I had a bloke round this afternoon to replace the windscreen on our old car, works for Autoglass or whoever it is.....he doesn't watch football very much and doesn't support any specific team, but because their company sponsor Chelsea.....he has got a ticket fot he semi.

B@st@drd took great delight in showing me it as well.....nearly mugged the tw@t......but he had my address....sod it...I want to cry....real supoporters can't get tickets, b@st@rds like that get them dead bloody easy.

-- Anonymous, March 18, 2000

Answers

Hey that's tough, ITK. I have a plan. On semi day, why don't you get two bricks and go down to Wembley. See where the Chewsee fans park their cars and chuck one brick thru the window. Then put in a call to Autoglass saying some b@st@rd Newcastle fan has chucked a brick thru your car window (you should be used to that, coming from Heaton!). When the Chewsee-loving Autoglass man arrives, hit him with the other brick and nick his ticket.

Don't blame me if it doesn't work, mind.

-- Anonymous, March 18, 2000

Screacher Beware

If you're not careful the Heaton Mafia will declare a fatwah on you. I'd suggest checking your bed carefully each night before you get in!

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2000

Clarky You're not saying I might find ITK lurking under the bedclothes are you? I think I'd prefer a horses heed!

-- Anonymous, March 19, 2000