Bob was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge at about 90mph. Wouldn't you know a cop jumped out and clocked him with radar. Bob pulled over like a good citizen; recalling Rodney King and recent illegal alien incidents.

The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going BOY?"

Bob thought for a second and asked, "Uhhh, over 55?"

"93mph son! 93mph in a 55 zone!"

"But if you already knew," replied Bob, "Why did you ask me?"

Ignoring Bob, the officer continued, in his normal charming fashion, "That's speeding and you're getting a ticket and a fine!" The cop took a good look at Bob and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why,... I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life! I'll bet that isn't even your car!"

Bob recanted, "I've got a job! I have a good, well paying job!"

The cop leaned in the window, and with the smell of day old donuts on his breath and snarled, "What kind of a job would a bum like you have?"

"I'm an asshole stretcher" replied Bob.

"What did you say, BOY?!?" asked the patrolman.

"I'm an asshole stretcher."

Of course the cop had to ask, "What does an asshole stretcher do?"

Bob explained, "People call me up and say they want to be stretched, so I go over there and start with a couple of fingers, then a couple more, and then one whole hand, then two. Then I pull them farther and farther apart until it's six feet across."

The cop, absorbed with the images in his mind, let down his guard and asked, "What the hell use is a six foot asshole?"

"You give it a radar gun and stick it at the end of a bridge!"

-- R (O@T.FL), September 16, 1999