What do I do? I'm being abused by my GF!greenspun.com : LUSENET : Domestic Violence Accounts : One Thread
I am living together with my girl friend. Lately whenever we have an argument she gets highly violent. She started out by hitting at the walls and then couple of days ago she actually pushed, shoved and hit my on my chin with her elbow. When I told her that I had been assualted she laughed and then when I tried calling 911 she actually prevented me from doing so and pushed me onto the bed. She also said that if I called 911 she would cry RAPE! She is pregnant and I have not hit her anytime. I need help, I still love her but I need to know some way to stop this. I am now even scared of calling for help next time she gets violent because: 1) She will prevent me form doing it 2) As she has already threatned once she will cry RAPE!
Please help, I'm in Canada!
-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000
Mr.Kapoor there is a gentleman by the name of Don Wright,Med he is in Canada. His email address is the best I can do. It is firstname.lastname@example.org I hope this is of some help. He works with Survivors of Sexual abuse. But he may beable to lead you to other information.
-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000
Rohan, First question. Are you sure you are the father of the baby??? If so, you have fatherly rights even if you do not live with the mother. Does she have a history of violence? My ex was violent and after talking to his parents, he showed those tendencies when he was a teen. Pregnancy does some wild things to women and if she does not have a history, maybe you should speak with her OBGYN. If she has a history, don't expect her to ever get better. I have learned that it is better for a child to be from a "broken home" than a violent one. If she is willing to accuse you of rape and have you jailed - question her love. If she finds that it will control you, she will use it again and again and you will become her slave. Life is too short. Check with an attorney, you may be common law married and need to file for divorce in order to have any rights to your own stuff and child. Good luck, Lynda
-- Anonymous, June 27, 2001
Yu need to get the hell out of there. Once an abuser starts an abuse of some form, it will continue, until you decide to put an end to it. As a survivor of spousal abuse, i know how hard it is to just leave, when you feel that you have loyalites, and (possible) children. Its not an easy decision to make. Sometimes you have to look from outside and see that you ARE being abused. You may feel that she is this way for what ever reason, and it will go away. Im sure it wont. Im sure it can possibly escalate into a full physical abuse that can threaten your life at some point in time. You must decide to make yourself become an un victim. You have to decide for you.
-- Anonymous, March 07, 2002
I know exactly what you are going through my fiend, I've been there. Why does she do these things? Because she knows she can, and without realizing it you have given her full permission to do so. Anyone who threatens to falsely accuse you of rape does not love you, nor does she have any concept of what love is or what love is about. I am speaking from bitter personal experience. You said in your message you were scared of calling for help "the next time she gets violent." My friend if you know full well she is going to do it again you need to get out of there! That is the only thing that will prevent you from being hurt again. I am a man who has gone through the same things you have. I have two pieces of advice for you. The first is, GET OUT. Do not listen to her half-ass apologies and tell her to save her promises to change for some other fool. I know that hurts you but it is the only way to keep from being hurt far worse. The second is to make sure the child is not hurt in any way. I'm not a citizen of Canada, but presumably you do have rights as a father. Two thirds of the creeps that beat up their intimates also beat up on children. If you must get an attorney and see to the welfare of the child. I know how hard it is for you. God bless you.
-- Anonymous, March 22, 2002
Hi Rohan, i understand your situation. I know this happened a while ago with you but it is happening to me right now. I am being abused by my boyfreind . I live in the US and may i ask what is the situation with you now. I was wondering who to talk to when i came across this. Please help!!!
-- Anonymous, July 31, 2002
My best advice to you (and I hope this is not too late) and anyone else suffering this kind of thing is to purchase a small dictaphone pocket tape recorder and get it all on tape before you call the authorites. If you have a web cam then record what the abuser is doing. By leaving the computer monitor switched off they will not see that they are being recorded. Another good idea is to call a friend on a mobile phone and leave the phone in the room where the abuse is taking place. Get the friend to record everything that the phone picks up and then call the police. You can fight back in this way and get justice. I hope this helps. Visit my site at http://www.man2man.themenscenter.com for more info and contact me if I can help in any way.
