I knew the electricity would go off so I went to bed at 8:30 PST because I couldn't stand to see the ball get stuck halfway down in times square in New York. At 1AM I heard some strange noise out in the garage so I grabbed my SKS carbine with two extra clips along with my wind-up flashlight and got up to investigate. It was a light banging sound and as my wife was very tired before she went to bed, it evidently didn't wake her. I had been sick with the flu for five days so I was barely asleep. The wind was howling and I had just got done listening to one of my old time radio suspense tapes called Quiet Please. That tape leaves a lasting effect for hours. The last five minutes always turns out to be a nightmare in disguise. It gets better every time I listen to it! Part way down the hall I could hear my dachsund guard dog Betsy that stands 6" high and 2' long actually growling at the intruder.I took two more steps and it grabbed me from behind. Whatever it was, it had me gripped tightly at the waist line and wouldn't let go. I tugged and pulled but in my weakened condition, I was in its grasp like stink on shit. I've been in lots of situations in 50+ years but never nothing like this. Fear hit me between the eyes like something out of a Steven King smash novel made for TV thriller! I let out a scream but nothng came out! It was like a bad dream or a terrible day at work. Actually it was the worst thing in recent memory. It was nothing like a stick that stood up by itself in the barn many years ago. That was a soothng and calming experience. This moment in time ws horrible! I had been coughing and hacking for so long that my vocal cords were useless in my defense. Whatever had ahold of me was cold, hard, and had a humming sound coming from deep within. Paralized by fear and unable to wake my wife, I was a prisoner for hours. I dropped the gun and flashlight at the moment of abduction, so they were useless weapons. A 7 in the morning she finally came out to the kitchen because of the tapping sound on the floor which happened to be my big toe on my right foot. For 2 hours I had been tapping SOS in Morse Code because I had learned it in Chapter 5 of Sinking of THE Titanic. She didn't know it because she hadn't read the book but it didn't make any difference because it got her attention anyway. With a perplexed look on her face that I have seen many times before she spoke words that I've heard thousands of times, "What the f#%k do you think you're doing?" I told her it got me and wouldn't let go! It only took this wonderful woman 5 whole seconds to find out what happened. I had that damn magnet I use for lower back pain stuck down in the back of my shorts and I quess I got to close to the refrigerator and it attached me to it wih unbelievable strength. For me Y2K terrorism actually happened and it still haunts me 5 days later.

-- John Thomas (cjseed@webtv.net), January 06, 2000

Answers

LOL! LOLROFLOAOTWP !

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), January 06, 2000.

Wrong forum...this needs to go to artbell.com =)

-- Dee (T1Colt556@aol.com), January 06, 2000.

I would have liked to seen that stick stand up. Maybe a magnet did it!

-- Cable_man (tlangan@iname.com), January 06, 2000.

ROFLMAO!!!!!

-- Lisa (lisadawn@yahoo.com), January 06, 2000.

You're really weird. :-)

-- Hawk (flyin@high.again), January 06, 2000.

Where's the oxygen tank? Hacked up a lung on that one!!!! pissed myself.

-- Hokie (Hokie_@hotmail.com), January 06, 2000.

...I'm still laughing...

-- Hokie (Hokie_@hotmail.com), January 06, 2000.

John, you should send this to the Magnet Man on shortwave. Bet he would split a gut over it. I did!Thanks for a hearty chuckle.

-- Betty Alice (Barn266@aol.com), January 06, 2000.

One of the best, can't wait for more like it!! How about it's alive on 95.

-- ron dean (radean@jps.net), January 09, 2000.

That is the funniest damn thing I have read in ages. Thanks for the laugh.

-- (I'm@pol.ly), January 10, 2000.