommendation: Use of OSHA-approved ear protection while at work.

 He has a real problem with sleigh safety.

Concerns: No head protection or seat belts in evidence; inadequate illumination provided by single glowing reindeer nose.

Recommendations: Replace fur cap with crash helmet; retrofit sleigh with shoulder harness, lap belt, air bag and government-approved landing lights.

 There's that nose like a cherry.

Concerns: Could be a sign of eczema, windburn, sun exposure or other problems.

Recommendation: Annual skin cancer screening. Check for allergies to reindeer, mistletoe, holly.

Also, lay off the hot rum toddies.

 He's plagued by pre-cancerous lung, mouth and throat irritation.

Causes: Pipe smoking, exposure to chimney soot.

Recommendation: Stop smoking immediately. Seek alternative means of access to dwellings, or wear OSHA-approved respirator when working in or near chimneys and fireplaces.

 He's a victim of carpal tunnel syndrome.

Cause: Making long lists, checking them twice.

Recommendation: Use of voice-activated word-processing software to relieve stress on hands and wrists.

 He's really got issues.

Manifestation: Irrationally jolly all the time.

Indication: ``North Polar Disorder.''

Recommendation: Immediate evaluation by a board-certified psychiatrist.

``Santa is a paragon of generosity and goodwill, but no one should consider him a role model for healthy living,'' sums up Molly Gee, manager of the Institute for Preventive Medicine. ``For an elf on the high side of 400, he looks to be in pretty good shape. But if St. Nick wants to be around for another half-millennium or so, he might want to consider some lifestyle changes in 1999.''

See also...

Santa & Y2K problems...

http://search.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/WPlate/1998-12/20/123l-122098- idx.html

Forget Naughty and Nice -- How About 'Data Deleted'? By Tom McNichol

Sunday, December 20, 1998; Page C02

With less than a week before Christmas, there's growing concern that Santa Claus will not be able to distribute toys [hidden message, no fruitcake distribution either] this year. The problem: a new computer system...

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), December 24, 1998.

Sorry, all for the delay in reporting. I was worrying about those stealth geese flying the wrong way and delivering pay loads here instead of to SOBob. However, I see now it was just a case of purposeful misleading, rather than misdirection... Hope you all enjoy your holidays and have enough fruitcake to eat (if you like to) as well as to store and to feed the SG. Geese are all back on course - watch out you in Dixie!

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), December 25, 1998.

Merry Fruitcake Day!

Say, doesn't that one Matthew just brought over look like Aunt Josephine's from 1971? Remember how we put that funny little mark on the underneath label? Here it is, faint & yellowed ...

Happy lobbing contests, one & all :)

Ashton & Leska in Cascadia, eating a *sprouted* Fruit 'n Nut juicy loaf ;)
xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), December 25, 1998.

To Tricia the Canuck, and to all other Members of the FRL:

A large gaggle of stealth geese has arrived in my local area, (hometown USA), and the local negotiating team has conducted extensive rounds of talks (lasting four (4) minutes) with the lead goose. The results are as detailed below:

1.Without exception the geese refuse to return to Canuckianana at this time citing very bad weather conditions at that location. These conditions are expected to continue until late spring 1999.

2. The Head goose of the gaggle made an impassioned plea for the continuance of the peace agreements currently in force between our two (2) nations. She asked that we all try to just get along together.

3. She has stated that she could never allow any stealth geese to participate in any such activity as was tentatively planned as Operation "Just Desserts" against the people of Canuckianana. (Damn the luck!). However, she has agreed that such fruitcake/duct tape activities as are directed against Washington, D.C. are of mutual benefit to all flora and fauna members of all nations and should proceed as planned.

4. She has agreed that the number of Canuckianians allowed free and unrestricted access to the "Land of Milk and Honey," AKA "DeeDah Land," would be reduced to a bare minimum beginning in the year 2000 as a time certain and continuing for an indeterminate length of time thereafter.

5. She further stated that she would allow all members of her brigade to offload the TRUE stealth fruitcake, if so equipped, on any and all areas en route to Canuckianana as "Targets Of Opportunity," and that they would expend all cajun fried rice munitions during these drops. She stated, and I agree, that once airborne there was no effective means of control and that the geese could therefore do as they wished and drop their payloads wherever they choose.

6. She has conceded that it was an oversight on their behalf and that she will dispatch a courier to central Illinois to close the door which was inadvertently left open and is thereby allowing the extreme cold air of Canuckianana to spill South to this area.

As a result of the above negotiations, I, S.O.B., ruler of all that I have, Knower of that which should be known, Keeper of the True Opine, and Befuddled leader of myself, do hereby decree and proclaim:

1. ALL conditions as stated above (# 1 thru 6) are acceptable to me, since I have no choice and have been tricked and outcrafty'ed once again by yet another female, and are therefore enacted.

2. All Canuckiananan geese are hereby awarded the rank of "Citizen of the world," members of the "Cajun Legion," "Entitled Members of the FRL," and are to be afforded all rights and privileges attendant thereto.

3. Effective immediately all further feeding of the geese will be restricted to the wild rices and swamp critters such as are indigenous to this area, and under no circumstances will any further feeding of cajun fried rice be allowed (with or without the chocolate coating). The geese will be allowed free and unfettered access to all areas of the marshes and bayous adjacent to hometown USA. They are authorized to inspect any and all sites, locations, and areas as they deem necessary to determine that all munitions at this site are TRUE munitions and are not WMD type munitions. My palace is to remain off limits to them, however they are afforded unrestricted access to all areas of the grounds surrounding the palace. A curfew lasting from 30 minutes after sundown to one (1) hour after sunup has been imposed on all parties to the agreement.

4. The single and sole exception to stipulation 3 is that I will retain the exclusive right to continue the occasional feeding of " S.O.B.'s "Southern Cornbread" in very small pieces to a restricted number of the geese who seem to have adopted my unfenced backyard as their domain. They in turn have agreed to remain here and to continue to discuss amongst themselves all subjects which concern them, but not me, until such time as they decide not to. They seem to have reached an agreement with the ducks which had previously arrived here as to water and territory rights and no riots have been noted again this year.

5. I, and all members of my family, will be allowed to visit Canuckianana after the return of all stealth geese to their normal environmental areas of said dominion. This return is tentatively scheduled for the time period immediately prior to and following the Vernal equinox. My follow up visit is scheduled for late May 1999 and for a period of three (3) weeks thereafter. This follow up visit is subject to being rescheduled as required by events at the time.

These and such other conditions as are contained in the three (3) secret protocols which are not attached are hereby in full force throughout all lands under my command and control.

S.O.B.

-- sweetolebob (La) (buffgun@hotmail.com), December 26, 1998.

To all members of the FRL and especially S.O.B., who is Knower of that which should be known, Keeper of the True Opine, and Befuddled leader of himself

From Rob Michaels who is Starter of this Thread, Charter Member of the FRL, and Knower of even less than S.O.B

I would like to throw my wholehearted ductcake support behind the diplomatic efforts of S.O.B. in this important matter which concerns us all. It is evident that much high altitude negotiating has been conducted. Let us consider the ratification of this fine decree and proclamation, and further discuss any and all issues excepting the secret protocols which have been heretofore enunciated. One thing that comes to mind is a verification plan of geese compliance, which may be needed.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 26, 1998.

Fruitcake Resistance League -- Major ALERT !!

Computers and Year 2000: A Race for Security (and Against Time)

Anybody notice the stealth rubber ducky watching above the Russian programmer? Fruitcake league, there is a mole in our midst!

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), December 27, 1998.

Leska:

Did you also notice that the stealth ducky was wearing what may be sunglasses too? Wow. Good catch Leska. I think you are right, we have a security breach, a deep cover mole. It is now time for, dare I say it... yes......

The Fruitcake Inquisition!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 27, 1998.

Rob, *sob* *gasp* it's finally happening here ... filtering thru ... round-ups, interrogations ... ripples in the mole hole.

How in earth did a Russian programmer capture a stealth rubber ducky?
Bet she has fruitcake stashed in desk drawers too. *gnash teeth*

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), December 27, 1998.

Aaarrrggghhh! That rubber ducky might be a decoy planted by a reporter lurker. *TOO* suspicious! Why hasn't Robert Cook engineered the "de-bugged war room, duct deductions, duct & duck decoys, and a geesger counter?" Where's SOB? Now is the time for all good plotters to come to the aid of their league.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), December 27, 1998.

All that talk about Russia and fix on failure really put me off, but we are on to 'em now. We have a few moles of our own that I think we should activate immediately, and arm with the new ductcakes and slingshots.

Our first OP must be to rescue the PDOW (prisoner ducky of war) with the sunglasses - brave little ducky - sob - A team of Ducky Seals will be deployed to Newark Bay, which is the insertion point closest to the last known position of the hostage ducky according to our Intel. Wish us luck.

-- rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 27, 1998.

It's the programmer! See that mischievous smile lurking about her face? It's a signal. The look on her face reveals she wants us to see the ducky; she wants to defect! She wants us to know, but she can't speak openly. I say we recruit her to our side when we rescue the PDOW. The best of luck in your hostage endeavors, Rob.

Ashton
mmmmmmm mmmmmmm mmmmmm

-- Ashton (allaha@earthlink.net), December 27, 1998.

The media reporters are letting us know they need our help and want to work with us. They cannot initiate or generate Y2K reality-exposes or they'll be considered delusional and tortured. They are looking to us to go forward and bring issues into the light of internet domain, so they can have a basis for reports. Beacon Ducky sending code!

Ashton
mmmmmmm mmmmmmm mmmmmm

-- Ashton (allaha@earthlink.net), December 27, 1998.

Yes, Ashton, I too noticed that smirk but did not put two and two together the way you did about the defection. I once read a book called Red October that was based on Russian Defection. Perhaps the stealth Ducky Seals can 'ping' the possible defector with fiat fruitcake to see if you are right... sound reasonable?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 27, 1998.

Good plan, Rob, go for it! Very reasonable. And trace that duck. How did it get out?

Ashton
mmmmmmm mmmmmmm mmmmmmm

-- Ashton (allaha@earthlink.net), December 27, 1998.

Leska and Ashton:

The Op run by the Ducky Seals was an all out unquackified success! The former PDOW is now being de-quacked along with the new FRL member (defector).

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 29, 1998.

Rob Michaels:

A query to you, Oh Great One, Knower of Computers, Teacher Of the Light, and Chairman of the Bored.

I have a bad attack of CRS (can't remember s*it, and I have, on occasion, been known to "chase moon beams" just as have all the rest of you so I know that I can be had.

Mayhaps this is one of those times. Howsomever, I still have to ask the question.

This thread shows a total of 23 answers posted to it. This is displayed just behind the topic.

I count 104 answers to the thread.

Two nights ago I posted answer #43 to this thread and the next listing showed a total of 41 answers.

Am I guilty of cranialrectumitis and ate up with the DAs, or is there some computer logic going on here that I know not thereof?

Please enlighten me Oh fearless leader.

PS: Good show on the Ductseal operations. We can't have the oposites keeping our duckies can we? Bad for morale and all.

S.O.B.

-- sweetolebob (La) (buffgun@hotmail.com), December 29, 1998.

S.O.B. I can always count on you to get right to the heart of the matter. Yes, I too have noticed the descending numerical counts and was going to post the same question about it. I remember Chris posting the 50th or 100th answer to the Brotherhood thread, and the next day seeing a number of answers less!?!?!?

But I have given this some thought (always dangerous) and have come to the delusion that the missing answer numbers are related to my still missing really bright red sock, which was last seen being worn by a forum member on Scott Olmstead during the 60 minutes show. (see the Grandmamas missing check thread for the ROFL explanations). There must be a tie in somehow, since socks, when you come down to it, are really nothing more than threads! Only a geese, uh, I mean goose.... guess.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 29, 1998.

-- Rob Michaels:

>>But I have given this some thought (always dangerous) and have come to the delusion that the missing answer numbers are related to my still missing really bright red sock, which was last seen being worn by a forum member on Scott Olmstead during the 60 minutes show. (see the Grandmamas missing check thread for the ROFL explanations). There must be a tie in somehow, since socks, when you come down to it, are really nothing more than threads! Only a geese, uh, I mean goose.... guess.<<

This may then be a case of stealth counter operations? Keep alert (we may have a shortage of them).

Re; the tie in to your sock - I was given to understand (elsewhere) that the ties were being discarded. I will attempt to tie down the answer to this in my next meeting with "Mother Goose" later this evening. So far she won't allow me to get close to her, and the local negotiator is gone at the moment. Was it a left sock or a right one?

I deducted the same delusion myself so I guess that this is a proven (web net) fact now, but your geese is as good as mine.

Thanks for the clarification of the puzzle of the dungone numbers.

S.O.B.

-- sweetolebob (La) (buffgun@hotmail.com), December 29, 1998.

We shall be traveling to the SOBland (not to imply that LA is bland, but with all them spicy cajun'ed food...) to show Jean the the Aggie Band during the halftime of the Sugar Bowl, so 'tis off to look for Canadianian gooses in the far south for a few days.

