ATTENTION!!! UPPER-LEVEL MANAGEMENT POSITION VACANCY!

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April 28, 2000

To: The FRLian community at large

RE: Position opening/ upper management/ survival beverage industry/waterfront location

If you perchance, read of my recent problem with Jiggle Juice on the photo album thread, you know we at the JJ factory are facing somewhat of a public relations dilema. And since I read just today that the PR industry is one of the ten hottest career fields (24.6% growth in the next ten years), I just thought I would give all of you FRLians a chance to exercise any asperations along this line.

So, if you have a particular talent for telling the truth as only you may see it, and don't have the money for law school, then you might consider the position of Public Relations Manager for Bayou Aphrodisiac And Dynamite Distillery (BAADD, Inc.), makers and perveyors of the World Famous and Original, Iggie Chalmet's Bayou Jiggle Juice.

By way of your application for this most prestigeous and coveted position, we would like you to forward a complete resume, including your recent work history (the last forty years or so will do), compensation expectations (chuckle), and an eight-by-ten, glossy photo, suitable for framing, of Old Git sunbathing in the nude.

Now, as I say, that is what we would like. But since you're not going to do it, and since we wouldn't read it anyhow, just skip that part and go straight to the slogan competition:

SLOGAN COMPETITION

This is to be considered an open competition, and as such will be judged solely by and at the discretion of the Board of Directors of BAADD, Inc.

Please post your original and witty company slogan for Jiggle Juice on this thread. Do not try to fool the judges by altering other icons of industry, such as "Jiggle Juice, the Breakfast of Champions" (Budwiser has already threatened lawsuit), or "Jiggle Juice - recommended by nine out of ten drunks" (Drunks United for Defamation Dollars, or DUDDs, would have a field day with that one).

As mentioned above, the slogans submitted must be original, captivating, and sensitive to the socio-economic stratus of our target audienence. In other words, a six year-old should think it a hoot.

Monetary prizes for excellence shall be of magnanamous but undisclosed nature, and will be awarded upon the event of either Iggie or me winning the lottery.

Yours, in a business-like manner,

Lon Frank Cousin to the Big Guy

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-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), April 28, 2000

Answers

to the new answers page

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), April 28, 2000.

Giggle while Jiggle Juggle Lon's words!
We luv U, Lon :-)
Hey, how are you liking your new computer?
Don't be shy about the details!

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), April 28, 2000.

Old King Cole would've been a merrier old soul if he'd had Jiggle Juice (TM) in his bowl ;-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), April 28, 2000.

Oh, trish, that's good. Maybe we could use it on some "Burma Shave" type signs.

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-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), April 28, 2000.


Now, lettuce get this right.......'cause I get easily confused ya' know.

Is the framed 8x10 glossy of Ole Git part of the prerequisite conpensations, or part of the prerequisite qualifications for this hear job to publicize jiggle juice?

Or is consuming jiggle juice part of the prerequistions for publicizing a framed 8x10 glossy of the Miss Git? Or for portaking a framed 8x10 glossy of Miss Git?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), April 28, 2000.



Gawd, Lon, I thought I had paid you for ALL the negatives!

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), April 28, 2000.

How about the direct and simple approach?

Economy of time usage being an admirable trait:

"Drink Jiggle Juice, it gets you Drunker - Quicker"

Research continure,

-Greybear

-- Got Jiggers?

-- Greybear (greybear@homey.com), May 01, 2000.


Negatives.....is that why these hear 9x11's glossy's kinda look funny?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), May 01, 2000.

Jiggle Juicers Judge Jiggle Juice Joyful!

Jiggle Juice Jumps!

Jocular Joggers Jostle for Jiggle Juice!

Jaunty Jiggle Juicers Jeeringly Junk Juvenile Juices



-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), May 03, 2000.


The only problem with that answer, Diane, is that I can just barely spit it out when sober :-) We could use it as the litmus test sobriety, though!

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), May 03, 2000.


Ms. Dianne J. Squire

RE: Your submissions to the Jiggle Juice Jingle contest

My Dear Ms. Squire,

First let me express our appreciation for your submissions to our contest. Although I found them highly entertaining, there has been a small problem.

Unfortunately, Ignoratium Chalmet, CEO of BAADD, Inc., got into a contest with one of the quality assurance technicians (we've got a lot of quality assurance technicians), as to who could recite your jingles the fastest. Since it was near the end of our "work" day, and both men were well lubricated for loquatiousness, you can imagine how some of the jiggle jingles were being juxtaposed. At one point, I, personaly, was appalled to hear:

"Jiggle Juicers Jeeringly Jostle Joggers", and

"Joyful Judges Jump Juvenile Juicers", and

"Jaunty Jiggle Juicers Joyfully Junk Their Jocular Straps" (this was thankfully near the end)

But the real problem was that somehow in the heat of competititon, Mr. Chalmet accidently bit off the end of his tongue. Please be assured, that thanks to the medicinal qualities of Jiggle Juice, he was feeling no pain at the time. Today, he is soaking his tongue in Jiggle Juice (the part he has left, not the piece he bit off), and we expect no further complications.

Of course, at first, our legal beagle, Percy Premeaux, esq., suggested that a lawsuit was in order, and demanded that we "sic him on you like a fiest dog on a fritter". However, since nobody could understand Iggie anyway, we felt it would be hard to prove any appreciable damages.

But, the remaining executive cadre of BAADD, Inc. (namely me and Ollie Dumaine, who cuts the wood for the still, and some old guy we call Catfish) have decided that the use of your jingles would present a clear and present danger to our customers. Therefore, we have disqualified them from our competition.

Please be encouraged to remit additional entries, and remember;

"For Safety's Sake, Jiggle Juicers Use Single Sylables"

(Hey, I like that)

Ole Lon

Cousin to the (formerly shar

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), May 04, 2000.


Dang, Lon!

And here I thought I'd get a lifetime's supply of Jiggle Juice to share with Rob and other FRL part-tee-ers!

Oh well.

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), May 04, 2000.


I'm thinkin' .... I'm thinkin'.......

But single-sylable-jiggle-juicin'-slogans don't fit.......

Seems like everything keeps getting more and more sylables than one.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), May 08, 2000.


No, no, Robert. They don't have to be written in single sylables, just *pronounced* in single sylables.

-----------

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), May 08, 2000.


Robert, having a Texan ask for single syllables is an oxymoron. They are the only "English" speaking people on earth to pronounce place in two or three syllables, at least so far as I know. That being the case, you should be able to use words of up to three syllables before Lon and his co-horts notice the difference. :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), May 08, 2000.


Now, jay-yust you way-ate a min-new-et, he-ah. Who all e-yas you callin' a oxymoron?

Ah kno-was what they-at me-ins, an' ah doe-wunt cotton to-ah e-at a-yat all, ya'll.

After all, ah a-yunt tot-tally ill-e-jit-a-munt, ya kno-wa?

---------

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), May 08, 2000.


Welllllllll, Okay, we'all 'll count them there silly lables down-right properly and to the point....Ah think.....Exactly and without missin' any....addin' some perhaps. Unlessin' we'un's skip a few.

But that's like skipping rocks.....at the end it sorta falls off into a couple a few assorted splashes and plops......sorta runs t'gether and gets all messed up inna bunch.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), May 08, 2000.


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