If you'd rather play on the forum than go to work (humor)

greenspun.com : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread

Apologies if this has been posted before. The Washington Post contest: Best Reasons for not coming to work - If it's all the same to you I won't be coming to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today. - When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it. - I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early. - My stigmata's acting up. - I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Ok? - I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet... - I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Wal-Mart - Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with AT&T, but thank you for calling. - Constipation has made me a walking time bomb. - I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come in to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information. - The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled. - The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet. - I prefer to remain an enigma. - My mother-in-law has come back as one of the undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it. - I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation. - I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian. - I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates. - My wife makes more money than I do, so I have to stay at home with our sick son. - I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share. - I'm feeling a little disgruntled this morning. You sure I should come i

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), April 05, 1999

Answers

Heeheeheehee, we play on the Forum at work :-)
Looks like maybe many others sneek a peek at work too.

Hard to imagine anybody not having a computer at home with Internet access now. We resisted for *years* -- fought the temptation without even knowing just how tempting it is.

If I'm sent on a shift in-between 24/7 hospice work-in cases, I can't go more than 10 hours without my iMac. No way! Work isn't worth it! For 12-hour shifts I bring my puter. If Y2K weren't looming I'd be one of the first to buy the new Apple laptop, rumored to be totally cool. Another reason to kick Y2K in a rage ...

"I'm having these postal urges. Do you think I ought to come in?"

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-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), April 05, 1999.


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