The "to do" chores upon a return, - recalibrate the current "geeser meter" (it keeps alarming every time I walk past), find the alternate red sock, track down the thread number conspiracy (believed to be proportional to the delta time interval between the current date and the nnumber of "new posts" created in the interval between the original presence of the thread and the current "refresh date" of the thread), and a few other things - probably of great importance but exceeding my memory.

If there are more than 3 things to get - I go to the grocery store with a list.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), December 29, 1998.

Did anyone notice that the rescued stealth rubber ducky just turned red? Did one of you guys feed it nut-less fruitcake? Or did it eat the red sock?

Questions, questions.

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), December 29, 1998.

Rob, happy news re your successful rescue! Pls keep us updated. Diane, hope the turning red isn't a flag alerting us to the defector's homesickness? Twould be diplomatic mess. Have covert intelligence that a plan to nab Diane is being hatched. These things tend to fall thru the cracks ... but hammocks sway to catch ... time will tell. SOB + Robert, thanx for the numbers demystifying. Should we help Robert with his shopping list?

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), December 29, 1998.

SOB - Keeper of the Count, and Knower of all you Know:

Thanks for trying to tie down the answer in your next meeting with "Mother Goose" , and it wasn't a left sock or a right one, it was ambifooterous... (and really bright red).

Robert: Thanks for the very clear explanation of the numbers mystery: refresh, original post, new post, delta intervals, and especially the few other things. All this makes perfect sense to me. BTW, did Tom ever get a second opinion about the duct tape?

Diane: "Did one of you guys feed it nut-less fruitcake?"

No, there are still plenty of nuts here, as evidenced by this thread having over 110 answers (most of them stealth).

Leska: "Have covert intelligence that a plan to nab Diane is being hatched."

They must have found out about her recruitment method and want to study it! This represents a clear and present danger. We must immediately activate her covert double. There will be 7x24 surveillance for the next few days, and we will need to move the Real Diane to a safe house.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 29, 1998.

Rob, the Diane-robbers beat the covert double at the 11th hour. Recruitment currently under way to enlist Diane in making individual-within-community preparation the safe house. The stealth duckies are having a quack conference right now. But the fruitcakes are under wraps, hidden. Code FillBerts intact!

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), December 30, 1998.

TOP SECRET / PDOW

Eyes Only

Copy one of one

Subject: Operation Prisoner Ducky of War preliminary briefing for the FRL

Document prepared 29 December, 1998.

Briefing Officer: Adm. Rob Michaels (PDOW-1)

Note: This document has been prepared as a summary briefing only. It should be regarded As introductory to the full operational briefing intended to follow.

* * * * * *

Operation PDOW is a top secret search and rescue mission /Intelligence operation responsible directly and only to the FRL. The successful rescue of the hostage Ducky, as ordered by the FRL and implemented by an elite unit of the Ducky Seals, was concluded on 28 December, 1998. In addition to satisfying all mission parameters for PDOW, the captor, a Russian national working temporarily here in the United States, expressed a desire to defect and remain in the U.S., offering the PDOW, still in good quacking health, as a good faith gesture. After contacting the appropriate liason offices, it was agreed to allow the defection of the russian agent, known now as code name Babushka.

Ms. Babushka confirmed earlier covert intel about a plot to kidnap Diane. Thanks to Leska, the FRL was able to implement emergency preventative contingency measures to foil this dastardly plan.

During the de-quacking, it was also learned that Ms. Babushka has been involved in a second plot which involves the covert and insidious insertion of French Fries in our fruitcake, as a partial replacement of the cake ingredient. According to Ms. Babushka, the Russians have long thought of french fries as the ideal way to overthrow the U.S., since they are the perfect killer food (high in fat, salt, cholesterol, etc). As proof of this she said that they are working in concert with a covert branch in Italy that are using Bologna the same way they are using French fries.

An investigation into the alledged French Fry Fruitcake conspiracy has been started immediately.

TOP SECRET / PDOW EYES ONLY

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 30, 1998.

Dear SOBob, Sorry it's taken me so long to respond to your memo - life happens, in this case a mixture of visitors over Christmas and a daughter in hospital (AGAIN, and nothing serious, thank God). Anyway, I'm happy to extend the truce between our lands; if our frigid cold is leaking down that way, our invasion is pointless anyhow. You, sir are very welcome to visit in May, hopefully by then this cold will have retreated to Siberia, where it belongs! The lead goose has stated that she will do her best to ensure pleasant weather for you - couldn't you move your visit up a bit? Please?

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), December 30, 1998.

Rob, thank you for the report! Most fascinating. But Diane is still be vacuumed by unseen forces. We have not heard from her; perhaps she is unaware? Sitting at her Mac, posting away as she delves into disappearing govt files -- uh oh.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), December 30, 1998.

A bit belatedly, as well, the possible answer to the "wrong count" - those are listed as 'new answers' and automatically change to 'old answers' after a few days? That's my guess. PS With Carla in hospital, I'm not likely to be back for a few days. So I'd like to wish all of you a wonderful New Year!

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), December 30, 1998.

Leska: She is ok, and evidently posting from the safe house.

Tricia: Happy New Year to you too, hope Carla can stay out next year!

FRL members: The de-quacking of Ms. Babushka has been completed. Despite our best efforts, there still is no confirmation of the French Fry Fiat Fruitcake Fiasco.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), December 30, 1998.

Chris the defected Canukian here, reporting.

I've returned from my spying mission in Canukia yesterday. I had 8 days to observe, undercover as a skier and a holiday party bum. My observations follow:

- The Canukians I was with did not offer me any fruitcake, I did not observe any exchange of fruitcakes among them, so I was unable to verify what use they have devised for them.

- The stealth geese have all departed from Canukia, not one remained on the land. It is obvious that should any have remained behind, they would have been readily observable on the frozen bodies of water, as frozen blocks resembling lawn ornaments. The temperature hovered around -5 degree F. during my stay, and with the wind-chill factor to -30, even car tires were frozen square blocks. I myself remained unafected by the frigid temperature due to the fact that skiers are immune to it.

- I was unable to observe much more beyond what I reported above. The Canukian skiers are fond of a drink called "Captain Morgan and Hot Water" which they imbibe in large quantities after a ski session in a warm cabin at the bottom of the mountains where they ski. To pass as one of them, I had to go along with them and drink the stuff, which made me dizzy and unfit for spying.

If I remember anything more, I will let you know.

Happy New Year to all FRL members,

signing off

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), January 04, 1999.

Chris, aren't you planning to return to Canuckia within the year? Maybe there're other reasons for you not being a totally dependable scout for the 'd*** Yanks'; or maybe that truce that SOBob struck with the head goose has really taken. After all his timing was impeccable - peace on earth. Now we have to work on that goodwill towards men thing, my daughter (home from hospital, and acting healthy for now) says that we need to include geese. Happy New Year to all us fruitcakes!

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), January 04, 1999.

Sorry, been so buried in government and newsmedia web-sites 'n all. Quite safe in this house.

Just noticed -- must've happened at the 1999 rollover -- my fruitcake stash has crumbled and is filled with nutty look-ahead Y2K dried fruit bugs. No saving it. It's a sad loss.

What are the fruitcake predictions for 2000?

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), January 04, 1999.

Chris and Tricia: Welcome back fellow FRLers!

Diane: Glad to see you are safe and sound. It was touch and go there for a while.

As far as predictions, I think there are still about 60 days or so left for public comment on the Know Your Fruitcake proposed legislation. We have a strong anti-KYF lobby in place which has been making fruitcake contributions when needed, and plan on continuing the hard work to keep our current fruitcake freedoms, including the defeat of all iniquitous fiat fruitcake plots.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 04, 1999.

close it.

-- try again (try@try.again), January 04, 1999.

>>Uh... Forum... I think I'm in trouble. HELP!

-- Rob Michaels <<

Rob, does this constitute a real life "chair to keyboard" carbon based PC interface failure? Probably just a glitch?

You too can get snake bit. That's a relief, I thought it was just me. (I won't tell anyone)

S.O.B.

-- sweetolebob (La) (buffgun@hotmail.com), January 04, 1999.

Here we go Rob sir, let me close the tag for you. Hope it works for me. You've been working too hard lately and it's showing. Thanks for the warm welcome back, glad to be back too. Those Canuckians worked me to the ground also. But I can't complain, the rewards were great.

Tricia, what are you implying here? That I'm a double-spy or something? Dual-citizenship?! I'll let you know that my FRL allegiance is pure, honest and from the heart! Who are YOU to imply such nutty ideas from me? And ofcourse I plan to go back to Canuckia within the year, my work isn't finished. I'll get to the bottom of it all somehow, even if it means getting to the bottom of that Captain Morgan bottle!

BTW, I don't buy that "truce" between SOB and the head-goose stuff. All this "peace on earth" and "goodwill to men" PR stuff is only propaganda, smoke and mirrors. You've noticed they stopped that PR already? That's because they saw it wasn't working, so they've shifted to something else. I'm not sure what yet, I'm still trying to figure it out.

Glad to hear your daughter made it out of the hospital in good health. (And thanks for the correct spelling of "Canuckia", I'm still not used to it.)

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), January 04, 1999.

S.O.B. - I swear I closed it the first time! ThenI when I cheked, it wasn't closed and I had to try again a couple times, once with both the beginning and end tags. That didn't work either. So, being a well trained geek, i did what we all do as a last resort - read the instructions on the Tips on Posting HTML thread and tried again.

p.s. Thanks for not telling anyone, I have a reputation to live down to...Ssssshhhhhhh.

Chris: Thanks anyway.

Forum: I have GREAT NEWS! My better half just dumped a load of cleaned shirts on the sofa and gave me my orders. And what do you think was under all of these shirts?

Yes, you guessed it, the missing really bright red sock!

Me: Where did this come from?

Her: How should I know?

Me: Well did you put this in with the shirts?

Her: I must have, DUH!

We know the truth though don't we gang! I feel like celebrating. I will be offline for a while so that I can immediately duct tape the two really bright red socks together to keep them safe. BFN, Rob.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 04, 1999.

But was it the right red sock or the other red sock? If it was the other red sock, does this imply that it was always left over? If it was inside out, does that make it left under or all under?

My condolances (-1 sp) on the lost fruitcake, but this is after all about debugging the nutcases.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), January 05, 1999.

Robert, Good Sir: Sorry it took me so long to post a reply - haven't been around for a few days due to duct-taping many of my personal effects, including the socks. Some people refer to this Duct-Taping habit as the" DTs" I think... anyway, it was definately the right sock that was left over.

FRLers: Have I missed any important FRL activity lately?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 07, 1999.

Well, Rob, we are involved in a rather outrageous snatching plan, of which another FRL member has detailed knowledge, but for some reason hasn't let on here at all. Hhhmmm. Could use a psychic psychologist about now. Do you know of any?

Ashton & Leska in Cascadia, laughing up their sleeves
xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), January 07, 1999.

Hi Leska: Are they going to try and snatch Diane again, or will they try and get our vintage fruitcake, or do they know that I have two really bright no longer missing red socks? Why are you being so cryptic regarding this "outrageous snatching plan".....Oh.....wait a minute.......I see.........security reasons.......yes...........ssssssshhhhhhhh. Perhaps you can give me a hint - in code, naturally.

Regarding a " psychic psychologist", there are rumors that the one used by our former two Presidents is now available!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 07, 1999.

Rob, we think they are dismissing your socks as two less red flags we have at our disposal. Duct rupt. We are wary re divulging snatching plot, because other insider is exhibiting a complete blank, which makes us wonder about allegiance. These things teeter on the edge.
Also, the President has great need for psychic psychologists at this time and in fact has ordered the FBI, CIA, & FEMA to round up all such talents and bring them to the Oval hallway at the dark hour. We midjudged the timing and were left in the dust of the stampede, psych-less. We need a motive divination expert, quickly. What to do? What intelligence have you brought back tonight from your mission, Rob?

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), January 07, 1999.

"What intelligence have you brought back tonight from your mission, Rob? "

Wow Leska, "Intelligence" and "Rob" are usually not used in the same sentence. Are you the real Leska? I want to talk to Ashton! LOL.

The mission was a complete success, although the closest I can come to getting a "motive divination expert" would be Ms. Babushka. She was highly motivated and has divine fruitcake (and a rubber ducky that wears sunglasses too)... think she can help?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 07, 1999.

Ummm ... I have a confession to make.

Now, some of us occasionally leave a sock or two in the unlit recesses of the washers or dryers in the laundry room. Generally, the next sharp-sighted launderer courteously posts the errant footcovers on the folding table, and they're (the footcovers) eventually reunited whence they belong.

My confession is ... well ... my red-green color vision is deficient (like maternal Grandpa's). :-(

Under the fluorescent lights in the laundry room, red socks, even bright red ones, look almost identical to the brown ones which I have aplenty. I try, I really really try, to make sure that a sock I pick up is one that was mine, and in the daytime when there's full sunshine coming in the window I think I hardly ever take home a wrong one. :-} But the sun sets early in the autumn and winter, and lately I always wind up doing my laundry at night, and, well ... maybe, just maybe, one or two or three of my "brown" socks is really bright red. :-1

My sister was just visiting at Christmas. When we were young, she once pointed down the street and exclaimed, "Look at that *pink* car!", to which I replied in all sincerity, "Which car? You mean the light blue one?" It never occurred to me while she was here to ask her to have a look through my sock drawer ...

