Shamegreenspun.com : LUSENET : Shining Interactive : One Thread
What have you done recently that made you feel ashamed? Do you think that shame is a useful emotion?
-- Dreama (firstname.lastname@example.org), September 12, 1999
I moved to California from Indiana to be with my husband. One night in a fit of PMS sadness, I told him maybe it would be for the best if I returned HOME. I regretted it almost instantly. I could see the pain in his eyes. All he said was, "If that's what you think you need..." I'm not sure what hurt him the most, the fact that I still called Indiana home after 2 years, or the part about wanting to go there. Either way, I felt extreme regret and shame. Shame can be a useful emotion. The part I hate is the guilt that usually comes with it. I do lots of things around the house just so I don't feel shameful when people come over. I mean, who REALLY likes to clean the bathrooms? I know I don't, but the shame I would feel if someone dropped by, would be awful. I clean the bathrooms. Well, I always clean our bathroom. It's the guest bathroom I hate. At any rate, I think shame can be good and bad. It all depends on what you do with the emotion.
-- Angie (email@example.com), September 12, 1999.
This isn't recent, but it's one of the biggest bits of shame I have.
When I was dating hubby, we had a lot of things to work through. I had a lot of stuff I didn't even know was going on inside me and I (over) reacted to a lot of things.
He frightened me. He did something that I perceived as a threat, and I did 2 things.
First of all, I took my engagement ring off and threw it at him. Then, I went home and flushed his (engraved, paid for) wedding ring down the toilet.
I had to borrow money from him to buy his new one.
-- tesserae (firstname.lastname@example.org), September 12, 1999.
*laugh* Just read my journal since IT'S INCEPTION and you'll see the thread of regret/shame/anger/guilt/hopelessness/helplessness/saddness/sorrow woven throughout my life.
Almost a year ago, there was a party. I was way too drunk and said and did a LOT of things to hurt a LOT of people. My husband is prolly the only person out of 10 that has truly forgiven me and moved on. In one fell swoop I fully destroyed a network of support and friendship that had been there for me for the past two or three years.
There WEREissues and reasons for my behaviour - easy to figure out when I look at it in retrospect, but that fact hasn't made it easy to deal with all the emotions that are still spinning in me because of this event.
We're moving at the end of the month. I will finally be cut off from all those that were at the party. The past year has been tough. I know I still have a lot to process, but I'm really at the point where I just want to get out of here and forget it all. I know it's not healthy and I need to process this and get over it in a healthy manner, but it's been a long fight. I just don't know how much I have left in me.
-- Optie (Jolene@lanset.com), September 15, 1999.