Would like to hear from you single women out there! I was suddenly widowed less than 2 yrs. ago. We have 2 teenage daughters and homeschool. Was wondering how you gals manage. My biggest problem is where to go with all the manure. Not only is it very heavy and hard work but I have no where to go with it! I'm on a 1 1/2 acres with the small barn and sheds, with another 6 acres 1/4 mile away for grazing and hay. We had raised chickens and pigs for butchering and hens for eggs. Since my husband has been gone, we added a couple beef and I did the milking goats for over a year. We recently bought a horse for pleasure. I sold the goats last week just to free us up for the summer. Am having to look for outside work (YUCK!!) this fall and wanted to lighten the work load some. I guess I need some encouraging words from you women. Especially the ones who work outside the home! I never HAD to have a paying "job" in the last 20 yrs. (am 47) NOT looking forward to it at all!!!!!!!! I do have a single brother and neighbor that comes occasionally to help with the tougher things but hate asking . How do you manage???

-- Pat (pmikul@pcpros.net), May 11, 2000

Answers

Pat, I'm sorry to hear you lost your husband. It sounds as though you're doing a great job on your own. As for your brother and neighbor, perhaps working out some sort of deal with them, maybe part of a pig or something, would make it easier for you to accept their help.

Do you have a manure spreader? Or perhaps someone has one that they could bring in from time to time for you to fill. Then it could be taken either to your hay land or someone else's land for dispersal. If that isn't possible, do some serious composting. That will reduce the volume of the manure and mellow it for direct application to the land. Don't forget to dump some in the grove if you have one.

Reading over your posting, I am amazed at what you've been doing. Good luck on your job hunt. Hopefully you'll be able to quickly convince people to ignore the 20 year gap, and pay attention to how smart and hard working you are. Gerbil

-- Gerbil (ima_gerbil@hotmail.com), May 11, 2000.

Pat, not single,--but was divorced & raising a daughter by myself until I remarried 23 yrs ago. I have owned business for over 30 plus years--& honey, I want you to know, that myself & all my friends that I have, that own businesses dont't care what your age is!!!!! Just honest, reliable, dependable workers! And most of us feel they have fallen off the face of the earth! Only one in 35 can even fill out a job application correctly! If they can't fill out a job application-- it makes me wonder why they think we would hire them? (I'll get off my soap box!) Just be honest & try to find a job that is of interest to you if possible--you might be really suprised how greatful someone is to get you as a worker/ & part of their team! As for the Manure-- some people out our way sell it by the p.u. load/ they have to load their own! They make good money! They put up flyers at greenhouse, etc. I even buy from them! My best wishes to you Pat! Have a postive attitude about your job & you might be really suprised at how pleased someone is to get you! Anyone who is a part of "My team", I take care of! You could probably find this in your area! All I hear from friends who own businesses is: Where is the honest, reliable, dependable help?? Most of us don't care if you have experience--just a willingness to learn & help! Sonda in Ks.

-- Sonda (sgbruce@birch.net), May 11, 2000.

Sonda, how do you find a good employer to work for, who is willing to let you bring a twenty-year-old mentally-handicapped daughter to work with you?!? I work hard, am reliable, can fill out a job app., etc., but don't want to farm my daughter out while I go to work! I know there are a lot of mothers with small children or relatives they need to care for, who can't find work that will allow them to do that. Pat, I can't blame you for not wanting to go outside your home to work for someone else -- I need the income (not single, though) and hate the job hunting, and hate being away from home and what I consider my primary duties here. A question -- do your daughters help with the 'farm' work at all? 'Cause if not, and if they are eating the benefits, they should be!! :-) Re: the manure, is it possible, at least during the warmer months, to have the animals spread their own manure? I.e. chicken/pig tractors, rotational grazing, etc.? Oops -- I just re-read this post, and it is NOT encouraging -- sorry.