I know! I'll lay out all my socks side-by-side on the bed, take a Poloroid shot of them, and send the photo to my sister with a self-addressed stamped return envelope and request that she circle the red socks in the photo then send it back.

And ... ummm ... I'll sleep on the couch and not disturb the socks until I get her reply.

P.S. For all you folks who'd suggest that I lay the socks out on a table or the carpet -- there's no table with spare room, and the socks all blend in with the carpet so I'd just stumble through them and mess them all up down there before the photo got back to me. And I'm not gonna bother refuting suggestions to lay out the socks on the linoleum in the kitchen or tile in the bathroom for photographing.

-- No Spam Please (anon@ymous.com), January 07, 1999.

careful folks! careful! we must stop and ask ourselves the implications of rob's returning red sock...if it was last seen on the 60 minutes show with paul milne (right guy???) and now it is back.....

where did it come from? who brought it back? why doesn't paul have it anymore? is he okay? did our russian defect on her defection to the FRL? does that make her defective? and what about the stealth rubber ducky in the sunglasses? was he just a decoy? we must focus! focus!

check your sock, rob, for any bugs. the bugs may be the cause of the crumbling fruitcake! are there any insects that eat fruitcake? or has the government developed a bug to destroy our only offense?

-- Christine A. Newbie (vaganti01@aol.com), January 07, 1999.

So if Rob has all his red socks back, I don't have to sleep on the couch?

-- No Spam Please (anon@ymous.com), January 07, 1999.

No Spam PLease: ROFLTIP ( T is for 'Till) Congratulations on being the third member of the FRL to Confess (see my post from 12/20 to Tom about how I suffer from DTC - Duct Tape Compulsiveness, and Chris's post of 12/21 confessing addiction to fruitcakes. You have come to the right thread! Oh, one other thing: you may want to consider using the Robert Cook Sock Methodology, which is to only have white socks and black socks, and keep them is separate drawers (duct-taped together if you want to use my approach too).

Christine: Hello again. I never even thought that my socks could be bugged (and who says this forum isn't filled with great and helpful information). BTW, since when do you post only in lower case? I don't remember you doing that, but being a dinosaur, I forget stuff. Will have to check Grandmama's thread. Anyway, I am going to go now and look for bugs in my socks (my wife will love this one)... this may keep me busy until tomorrow so Bye For Now.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 07, 1999.

Rob, we want to tell you more, it is too outrageous, is your eMail a true working one? We will exchange messages and decide the best approach. Naturally we should cryptically alert other FRL members, but absence of psychics has thrown us thru a loop. Perhaps our combined duct tape will be a Seal. Our eMail is working, please correspond, this is rather, um urgent.

Ashton, that was really Leska, just distraught

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), January 07, 1999.

Eeeekkss. Rob's eMail isn't real! Natch. Now what? Will Rob eMail us? Is he debugging socks? Excruciating wait.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), January 07, 1999.

It's getting near my bedtime. Will someone please tell me whether to believe that Rob really has all his red socks back?

-- No Spam Please (anon@ymous.com), January 07, 1999.

Are we discussing burnt fruitcakes? Baloney fruitcakes? Or Beano resistant fruitcakes?

Socking News, No Spam Please. Im (admittedly) missing a brown sock too and cant seem to see it either.

Sock Wars? The ultimate hidden weapon? Dont trust what you think you see Rob.

Expect The Unexpceted.

Remember, the Sock Market is still rising!

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), January 08, 1999.

Leska: The eMAIL address is bogus. If I told you my real eMAIL address, I would have to sanction you, which is not an option obviuosly. So on this one urgent mission you will need to trust to whatever resources you can gather in the field. Good Luck, and if I can help from here, I will.

Christine: No bugs found, nor any fruitcake crumblets, in any of the socks....Wheh!

No Spam Please: All socks are present and accounted for.

Diane: You always give good advice Diane, so I will not trust what I thought I saw last night, but will have someone else go through each and every ductsock pair and check again. Whenever we are confronted with something of this importance, the efficacy of a second opinion becomes readily apparent.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 08, 1999.

NoSpam, going to white and black only socks is not an option. You'd be mistaken for a defector. Here's my solutions, pick one:

1. Upgrade your sockpile. Ditch them all and only buy debbuged and well commented sockware. Good brands are Nike, Adidas, Gold Toe etc. They have clear and prominent documentation embedded in the material, and stamped compliant. Or, if funding is a problem:

2. Pin the socks on the wall of your bedroom, assuming the walls are white/offwhitish color. You can ductpatch the pinholes later. I hope you keep your bedroom a private place and not public. It's of utmost importance that you keep your socking activities top-secret and classified.

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), January 08, 1999.

Could he use his Y2K compliant left-handed calibrated metric adjustable socket wrench to fasten to the wall?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), January 08, 1999.

Diane,

At this rate it may be Sock Therapy time soon. You're missing a brown sock, hunh -- shall I just post a Polaroid in the laundry room for everyone to look over in case I have some(every)one's missing sock(s)?

- - -

Rob,

>consider using the Robert Cook Sock Methodology,

This means I have to cook my socks? Boil, bake, steam, fry, poach, roast ... which?

>which is to only have white socks and black socks,

Aaaccckkk! Replace my whole inventory?

>and keep them is separate drawers (duct-taped together if you want to use my approach too)

If I ducked-taped my drawers together I'll have trouble keeping my balance. Besides, I'm allergic to ducks.

- - -

Chris,

>going to white and black only socks is not an option.

Good -- an independent confirmation of what I'd suspected!

>You'd be mistaken for a defector.

I'm defectively willing to admit that I've been mistaken.

>1. Upgrade your sockpile. Ditch them all

Aaaccckkk! Replace my whole inventory?

>if funding is a problem:

It is.

>2. Pin the socks on the wall of your bedroom, assuming the walls are white/offwhitish color.

How can I determine what the socks are assuming? Sock Therapy (I guess it _is_ time)? If they assume the wall is green, how can I convince them otherwise?

And just why does it matter what the socks assume when I pin them to the wall?

>You can ductpatch the pinholes later.

Maybe YOU can "ductpatch the pinholes", but I've never knowingly done that and have absolutely no training therein.

>I hope you keep your bedroom a private place and not public.

AFAIK it has no duckpacked pinholes or undeducted loopholes.

>It's of utmost importance that you keep your socking activities top-secret and classified.

I'd classify my socks if I could, but my red-green ... (explained earlier).

-- No Spam Please (anon@ymous.com), January 08, 1999.

No Spam Please,

Sock Therapy ... throw 'em all in laundry room bagga and toss in trash.

Start over with new socks.

Spring coming, sort'a soon. How about "socking pink?" Get noticed by your socks instead you trying to notice them.

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), January 08, 1999.

Nospam and all, we're going 'round circles, stuck in a loop with this socky problem. Just eat your *&%^ socks!

I'm losing (or gaining) it. I used to have a pleasant fruitcake personality.

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), January 08, 1999.

Diane - ref "sorta soon" he's trying to sorta socks, not soon's. If he were sorting soon'ers, he be re-arranging Oklahoma - and Texas needs it to keep Kansas (and other things) from sliding south.

Why should the walls be assumed to be white or off-white? And why should NSP worry about what the walls are assuming - I thought they were above it all in the first place. Frankly, the walls just might be green with envy at cleverly divided black and white sock drawers.

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), January 09, 1999.

POUT It's my birthday today and I didn't get any fruitcake. I don't wanna play anymore.

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), January 09, 1999.

Chris: Don't pout, because I'm sending you a vintage 1982 non-fiat cyber fruitcake. It will be wrapped in duct tape, naturally. Happy Birthday, and thanks for some great contributions to the forum and also to the FRL. Long Live our Fruitcake Freedom!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 09, 1999.

Diane,

>Sock Therapy ... throw 'em all in laundry room bagga and toss in trash.

So, for a sock ... being thrown in a laundry room bagga ... and tossed in trash ... is therapy. Bummer.

I'm trying not to empathize.

>How about "socking pink?" Get noticed by your socks instead you trying to notice them.

Are you teasing me?

-- No Spam Please (anon@ymous.com), January 09, 1999.

ROFL! Thanks Rob. You along with my bro and his wife just made my day.

I got my fruitcake afterall! I have to share with you and the FRL gang this virtual card I recieved from them. It's in french, so I'll translate the message:

"Merci pour tout pour le jour de l an.Passe une belle soiree avec ton chum. Profite de ta derniere annee millenaire avant le bogue 2000. Bonne anniversaire. On t embrasse bien fort. Eric et Gina"

[Thank you for everything and the New Year (party). Have a wonderful evening with your husband. Make the most of this last millenium year before Y2K hits. Happy birthday. Kisses and hugs.]

Those were DGI's only 3 months ago! :-D

http://www.montbleu.com/carte/sac3885v/jxw8hnvjexgivp.htm#SELFblowout

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), January 10, 1999.

Chris,

:-D Cute card!

"Le bogue 2000" is it now?

-- No Spam Please (anon@ymous.com), January 10, 1999.

Can you misspell fruitcakes faster in French? Would you notice if it were misspelled in French? Do you have to re-arrange the keyboard to touch mis-type in French since all the letters go in different places when they come out the other end of the wires?

How do you translate "red socks on rubber duckies" from Canadianian to French to Russian?

-- Robert A. Cook, P.E. (Kennesaw GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), January 11, 1999.

No Spam Please, et. al., Am I teasing you?

No just my missing brown sock. Id never tease you! Except with ...

... FEMA links -- Fruitcake Emotional Management Asylum

... DoD links -- Dumb or Dumber?

... USDA links -- Undercover Sockpiling & Dumping Association

... NOAA links -- Not Only Absent Air-heads

... NIST links -- Not Ignoring Socking Timing

... IRS links -- Irrational Red Sock-it-to-'ems

... HUD links -- Helpful Until De-duct-taped

... FCC links -- Foolish Content-free Commune-i-cations

... FAA links -- Forget About Airports

... OPM links -- Optimistic People Mismanagement

... SEC links -- Sock Everybody Cold

... SBA links -- Smaller But (not) Aware

Whew! Thats nuf fer now. Feeling teased yet?

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), January 11, 1999.

Robert: LOL. While the languages may need translation, say from French to Russian, everyone understands a fruitcake (like a smile), or a rubber ducky. This is just another of their endearing quackities. You know, there are a number of words on this thread that are in a previously and hitherto unknown language. Fruitcakian?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 11, 1999.

NSP, yes "le bogue 2000" is year 2000 bug. "bogue" is pronounced guess what...bug (wit a fwench accent biensure.) "bogue" in french sound so much sophisticated than "insect" or "bebitte"...LOL!

Monsieur Cook, Fruitcake in french is "gateau au fruits", longer to type, so takes longer to misspell.

'Red socks on rubber duckies' translations:

Canadianian - "rubber ducks suck, eh."

French - "canard de robbeur a l'orange."

Russian - "oepb{lh sbhdr fhrekh peqosakhjh."

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), January 12, 1999.

Rob, Craig and so many others - you're all crazy!

I searched the whole thread - didn't find the obvious "If fruitcakes are outlawed, only outlaws will have fruitcakes"... or were y'all just being tactful... if so, I just blew it, there...

And not a word about fruitcake derivatives. Surely someone will have to launch a new website.

-- Grrr (grrr@grrr.net), January 12, 1999.

Ureka! We have heard from Grrr,

Who in their saddle has a burr,

Calls us crazy,

But not lazy,

Should we call you Ms. or Sir?

Grrr has looked upon this thread,

All of it Grrr says Grrr read,

Grrr brings up derivatives,

Fruitcake outlaw relatives,

Makes thoughts come into my head:

OK. So if an in-law comes over the house without fruitcake, does that make them an outlaw? Or if an outlaw has fruitcake but keeps it safe in-side, then are they an in-law?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 12, 1999.

rhymin', fer meeEEEEeee?

According to Oxford:

outinlaw = a relative by marriage who deals in illicit sweetmeats

inoutlaw = a trafficker in illicit sweetmeats to whom one is related by marriage [note the subtle nuances of difference between the two terms]

A recent Idaho appeals court decision overturned a lower court ruling that found the possession of fruitcake in a permanent residence "not one's own" was not enforcable.

Last October, the U.S. Supreme Court declined to review a petition filed by the Electronic Fruitcake Foundation on behalf of an organization of embittered FRL ex-spouses.

Grrr of the XY-chromosome (yet inexplicably unmarried) Grrrs

-- Grrr (www.grrr.net) (grrr@grrr.net), January 12, 1999.

Correction - the HTML tags fell off the first line of my last post, which should read:

<blush> rhymin', fer meeEEEEeee? </blush>

Apologies. (And a quick 'props' to Rob, whose amusing fake e-mail address certainly wouldn't fool anyGrrr, after receiving that scintillating "Returned Mail: user unknown" e-mail in reply: Your simple use of the f-word in the place of "Customer", as in "Knoe Your ___", is satire-savant brilliance. Don't ever change, you're frightening me.)

-- Grrr (grrr@grrr.net), January 12, 1999.

