Is adulthood anything more that Eat, Sleep Work, Repeat? I find that since I graduated from University, I'm becoming *gasp!* DULL. I go to work, I come home, watch Friends and go to bed. I have few friends here in Edmonton, I don't have energy during the week to hang with the ones I do have. What's up? Am I turning into my parents?

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

Answers

Yes.

And you'll also find that you'll say things like, "I can't go out tonight because I've got work tomorrow."

Best thing is to make exercise a routine during the week. Breaks up the day a bit more and adds a bit of *spice.* Maybe join a dance class or something.

Or do what I do - go to school fulltime too. You sure won't be dull then! The weeks fly right by....

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Heehee! Well, you answered your own question there, Heather - Edmonton! That is the problem!

Time for a three day weekend to Banff, I'd wager.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

I am going to be going to Edmonton for almost two weeks at the end of June, so it better not be that boring.

Um. I think the trick is to spend time with friends, because then you can all be dry and ironic as hell at each other about boring your lives are now that you're adults. Believe me, it beats Friends hand down.

I also recently took a bellydancing class, and that was not boring. So there's hope.

Joanne

Parietal Pericardium

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Yeah, take classes. Classes are fun.

I have this e-friend (man, I hope he doesn't see this) who used to live in Lloydminster. He went to Edmonton for fun. Now I'm getting all misted up on his behalf...

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

HA hahahaha!

Edmonton for *fun*!

Yer killin' me.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Yeah, but he "lived" in Lloyd.... I mean, really. Edmonton's a step up, believe me.

Janet, who grew up in northern Sask. :-(

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Take classes, read books. Make friends. Get a job where you can do something more exciting. Leave Edmonton.

Life's not gonna get exciting till you make it exciting...

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

I know that my life won't be exiting until I make it that way. A big duh on that one. But I remember when I was small, and I would dream about how cool my life would be when I grew up. I never pictured myself grocery shopping or paying bills or being a receptionist or vacuuming.

I would like to take a class, but right now, money is a little tight. I want to take Yoga or maybe bellydancing. Making friends is a little tough. Most people make friends at work or school. My co-workers are cool, and I really like them, but most of them are older than me, and I don't really see myself hanging out with them on a regular basis. Getting a cool interesting job-- now there's an idea. I'm sorry, but it took me long enough just to find this job! Interesting? Not terrible, in the huge scheme of things. I wanted to be a journalist. I'm a receptionist instead. But it was all I could find, and I happen to like it. It's better than telemarketing, which is how I supported myself for 8 months. I made good friend there, and she and I are going to see a movie tomorrow. I've been living in a box for a few months, and I think that's almost over.

And moving? I just got here. I can't afford to move back to Montreal. Not unless someone else is willing to pay for it. I can't afford new pants, let alone $2000+ to get alll my crap out of here. I'm here, and I'm going to do my best with what I have. Plus, I have a really great boyfriend here in Edmonton, a man that I really love. I would like to make a go of this relationship, and see where it goes. Who knows? Maybe he'd be willing to come to Montreal, too, if I decide to go back?

Anyway, I'm noticing that a lot of my friends in Montreal are going thru the same thing-- they have to get up the next day, so they don't go out after work. My friend John is working himself so hard that I can't get him on the phone-- he comes home to sleep and play computer games, and then does the whole thing again the next day. OK, he's dripping with cash, but he doesn't even have the time to spend it anymore. My other friends are worried that he'll drop from exhaustion.

Is that what adulthood is? Working yourself into a coma? I seem to remember that when I was in school, I could survive on no sleep, and Johnny and Angus and Krikor and I would stay up all night playing Vampire or watching movies or going out. Now I'm cranky if I'm not in bed by 10.

I just remember the song "I'm an Adult Now" by The Pirsuit of Happiness. It's true. It's all true.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Oh god, now I'm REALLY depressed. Though I realized growing up that adulthood seemed to be absolutely fucking boring (they didn't even have toys!), and I didn't want to grow up. I took Bart Simpson as my mentor: "Stay in school! Otherwise you'll have to go to work. I plan to stay on the educational train until they kick me off screaming." Wouldn't you know it, though: my body keeps getting older and older, and everyone expects me to really WANT to be an adult. Um, why is this good? Can't I just grow backwards? I asked my mother why on earth anyone would want to be an adult, and she said the freedom. (Though personally I think she's quite chained...) What freedom? Chained to a desk!

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Well, there's always the sex...

