Preparing:

I'm repeating this up here in case di's thread below scrolls off in which I answer you, hope you see it.

______________________________________________________

I'm hoping you are following this and it doesn't disappear before you see it.

I'm very concerned about your mention that you've had panic attacks and symptoms of depression, and fleeting thoughts of suicide.Talk to someone immediately, preferably your family doctor, or if not, your local social services hotline. If you don't have a 24 hour hotline like this locally, if nothing else we do, though it's a toll call: Family of Woodstock [NY] (914)338-2370

I'm not a medical professional, but these symptoms sound like they are becoming a medical problem. Your coping skills seem good, it's very good that you are meditating and getting the long walks in, but it is clear that this is not helping as much as you'd like. You may be showing some biochemical reactions to the stress, and perhaps some medications to take the edge off would really help you cope with this worry.You seem at least to be aware of the problems rather than clueless, and that is good. If you've had this problem before but not for a while, know that some of the medications available today can make a big difference. Y2k anxiety may thus be triggering a pre-existing condition. I'm suggesting medication rather than talking therapy because A/ there just isn't time and B/ it sounds to me more medical in its manifestations at this point rather than simply existential.

Whether the professionals you consult on this Get It about Y2k or not, your symptoms remain the same and need to be addressed immediately. You may want to look at the page I have up on psychological issues on my Mountain Y2k page at http://www.fortunecity.com/millennium/tinkywinky/999/psych.html Some of the articles linked there may be of use for you or the doctor.

This is a time when many of us are fragile and on edge. Know that you aren't the only one, and that there are some very good reasons to be concerned about Y2k. Don't let them try to talk you out of Y2k, make any professionals concentrate on your symptoms and treat them.

You've been so strong, you are continuing to cope and be there for others. Your community needs someone who is so aware. You'll be in my prayers. Talk to someone today about this.

-- Firemouse (firemouse@fcmail.com), December 12, 1999

Answers

Buying more ammo always seems to lift my spirits when I'm feeling low. Try it! Really!

-- John Malone (paranoid@mybunker.com), December 12, 1999.

Firemouse: Thank you so much for your response....I had looked for it today and it did scroll off, so I gave up. Years ago, as a teen, I was deeply depressed and suicidal, due mostly to the horrendous circumstances I grew up in. I survived, and underwent 5 years of therapy in college. Recovered! Strong, centered, emotionally healthy....very proud of those accomplishments. Happy marraige, mother to a beautiful child. Then Y2K came along. We have been prepping for quite some time and keep everything in perspective (my husband was in Desert Storm and helps with my perspective) but beginning around Thanksgiving I started getting more and more stressed. Feel like I am falling apart somedays. Being at work helps b/c I have to completely forget about all this (I am an 8th grade teacher). But school lets out December 17.

I know you recommended medication, but I have two reasons for not pursuing this: 1) I don't believe in them...I DO think you have a point that it is too close for talking therapy, you are right. But this also has a finite amount of time....I prefer to TRY to deal with things....(although two weeks ago, I was quite the hypocrite on this: I came very close to having an all-out full-blown panic attack at the grocery store--was there alone--and when I came home I was so upset--in tears--my husband sat me down with a mild rum and coke just to get me calm--worked, but I really don't care for that approach...2) don't really have the money. Even being covered by my insurance....we are struggling...

Although, quite honestly, I have considered just seeing a psychiatrist maybe once or twice just to get me to the end of the year. I don't know....I will go to the link you referenced and I thank you very much for your response, again.

I am still interested in how others are coping with it getting so close. So many are able to just focus on Christmas to get their minds off of it, but I cannot seem to......

-- preparing (preparing@home.com), December 12, 1999.

preparing@home,

You have given a great deal of your time, effort and knowledge to all of us here at the forum over the past several months. I have always looked forward to reading your thoughts and comments, and your advice has been so very helpful.

I wish so much, at this time, that there was someway I could offer you some comfort during these stressful times. But just be assured, we are all thinking of you, praying for you and wishing you and yours the very best. What separates alot of us in miles and distance, does not separate us in the heart.

My e-mail is real, if you ever need anything, just ask.

-- Lilly (homesteader145@yahoo.com), December 12, 1999.

Wow, Lilly, you just made my day. I had no idea anyone much noticed me here, though I have been here quite a while. I just figured it was b/c I am not very controversial in what I say,and have such a blah handle (I mean, really, who remembers that handle?).

But thank you, from the bottom of my stressed out heart! I am getting off the computer in a few minutes so I can make Christmas cookies and act like everything is just HUNKY-DOREY! Maybe I can fool myself.