I'll answer the "What frustrates you thread", here:

What frustrates me is taking an hour to find the fruitcake thread!

It sounds like everyone is having a good year, and is able to properly stock up on fruitcake. Such good news that the "Know your fruitcake" law is well on its way to being laughed out of congress - even here in Canadiania, the fruitcake control laws are meeting with unexpected resistance. I have, however, noticed a huge decrease in the availability of FC - anybody out there have a good source that they can share. (Mom can make her own, but I hate to ask her to do ours,too - she's finding our climate difficult enough!!)

Thanks in advance - Tricia

-- Tricia the Canuckiuckian (jayles@telusplanet.net), January 13, 1999.

<>

But my in-laws already have a fruitcake inside - so should we outlaw only fiat fruitcakes outside? So how does an in-law with a Fiat Yugo go inside?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), January 13, 1999.

Not having outlaws that are "in," I'll ask this burning question...

Got any fruitcake recipes for solar cookers?

Think we're going to need an alter-heat fruitcake supply by summer's end. Think long-term. Think this thread will still be going by NEXT Christmas? Gotta start contingency planning now.

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), January 13, 1999.

Leska: You think finding this thread is hard? Try finding the New to the forum - README thread every week. (I have been sending this to the top for the newbies). YIKES!

I would have never believed it when this was started, but this thread has never been archived off the recent answers page! Also, by my latest count, this is the 164th answer!

Be careful who you ask about fruitcake supply, since there has been mention of anti-fruitcake-hoarding laws, regardless of the status of the stupid and unconstitutional "Know Your Fruitcake" proposal, which, thanks to FRL members like you, is looking less and less likely.

"So how does an in-law with a Fiat Yugo go inside?"

Robert: Simple. You get in, and Yugo!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 13, 1999.

Rob, this is the real Leska; you are mistaking another FRL member for me again! Case of duped duct mesmerization. *I* am still gloomy after not being able to contact you for napt-sharing. And now it's too late, fate accompli :-) You *will* be shocked when the news comes out. :) :) :) Don't say we didn't try to warn ....

I think the solar Cooked cake is a ripe idea, which Robert can help with ;-)
The only thread I'm looking for is that cannibalism one, Something something -- have something piquant to add &P-;

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), January 13, 1999.

CHRISTMAS FRUIT CAKE DELUXE--please read instructions carefully :)

1 cup butter 1 cup sugar 4 large eggs 1 cup mixed dried fruit 1 tsp baking soda 1 tsp salt 1 cup brown sugar 2 tbs lemon juice 1 cup chopped mixed nuts 1 bottle good whisky

Taste whisky to ensure it is good quality. Take a large bowl. Pour one cup of whisky and sample well; best quality must be assured. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in large fluffy bowl. Add one spoontea of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup.

Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If fruit gets stuck in beater blades, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whisky again to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky.

Now, sift lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one babblespoon of brown sugar or whatever colour you can find. Wix mell. Grease the oven. Turn the cake pan to 350 gredees.

Don't forget to mix off the turner. Throw the bowl out the window, check the whisky again, and bo to ged.

-- anon (anon@spamproblems.com), January 13, 1999.

Looks like anon walks his talk ;-)

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), January 13, 1999.

Real Leska: Sorry about being confused again, but this is my default state. I will try not to let the switch happen anymore. You sound so serious about this contact me stuff... although it is too late. If there was anyway that I could tell you my e-mail address privately I would. Any ideas?

What is "napt-sharing"?

BTW, I agree with you about anon also, bain dramaged like so many of us.

Anon: Welcome to the FRL. Ya got what it takes! Don't be a stranger.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 13, 1999.

Rob, indeed I have been serious about real napt-sharing, i.e. contacting you about a true snatching plan under way, almost accomplished. About eMail, have heard there's free Web eMail sites, so one can have an extra 'public' addy, maybe somebody knows about this? Alas, Rob, you are the person we felt would understand the full pathos of the serious/ironic napting (kidnapping with consent ;_) underway, which yes, will impact us. Anyway my eMail is really working.

On a 'gibberish' note, sounds like we need to try planting a Furby in a stealth rubber ducky. The govt has just announced Furbys are suspect and barred from security site; we must investigate their potentials!

Ashton & Leska, weary of their black blank secret

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), January 13, 1999.

anon, priceless!!

Welcome to the fruit and nut house. (We are also handing out honorary membership to the U.S. House of Representatives, uh, Reprehensibles).

... NSA -- No Socks Anonymous (or Furby's)

Long live the FRL! (Furby Relief League)

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), January 13, 1999.

Leska and Ashton: Ok, you've convinced me. I will be laying low since I interpret your post as meaning they are going to try and get me. They may be tracking me now.... BYE!

Forum: It's been great. Maybe I will come back some time, if I think it is safe again. Gotta go NOW.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 13, 1999.

Rob, LOL, we YourDoneEres flee for cover or rice 'n beans at the drop of a clue! Not you, silly, you're fine! So bizarre and comical, if following this thread, the progression makes it plain as day, the mystery afoot. Oh well ... events fall as fate and men design, the more so for lack of interest and alertness. Good thing Ashton & I are on the silver side of the line ... come back, Rob, you're safe. The one at risk impacting us all knows yet blankly does not exhibit any sign of that knowing, a strange phenom to us, but human nature is hard to fathom.

Back to the Furbys, are their communications with Ducks compliant?

Ashton & Leska in Cascadia, letting the chips fall without intervention

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), January 13, 1999.

Nevermind the problem of trying to find this thread, how about having to wait for it to load?! *yawn*...fall asleep each time, as it's the last one I usualy go to, right before hubby pries me off the keyboard. How about we start a fresh one titled "Know your fruitcake part II" or something, and post the link to this one to start with? whadya say Rob sir?

Here's your catsy@pond.com), January 13, 1999.

ack! I think my URL got stuck in ducktape!

Here's the cannibal thread you were looking for Leska. Can't wait to taste the piquant fruity contribution you'll make...mmmmmm

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), January 13, 1999.

Wow! Is this thing still around?? I had a lot of catching up to do. So many interesting things happened here while I was gone. And who is GRRR??? People around here change their names like my son changes his underwear. OK, maybe more often. :-)

Robert Cook, did you go to New Orleans for the sad, sad game? Aren't you glad that stadium has a roof?

Tricia, how is your daughter?

Hey, it doesn't help to reactivate the "New to the forum" thread for the newbies. They don't know to look under "New Answers!" Heck, half of the oldies don't even know to do that. That's why most of them never find this thread, either. If you start a new thread, you will get lots of "imposters and spies." :-)

I have some very sad news to report. My mom called me today and she actually ATE her fruitcake!! My son bought it for her for Christmas and I forgot to tell her to stash it to use as ammo or bricks later on. I guess we should have a funeral, or what?

Well, I don't have any red socks, but I do have a red nightgown. Does that count? And what happened to No Spam? Is he GRRR? Was he embarrassed after telling us about his, um.....problem?

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), January 14, 1999.

Welcome back Gayla!

Sad to hear about your Mom! My cats nibbled one and it upset their tummies. Not a pretty after effect.

Yes, I think we could work with red nightgown. On cold winter's night they work well with oddly matched socks. (The guys might not take to wearing them though). Don't forget to sock bag your Furby either. The little darlin's have been stuck out in the NSA cold.

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), January 14, 1999.

Leska: Are you sure it's safe? Well, I guess so, If I can't trust you then I will have to throw in the socks, uh, I mean towel. Since I spent all of my money on Danish Hams and Fruitcake, I couldn't afford to get a Furby, so someone else will have to answer you regarding the communication issue. As a geek though, even if they can't communicate now, we can write a speech recognition translator that will facilitate the Ducky to Furby conversation, much the same as the way the United Nutions :) have done.

Gayla, friend, a hearty welcome back. I am sure you are right about the newbie thread. Hey, I tried anyway, and maybe some folks actually did "get it." I will still put it topside for thosewho have eyes to see. LOL.

Diane: Gayla's mom, and now your cat. Hmmm. This could be the start of a trend. We will need to monitor this situation veeeeeery closely. According to a highly placed administration source that wishes to remain anonymous, last year there were 7,445 DBFs (death by fruitcake) in the U.S. alone.

Chris: The thread loads slowly or quickly more due to the demand and load on the server and RDBMS than the number of answers (for all I know it could still be the same number of I/O's), but it may make sense to start a part II for this since we silly folks still are having fun. So:

ATTENTION ALL FRL's:

MOTION: The BORED is entertaining a motion from Chris to start a "Know Your Fruitcake - Part II" thread, and so places before you this motion for your serious consideration. You may comment on the motion so that we, as the official group of nuts and fruitcake freedom lovers, can decide on if we will do this or not. ]

ACTION: Post your Vote with or without comments on this thread. It is requested that all votes be cast soon, say by 1/1/0000, so that we can come to a quick indecision.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 14, 1999.

From above:

<>

Also, I understand one or mysterious cats "nibbled one" and got sick - now, just to clear things up, is the funeral for the lost fruitcake or lost mom? What happended after the cat(s) nibbled on your mom? Before or after they ate the fruitcake? Did the "lost" mom (stealth variety, I assume I assume) nibble on the cats in return? Before or after the left over ones ate the remaining fruticake?

When a son changes underwear, does he find any lost socks? What is the changed underwear changed into? What is the son changed into? Changed from?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), January 14, 1999.

Robert, have you been "helping" anon make a fruitcake?

Diane, sorry to hear about the cat. So far, mom is OK.

Rob, I don't think a part II is a good idea. We tried that with the "What About You" thread. It became 5 parts and we couldn't find ANY thing when we needed it. Very confusing. :-)

I DID find the Asylum thread! It was a little lonely in there. What has happened to Donna Barthuley?

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), January 14, 1999.

Why don't we keep this thread running. Maybe for a Guiness record?

Might confuse the stealth rubber duckys and de-duct-taped furbys. I know I'm confused!

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), January 14, 1999.

While the idea of a world's record is kinda attractive, it would probably be easier if there were a 'part II' threadlet.

Grrr is not the alias of anyone else. He's been telnetting/Delphi'ing/AOL'ing as Grrr since '92, and is the second known Grrr with a web page (early '95). Thank you for questioning my individual existence. Mercy, merci.

-- Grrr (grrr@grrr.net), January 14, 1999.

Diane,

I meant that after I had confessed about the "pink car" incident in my childhood, your "socking pink" suggestion looked less than innocent.

- - - - - - -

Gayla,

No, I am not Grrr.

And I was embarrassed _before_ I told you about my, um.....problem.

-- No Spam Please (anon@ymous.com), January 14, 1999.

I vote to continue this thread and NOT start a "Fruitcake II" thread.

- - - - -

Diane,

>Why don't we keep this thread running. Maybe for a Guiness record?

We're a lloooonnnnngggg way from the record. At least one thread in The Government of the United States forum is ten times as long as this thread.

-- No Spam Please (anon@ymous.com), January 14, 1999.

No Spam, no! I can't handle any more threads!!! They're wrapped around my brain as it is!

Actually, I NEED a Guiness stout.

And sleep. The National Guardians are keeping me awake at night. I need to EAT some fruitcake. Maybe that will knock me out. Maybe the stealth rubby ducky can fly away and find the sandman. Maybe, maybe it's "Y2K's Not OK Fatigue" -- YNOK -- ya know? K-Nock, K-Nock.

Diane *Yawn*

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), January 14, 1999.

Ok. So far, we have three votes for no new thread (Gayla, Diane, and NSP) and one for the new thread (Grrr).

Diane: Have a rest, you have earned it! The NG aren't going anywhere for a while. Sleep and be glad. I have had a long day too, and think I'll go offline myself.

BFN, Rob.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 14, 1999.

"Ok. So far, we have three votes for no new thread (Gayla, Diane, and NSP) and one for the new thread (Grrr)."

Ahem...I don't count?

snif...snif...

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), January 14, 1999.

Hi, Gayla, so nice to hear from you again! You've definitely been missed. Thanks for asking about Carla, she seems fine now. She had some adhesions (bits of her gut got stuck together, probably from scarring) which caused her to be very ill again between Christmas and New Years, hopefully she's gotten all the sick out of her system and won't be sick again for another 13 years! As my sister says, better now than later! If I can keep her away from that weapon's grade FC all should be well.

How is your daughter - any more scary abdominal pain? I hope you and your family had a wonderful Christmas and New Year and that you "live long and prosper".

PS, A new thread sounds great to me, but we should maybe leave out the link to this one so that if the new thread is taken over by trolls, we can return to hiding in this one. (Ooh, that's too mean spirited, I take it back)

-- Tricia the Canuckian (jayles@telusplanet.net), January 15, 1999.

The count is tied at three votes each so far. (yes, Chris you get a vote too).

p.s. Anyone know where S.O.B has been?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 15, 1999.

Well, he was in the tail end of a B-52 ..... so I hope he was going the same place as where the front end of the B-52 was going - otherwise the pilot would be mad - except that SOB was facing the wrong direction, so he really didn't get there.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), January 15, 1999.

Tricia, SO glad your daughter is OK. Crystal hasn't had any more trouble. We are very thankful!

Rob, have you seen what has happened to the "deep end" thread? It has already splintered into 3 parts. I'm afraid of what might happen with a new thread.