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

For some people. For me, it's more like

Eat, work, karate class, get whacked with a stick, sleep. Eat, work, take my son to blacksmithing class and talk with the blacksmith's mom about homebrewing, sleep. Eat, work, karate class, get whacked some more, sleep. Eat, work, go to my daughter's light bulb fair at school, sleep. Eat, work, karate class, get whacked some more, sleep. Eat, work, wait, it's saturday, go to CPR class, clean, shop, sleep. Eat, clean, mow the lawn, play D&D, sleep.

See, it could be worse. Your boring life could involve pain and injury.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

You're all going to hate me but man, I just can't understand this perspective. I guess I'm just one of those people who makes the most out of situations. Granted I've never lived in Edmonton - but Winnipeg can't be that much better, and my sister and brother live there and seem to have a right good time! I grew up in Toronto but spent the last couple of high school years in this stinky little town called Brantford in Southern, Ontario - some of th e best years of my life.

Now, as an adult - I can do and live so much more! I might recommend weekend day trip type deals. Screw the laundry, get in the car and DRIVE. That's assuming that either you or your honey has an auto of course.

I tend to spend a lot of time with friends - oh, and I *don't* own a t.v. -- it's really changed how I spend my evenings! I find so many *other* things to do! Go out for drinks, meet for dinner, or even just hit the pakr across the street to watch the sunset. Listen to music, write - talk on the phone. Just *living*.

The energy thing catches me though - do you exercise at all? Because I know that physical activity really gets my energy levels up. Also eating well makes a *huge* difference! I would throw out the t.v. and start doing yoga with a book from the library and make killer stir fries - invite friends over for tea and conversation - nothing to strenuous on a work night - that sort of thing.

One little change in routine might make all the difference!

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Gwen: I used to think that (i.e. getting sex was the one reason to bother with growing up), but since people are losing it at 13 (see virginity forum), I no longer count that in the category of adulthood exclusively.

-- Anonymous, May 06, 2000

J: oh, I don't, either... I only suggested it as something to relieve the boredom. If macrame fails, I mean.

[smiley]

-- Anonymous, May 06, 2000

It may be obvious, but I think that since work is such a big part of the day, we all have to figure out what kind of work we really like and how to get a job doing that. Life's too short to spend in a job you hate or are just marking time in.

I know, easier said that done. but even if you find a job where the actual work is so so but the people are great, that's an improvement from a job where the work is so so AND the people are boring and awful.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Ok kids... used loosely, no offense meant as I'm probably the old woman here! :) I'm currently 42 and my answer to all of the above is that I may grow older but I *refuse* to grow up. I have a 19yo son, 10 yo sd and a wonderful 2yo daughter. (Yes temporary insanity and if this is what I always got I'd go there to live.) I have to agree that life is what you make it. Dayton, OH is not exactly a happenin' kinda town but even as a single mom for 15 years we always found something to get into. Hang in there kiddos the best is yet to come! (Besides winter's usually SUCK!)

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

I think it's really your prerogative to be bored by your life or to shake your thang. I grew up in Boston, and was bored out of my mind. I left. Moved to New York City, by myself and have never looked back. The Job market here has never been better. I took a job as an admin. at a large entertainment company, which was the best way for me to get my foot in the door. After a year and a half I'm now in a position to move up out of the administrative realm. That's the best advice I could give you. You want to be a writer? Look into receptionist work at a newspaper or trade publication. If you're going to be answering phones, do it somewhere that provides an opportunity for advancement in your field. And really if your town is boring the hell out of you, get out of there. I left Boston when I was 20 and it was the best thing I've ever done for myself.

This isn't a dress rehersal. This is your life and you're not gonna get a second chance to make yourself happy.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Gwen has it totally right. Macrame is the key. Macrame, finger puppets, and prank calls to your landlord at three in the morning.

No, sorry, that's what I do at three in the morning when I've gotten piss drunk again on Arbor Mist (wine with fruit! who knew it would be such a taste sensation?) in a futile attempt to escape the black sucking hole of misery and despair my life has become...

Or not. But I know what you guys mean. Maybe it's because we have to put effort into having fun, now. There are no more dorm mates down the hall, and school for most people wasn't a 40-60 hour a week committment. Frustrating.

I take vitamins for energy. And classes. And I'm considering learning to line dance. Okay, no, not really. But it's a thought.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Maybe I haven't been an adult long enough. I still eat ice cream for breakfast just so I can call my mom and tell her about it. "Oh yeah, and you know what else? I didn't brush after every meal today! Nope, I just brushed my teeth twice! And I stayed up until three o'clock in the morning watching TV and eating Pop Rocks! So THERE!!!"

