The Truth About Dogs

"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about little puppies." -- Gene Hill

"In dog years I'm dead" -- Unknown

"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear." -- Dave Barry

"I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl." -- Penny Ward Moser

"The dog's kennel is not the place to keep a sausage." -- Danish Proverb

"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend, and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." -- Groucho Marx.

"The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch." -- Michael Friedman

"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs."-- Aldous Huxley

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down." -- Robert Benchley

"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives." -- Sue Murphy

"Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog?" -- Unknown

"I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers." -- Unknown

"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves." -- August Strindberg

"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation." -- Fran Lebowitz

"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul- chicken, pork, half cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!" -- Anne Tyler

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." -- Rita Rudner

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money." -- Joe Weinstein

"Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant." -- Unknown

"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." -- James Thurber

"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets." -- Nora Ephron

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." -- Ann Landers

"Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein

"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him." -- Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." --Ben Williams

"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem." -- Edward Abbey

"Cat's Motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it." -- Unknown

"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.." -- Unknown

"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does." -- Christopher Morley

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself." -- Josh Billings

"Man is a dog's idea of what God should be." -- Holbrook Jackson

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." -- Andrew A. Rooney

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion" -- Unknown

"Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in." -- Mark Twain

"I care not for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went." -- Unknown

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." -- Mark Twain

"Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane." -- Smiley Blanton

"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts." --John Steinbeck

"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives." -- Rita Rudner

-- snooze button (alarmclock_2000@yahoo.com), October 30, 1999

Answers

And they make pretty good eatin' in a pinch!

---

"I got my mind right Boss!"

-- Luke (highplainsdrifter@home.com), October 30, 1999.

post y2k roving dog packs are one of the best reasons to own a gun.

-- zoobie (zoobiezoob@yahoo.com), October 30, 1999.

You lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas...

-- scratching (behind@my.ear), October 30, 1999.

Here's a dog for the Pollies...

Agence France-Presse reported: "Sony Corp. has announced the birth of a new breed of 10,000 special-edition robot dogs in response to mass demand from Europe, Japan and America. The electronics giant was stunned when it sold all 3,000 of its new robot dogs in just 20 minutes when they went on sale in Japan over the Net in June. Another 2,000 were snapped up in the United States. Sony had intended to sell just 5,000 of the pets and monitor customers' reactions for market research.The gleaming metallic puppy-sized robot is named Aibo, the Japanese word for partner...The new Aibo model, ERS-111, has slightly different ears, a shorter tail and new software. It comes with a color closed-circuit camera, heat censors, infra-red range finder, touch sensors and speed sensors. Accepting most of its commands via a remote control, Aibo barks, talks and even sings in English or Japanese. Owners can also train their dogs via a program on a computer screen."

-- BH (silentvoice@pobox.com), October 30, 1999.

True words, zoobie. When there is no food in the house, and people cannot feed Fido, they will not be able to come up with food for him, to bring themselves to kill him and eat him, or simply to kill him. They will simply shove him out the front door, and hope for the best for him. Fido will meet other dogs, who will A) pack up with him, B) be also unfed, and C) together they will look for food -- ANY plausible food.

Don't let your small child sit out in your yard in early 2000, and (even if you're not worried about danger from people in your area) don't go walking alone without a firearm then either. It will probably take months for the feral dog population to get reduced to anything like normal numbers, and a reduction in numbers to say, half, will not IMO reduce the danger very much. As some feral dogs start to get killed, or just die passively from cold, hunger, etc., the ones that are left will probably be larger, stronger, and/or on average initially more intelligent than the ones that die first. Also, as time goes on, the feral dogs that survive will learn, so will be behaviorally better adapted for survival in a post-1999 world. I do not mean to imply that feral dogs will be the top, or even in the top five problems for humanity in 2000, merely that I expect them to be one more nail in the coffin for any hopes of a fast return to "normalcy" once 2000 hits.

-- MinnesotaSmith (y2ksafeminnesota@hotmail.com), October 30, 1999.

Snooze button,

Good post. LOL. Gives me the opportunity to proudly declare that on 9/ 9/99 (!!!) a very large, male, german shepherd dog walked into my life. His name is Rex. He's awesome.

-- silver ion (ag3@interlog.com), October 30, 1999.

Lord -

Please help me to be the kind of person that my dog thinks I am. (Anon).

-- just another (another@engineer.com), October 30, 1999.

snooze button: A great post, a good reminder, a real humbler.

-- King of Spain (madrid@aol.cum), October 30, 1999.

bump

-- . (Doomers@like.humor), November 21, 2001.