Robert C. are you avoiding my question?? Did you go to New Orleans??

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), January 15, 1999.

Robert: Care to vote?

Gayla: Yes, I saw what happened with the splits. Sad.

FRL: As some of you know, I have been working very hard on a speech translator that will facilitate the communication between Stealth Duckys and Furbys. I am posting this to tell you that I have good news and bad news. First the good: news: I have finished the first 95% of the project in only three days. Now the bad news: It will tale me three more months to complete the remaining 5% of the work. So as a result of this slight adjustment to the project deadline, which should have been completed today, we will need to postpone our MOBEX/COMEX Operational test. According to FEMA, The Furby Emergency Mobilization Agency, we cannot rely on the traditional use of Quacks and Gibberish for communications during the test - hence the new translator. Therefore, the test will be postponed until mid-April so that we can make use of the new, non-traditional translator.

-- Rob Michaels (sonfodust@net.com), January 15, 1999.

Ah, darn Rob! Now we gotta go for the back-up groundhogs.

S-s-s-o-o-o-o, difficult to work with. Disappearing and popping up everywhere, and somewhere else. They're jealous of the Furbys and mistrust the stealth rubber duckys. (They fly backwards when going north for the springtime) Vat a mess!

We need some dessert fruit wine to go with the FC.

Gotta still find that sock, out in the cold, and it's raining. Sheesh!

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), January 16, 1999.

Since they fly backwards when going north for the springtime, do they fly forwards when going south in the Fall? Do they fly sideways during Summer and Winter? Questions and more questions. About the groundhogs, I have heard that they really have their heads in the sand - er, I mean ground - and are difficult to deal with. So, in light of this, perhaps we can institute a GRP (Groundhog Re-education Program) as a contingency plan. There was a study done by someone named Pavlov, who had groundhogs, and was able to train them by reinforcing good behavior with fruitcake particles. So, we can use the same technique in the GRP.

Vote still stands tied.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 16, 1999.

Well, you better hurry with the Ground Hogs. You know what happens in two weeks! And I've heard that GH eat FC!

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), January 16, 1999.

Yikes, Gayla, you are right. Only two weeks to implement the groundhog re-education plan.

Does anyone have suggestions on how we can best get ready for Groundhog Day (G-Day)?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 16, 1999.

Hey!

I forgot to vote. I vote that you do NOT split this thread.

I have a hard enough time finding my way to the forum. I don't know if I could handle "Son of Know your Fruitcake" or even "Fruitcake II the Saga Continues"

As for the ground hogs. If the "whistle pigs" eat fruitcake we are in trouble. By that very act they are tougher than a steel overcoat. How can we hope to win out against such creatures? Will they eat non compliant fiat fruitcake? Would they be a suitable mount for the furbys? Perhaps the furbys riding the GH and tossing fiat fruitcake to the revelers during the annual "Mardi Gras" parades?

S.O.B.

-- sweetolebob (La) (buffgun@hotmail.com), January 16, 1999.

Hi S.O.B. - missed ya lately. That's a stirring picture you portray - I can visualize the furbys riding on the GHs saying (in furbish) "Let them eat fruitcake" - BTW, Does anyone have a good GH costume that they can lend me for the Mardi Gras, or do I have to go to the underground? Is there any law against impersonating a GH?

Vote stands (or sits) at one in favor of no new thread.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 16, 1999.

Rob, more than one in favor of no new thread! Too many threads a tangled web make. No new taxing threads!

Speaking of robbing ... the napting plan has shifted into high gear. Expect a shocking announcement soon.
Mardi Gras -- the vampires come out in covens then. You need garlic fruitcake to be prepared.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), January 16, 1999.

High gear huh - Hmmm - OK - a word to the wise...

Vote now is 5 to 3 for no new thread.

offline, bfn, Rob.

p.s. Garlic Fruitcake? Maybe that would go good with the bologna!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 16, 1999.

Rob, Rodney Dangerfield has a GH outfit you can wear, but it's.....um.....kinda big! And, don't expect any respect when you wear it!! :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), January 16, 1999.

Hi Gayla! The FRL is asked to go vote on the best bug pic:

Millennium Bug Contest Winners

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), January 16, 1999.

Wow, Leska, those are some bugs. I'm afraid that we not only need garlic fruitcake to ward off the vampires, but that there is NO FC that will have sufficient protective qualities against bugs like those.

BTW, I'm not sure that GHs are a good idea either, not only do they resent the Stealth duckies, they usually refuse to do anything at all this far north until at least April and more often May - and that May be too late. What about beavers? They're supposed to be industrious and I've been told that their dams are even more Y2K proofed than any Amish households. Moreover they are easy to transport, see any Canuckianian nickle...

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), January 17, 1999.

Hi Tricia! Aagghh, I'm in the throes of Canuckian envy. Shoulda moved to BC in 1984 when I first saw it! The mistakes of youth. Y'all will survive without even a major deplenishment of armored fruitcake.

I agree with you, the eager beavers a brilliant choice. We do have to worry about those bugs. There's millions more of all colors and stripes. We need an organic pesticide that will not harm beavers, ducks, geese, FRLs, or even the GHs.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), January 17, 1999.

How about a time limit on the voting? If you want to vote post it before Tuesday.

Well now, beavers huh. I like it. Yes. They may be able to flip the lighter fiat fruitcakes with those paddle tails that they have, and they are definitely more intelligent than groundhogs. They are one of the few animals whose teeth can actually gnaw through a real fruitcake too. This is from personal experience. Seen one reduce a sapling to pulp overnight. My sapling. Paid $250 for it too. Better half wanted a fancy tree. Bought one. Truck came and had to lower it into the ground. Wife loved it. Next morning there was the tree, without bark. Turns out the beavers loved it too. Following night they took the whole tree. Never did see it again. Hole's still there. A reminder to both of us. Never did get another tree to replace it either, since we still have the beavers. Dam!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 17, 1999.

Beavers come and beavers go,

The sapling had no chance to grow,

They ate the bark,

Just for a lark,

Then ate the whole tree next you know.

Beavers teeth are very sharp,

On this point you hear me carp,

Took my sapling with a wham,

Scurried off unto their dam,

Then my better-half did harp.

"I want another sapling tree,"

She said, as she no more did see,

The one we planted day before,

250 bucks or more,

lost forever it will be.

"No", I said, look at that hole,

that was not done by a mole,

nor a groundhog nor a furby,

nor a stealth duck in a derby,

beavers they just took their toll.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 18, 1999.

OK, beavers it is. I believe they even communicate with stealth geese already, but it may take some time to train them to fire off FC with their tails. Problem is, they tend to do just as they wish - very independent (just ask Rob!). Sorry to hear about your tree, Rob. Now the question arises, do we need to stock any special supplies for our Y2K beavers, maybe some socks or mitts? I have hopes that since they seem to be akin to gremlins in the ability to make things disappear, that they may be the solution to the missing mitt problems :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), January 18, 1999.

FRL: Great news today regarding the Know Your Fruitcake proposal. According to CNBC, as posted by Bingo1 here on the forum, "The FDIC has received some 10,000 communications on this topic & only 10 were positive." Let us continue to be vigilant. Remember that the public comment period is not over yet. Keep those e-mails and letters coming. All of those non-fiat fruitcakes that were sent to Congressman Ron Paul at Christmas really helped our cause. Unconfirmed sources, speaking on the condition of anonymity, have told me that he has not eaten even one of them, but is hoard, um, I mean, stockpiling them for future use. Smart man, he. Wish he could help me with this beaver problem.

Still a couple of hours to vote. It will count as long as the dateof the post is before 1/19. With this post, there are now 207 answers on this thread.

Congratulations Gayla, for posting the 200th answer!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 18, 1999.

Wow!! I did?? Well, whaddya know about that.....(in my best "It's a Wonderful Life" Jimmy Stewart voice)

Leska, I think Bug #1 is pretty scary! Bug #2 looks kinda friendly actually. Bug #3 just looks like he is chubby and out of shape. I guess I would say that #1 is the best choice for #1. :-)

(Hey, has anyone besides me noticed that not only Diane is missing today- she told us she was going to take a few days off- but Leska is noticeably missing, too??? And they seemed to be sharing a private joke about Diane being afraid to fly......if I was a detective, or a stealth rubber ducky, I would be checking to see if Diane flew up to meet Leska and Ashton to "get acquainted," or maybe to compare vintage fruitcakes??? Hmmmmmm!)

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), January 19, 1999.

Gayla, you are toooooo smart and toooo observant -- you are now crowned Chief FRL CIA GI.

*** NOTICE *** FRL ALERT *** OPERATION NAPT SUCCESSFUL *** REPEAT !!
INDUCTION INTO THE BEAVER STATE IS REALIZED.
Fact, synchronicity fact: Birds of a feather flock together: FACT: the first hour of our mission was haloed by a flock of Canuckian Geese, flying in formation, directly overhead, honking.

There seems to be more to this than meets the average goose's eyes.
Not gotten to fruitcake stash yet but have examined potentials of mystery layers in sushi rolls. Perfect foil for hiding messages, and amen.able to ducks, geese, and beavers. GH?

Ashton & Leska & Diane in Cascadia (yes, you read that right!)

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), January 19, 1999.

This is too cool Leska and Diane! I can imagine the both of you giving that poor puter of yours a workout. You'd fry the HD! Hope you'll spend good productive time exchanging FRL war stories instead.

Leska, as a good Y2K FRL fruitcake patriot, I sent my vote on the bug. It was a difficult choice, but I voted for #3.

And to show proof of how patriotic I am, here's the wallpaper and screen saver I have on my puter, my all time favorite. Milbug

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), January 19, 1999.

Ashton, Leska, and Diane: Wow. This is the biggest news to ever hit the FRL. A regular wowpow, er, I mean pow-wow. And Gayla, how did you ever figure it all out? Good thing you are on our side. Leska kept giving us hints but to no avail. Duh. Socks and Hats off to all of you.

Regarding the two votes: First, no new thread wins (Sorry, Chris - glad you are a patriotic good sport). Second, I voted for the first bug - It was really a beaver in disguise - did you see those two big beaver teeth it had? They command respect, and so do you all. In honor of your terrific successful operation, and to commerorate it forever, I name this day, January 19, NaptSack Day.

BTW Chris, loved that milbug - LOL.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 19, 1999.

Wellllll, I was wondering which Tuesday was required for voting, but it clearly is the 19th, but of which month? I've about about got the site timed out so it opens, I go to get a cup of coffee, and then its done when the coffee is poured - so I'll vote with the keep one thread, otherwise I might have to use two ingredients.

Yes - we did get to LA for the game, stayed near the "Red Stick" and drove down for the pre-game festivities and so see the bands. Jean was most impressed.

How does one remediate a groundhog for the Y2K problem - they must have an embedded chip in there someplace. And do they realize that 2000 will be a leap year - and so there is an extra day to account for when they appear in Feb 2001.

A beaver flipping fiat FC's with its tale? - could be done, could be done. Do the Canuckianian beavers build metric dams? Who gives them a building permit, and which firm signs off their ecologocal permit?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), January 19, 1999.

Ah ha! I knew it!! :-) Chief FRL CIA GI.......that GI part must mean that I deal a lot with teenagers and have learned to pay close attention to details? Even people's e-mail addresses, huh, Rob? :-) Leska and Diane, I hope you guys have a lot of fun. I have an e-mail friend that I met from this BB that I hope to meet some day soon. She is the sweetest person!! We have exchanged family pictures, etc. Isn't technology wonderful?

Robert, I'm glad you all had fun. Been to Baton Rouge many times myself!! Just wish the Aggies had WON!!

Hey, we don't have any beavers down here. Come to think of it, we don't get geese here very often, either. (It's 78 degrees right now) We DO have lots of FC, though. I wonder if you can teach cows to do anything helpful?? :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), January 19, 1999.

And now for the business news. It's all mergers: (courtesey of my joke-junky email buddy)

Xerox and Wurlitzer: They're going to make reproductive organs.

Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers: New company will be called Fairwell Honeychild

Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Keebler: New company will be called Poly-Warner-Cracker

W. R. Grace Co., Fuller Brush Co., Mary Kay Cosmetics and Hale Business Systems: New company will be called Hale Mary Fuller Grace

3M & Goodyear: mmmGood

John Deere & Abitibi-Price: Deere Abi

Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil: Honey, I'm Home

Denison Mines, Alliance, and Metal Mining: Mine, All Mine

3M, JCPenney, Canadian Opera Company: 3 Penney Opera

Grey Poupon & Dockers Pants: Poupon Pants

Knott's Berry Farm & National Organization of Women: Knott NOW!

Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco, Dakota Mining: Zip Audi Do-Da

Netscape and Yahoo are merging and opening a company in Israel. It will be called Netanyahoo

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), January 20, 1999.

ROTFL! Thanks, Chris, it took me three times to type my name through the laughter (and even more to type this message!)

-- Tricia the Canuck (jaysle@telusplanet.net), January 21, 1999.