-- Kathleen Sanderson (stonycft@worldpath.net), May 11, 2000.

pat- i never thought my husband would die- even after 8 years of dealing with his brain tumor. did start my market garden business as sort of a way to help support us, but it was easier when he was around to help make the kids help me! but this road is very tough and lonely and each day is the adventure to get through. can't even speculate on the future because nothing seems to happen the way i plan. having to do the really tough thing- get a job outside the home- is probably not too far away and it has been 20 years for me, too. i have incredible faith that i will get through it because i have to- God put this strength in me and so i will keep plodding along as His plan unfolds. i do have my young adult sons to help with some of the heavy work, and my single brother helps me, too. but the asking for help and admitting that i need it is very hard. then i start that stinkin thinkin that says maybe i should move and give up this dream. and then the faith kicks in again. lauren

-- (ltlctl@yahoo.com), May 11, 2000.

Kathleen --where have you been all the years I have needed you????? I have, had children brought to work with good mothers that did their work well! I've had many an employee's child in my office!!!! (or following me around). If you did your job well --your daughter would have been welcome--if she did not keep you from doing your job! I had a blind, mentally retarded, physcally handicaped foster son --who came to work with me several times!!! He ooozed so much love out-- that he kept everyone's priorities in a better perspective! I still believe there is a bigger need for honest, reliable, dependable work force than people realize! There was a thread about :"are you being served?"---It took all my restaint--from letting people know that small business owners--no--I won't go there! But if you want to be served--shop at small businessses that are begging for descent help, that don't care what your age is/ if you will be a team player--& serve the public! Yes, I have raised my children in my businesses! My daughter could sell ice to--well- you get the picture! I have bent every rule there is/ if I had a good employee! And I always told them, their family should come first--so if something was comming up that they needed to be off work for/ to let me know ahead so I wasn't up a creek without a paddle--& all would be great! I find way too many people think because you own a business --you have money--or some how owe everyone something! I donated to every one who came in my door---but most of those same people shopped at walmart! They complained about the long lines & bad service--but didn't bother to realize how I bent over backwards to hire all local people--& did all I could to help them--& their families! (sorry I'm on my soapbox again)--I truelly believe that their are more small businesses out there that will knock them selves out for their employees if they can have the community suppot them---! Most knock their selves out for the public/ for the public to shop at walmart & complain!!!!! (or any big chain store). SHOP AT HOME!--SO SMALL BUSINESSES CAN & WILL HIRE PEOPLE WHO DO WANT TO WORK! (excuse me--I feel so much better!)but-- yes, Kathleen you & your daughter could have worked for me--as I have had others in the same boat as employees! Sonda in Ks.

-- Sonda (sgbruce@birch.net), May 11, 2000.

Yeah, both girls help alot! They do all the yard mowing, helping me with fixing fence, most of hauling the manure, etc.. As for scattering the manure, my hens free range and the cows are in the larger field now. I guess I'm getting bumbed out thinking of the work force. It's that stupid insurance that is forcing me to go to work! I can't afford to continue to pay it myself! Thanks gals for all the responses!!!!1

-- Pat Mikul (pmikul@pcpros.net), May 11, 2000.

I am obviously not single, but I wanted to say that I am praying for you. I know that if Joe was gone it would be very difficult for me to raise these babies by myself. Obviously I can in no way understand completely what is going on with you, but I'd like to try to help. I was reading an article in a magazine awhile back that talked about rural route postal delivery. Often the routes only run in the morning and you are able to spend time at the homestead in the afternoon. I think I also read that they sometimes need people to just fill in when other workers are out sick or on vacation. Another friend I have just got two partime jobs doing data entry. You might market yourself to small businesses to do data entry from your home on a part time basis. Or you could at least set your schedule a little more open if you did some part time work for several companies. Another idea is craft making and selling. I talked to a lady recently who completely supported her husband and herself by just making crafts and selling them to shops all around the state. Once a month for a week or so she would pile everything in a car and go deliver to her customers. I also used to work for a lady who made quite a lot of money making bread dough ornaments and in fact, she used to make them for customers like Disneyland. Another Lady I knew made pies filled with potpourri. These sold very well and one of her customers was Walmart. These are obviously just Ideas, but I hope they help a little.

