M.Ed. Extension Cohort Clark B. Montgomery December 28, 1999

PERSONAL REFLECTION

There is little question that my theories or conceptions regarding learning, intelligence and education have changed considerably over the years. Although age, maturity, and increased experiences with life have altered my thinking from what it might have been, events that have occurred in the past year have had a profound effect on my present thoughts. That recent change is, no doubt, the result of several awakening experiences and the need/opportunity to actually reflect on my perceptions through involvement with my M.Ed. pursuit. What Ive discovered is that my present thinking was probably there, in my mind, all along  albeit in subliminal form. Quite honestly, I had never thought deeply about the makings of learning, intelligence and education, i.e. success. Either there were those that could, those that struggled, and those that could not. For most of my life, it all seemed so clear. On reflection, those conclusions seem somewhat logical, based on my upbringing and personality. But, much of that has changed. Where am I now? Im not exactly sure. But, at least its at a different place than it was.

Its difficult for me to limit my thoughts about transformative processes to the terms learning and teaching, although on reflection those encompass just about everything that goes on in life. For me, learning and recognizing the message of this phenomena required more of a reflection about my values. Based, I suppose, on my formative training, I grew up with a system of values that were both straightforward and unyielding. Although certain standards involving integrity, honesty, fairness and perseverance were basic expectations, success was a variable term that had more to do with physical and intellectual ability. With those values firmly entrenched, a reasonable intellect, a much more athletic figure than I now have, and being the youngest with three older sisters, I actually remember thinking I would become President. As a result, elementary and middle school were a breeze. The teachers liked my attitude and I had enough ability to excel. Things took a slightly different course after that. High school and the five years beyond were my un-scholastic period. Although school didnt hold much interest for me, work did. My blue collar roots and unyielding work ethics provided for very positive experiences. College was my wild oats period, or perhaps my neo-transformative period. Suffice to say that, without abandoning ALL my values, I had a very good time and met the basics requirements for a B.S. degree in agronomy. Following college was work, marriage and family  and all that responsibility. Again my ethics and abilities paid off. From a family provider viewpoint, I was working and living in an environment that favored people with my attributes. I thought I was a great success and by provider standards, I was. Unfortunately, that didnt involve or leave a lot of time for my family. I was successful  I was a good provider, everyone thought so except my family and, finally, myself. Then we moved to Minnesota and the Minnesota Extension Service. From then until now has been a transitional period for myself. Already questioning some of my values, I now found myself in a community and a career that has caused even more reflection. I havent abandoned my values, but they have been greatly modified.

For most of my life, I thought being smart (a combination of ability, ethics, and conformity?) meant success. And, success meant reward, control, and recognition, with more being better than less. Thats what I was taught and thats what I believed  I was empowered. In such a materialistic society as ours, how could any other conclusion be logically reached? In my defense, those values and assumptions werent as elitist as they might seem. In my view, anyone could be a success IF they played the game (values) and used their abilities (mental/physical) as best they could. The only difference in the degree of success obtained was that some have greater ability than others. I must admit, I havent totally given up on that premise. Of course, the flaw in my thinking was that we all shared the same values. Its my REFLECTION on that, and the subsequent recognition that values are individual characteristics, that has modified my thinking. The result is my being less judgmental (I hate that term) and more accepting.

How did I come this far (and Ive got a long ways to go)? Probably three things: age; life experiences; and reflection/recognition. 1) At age thirty, I was living the life I (and my upbringing) expected of myself. It was the classic cause/effect  achievement/reward syndrome. Simply put, it met my values at the time and it paid off. Im not so sure Id have been much different regardless  I just wouldnt have been receptive. With increasing age comes maturity, diluted hormones, tired blood, and whatever else that tends to negate a hard charging attitude. 2) Life experiences create constant change in attitudes, beliefs and assumptions. However, its often difficult to understand or even recognize the changes that are taking place. Changes are sometimes so subtle or occur so gradually that they go unrecognized. I think that happened to me. Over the years I had subliminally rejected many of my older values, but I wasnt aware of it. And, old habits are hard to break. That may sound crazy, but its true. 3) It required the stimulation to reflect on my past values/assumptions that allowed me to recognize that they have markedly changed. I honestly think I was looking to understand that, without knowing I was. I think I was eager to experience trials or test myself without understanding why (diversity). Portions of my M.Ed. program have pushed me forward in this regard. Being a blue personality, I need to intellectually justify or confirm my thoughts. This class afforded me the opportunity to accomplish just that, and Im fortunate to have attended.

Now that Ive experienced this revelation, how can I put it to good use? Thats a good question. I dont see myself ever becoming the total transformative man, if indeed there is such a thing. Many of the techniques and styles that foster a transformative learning experience make sense and should be easy habits to adopt with practice. However, techniques are important, but relatively minor. Its the sincere expression of sensitivity and respect for others that will foster improved teaching and learning. In truth, I am generally sensitive and respectful of others, however I recognize Im seldom perceived that way. My sensitivity seems to be overshadowed by the fact that Im argumentative (opinionated?)  not a great qualities for the transformative teacher. Overcoming that, I think, will be my greatest challenge.

Out of all the exposure regarding this topic of transformative learning (thinking, reading, discussing, writing), one point keeps popping into my head. That is the concept of critical self-reflection. To me, thats the mantra of the entire notion. Actually, Im pretty good at it, having had lots of experience questioning myself, my beliefs, and my actions. What seems to be different now is that rather than using reflection to justify my thoughts, I can use it to adjust my thinking. Thats quite an important difference. This concept of critical self-reflection has empowered me to admit to myself that I can be wrong; that my values and beliefs may not be right. Believe me, thats a big step for me.

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-- Anonymous, December 29, 1999