Chris: ROFLTIP - favorite is the "poupon pants" - brings back memories - once a parent, always a parent, I guess - LOL

Ashton Diane Leska: I haven't been on the forum much these last few days but managed to glean that you have been attending Fruitcake Emergency Mgmt meetings. Sounds interesting. Time permitting, after things calm back down to the "normal rush", how about a summary report of any activities that concern the FRL?

-- Rob Michaels (sonfodust@net.com), January 21, 1999.

Rob, certainly, a report will be forthcoming. Diane is on the plane back now, so give us a day to recuperate from a busy week. So rushed at end didn't have a chance to present her with a new fruitcake to examine! That'll have to be the first order of agenda upon her return. The FEMA fruitys are out of the loop! Meanwhile ... catch up time! Over 2000 unread eMails. Gonna go blind tonight. Will need a seeing-eye beaver. Have enough rainwater to keep beaver happy, plus enough flaunt-some & jet-some to build a fort.stress dam.

Ashton & Leska in Cascadia, dancing the goose-step

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), January 21, 1999.

Chris, LOVE the mergers.

Rob, yes, I'm now ba-a-a-a-ck. Reports later.

A seeing-eye beaver Leska? Hummm. Maybe we should lauch all Y2K visionary beavers along with fruitcakes in the automatic slingshots? Should we lob them at Washington? Or Clint-ton?

Good to be re-wired again!

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), January 22, 1999.

Latest on the Bored: (keep in mind they are talking about fiat fruitcake only)

The Fruitcake Reserve Bored has devoted significant resources to ensuring that fruitcake, including delivery systems, will operate without disruption over the century date change. We are confident that our nation's fruitcake and its key suppliers will be prepared for the century rollover.

Although we do not anticipate that there will be major or prolonged difficulties accessing fruitcake, the public may do its own contingency planning by holding extra fruitcake during the century rollover period. In order to be prepared for such an occurrence, the Fruitcake Reserve Bored will be ready to issue more fruitcake into circulation, when and if demanded by the public. This will be accomplished by asking the U.S. Fruitury to bake additional cakes - just over 50 billion for domestic contingency and 20 billion for international contingency purposes. Under normal circumstances, the Fruitcake Reserve Bored holds approximately 150 billion in reserve, and we estimate that the substantially higher amount of fruitcakes available for the century date change will more than adequately meet demand.

Domestically, consumers may decide to hold extra fruitcake to make routine household purchases such as buckets of wheat, cases of Danish hams, solar ovens, water barrels, etc, but it is unlikely that people will barter a significantly higher proportion of their fruitcake than they normally do because such a move would leave them defenseless. Most people prefer to keep their fruitcake delivery systems, such as catapults, slingshots, stealth geese, duckys, and beavers where they can find them in case of sudden attack.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 22, 1999.

Rob,

"...consumers may decide to hold extra fruitcake..."

What if they drop them?

We'll all need FEMA (Fruitcake Emotional Management Asylum) training for appropriate cakeless fruit 'n nuts disaster responses. (Watch out for big toes too).

Diane

(P.S. My stealth rubber ducky wants a relaxing fruity bubble bath, and is not looking forward, or backwards, to future sponge[cake] baths. So there.)

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), January 22, 1999.

Is it just me, or is it getting nearly impossible to keep up with all of these postings? Diane, I don't know how you're going to catch up! It's a little TOO quiet at Pastor Chris's forum, but this is crazy!! :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), January 23, 1999.

Gayla, it's not just you! Ttooooo many posts, but they're almost all really good so I'm still trying to read, but weeks behind. Diane not only has to catch up here but has bags of videos and books to get through. Bye-bye sleep ;-) Maybe we should send Diane a coop.pond for seeing-eye beaver help re wading.

Diane, like that Fruitcake Emotional Management Asylum ;-D
Since our TV blinkered out on 99 rollover, and repairppl want $85 to figure out what's wrong with it, we found a TV-VCR combo, nice, for $150 to watch all these Y2K videos, etc. Think the FRL can put together a fema videoskit? That would be good therapy!

Rob, sorry our reports are scattered all over other threads. FRL dispursement a problem. Not even the stealth rubber duckies can keep up anymore. Supposedly an Oracle search engine is in the works. Don't you think the FRL could use an Oracle search? Psychics, wizards, fortune tellers, and profit prophetics would be useful.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), January 23, 1999.

LOL Gayla and Diane. I can't keep up at all, not for the last few weeks. I end up reading some threads, nowhere near all, and posting to ones that I start as always, but less and less frequently to others. The only time I can sit for an hour or so is later at night. During the day my M.O. has been to pop in for a few minutes to check for any answers to my questions, look around a bit, and then pop out. We have one heck of a thread going now (TBOTWAWBI). Check it out if you have time. See youz guyz tonite.

p.s. Like the FEMA skit idea.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 23, 1999.

Two isues - ground hog embedded chips (Are they 02/29/2000 compliant, or will Goundhog day in 2001 come one day earlier?)

Also, how many beaver chips can a groundhog hog if a groundhog could hog beaver chips?

We shall assume that groundhogs stash seeing-eye beaver chips, since they can't read braille, and cowchips are too big to stash in fruitcake shelters.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), January 24, 1999.

Robert: Regarding the ground hog embedded chips, are they embedded or imbedded or enchipded? Are they in the ground with the hog, or do the beavers hog them above the ground? I think the cowchips are used by beavers when building their dams, and they are smart enough to use fiat fruitcake particles as mortar for the above ground portion.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 24, 1999.

Hey guys!! I think I found a VOLUNTEER!! I hope this works. If he pops up his head, it means he's ready:

http://www3.bluemountain.com/eng3/groundhogday/index.html

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), January 24, 1999.

Gayla: ROTFLTIP - the kids loved it too. Did you also check out the hedgehog screensaver and musical greeting card? LOL

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 24, 1999.

LOL, Gayla! I'm ready for Spring now. Sunshine, rainbows, fleecy clouds, riotiously beautiful flowers, fragrant breezes, aahhh. *waving to groundhogs*

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), January 24, 1999.

I've seen this guy's picture posted at every fruitcake dealer locations. I thought I'd warn FRL members to be on the lookout for him, he seems pretty hard to spot from what I understand, so here's a copy of his likeness.

Also seen at same location this cryptic message:
If Groundhog Day is bright and clear
There'll be two winters in the year.
Or if no shadow do ye see
An early spring is what there'll be.

Groundhogs, if your aim be true
Then loving fame awaits for you.
But guess ye wrong, and lickety-split:
A groundhog carcass on a stick.


-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), January 24, 1999.

LOL, Chris! Wholehog, he looks like he's eaten some whiskey-fortified fruitcake. Are you sure it isn't a mole?


-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), January 24, 1999.

The one and only prophet of wintertime prognostication is Punxsutawney Phil, all others are wanna be posers.

-- Uncle Deedah (oncebitten@twiceshy.com), January 24, 1999.

But, Unc, he's always wrong (at least for us)! Maybe our extreme cold freezes his brain in the weather prediction dept.

As usual, you all have me in stitches - - - -

I saw some fruitcake on special this week, maybe it didn't all disappear over Christmas.

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), January 25, 1999.

Help!!!! I'm drowning in unread threads!!

Oh, well .. tough chocolate chip cookies. Or is that beaver chip cookies, or cooked beavers, or hungry hogs grounded for stockpiling rubby duckies, or ... time to hide. Can't see my shadow anymore.

Love our new mascot guys!! Or is that mass cot, or cot by the masses, or, or, or ... as she mutters herself to sleep.

Diane, with bleary video eyes

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), January 25, 1999.

Diane, you know you can't go to sleep yet!
Remember, only from 2/a to 6/a.
The screen radiation will keep you awake, like a cybermole in a lab.
BTW, how were those videos? Did you watch all four?
The TV screen must not be as enlivening as the computer screen. ;-)

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), January 25, 1999.

Poor Diane! The sleepier she gets, the more she sounds like Robert Cook. :-) NOW we know what's wrong with you, Robert! You gotta quit working so hard!!

Chris, loved the picture!! That is SO cute! How do you get HTML to accept a picture? < picture > ?? :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), January 25, 1999.

Gayla...shhhh...don't tell anyone, it's a secwet! Click on the "view" menu and select "page source" and it will show you the right tag.

But don't tell anyone outside the FRL, or we'll be invaded by worse than groundhogs! eeeeeeeep!!!

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), January 25, 1999.

Open the thread and what do I see?

A little groundhog looking at me.

This FRL mascot is surely a prize,

Great job Chris, a feast for our eyes.

Diane should be tired, she found all those links,

And after I read them I needed some drinks,

And at her last post, I really did look,

It sounded just like Robert A. Cook!

So Diane, we hope you have rest

This way you'll always be at your best,

For you are you for all the day,

We wouldn't have it, any other way.

Robert surely has his style,

Almost always makes us smile,

Is it is, or it is it,

Jesting with the words that fit,

Master of the subtle wit.

For the FRL, what a banner day,

Our Fruitcake mascot is here to stay.

Beavers, Furbys, and Stealth geese,

Deliver fruitcake to keep the peace.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 25, 1999.

As I was scolling down to see what was new [ nothing :_( ], Cher was singing 'If I Could Turn Back Time' on the radio. What a great Y2K song!

To all fruitcases (oops), fruitcake defenders - Good night!

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), January 28, 1999.

Tricia, I know, it's SO sad! Our dear Rob has not been heard from for several days. And now, Diane is on her way to play with Leska and Ashton again. They get to go see Ed while we are left to care for the rubber duckies. Wonder how much a ticket to Seattle is? Hmmmm....

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), January 29, 1999.

Rob is working on some type of writing project for community outreach education, sumpin like that. And about Diane, ain't a napting plan just for play ;( wish! Ed will be at Expo; we'll have a harmonic convergence ;) Tickets paid for by somebody else entirely; not real expensive, and they're more than getting their $$ worth. Expect to see the Canuckian Geese circling. Will be looking for Seattle fruitcake samples. More later. FRL members please join us!

Ashton & Leska in Cascadia, matchmakers

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), January 29, 1999.

Hi everyone, I'm baaaaaack - sort of. I finished the list and just posted it for the forum. It is on theList of Y2K failures - here is proof thread. Enjoy!

Hey Leska and Ashton , if you like the list and manage to see ED, maybe you could show it to him - he may get a kick out of it. Wish I could be there with you - well, I will be in spirit anyway - have fun and don't keep Diane too long. LOL.

As a result of working on the failures list, I let some other things slip - so I have some catching up to do but should be back online by Sunday. I miss talking to all of you, my fellow nuts! See you then, BFN, Rob.

p.s. Diane, Leska, and Ashton: How did you ever catch up on the forum? I don't even think it is possible for me and just plan to start with the recent answers.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 29, 1999.

Hi Rob! Oops, he's slipped away again. Been watching the beavers' slippery tricks too much. Ducked under the surface and headed for his fruitcake-fortified dam. He'll be good for helping us lay traps. Rob, Ashton & I get the whole Forum by eMail. Well, until our puter putted out and now we're missing roughly 1/2 of all eMail which are drop-disappearing into thin air. ??? Sure wish I knew how to fix electronic gizmos. Useful & lucrative skill. Maybe we should start a "If I Had It To Do All Over ... " thread. Not caught up yet, have @ 2000 eMails still to fast-scan & delete. Rob, try going thru New Questions backwards-up quickly. Like coming up for air. ;-D

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), January 29, 1999.

Leska: I'm still here... I'll be popping online here and there. I was thinking about our mascot and what Tricia said about that song by Cher and got a brainstorm! If the FRL has a mascot, why not a theme song too? What was that one about beavers, no, no, it was muskrats, by the Carpenters I think - about muskrats in love or something - had really silly sqeaky noises on the reocrd that were supposed to be muskrats in love - I know, I know, that song is probably too silly for this thread. Maybe some one can think of another song for us.

Regarding catching up, you suggested starting at the New Questions and going "backwards-up quickly". Can I go backwards-up slowly, or forwards-up quickly, or backwards-down, or sideways? Oh NO! Now I sound like Robert Cook! :-)

offline.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 29, 1999.

Rob, glad you're OK!!

Leska, it's not your computer. When the forum is overloaded, it does not send out e-mail announcements. Say hi to Ed from the FRL!! :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), January 29, 1999.

Too silly for this thread?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), January 29, 1999.

Uh, folks? Well, I think Leska and Ashton are up to something (again). Diane is going to see them again, right? Now check out Leska's next to last post and notice the word "matchmaker." Hmmm.

Gayla, as Chief FRL CIA GI, what do you think? Am I just over-tired or is something up?

Robert :-)

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 29, 1999.

"matchmakers" "harmonic convergence"...hmmm....definitely something there...but where? Is convergic harmonience a place to make a match? Or a place a match can be struck? Has Robert Cook struck us all? I feel like a kook as I strike my keys.

I'll be lowkey on the forum for at least a week, I have vewwy important business to tend to. Or is it to tan to. Plus I messed up my winsock connection on my puter, I had to sneak on my daughter's netscape and I'm tying up the voice line. I think my puter ate its sock, I can't win! I tried everything I could, I called Peter at the pond and for 3 hours he walked me through the internals of my puter, no luck! ewww...peecees's guts are sooo ugly. I miss my Mac...oh well, don't send me emails 'till I return, I wouldn't be able to read them and I hate when that happens...I'm rambling, I better go.