Little bit Farm

-- Little bit Farm (littlebit@calinet.com), May 11, 2000.

Hi! I'm also mid-forties and single. I just started thinking about homesteading. You are a lot further along than I am. It's kind of scary dealing with all the responsibilities and the endless decisions. Then all the broken things. I never fixed a door knob before! Such a small thing but who do you call to help you with something so trivial. I finally fixed it, then re-wired my hot water heater and today managed to recharge the battery on my tractor. I'm learning how to take care of myself and I'm learning that I am capable of these things. You can't doubt your abilities. Regarding the outside job, I've worked all my life. When my husband moved out I decided it was time for me to follow my own game plan. So I decided what I wanted to do and set my goals and priorities. I worked 6 days a week for one year to be able to buy my place and now I have it and I've cut my hours in half. What I'm trying to say is to set your goals and give yourself a meaningful time frame. If you need only enough money to pay the insurance then work just that amount. Also don't think of working as a permanent thing. It may be a necessity now but who knows what life will bring you in a year? I also agree with the other writers regarding small businesses. We want honest and reliable help and will bend over backwards for them. Also if you like animals, try applying at local animal hospitals. Most of them are looking for good help usually on a part time basis. It is especially helpful if you would work weekends, hokidays etc. Good luck

-- teresa (teresam@ascent.net), May 11, 2000.

Other possibilities, things I have done -- sewing dollclothes, piecework, for a woman who sells them at craft fairs. There seems to be quite a demand for these (for the American Girl dolls, and other eighteen inch dolls). I stopped because I couldn't get fast enough to make more than $2-3/hour, but if you were making and selling them yourself, you could do better -- but there is a learning curve!! Housework for other people -- I may go back to this one. You can set your own hours, you could take your children to work and they could help you and even earn some income of their own -- it would have been a lot more fun for me if I'd been able to work as part of a team with family or a friend. Here you would make at least $10/hour, I was making that, but it is low end -- and the demand is definitely greater than the supply, at least in this area. It might take a while to connect with your first couple of customers, but once you did, you would probably get all the work you could handle fairly quickly. Farmer's market, if there is one near you -- we sold honey, hand-dipped candles (not too many of those -- they sell best if you are demonstrating the making of them), whatever extra veggies we had from the garden, eggs (always sold out), gladiolas (these sell really well), bread, cookies, and pies, and one of my daughters would make doughnuts. We usually sold out of the baked goods, and never got bothered about not having a commercial kitchen, but you would want to check the rules with whoever was running your farmer's market. (I also usually spent the whole night before up baking, so my stuff was really fresh -- but was falling asleep on my feet before the market was over!) Other women were selling bouquets from their yards, and jams and jellies and relishes, as well as the usual garden stuff. One 'homesteading' farm near us specializes in range-raised poultry, and they started small, just like any of us. I have to admit that I kind of cringed when I read that you had sold your (productive) goats and bought a (non-productive) horse -- I know we each have to set our own priorities, but with the goats milk, you could have made soap and fudge to sell, plus had your own milk to reduce the grocery bill. Oh, another thing which I haven't done, but know others who have, is selling home-made pies to small cafe's. You might find one who would let you use their commercial kitchen in a trade arrangement. Usually the owners are too busy to do that kind of baking, and the customers (who are often faithful regulars) really like good homemade pies! The downside to all this is that you would have to take care of your own expenses, taxes, etc. -- you would be running your own business. But the expenses would be deductible. Anyway, just some ideas.

-- Kathleen Sanderson (stonycft@worldpath.net), May 12, 2000.