Yeah, I dig this grown-up shit. :)

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

It's all in your attitude. Sure you can do the eat, work, sleep routine, but as you have discovered, that sucks. Work allows me the means to do what I want. I live next door to Toronto, Ont. and as far as I am concerened, the entire city is there just for my entertainment. When the thrill of being in an urban centre wears off, leap into the sturdy automobile and take a zen tour. You have no destination in mind, but allow yourself to drift in the direction that calls ( obeying revelant traffic laws ), or follow a car that seems to know where it is going.

That is why I have a job, not a career, so that when I leave my place of employ, that is it. Nothing to take home, just doing what comes naturally until it is time to pretend to be a contributing member of society again.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

Life hasn't turned out to be as exciting as I'd planned - I thought I'd be going to art gallery openings and living in a designer house - but as Beth reminded us, it's so much better than being a child or even a teenager.

The annoyance of having to support myself pretty much balances out getting to do things my way.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

The woman who is 42 is not the old woman here - maybe I am, maybe not, but I'm 48 and have a 29 year old daughter who is more of a little old lady than I am (on the inside). So I guess she was turning into her grandmother, not her mother, all the time!

Anyway, there's an upside and a downside to everything, obviously. So have as much fun with the upside of being an adult as you can, and minimize the downside as much as possible. End of advice. :)

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

To me, the exciting thing about adulthood (well, young adulthood, at least) is the possibilities. For the first 22 years of our life, most of us know pretty much what to expect from the next year. We may have choices about a major, or a summer job, or which elective to take, but you know that when september comes, you'll be sitting in a classroom somewhere studying something.

Now that I've finished college, I the choices are so much broader. This was my year to make decisions about what do next. Go back to grad school in California? Keep my job on the staff of a northeastern college? Teach high school? Hike the Appalachian Trail? Run teambuilding programs for 5th graders? Work in Washington? All legitimate choices, for me at least.

And when I look even further down the road, the options widen even further. Do I want to live on the east or west coast? In the city or the country? Kids or no kids? Marriage? Jobs? Way too much to think about.

So it's overwhelming, yes, but also incredibly exciting. It's empowering to think that the choices I make now will affect the life I'll live in the future...and that I have so many different interesting options. And for right now, at least, the only person I really need to please with my decision is myself.

You're right about adulthood, Beth. I loved being a kid, but who says adults can't play with legos and swing on the swings? I'll take this freedom any day.

That was a great entry, by the way...one of your best.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

So has anyone considered 'dropping out' (so to speak) and going off to travel the world or live on a commune or build a little shack in Montana and send packages to people you don't know? (Just kidding about that last one.)

I know that's infinitely more difficult when you're also responsible for other people (S.O. and/or kids), but if you're 25, single, in grad school and not really liking it all that much (hypothetically speaking, of course) what rationale is there to be one of those adults who works, eats, sleeps, repeat ad nauseam?

To quote Robert Louis Stevenson: "Restfulness is a quality for cattle; the virtues are all active, life is alert."

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

Adulthood isn't boring. I just haven't had the time or the chance to explore it. I've only been out on my own for a year. Less, really. And I don't make scads of money, which helps the social life out a lot. But I just started this job, and I'm learning the finer points of budgeting. So I guess once things settle themselves in my life, I can take that bellydance class. Or Yoga. Or watercolour painting. This is just temporary, and I must have been feeling kinda low the day I posted that question.

I feel MUCH better now! Thanks!

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

Count me in as one who enjoys being an 'adult'. All those hours spent with nose to the grindstone are finally paying off, with the time and money to enjoy myself. I probably am dull, but I like it that way!

If you think your adult life is boring, have a kid or maybe a few... You know Beth, your parents were right about *that* too! ;-)

NTCFS, Cathy

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

Although I've been reading Xeney forever, this is hands-down my favorite entry ever.

I *SO* feel the same way about being an adult. Sometimes I'll have dreams where I'm a kid again. When I wake up, I'm so happy to realize that I'm a grown-up and get to make ALL my own decisions today. I had a good childhood and everything; I just think I just never forgot how frustrating it was to have a lack of control over things.

Recently I started a second job where I work with older people (a companion service of sorts). Now when I get annoyed with something dull and routine I have to do (like pay bills) I remind myself that I could be like many of my clients who would kill to be able to balance their own checkbook again. Its harsh, but it works for me.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

A co-worker of mine retired.