I don't think I'll miss you too much guys where I'll be...so don't miss me too much either ;-) Taking a sunny Y2K break *boiiing!!*

-- Chris (Catsy@pond.com), January 29, 1999.

Bye, Chris - we'll miss you! And while you're getting brown, I'll be turning green. Oh, BTW, when you find the sock gremlin, ask where my mitts are!!?

Ashton, Leska, and Diane - hope you all enjoy the weekend. I'd hoped I might make it, too, but can't. :-( Have you heard if Holly will be there, too?

Robert, I've noticed that people here turn Robertish only when you haven't posted for a while; it helps us feel less lonely.

Rob, good to have you back! I gave up on keeping track of all threads about a week before Christmas. Life is just tooo busy, and keeps happening. I appreciated the hint to tune in to the TBOTWAWBI link, I would have missed it otherwise.

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), January 30, 1999.

Jean is complaining loudly about Myst - turns out it won't play on an NT machine - just Win95 - and we only have NT's here - so she's uptight and irritable -

(Jean interupts) Welllllll, you should be too. tTherre goes eighty dollars down the drain all because a computers that can design submarines and buildings you work in can't play a simple game that works ON ALL MY FRIEND'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

(Jean stops interupting)

(Jean Reenters) It's not fair. All I want to do is play a game that I finally figured out how to do via hint books :> and it turns out I can't use the knew information. I feel like I memorized the whole stinkin' book for nothing. All I have to say is that if my dad can't network those two computers needed ( TWO computers) (How many out there had no trouble whatsoever loading this/ See dad everyone raises their hand) then I will personally kill someone. I shoot the computers. Drag it out to the shooting range and blast it away with an antitank gun. My excuse, it wasn't Y2K compatible.

(End of interuption, again.)

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), January 30, 1999.

Robert: Sounds like you have your hands full on this one. The last game that I bought wouldn't even load it needed so much memory for the graphics. I ended up re-configuring my sys.config and autoexec.bat files, moving stuff around in memory, etc. finally got it to load and work. Maybe if you have enough paper you can print out this thread and give it to her to help lighten things up. One other word good sir, you are the best - we imitate you, but always fall short, er, or is it rise tall, or is it fall tall, or is it...

p.s. If printing the thread doesn't relive (sic) the tension, why not try giving her what every one loves, you know, fruitcake! Rubber duckies? Just a thought.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), January 30, 1999.

Robert, you have my sympathy, sir. My 13 yr old daughter has lots of complaints about how much I hog the computer. At least you have 2, even if neither one plays Myst. I guess you need a third - must Myst!

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), January 30, 1999.

Couldn't resist! Just finished packing up and I had an hour to kill before I went to bed, so I sneaked on daughter's puter...what else do you expect from an FRL addicted? duh..

I got Myst on my Mac when it came out. I got it right after ants invaded it. I'm still twitching just thinking of it...or is it itching? Anyway, I don't have good memories from that era...being beaten at strategy games by an 8 year old is more emotionally traumatizing than learning about Y2K...The kid beat SimAnts in less than 5 months while I was still trying to figure out how to clean them out of my HD *twitch*. Maybe it was the crumbs in my keyboard...I never could regain whatever authority I had over that kid after that...

I better go to bed now, don't want to miss the plane. I think I miss you guys already. Wonder if they have an internet cafe over there...

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), January 30, 1999.

Rob, that Carpenters' song was titled "Muskrat Love", but it wouldn't be right for this thread's theme song - not fruity enough.

-- No Spam Please (anon@ymous.com), January 30, 1999.

Rob, I think you're right. Something IS up. I just read a wonderful account of the Seattle conference by Leska, so now that she's back, maybe she will tell us who she is trying to "match-up?"

And Ms. Chris, just where are you going to play in the sun??? I'm still trying to figure out where "over there" is, but you didn't give enough clues. Cancun? Hawaii?

Jean, I completed the MYST game in 4 days (without hints, too. Yes, I'm bragging) :-) So, if your dad ever figures out a way for you to play and you need more help, just ask. PS- I already beat the sequel Riven, too. It's much harder!!!

Uncle Deedah, if you wander back in here, I have a question for you.....

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), January 31, 1999.

Gayla - if you could email your Win95 compatible 'puter here for a couple of hours, I'm sure that'll work.

Send that y2K compatible woodchuck too, he'll keep the groundhog and beaver companion to the rubby ducky.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), January 31, 1999.

I fear that I'm just not bright enough to keep track of all the threads within this thread. We've had geese, ducks (rubber and stealth), beavers, muskrats, ground hogs, gremlins, duct tape, fruitcakes, fiat fruitcakes, socks, kidnaps, spies, ohmy!

I think it must be time for another limerick:

This thread is fun for Y2K-ers,

A break for doom and gloom dismayers,

We'll have some fun

While Chris gets some sun,

And type in a few more layers.

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), February 01, 1999.

Uh Oh Tricia, you know not what you started! LOL.

A compliant limerick has five lines,

Together: first, second and last do rhyme,

The third and fourth,

Together rhyme of course,

And if you don't there will be fines!

So when you post upon this thread,

Consider limericks in your head,

They can be fun,

And get the job done,

they make your point in rhyme instead.

OH NO Gayla, I think I've been bitten,

With alphabet stew flu, again I'm smitten,

Last night I posted on Hardliners thread

A rhyme that just came to my head,

And now I can't stop, where are my mittens?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), February 01, 1999.

Rob, I love the limericks. Glad you got alphabet stew flu! :-)

Leska, tell us more about this "Michael Dowd." Hmmmmm....

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), February 01, 1999.

Gayla, LOL, our astute resident crowned Chief FRL CIA GI,

Nope, nothing as crazy-exciting as romance. Michael Dowd is already happily paired, with 3 young 'uns. He's the community Y2K leader guy with the eco-focus. He posted a thread here but got bit by the writing bug hard, so has evaporated for the time being. Is in our NET classes.

This constant meeting & presentations and Y2K education is exhausting! Fortunately we may be able to retreat soon and take a break with friend Death. Oh, if the weather were nice and we had the funds: we're ready for a llooonngg week in the boonies with the beavers and geese. They might save us from becoming fruitcake loonies ;-}

Ashton & Leska in Cascadia, Y2K wrung out

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), February 01, 1999.

Ashton and Leska: This is especially for youz guyz, who are 'wrung out'.

Chris is off to sunny climes, And we are left to make some rhymes, I have the flu, alphabet stew, Limericks posting all the times.

Gayla I'm surprised at you, I expected help to shake this flu, Instead you're glad, With this silly lad, Its not what I would've thought you'd do!

But happy FRL are we, Tomorrow groundhog he will see, A shadow or a cloudy day, He will take what comes his way, And ROFL 'till he pees!

For out of his hole groundhog won't come, Spring or Winter he is mum, Cameras focus, Hocus pocus, The muskrat song the groundhog hums.

The people watching him are shocked, They never heard a groundhog 'crocked', For this one had fruitcake laced with booze, And woke up late after quite a snooze, Then didn't come out, even though they knocked. \

Ashton and Leska are wrung out, but they do not ever need to pout, only 2000 e-mails left to read, their appetites for fruitcake feed, will help them feel better, they'll be up and about.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), February 01, 1999.

Rob, ROFLOLTIP, that bounced us back up ;^s
May be contagious, got rhyming giggles ... :o)

mmmmmmm mmmmmmm mmmmmmm

-- Ashton (allaha@earthlink.net), February 01, 1999.

I pokes me head in here on occasion.

BTW, since we are all family in here, I will repost a box where I check email now and again, I haven't made a big deal of it to avoid the Jerrys of the world

unkeeD@yahoo.com

-- Uncle Deedah (oncebitten@twiceshy.com), February 01, 1999.

Rob,

ROTFL&FOA!! (& Falling Over Again).

I'm quite ready to join the groundhogs in a fruitcake frolick! Had a couple glkassaes of wineeee anda feeeeeeelinnnnnn fine. Hic.

(Y2kay overload and sunshine deprivation. Where IS Chris? Oregon is quite "moist" by CA standards).

Robert, tell Jean her Myst studies will come in handy for Y2K. Great training for following leads and clues. I think I was glued to it for three days, with a little booklet help, and finished the WHOLE thing! the groundhogs would be proud! Someday ... Riven!

Diane, lost in Cascadia

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), February 01, 1999.

Unc, you're probably safe here, no troll has the patience to let this thread load!

Poor Diane is feeling sad,

Continual gloom will drive her mad,

'Til she gets home

(She's on the roam)

When the sun will make her glad.

Thanks Diane, Leska, et al for comments on the weekend. Although I couldn't make it for that, I have hopes to make it to Northern Cascadia (Van,BC) at the end of Feb/beginning of March. I'd like to get down to Seattle to see my aunt (Renton), but time may be too tight :_(

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), February 02, 1999.

Tricia, it would be so wonderful to see you! Obviously, we need a FRL bug-by guesthouse. The moss in my webfeet is green with envy at your trip to spectacular Northern Cascadia. Outted my Canuckian longings, you did ;^}

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), February 02, 1999.

Uncle: Since you pops you head in from tim to tim, would you honor us with a haiku?

FRL: Happy Groundhog Day! No shadow, in fact, no groundhog - see I told you he wouldn't get up on time after eating that 160 proof fruitcake.

Now, when is Beaver Day, and Muskrat Day, andr Ducky Day?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), February 02, 1999.

We extend our sympathy to our mourning Canadian FRL members today:

Canada-Groundho g

WIARTON, Ontario (AP) - The crowd at Canada's top Groundhog Day festival got worse news Tuesday than a bad weather forecast: They learned that star groundhog Wiarton Willie had died.

Some children among the 200 people burst into tears.

Willie died of natural causes Sunday night, but his death was not disclosed until Tuesday's ceremony.

``We didn't really know what to do,'' said Sam Brouwer, Willie's caretaker for the past 10 years. ``We were absolutely devastated.''

Willie was lying in a pine coffin for a public viewing Tuesday morning. His paws were crossed, pennies were placed over his eyelids and he was clutching a carrot.

Brouwer said the albino groundhog died at the age of 22, much longer than most groundhogs in the wild survive. He had been in failing health when he went into hibernation last fall.

Although Willie wasn't on hand to make his last weather prediction, local officials said the ``spirit'' of Willie indicated there would be an early spring.

The area has had a Groundhog Festival for 43 years, and Wiarton Willie has been the main event for the past decade. A search will be conducted for a successor, to be named Wiarton Willie Jr.

According to folklore, if the sun was out when Willie peeped his head up from winter on Groundhog Day, it meant six more weeks of cold weather. If it was a gray day, with no shadow, it meant an early spring.

His handler said Willie was right 90 percent of the time, but not everybody was happy. A few years ago, Willie got death threats when he predicted an especially bad winter would last six more weeks.
---------------------------------------------------------------
xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), February 02, 1999.

That's the saddest news I've heard all week. sniff.... sniff.... boo- hoo..... :''''( Anybody got any kleenex?

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), February 02, 1999.

Early spring in Edmonton would be about 6 weeks from now anyway (no, that's not an exageration). In 1974, my parents returned from Africa on June 8th. There was still snow in ditches and on the north sides of houses, not much though. That winter still holds the record for snow fall, over 6'. This is one of the heavier years, but nowhere near that.

I vote we have Beaver Day on the Ides of March (the ninth, right?). Ducky Day varies - it's the day that you see ducks/geese heading for the True North Strong And Free. ( Of course with stealth duckies, this may not happen at all any more. ) Any other suggestions welcomed, natch.

Ground Hog day has come and gone,

My summer clothes I will not don

Nor go to swim,

I'll hit the gym

Or keep my down-filled parka on!

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), February 02, 1999.

"Willie was lying in a pine coffin for a public viewing Tuesday morning. His paws were crossed, pennies were placed over his eyelids and he was clutching a carrot."

Leska: Wow, I am picturing that and it really is something. And to think he was right 90% of the time. FRL members - let this be a lesson to us all that non-fiat fruitcake (with booze) is lethal if eaten - always remember poor Willie's mistake. And the media swallowed that stuff about natural causes - We know better now don't we. Sigh.

Tricia: I think the "Ides" refer originally to the teens of a month, so maybe we can have the period of March 13 - March 19 designated as Beaver Week. What do you think?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), February 02, 1999.

Mike, you're right! Dictionary says "the 15th day of March, May, July and October, and the 13th day of all other months". We can have a Beaver week if you like, although that might be too long for those with a short attention span; 'course if you've gotten far enough through the thread to be reading this, obviously your attention span isn't very short! March 13-18 it is :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), February 02, 1999.

Tricia: Who's Mike? You seem to be responding to my last post, so is this my new code name? Maybe I should post as Mike Roberts instead of using my real name. Any suggestions? This started out as such a happy day - now we find that Willie overdosed on fruitcake and I may not be who I think I am. I'm confused.

Am I now Mike or plain ol' Rob,

I am confused, sob, sob, sob, sob.

-- Rob Michaels, er, I mean Mike Roberts ?? (sonofdust@net.com), February 02, 1999.

Jeez.

"Muskrat Love" was from the Captain and Tennille. How dare you slander the Carps thusly...