-- Anonymous, November 10, 2002
DO NOT DO ANYTHING YET. I WAS IN THE SAME SITUATION AS YOU AND I WENT ABOUT IT THE WRONG WAY, NOW, MY RECIRD HAS "ME" AS A CONVICTED ABUSER. YOU WILL HAVE TO PLAY STUPID FOR A WHILE, BUT YOU HAVE TO START NOW. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR YOU TO DO IS TO GET AWAY FROM THAT CRAZY BROAD. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING, "I WILL PAY CHILD SUPPORT FOR 18 YEARS AND BE ALONE AT THE SAME TIME". HERE'S WHAT YOU DO. START GETTING EVERYTHING ONTAPE THAT YOU CAN,(BUT DONT LEAVE YET). WHEN YOUR BABY IS BORN,GET AWAY ONE DAY AND CALL THE POLICE. I DONT KNOW HOW IT WORKS WHERE YOU ARE, BUT IN CA. , IF A FAMILY MEMBER THINKS YOU WILL HURT YOURSELF, OR SOMEONE ELSE, THEY WILL BE EVALUATED IN A MENTAL WARD FOR 3 DAYS. THIS IS WHEN YOU NEED TO HUSTLE. GET A RESTRAINING ORDER AND FILE FOR SOLE PHYSICAL AND LEGAL CUSTODY. YOUR RELATIONSHIP WILL NOT "WORK OUT " OR "GET BETTER". WHAT WILL HAPPEN, IS THAT YOU WILL BE ACCUSED OF SPOUSE ABUSE AND RAPE. ALSO, REMEMBER, A SINGLE DAD WALKING THRU A MALL IS NEVER ALONE. I DONT MEAN TO BE BLUNT, BUT THIS IS A WOMANS WORD, AND YOU MAY HAVE TO TAKE A FEW MORE MONTHS OF GETTING SOCKED UP, BUT YOU NEED THE EVIDENCE TO TAKE TO COURT IF YOU APPLY FOR CUSTODY. A SHORT, QUICK SOLUTION IS TO LEAVE NOW , WHICH IS PROBLY WHAT EVERYONE ELSE TOLD YOU TO DO,RIGHT? WELL, THAT WOULD BE SELFISH. IF SHE ABUSES YOU DONT YOU THINK SHE WILL ABUSE YOUR CHILD FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE?MY ADVISE, YOU NEED TO PULL A "ROPE-A-DOPE". LET HER THINK SHE IS IN CONTROLTHEN, WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT, YOU AND YOUR CHILD LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.MAKE SURE YOU CHECK THE LAWS FIRST AND DONT STAY TOO LONG. REMEMBER, THERE ARE A LOT OF PLACES TO HELP WITH DAY CARE WHILE YOU ARE AT WORK. GOOD LUCK.........
-- Anonymous, December 25, 2002
I have just read all these because I have been sexual abused by my duaghters father and mentally for two years, a year ago I managed to get free of him and have now found myself a lovely man who is so loving and gentle, my problem now is that while with my ex he had a porn problem and constantly compared me to all of these glamour models, now whenever anything like this comes on tv I get emotionally upset and just recently I got angry with my partner because we was watching a documentary about domestic violence on tv which showed some porn I turned it over buthe carried on watching which really hurt me so I ended up getting really angry with him and I hit him round the face and head and scratched his face, it scared the hell out of me because that is not in my nature and I hate myself for doing it, can anybody help me, does this mean that I have now turned into the abuser because of what has happened to me???
-- Anonymous, February 20, 2003
I just want to go off on a slight tangent here and say that it's clear from the responses from male and female here that domestic violence is a HUMAN issue.
OH I WISH THE LAW-MAKERS WOULD READ THIS SITE! I WISH THE NARROW- MINDED FEMINISTS WITH AGENDAS WOULD READ THIS SITE!
Good luck PEOPLE.
-- Anonymous, April 27, 2003
This is in regard to jo o'connor's reply...
Jo, it is encouraging to see that you're recognizing the potentiality of abuse. Take those fears seriously and think about talking to anyone who will listen in order to try and figure out how to recognize those problems and prevent them from happening again. I am so sorry for what you've been through and am so happy that you're out of it and into something that sounds so much more healthy. Please think about finding some sort of "help" in order to prevent a good relationship turning into another form of abuse...
-- Anonymous, April 29, 2003