OK - so i'm excited. Well, I'm excited after I stop panicking. And before I get even get round to panic I have a brief period of mirth. Private Investigator, ha..!!

I'm sort of having a hard time getting my head round it.

I can't decide if it's cool, sleazy, or just ridiculous. HOW CAN THIS EVEN BE A CAREER..???!!!

Clown people - I know you're out there. And I *will* find you.

Anyway - your thoughts are..????

-- Immy (immy@rocketmail.com), September 15, 1999

Answers

This is so cool!! Are you going to carry a gun? Who's got the TV rights to your story? I want 'em!

And I admit it, I was one of the clown people. I couldn't help myself though, it was just too easy!

-- John B. (rirams@erols.com), September 15, 1999.

yes it's cool, sleazy, *and* ridiculous. but so what. although it might be a little hard following people in a clown costume.

-- tom c. (taclee@hotmail.com), September 15, 1999.

I voted for police officer, but what I really wanted to vote for was private investigator. Honest! In both polls. I think it's so exciting and it WILL be a brilliant career. . .

-- lynlee (lynlee@csonline.net), September 15, 1999.

I'm actually not sure if I can carry a gun or not. We have quite strict gun laws here in Australia - the police carry them, and I think security guards do too. However, I don't like them - they scare me silly, so even if I were allowed to be armed I doubt I would be.

I do start kickboxing classes next Monday though - and if I have to go on any nighttime stakeouts I'm taking the dog with me..!

-- Immy (jealousyw@yahoo.com), September 15, 1999.

Woh!

Will you get to wear one of those full-length leather coats and a daft hat? Drink nothing but coffee all day? Have an office above a launderette somewhere? Charge extortionate rates for finding out if someone's husband is having a bit of naughty on the side?

Cool! Can I come over and be your witty and occasionally bright assistant?

Sarah

-- Grebil (Sarah.Watkins@onyx.net), September 16, 1999.

Actually, this being Australia, I think I should have an office over a milk bar or something like that. (ooh, perhaps a Timtam factory..!!)

I won't be working for myself straight away though, and I haven't even decided which area I want to get into - there are so many options.

The school has a job placement service, and most students are recruited before the ink is even drying on their P.I badge (Most, I say most - they haven't trained someone like me before. Arg..!!)

Missing Persons is looking interesting right now. I might go that way (ummm - tracking them down that is, not actually getting lost myself..)

There's a huge demand for P.I's to go out to Japan to find the girls that have gone missing after taking hostess and dancing jobs there, and apparently I can do this if I want.

Seeing as I only know two words of Japanese, one being 'sushi' and the other 'sayonara' (which will make all my interrogations really, really short..) this probably won't be my area of expertise.

-- Immy (jealousy@yahoo.com), September 16, 1999.

Well I actually thought that you would take the paralegal option but once again you have pleasantly suprised me! I am so glad that you've decided to become a PI (which was my vote incidentally - honest!)I don't think you would be happy in a job that didn't give you a little drama or have a bit of an exciting edge to it, so you have definitely made the right choice! Maybe you could be one of those PIs who goes undercover to seek out those naughty boys who cheat on their beloveds. Imagine the havoc you could cause! Just be sure to always leave enough time to continue updating your journal!

-- celeste (clembo@telstra.easymail.com.au), September 17, 1999.

Actually, Celeste, Immy would probably be the one sneaking off with the husbands! ;))

Just kidding, Ims xx

-- Grebil (Sarah.Watkins@onyx.net), September 17, 1999.

You being a PI got me thinking...

He walked into my dive of an office. It was a Tuesday. A wet, rainy, gray Tuesday where the fog wraps around you like a sumo wrestler's thighs around a stool at an all you can eat buffet.

He was wearing a hat. Pulled down low over his face, covering his face like a reed-thin blanket covering a homeless guy on a cold, grey day.

I could tell he was tall, tall with long legs like a midget stretched out on the rack.

"Want a drink pal?" I asked.

"It's a little early, isn't it?"

"Pal, when you've seen what I've seen you'll know it's never too early for a blet of whiskey. Yeah I've seen things, things that would make your eyes bug out like a balloon OD'ing on helium. I've seen things pal: the Delhi Railway station, the Dentist Street in Katmandu, the Okapi sanctuary in Zaire, the All Day and Night Green bar in Nairobi. Yeah I've seen some things pal so I'm going to have a drink whether or not you think it's early."

"Then I'll have one too" he said, his voice rich and full, like Donald Trump after 8 cheeseburgers.

I took two glasses. Dropped in cubes of ice. Poured in the golden liquid, it flowed over the ice like honey in a beehive.

"Are you Immy?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm Immy, who wants to know?"

He pulled off his hat slowly, like a three-toed sloth doped up on phenobarbitol.

"I'm David Wenham, and I need your help."

I knew then I was in too deep, like a fly at a flyswatter's convention, like a guy with one leg at the Olympic trials for the three-legged race. Yeah I was in too deep. It was going to be one of those days.

-- John B. (rirams@erols.com), September 17, 1999.

I'm pretty sure it's essential to the plot that David Wenham gets nekkid at some point..!

John, you are a legend. Put your bloody journal back man, otherwise I'll send the boys round to break your legs. Oh, wait - I'm on the other side of the law now aren't I. Damn..!

I've bought your TimTams by the way. I'll be posting them as soon as I GET A BLOODY MINUTE..!!!

xx

-- Immy (jealousyw@yahoo.com), September 20, 1999.

Hey!

Where are MY Timtams??

*sniff*sniff*

Grebil x

-- Grebil (Sarah.Watkins@onyx.net), September 20, 1999.

God I miss Tim tams. I wish they had them in England. But we do get lion bars. Hey being a private investigator sounds cool. But I don't think you get a gun. Hope it all works out, then you can ditch the desk job and buy some of that fancy real estate!

-- sarah (sarahtroon@hotmail.com), September 27, 1999.

I could be persuaded to swap some TimTams in return for some Jammy Dodgers..

-- Immy (jealousyw@yahoo.com), October 04, 1999.