-- preparing (preparing@home.com), December 12, 1999.

No, really, try buying ammo.I saw my Mental Health Care Professional at the range the other day shooting some pretty tight groups.

-- John Malone (paranoid@mybunker.com), December 12, 1999.

John: thank you for the advice, but we already have ammo and can afford no more. I HAVE practiced at the range and am quite the ace shot, if you must know. But I hope to not use that talent. And it doesn't make me feel much better.

Thanks anyway.

-- preparing (preparing@home.com), December 12, 1999.

Atta-way! You go Girl! I know it's the end of the World and all, but you gotta have fun with it and go with the flow. What ever is going to happen will happen. Good luck and see ya at the range. John

-- John Malone (paranoid@mybunker.com), December 12, 1999.

To Preparing:

While you don't believe in meds, let me tell you they CAN make a difference. I am no expert at all, but you sound alot like a friend of mine. He was finally diagnosed as being bi-polar, which is a bio- chemical problem that CAN be corrected with the proper medication. This is usually covered by most of the insurance providers, or at least by his.

My friend had every symptom you described, right down to the panic attacks. Please check into it.

I am not an expert in psychology by any means. Talk to an expert!

-- Steve (sron123@aol.com), December 12, 1999.

Preparing,

Thanks for giving more details on your situation. You sound like you have everything going for you to get over the hump on this problem. You know what growing up in a horrendous situation was like, so you have perspective. You've successfully gone through therapy, so you know a lot more than anyone else about what works and what doesn't work for you. You've got a husband who seems to Get It, and is supportive.

I recommended medication simply because I've seen a family member really helped by the anti-anxiety and anti-depression meds they are on. But if you don't feel comfortable with that, it might be worth your while to explore herbal-based remedies like St. John's Wort or maybe the Bach Flower "Rescue Remedy." I believe the St. John's Wort takes a little while to become effective, but I've heard that some people have had fast relief with Rescue Remedy.

Since you meditate, do you have some breathing and relaxation techniques to get you through any anxiety attacks? I find that paying attention to my breath and the state my body is in is really important when I find myself losing my center.

When you are having problems with insomnia, get up and do something that brings you pleasure and has nothing to do with Y2k or anything else that is stressful, until you start to become sleepy.

If you want to talk to someone for some counselling, perhaps a few sessions with someone with a behavioral-cognitive practice might be useful, as they are used to short term, goal-directed therapy. Or if there is anyone you've used before who helped and who knows you, that of course would be optimal rather than dealing with a stranger.

I've also got a section on the Mountain Y2k website on spiritual perspectives on Y2k. There may be some things there that will help give solace and perspective on a spiritual level.

I'm coping by throwing myself into working on getting this messy house in order, working on a simple Y2k handout to see if the school will duplicate it for all the families (and if not, I'll stick it up on bulletin boards around town, and it's going out with all the Xmas cards this week). I'm doing what I can to still make constructive changes to get people prepared, without trying to feel guilty about all the Y2k Superwoman stuff I'd like to accomplish that I may not get done. I think going down to the basement and actually doing an inventory of what I already had really helped, and pleasantly surprised me. There is still stuff I need, but there is still time and supplies around locally. I must admit that I'd had a bad attitude developing about "Christmas -- oh yeah, that holiday a few days before Y2k". But I'm a parent, and my kids really expect Christmas to be magick, and still Believe. So today we're doing cookies, and getting the tree. I've had a lot of trouble sleeping this fall, but lately I've been doing a lot more physical stuff and that seems to help.

Since you'll have some free time over vacation before Y2k, see about doing something fun that you haven't done in a while. I'm taking a couple of days off next week to go down to the city for the first time in a year, see some art exhibits and museums, do some chores for my mom who is undergoing chemo, and visit an elderly aunt who I haven't seen for a year. I'll cap it off with an evening with dear friends before I head home, and I think I will be quite renewed by the break. Be kind to yourself, take a couple of Y2k-free days.

Use your mirror to remind yourself who you are. You are a survivor. You are strong, centered, and emotionally healthy. Remind the parts of you that have forgotten that wisdom. Follow your breath.

And I know that there are some of you who are reading this, and feeling the same feelings, and needing the same support. This goes as directly to you as it does to Preparing even if your name is not on it. With it goes the same heart-felt caring that you be at peace, and be coping well, and be finding ways to ride this wave of uncertainly with grace.

If you need to talk more in private, this is a real email address.

Firemouse

-- Firemouse (firemouse@fcmail.com), December 12, 1999.