-- Grrr (grrr@grrr.net), February 02, 1999.

From the dear miss Tricia (above)

..My summer clothes I will not don

Nor go to swim,

I'll hit the gym ...

What does this imply about what clothes she is (or is not ?) wearing to the gym? Or to swim in the gym?? What if there is a him in the gym, there on a whim? Will he see her altogether, in the gym, as she doth swim?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), February 02, 1999.

Blush, blush... I'm not sure which makes me redder, messing up with Rob Michael's name (mea culpa, many sorrys), or being caught without my summer clothes at the gym. Guess I'll have to take my lead from Donna and flap my sheets on the stationary bikes :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), February 02, 1999.

Tricia: Whew! Thank you for settting that one straight, for a while I had a bit of an identity crisis, Don't feel sorry. (I have called Leska by your name twice!! Duh) LOL.

Robert: Good to see you back in form.

Gang: Just curious - anyone know how many tress would be killed printing this thread? Probably more that my psychotic beaver could eat in one night. Must be quite a lot of pages - anyone know?

-- Rob I know who I am again Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), February 02, 1999.

Rob, so glad you know who you are! Hey, it cured you of alphabet stew flu!! I asked my printer to print the thread and it said it was 88 pages. I canceled the print job!! :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), February 02, 1999.

Identity crisis resolved by end of GroundHog Day ;^D
Anybody see the movie? A favorite for us! Ssoooo apt :)

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), February 03, 1999.

today I wake up

this one just like the last was

will she love me now?

-- Uncle Deedah (oncebitten@twiceshy.com), February 03, 1999.

You go back, Jack, do it again...wheel turnin' round and round...

-- Kevin (mixesmusic@worldnet.att.net), February 03, 1999.

Gayla: 88 huh? Wow!

Uncle: Tank u bery mush.

Gang:

Mice on Wall Street were reported,

"They're rats, not mice", some retorted,

Rodents they are on the prowl,

The brokers they just frown and growl,

Beavers and groundhogs, all assorted.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), February 03, 1999.

Fruitcakes abounding

No trolls come here hounding

Poetry sounding

I thought I'd give a try to rhyming haiku, alphabet stew flu squared!

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), February 05, 1999.

Californias cool

Sunshine too

Sipping haiku.

Diane, (drying out, from the Oregon rubby ducky weather ... who knows where Ill be in another month? Here or there. There or here. Online fer sure).

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), February 05, 1999.

There are times, That we make rhymes, And sometimes we are silly. Imagine you see, A gaggle of geese, Flying willie-nillie.

In the sky, They are up high, Looking for a target. The duct-cake drops, Hardened bunkers pop, And on our charts we mark it.

Groundhogs, beavers, muskrats and mice, Pineapple upside-down cake's nice, But fruitcake is what we are about. Flying fruitcake in the air, Ammunition does appear, The enemy retreats in rout.

With catapults, slingshots, and our stealth duckys We fight against the mucky-muckys Our fruitcake freedoms to ensure, Fiat-fruitcake, we won't endure, We shall win because we're lucky.

So proudly our FRL mascot stares, At visitors who find themselves here, And patiently wait for this to load. Uh Oh, Gayla, I have the flu, Tricia, I think, may have it too, Uncle and Diane can write Haikus, This is where we all abode, Friends one and all where humor's told.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), February 05, 1999.

Rob, I did enjoy your post

What's got me wondering the most

Is what you call

(you're on the ball)

that poetry you wrote?

The rhymes were fine, fun to say,

The words made sense, were a-ok,

but I can't quite see,

(it's prob'ly just me)

what metric form was used today?

PS, where's Hardliner?

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), February 06, 1999.

Hi Tricia: A limerick has five lines. The first, second, and last lines rhyme with each other, and the second and third lines rhyme with each other too - at least that is what I do. I'm not sure exactly what a Haiku's form is, but based on what Uncle and Diane wrote, it seems to be a three line poem. Maybe one of them will read this and tell us more. Sometimes, as in my previous post, I combine limericks with what I will call, for lack of a better name, free form.

Here is a limerick the way I described:

I think this thread's Gone to my head, I had a dream, Woke with a scream, Chips in my fruitcake, they did embed!

Gang: What an awful thought - non-compliant chips embedded in our fruitcake. It occurs to me that nobody really knows exactly what is in fruitcake, not all of the stuff anyway, and there are many different kinds of fruitcake too. The ingredients are unique and some things that go in there may be undefined in nature. Look what happened to poor Willie. But embedded chips? Please say it ain't so.

p.s. This answer is number 286!

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), February 06, 1999.

Rob, Rob, Rob..... (I like saying that!) :-)

Look at what you said, "The first, second, and last lines rhyme with each other, and the second and third lines rhyme with each other too."

We are going to have to work on your math. If the 1st, 2nd and 5th lines rhyme, then it would have to be the 3rd and 4th lines that also rhyme. (We're not gonna let YOU divide up the fruitcakes!) :-)

For your math assignment, divide up all of these posts and tell us how many each one of us posted individually. :-) (Just kidding... and I like all of the poetry, no matter which lines rhyme.)

PS- Haiku is 3 lined, unrhymed verse. It is supposed to be 5, 7, and 5 syllables, respectively, but who cares?? It's the thought that counts.

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), February 07, 1999.

Even Gayla's thoughts c-o-u-n-t
Busy quantifying an amount
And cat.y.gore.izing poetry metrics
While pouncing pon fruitcake eccentrics
Rob is forking embattled chips
While ours has mocha vanilla drips
Hardliner's Nurse has fled Asylum
We're still here to cheer & sigh some

xxxxxxx mmmmmmm xxxxxxx

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), February 07, 1999.

Fruitcake resistance

The thought of it is futile

Duck now, INCOMING!

-- Uncle Deedah (oncebitten@twiceshy.com), February 07, 1999.

Unc, is that the duck that's incoming, or are we supposed to duck the incoming whatever? :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), February 07, 1999.

Gayla: Yes, you are right - Duh. Good thing I have a puter to help me - uh oh, I counted the thread answers manually, based on SOB's original tally.

Here is a plea, to S. O. B., First Knower of the count, can you help me, check to see, verify the amount?

WARNING - FIRST HAIKU ATTEMPT - read at your own risk!

Fruitcake suspicion, illicit activity, FRL stand strong!

-- Rob Mathless Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), February 07, 1999.

Rob Michaels:

Oh Great One, Knower of Computers, Teacher Of the Light, and Chairman of the Bored.

I noted your APB.

Per your request I have audited the thread.

And, Survey sez ---this answer will be # 294. This is based on this answer being posted next following your request.

Thanks to you I now have very tired lips and sore fingers and toes. This higher math is a killer for "Ole Running Dummy" here.

I'll try to remember to post a count # in any answer that I post. That way I can save the wear and tear on my lips, we will just have to finger walk from the last count. I always update before I post here anyway. No problemo.

Y'all are missing some cool "Mardi Gras" down here. The annual insanity runs through Tuesday, and there is fun for all.

Enjoy the day Folks.

Oh, Ms. Tricia;

The "Mother Goose" and several of the younger geeslets are running short practice flights in the local area. It won't be too much longer now before you will have your geeses (gooseses?) back again. One small problem though. They seem to honk with a Southern accent now. Sort of a "honk y'all" type of thingy. You may end up with them being "honk y'all, Eh?"

S.O.B.

-- sweetolebob (buffgun@hotmail.com), February 07, 1999.

S.O.B.

Oh Greater One, Knower of All You Know, and Official Keeper of the Absolutely Correct Count

On behalf of the FRL, may I express our gratitude to you - have a blast at the party and don't take any wooden fruitcake.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), February 07, 1999.

SOB, lucky you again! Honky tonk fun in Nola. Gotta desire to go down there 'round Halloween to see fellow Riceans. But travelin' near November 1999? Cuttin it too close. :(

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), February 07, 1999.

To all those Assembled and Disaasembled masses questing for knowledge, or mysting it as the case may be:

We have now before us (befive us, behind us or betwixt us?) the question of which "nola" she meant?

Pensicola, granola, manila ola, or "ole ola" or "new olea" or Pepsi Cola? New Coke or the real stuff? Or is that the question? If travel in Nov 99 - to where would she travel, and if so, is it true all flights lead through Atlanta? If so, should we look overhead for returning goosed geeses?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), February 07, 1999.

Robert, there's a fer sure - them geese'll be "honk y'all, eh-in" their way back to y'all by November. The head goose told me a long time ago that there's no way she'd ever spend a New Years up here with frozen webbing between her toes.(Smart bird!) :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), February 08, 1999.

So there is a "head goose"... Hmmm - not an arm goose or a foot goose but a head goose. Is this a Mother Goose or an Aunt Goose?

I miss Chris and Diane - now we know that Chris is probably still in sunny climes, but where is Diane?

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), February 08, 1999.

Actually, Rob, Chris (or someone using her name) was posting last night, so she may be back. 'Course, if it was really she, I'd have expected a posting here, too.

Diane is on the road again, I think. Enroute from Oregon to SanFran.

I'm still here.

The sky it is sunny, The weather all cold, My nose it is runny; But spring's coming, I'm told :-)

I don't know what meter that is either, so I guess I shouldn't tease you about your un-limmericks ;-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), February 08, 1999.

Was that a metric meter, an celcius meter, or a pentameter? How cold does it need to be use the bottom of a meter celcius thermometer? Do you use a therdadometer to check your father's fever?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), February 08, 1999.

Diane's back home, for a little while, in California. She's been doing the Y2K intensive and is hoping to recuperate today. She has some absolutely mind-blowing stuff to post, after which our Forum will never be the same. Don't hold back, Diane!
Nola is New Orleans, re SOB & Mardi Gras. Correct, SOB ???
Chris is posting again, but from where? Is she tan?
Snowing in Cascadia today. Just saw the geese above in formation.

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), February 08, 1999.

Robert: LOL. So does this therdadometer work together with the geeseger counter if it's weally weally cold out?

Tricia: You are getting good at this rhymin'. Thanks for the update on where they are, I was beginning to get concerned - especially for Diane since she has been at risk of being kidnaped before - thought for a while we would have to run another OP. Whew! :-)

-- Rob Michaels (sonfodust@net.com), February 08, 1999.

Robert, my metric meter isn't working, so I don't know watt meter it is. And I tell my kids to use a thermodadometer to check their dad's temp.

Thanks for the update on Diane, and the Nola clarification, Leska. I have to admit that Nola had me flummoxed. Plans for a trip to Van are falling through, so I'm working on a trip to Seattle (Renton) instead - I'll let you know if I'm going to make it to Cascadia :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), February 08, 1999.

Rob;

>So there is a "head goose"... Hmmm - not an arm goose or a foot goose but a head goose. Is this a Mother Goose or an Aunt Goose?<

None of the above. It's the "Silly Goose" of course. "Mother Goose" is still camped outside of my backyard. They are drilling around for now, not in any big hurry to head back up north. They don't want to be "eager beavers".

Ms. leska;

Yep, it is true that New Orleans has the "biggie" as far as Mardi Gras goes, but the whole state gets involved in the madness. I prefer the mardi gras over in Lake Charles, or in Ville Platte. Less people, better food, more fun. The best gumbo that you ever threw a lip across is right there in Ville Platte.

Answer #300 goes to Ms. Tricia. She now has the honor of knowing that a piece of king cake has been raised as toast to her from way down here in Louisiana.

S.O.B.

# 305

-- sweetolebob (buffgun@hotmail.com), February 08, 1999.

HONK HONK y'all! There am is!! :-) Still workin' on the dreads, mon. My hair's straight as straw.

Took me all day yesterday to re-install Windows. I was getting the shakes being away from here for so long (and no more pina coladas), and not being able to fix winsock, so I said heck with it! Well dangit it worked!

Then I saw the backlog of threads and posts...didn't help my twitchings...couldn't even find the FRL.

This vacation business is hard work, will take me at least a week to get back on track. I should just give it up vacationing...nah!

Glad to be back!

HONK! HONK! HONK! *throws pinaple fruitcakes around wildly*

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), February 08, 1999.

Yessir, Chris is bbaacckkk! On a scale of 1-12, how is your tan?
Rob, ya did it again, confusing me with Tricia or Gayla! It's the revolving identity trio ;^?
HONK if you're a happy fruitcake, LOL, nutty Asylum bliss O:))
xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), February 08, 1999.

As you should know, being of the chiller climes and colder water, the typical thermodadometer rapidly shrinks to very small sizes winst exposed to cold water - as in a nominal fiat swimming pool or while white water wafting with wonderfully wierd wild wooly wambats.

It is rapidly restored once again in more comfortable environ's.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), February 08, 1999.

WELCOME BACK CHRIS - HONK HONK HONK uh, are these goose honks?

Leska: No, not this time. I posted to Tricia who answered my questionabout Diane and Chirs first - and you posted almost at the same time as me but slightly after - check and see. If I am right then I will no longer stand accused, and this blot on my character shall be expunged from the FRL fruitcakian records.

-- Rob Michaels (sonofdust@net.com), February 08, 1999.

WELCOME BACK, CHRIS!

You didn't tell us where you were playing in the sun!

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), February 08, 1999.