All he talks about is golf. And the value of his stocks.

But that's all he talked about when he was working. What kind of a package would the company offer, to get him to retire, early. And golf.

My younger co-workers talk about what they saw on television, their house, their lawn, their cars, their vacation homes. Going to Disney World with the kids.

It's boring, to me. They're boring. Grown-ups are boring.

Their boring advice. What do they know about anything? Look at the lives they lead.

I'm never bored. I'm thinking about my writing, working, writing, going for a walk, doing housework, doing something with Brenda that involves telling stories, joking, live music, art, camping. Seeing friends, or our kids.

Our kids are like friends. They come see us, we do things together. Mainly cook and eat.

I read a lot. Give me a book and an hour to myself and I'm happy.

I'm never lonely, either. When I lived in an apartment by myself I was happy as a clam.

I enjoyed seeing Brenda and the boys, when I saw them, and when I didn't, I enjoyed being by myself.

I must say there were years there--like 20 years--raising children, both of us working, or out of work and looking for a job, me trying to write several books a year and do everything else, Brenda depressed, exhausted, not sleeping, anxious, that were very taxing.

Tonight Balder came over with some leftover hog meat, from the wedding. He and Brenda picked it off the bones.

We had pork sandwiches, and talked about the wedding. Laughed. Then Balder drove to Athens to carry Owen and Jeannie some pork, see them. He took the prints of the wedding pictures with him.

I rented The Straight Story. Brenda and I watched a little of it, in the living room, then turned it off to watch the Atlanta Braves play the Marlins on television.

I came into my room, to write, and Brenda went into her room to check her email, watch the game on her teevee.

I am going to go outside and sit on the porch and read Writing and Other Blood Sports, by Charles Willeford.

Soon it will be time for bed.

This weekend, Brenda and I are driving to Florida, to get a U-Haul truck full of two sheds worth of household goods.

After that, she's going to get chickens, and keep them in her back yard. I heard a rooster crow from one of the neighbor's houses yesterday.

If that's boring to you, do something more exciting. Get high, get some strange pussy, drive too fast, go to nightclubs full of smoke, and shitty music. Go shopping at the mall and buy designer clothes.

I hear back from people who say they like the quotidian nature of my Web site, the minutiae, the ordinaryness of it.

One time I called a book GREATEST HITS BOXED SET: A PRETTY FAIR COUNTRY WRITER IN A SUBGENRE FILLED WITH SECOND-RATERS.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

I think being an adult rocks, especially now that I'm living on my own for the first time - no roomates! Nobody cares if I eat supper at 11 pm, or wear pajamas all day (well, weekends), or let the dishes pile up in the sink until there's nothing left to eat on. Being an adult is a lot of fun. I'm totally with Beth on this.

But I really liked being a kid too. Being a teenager was less fun, sure, but being a kid was great. There were minor hassles like school and chores and so on, but then now there's minor hassles like bills and work, so it's kind of the same. Being a kid was basically good. I am still trying to get back to a place where I am completely free in my body - I think most girls learn to be a little afraid of, and a little grossed out by, and a little embarrassed of, their bodies, and I was no exception - so I miss that prepuberty feeling that a body is just something that's good for climbing trees and hanging upsidedown on the climber dome. Sure, I can do those things now too, but it's different to do that with a body that's had sex and betrays me with menstrual cramps and grows cellulite... I'll never just be climbing a tree again.

I guess I'm saying there are some crappy things about leaving childhood, and there are lots of compensations. On balance, I've enjoyed every stage.

Joanne (Parietal Pericardium)

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

You can always try it this way, like I did, if you're still young enough: in the first 30 years of your life, travel all over the world and get crazy. Do some dangerous things, some fun things, take risks, and get into a different culture whenver possible. Bartend to pay for your travels. Keep moving. Create your bliss as you go.

OR do it the other way around - have a quiet life for the first 30 and then go romp! Then, when you're old and gray (or purple), sit back and relax -- you've been there, done that, and had a fine time doing it, no regrets.

Come to a place in your head where you'll be glad for the memories and glad you did what you did, but you'll be utterly content within the lifestyle you're now creating.

Life is never dull when you do what makes you happy. If being a couch potato is the happiness you're creating, do it well! Be the best couch potato, homebody, grownup, or gardner on the planet!