Thanks so much. Steve, actually, no I am not bi-polar. That was a big worry of mine for a very very long time, though, as my biological mother was thought to be bi-polar. Turns out she has Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizoaffective Disorder. In fear of genetically following in her footsteps, I read everything I could on these disorders and have taken every psychological test made by man....which have all shown me to be mentally and emotionally stable, thank God. It's Y2K, though. I am a very rational, thoughtful person, and obviously have found reason enough to prep, I just think it is the countdown that is getting to me. No, scratch that, I KNOW it is the countdown that is getting to me. Can't look at one of those counters w/out feeling the urge to hyperventilate.

And firemouse, thanks for the mention of the herbal supplements. I knew about them, but had forgotten about St. John's Wort. I take Echinacea and Goldenseal at the first sign of viral or bacterial infection, but forgot about the "centering" herbs. Going out to buy some tonight, I think they will do some good.

And you are right, I have seen many people benefit greatly from anti- depressives and anti-anxiety drugs, esp people who need to get centered enough just to undergo talking therapy.

Yes, when I meditate, I focus on breathing patterns, chanting, etc. Got a book a couple of months ago on meditating that has helped my "technique", as it were. I find meditation and prayer to be EXTREMELY helpful, very calming. Just a matter of doing it, isn't it? ;-)

Thanks again, everyone. I honestly have to say I have been quite surprised by this response. Firemouse, you are an incredible person. Wish I knew you in person!

-- preparing (preparing@home.com), December 12, 1999.

Aw, thanks, Preparing. [beam]

You know me in persons, if not in person. If the Net goes down for a while, look for me in the little old lady with the playful gleam in her eye, in the boy who loves animals, in Orion's belt, and in the moments you spend just quietly watching a bee or remembering the exact feel of a baby changing its weight on your shoulder.

If there is anything useful I can pass on here, it is often because it was passed on to me. I keep that energy and knowledge moving, that's the responsibility that goes with it. I can tell you've got the strength and power and will pass what you can on too, when you can.I'd pass on some of those good backrubs that need to passed on too, but it's a little harder...

I remember that feeling that suffused me a few days before birthing the first time. That sense of being on the brink of something totally unimaginable and being antsy about wanting it to finally just ARRIVE. I'm feeling it a bit now. This may be a birthing that was like the 40 hours of unmedicated labor I went through then -- or it may be a case of the mountain laboring to bring forth a mouse. We'll find out soon.

Meanwhile, I'm in that stage that's like a hamster obsessively chewing up newspaper to make a nest. :%

-- Firemouse (firemouse@fcmail.com), December 12, 1999.

Firemouse, wow, I will have to read your last reply when I am more awake. Too deep for me right now.

I did notice you are the only woman I have ever met who broke my unmedicated labor record. 26 1/2 hours. Never a bit of drugs. 9 pound baby girl, little over 5 years ago.

Whooooo, 40 hours. As it was, during transition, I was literally losing consciousness the 40 seconds I had betw contractions I was so tired. The last two hours of the labor is a blur. Now, the two hours of pushing I remember well! ;-)

-- preparing (preparing@home.com), December 12, 1999.

Like Y2k, it got dealt with one breath at a time, one contraction at a time. When I learned about contractions, nobody told me that what they were actually the universe contracting down to just you and the baby and nothing else. I got birthed then too.

I sure wish I'd asked for a cup of coffee toward the end to give me a boost, but I was being really prissy about "drugs."

My mantra now when I need to tap into some power I don't know I have is "I am a Mommy. I can do anything."

-- Firemouse (firemouse@fcmail.com), December 13, 1999.

preparing,

I'll throw in a heartfelt word: your work for this forum has been consistently terrific. Thanks for contributing--your perspectives have helped to shape mine.

A small, humble suggestion from someone else on what seems to be the same path: your only direct responsibility re. y2k is to your child. Your husband is your partner in the effort, and...well...all other autonomous adults are precisely that. You are not reponsible for them, in the same way you would not want them to be responsible for you. Go have some fun, you roundly deserve it.

Hope I'm not typing out of turn here. Be well.

-- silver ion (ag3@interlog.com), December 13, 1999.

Prep-Girl,

You better cease and desist w/ the negativity! Who will I have to go back and forth with If'n you do something silly? C'mon! Look at the bright side. Believe you me...we all have a real downside to the Y2K issues. Especially these days as thing are even more unsure than ever. Look to your family for the support you need. Even if they may not appreciate it, you are doing a positive and tough thing to try and insure both them and yourself against a potential disaster.

If you want to talk, or need some sicko x- .mil humor just drop me a line...I'll always be around.

Your compatriot...

-- Billy Boy (Rakkasan101st@Aol.com), December 13, 1999.