After reading all of your posts, I realized I have NOT set any goals for myself. (besides dieting-but that's another story). I wonder how can a person go thru life with no direction but the last 2 years have been unusual in the least for us! I'm gonna set down today with my girls also and discuss this for myself as well as them. I used to drive school bus 17 yrs. ago. That could be an option. They do carry health insur. and start you at $9 an hour. It's good for those who want to be home thru the day, weekends and summer. Looks like I have alot of thinking to do!! THANKS GALS !!!!!

-- Pat (pmikul@pcpros.net), May 12, 2000.

It's very hard at times. Just this morning I am handing in my resignation so that I can spend more time with my boys. I have a child in crises who needs me. When children lose a parent they will have emotional needs that go beyond what the remaining parent is prepared for. Not only are you now having to cope with the normal needs, proplems and concerns of growing children but, there will be times when your children will need extra care and love. Remember, while we may be prepared, at least intellectually, to face life without our mate, they are not prepared to face life without a parent. I have been doing custodial work since Oct. while I found private music students because I now longer wished to teach in the public schools. I still do not have enough students however I can longer continue with my present job. Yes, I have had health insurance but, I couldn't afford the co-pays and every time we needed to see the doctor, the reasons were pre-existing conditions and the insurance refused to pay. So I have been studying to become an herbalist. We are healthier now that we stay out of doctor's waiting rooms which are filled with contagtious sick people. Too many times I find that tasks here at home are beyond my abilities either because of skills or plain brute strength. I have to find alternative ways of accomplishing the same task that others could finish in a few minutes. So I try to laugh and turn it into a learning experience for the boys and I. I do not have nearby family and one can impose upon friends only so often. I try to save asking for help for the really big reasons. Remember that you are teaching your children that anyone can attempt anything. Real people do not sit back, cry and hope someone will come rescue them. I personaly find that instead of turning into my mother, I'm turning into my father. I drive a pickup, have his old milk crates in the back to hold tools etc in place, carry a rope, tarp and I always have leather gloves handy. Even his knife. The important thing is that we are a family and right now this really crummy job is keeping us from forging the bonds that we need. Are you sure, I mean really sure, that you need to work? Or can you cut expenses? Whatever happens, you have all my best wishes and prayers. It's hard to cope at times but well worth it.

-- Cheryl Cox (ccox33055@hotmail.com), May 12, 2000.

I believe I have cut expenses as far as I can. I have a teenage boy work on my truck when repairs are needed and have enough food to feed an army. I canned alot of our own meat and vegetables so they can last quite a while. I literally probably would not have to go to a store. You're right on thinking about my girls. They do struggle and miss their Dad. The oldest has always been rather quiet, so it's hard to read her. I'm already finding with this pre-existing illness that I can not purchase any new insurance. THAT REALLY STINKS !!! I have practiced herbs for years and my family calls me "Granny Clampet". We don't go to the doctor for minor things. I guess when you stop and think how one hospital stay could literally wipe you out without insurance, that is what is pushing me to work. I have ALOT to think about! This is NOT an easy decision. I used to consider myself a strong woman, while my husband was still alive. Boy, was I wrong!!!! I was shocked to see how dependant I was on him!! That's a good thing but when they're ripped away from you, that's another story. Think I'll take the girls and go visit my sisters. I could use that!!

-- Pat (pmikul@pcpros.net), May 12, 2000.

The sickness and health insurance issue is an important one -- a lot of people stick with jobs they hate, just to keep the health insurance. And, granted, accidents happen, and sickness happens, though a lot of both are preventable with thought and proper diet. But what I've noticed is that since we aren't in school every day, we don't get sick nearly as much -- even though my husband works in two hospitals, and is exposed to nearly everything going around, and even though we see all the same people we used to see at school, including the children, at all our church services. So if you aren't homeschooling, that would be a really good reason to consider starting.

-- Kathleen Sanderson (stonycft@worldpath.net), May 12, 2000.