Remind yourself every day that Life of any kind is a gift. Go for it. Make the most of it wherever you are standing. (Hey, if reincarnation turns out to be bullshit, this may be the only chance you get. Me, I vote for reincarnation! I wanna definitely do it again...and again...and again..) Here's to Life! Sis7 Seventh Sister

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

There are trade-offs, definitely. I can no longer go out with friends on a Tuesday night, party with them until 4:00 a.m., then go home, shower, and head off to be at work at 8:00 a.m. I can't believe I was ever able to that, but I did it, plenty. Do I miss that? Not in the slightest.

Now I go straight home from work, and I can't wait to get there. I am so excited to see my husband, dog and cats that it's nearly ridiculous. I look forward to sitting on the patio with a glass of iced tea, enjoying our yard. I get a thrill out of buying things for our house. I like planning what I'm going to cook for dinner. All

Those are all things that I would have recoiled in horror at if someone told me I would be doing them by the time I was 30. As a child I never understood why my parents always wanted to eat dinner on the screened porch. To me, it was hot and boring. To them, it was their chance to enjoy their yard in peace, and give some silent thanks for what they had.

We still have our fun. We will occasionally hit a night club, to dance and drink a little, see what the younger people are doing these days (did I just say that? ug). But we never stay out too late, we never drink so much that we can't drive home safely, and we are so exhausted when we get home we just fall into bed and don't even have sex half the time. I look back on the days when a group of us would climb into our cars hammered and never think a thing about it. I'm appalled that we behaved so badly, and I'm shocked nothing tragic ever happened. Now I won't even run with scissors, even though I can, all I want, because there's no one to stop me. Safety becomes important as an adult, I think because it starts to really dawn on you how precious life is.

We go to movies a lot, and sometimes even sneak into a second one for free. No one suspects us, because we're 30. It's great, and we giggle a whole lot when we do it because we feel a bit like kids again. But we like to go to matinees now, because we hate the crowds and all the kids that are there on Friday and Saturday nights. I remember when crowds were the draw for me. There was a time when being shoulder to shoulder with strangers at a bar was fun. Now, it's a violation of my personal space.

We go to concerts occasionally, but when we saw "Live" at the amphitheater 2 summers ago, we call it "The Night Lisa Became an Old Woman", because the teens around us were drunk and obnoxious (proudly announcing their id's were fake), one of them looked like he was about to puke really close to me, and they weren't even paying attention to the music, so I got pissed and we ended up leaving before the encore. I would never have cared when I was younger, but now I have no tolerance for that shit.

A quiet Sunday at home is like paradise for me now. I get a bigger thrill out of knowing the laundry is done and I have time to curl up with a good book than I used to get by going to a party. Sex is always a fun way to spend an afternoon, like, a WHOLE afternoon. I remember when I was younger that when sex was over, it was time to find something else to do. Not so anymore.

I often feel that all I do is work, come home, eat, sleep, repeat, like you said. But when I start to feel like I'm in a rut, I think of all the great things about my life and I feel really lucky. Yeah, things change when you get older, and life tends to slow down a bit, but it doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. Sometimes it just takes a while to find your adult groove. It took me a few years, and from 21 to 24 life felt pretty awkward for me. I worked a little too hard to make it fun, I resisted the things that I assumed would be boring and make me old before my time. But eventually, I learned that life is full of mundane things, and your worries change to things like taxes and savings and home repairs and insurance. But it's okay as long as you have a good balance of fun time and mandatory adult time.

Hang in there, it will get better.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

Eat. Sleep. Work. Repeat. I kinda like that better than the formless agony of childhood or the constant striving for "fun" of the teenage years. I certainly like it better than the "Eat. Sleep. Work. Repeat. Agonize over where it will all lead." of the post-college years. I like routine, and I'm a born nester, so I couldn't imagine going back to any of those previous times in my life, not even to change something that still strikes me as cringeworthy and embarassing.

Don't let the Boomer virus get to you -- the one that made a whole generation question, and then rebel against their parents' lifestyle, hardly imagining that their parents had more going on in their lives than they, as young people, could imagine (Read John Cheever), and thus instigate a social rebellion that, thirty years later, has boomers sitting around, realizing they've essentially duplicated their parents' lives (with more divorce, anxiety, and restless, pointless attempts to "make a statement") and that it don't get any better.

We can't all be celebrities, explorers, masters of industry or rock stars. Most of us would be miserable doing those things. Most of the people doing those things are.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000

When I was 25, I didn't want to drop out and travel the world. I wanted a stable partner and a home of my own with a yard and stuff. I wanted to go out to art galleries and do cool things too, but I definitly wanted roots.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000