There are some christian based medical cost sharing companies out there that can replace insurance. There are several and you pay a membership of like $150 per month. That might be worth looking into. Most of them have a major medical policy attached for big stuff like Cancer. It might give you the reassurance you need. Has anyone checked into Blue Cross? I know there are limitations on preexisting, but there might be solutions there.

Little bit Farm

-- Little bit Farm (littlebit@calinet.com), May 12, 2000.

Hi Pat,

There's a great book called "Your Money or Your Life" that has a section about health insurance. I think he suggests buying the cheap, very large deductible kind to cover catastrophes and then dealing with other medical bills as they happen. I just thought that this might be a good idea from another viewpoint as well. Insurance companies invariably get substantial discounts (called write-offs) on medical services, so a visit that would cost you or me $150 would cost the insurance company about $70 if they were the ones paying the bill. I am wondering if, when you have large-deductible insurance, that write-off benefit still stands. I kind of think it might, and that would be a tremendous help financially for the smaller things you need to see a doctor for.

-- Laura Jensen (lauraj@seedlaw.com), May 12, 2000.

Pat, you have my admiration-it sounds like you have really held together. I don't really have very much helpful advice to offer you,the others were pretty good, except I know what to do with extra manure. I dump ours by the garden cart load(or wheelbarrow load) into long heaps about 4-5 feet wide and 3 feet high, and as long as I want next years garden bed to be.You can put it in a grassy area, just pick a place that can be watered and gets plenty of sunshine.I just turn the cart or wheelbarrow upside down, it makes a hump of manure, and the next load overlaps that one until there is a long heap. Then, make coffeecan sized holes here and there in the manure, and fill them with good topsoil or compost and soil mixed. Next, plant winter squash seeds in the holes that have been filled with soil. Pick storage type varieties and some smaller sized squash,too, such as buttercup, baby hubbards, a few delicatas,a few acorn, along with some big ones such as sweetmeat, and banana, maybe put out pumpkins too, if you think they will sell well.Don't worry if it might still frost- the manure will compost and keep the seeds warm they won't frost even if the rest of the garden does. Put 4-5 seeds in each hole. space the holes about 2-3 feet apart down the row. Remember that the vines will spread and sprawl at least 15 feet-don't put the squash right next to a tomato bed, or they will cover it up. Water the holes often enough that the soil doesn't dry out, when the seeds come up, thin them out to two vines per hole. The piles may smell a bit at first, but as they compost,this will subside.In the fall, you will have the makings of next year's best raised beds ever, and several hundred pounds of squash and pumpkins to sell! The smaller types tend to sell better, buttercup is a good seller, but I like to plant a variety of types, because people like to display them and try several kinds.We have found this to be a very profitable way to utilize our manure-we use fresh goat manure with the bedding, but any kind should do as well.

-- Rebekah (daniel1@transport.com), May 12, 2000.

Hi Pat: I am in my 40's and also a single homesteading gal trying to make it on my own. I don't have children so in some ways it is probably easier for me since I just have to worry about myself.

Even with all the advice we offer each other here, the biggest obstacle I probably battle is the feeling of being overwhelmed when everything needs done and there is no one to help. What I try to do is break everything down into increments so that I don't get so overwhelmed. For example cleaning out the barn: If I think about the barn needing cleaned it seems overwhelming but if I break it down into sections, (one stall at a time per day) then it truthfully seems less overwhelming. I do this with gardening and other chores; one part one day, the next the next day.

Sometimes I question my sanity of trying to live this lifestyle by myself, patricularly in the part of the country where I live. (NW MT) But then this is my home and where I want to be so I just do the best I can do as I am sure you will too. I have had to sort out my priorities and decide what was the most important to me because I can't do everything and learn to let the rest go. This help too.

Thankfully I am pretty mechanically inclined and do know how to do most things that need done. I also know how to use pullys, levers, etc, to make things easier to do. Most importantly I still have my health.

I work 3-10 hours days per week which does give me some time for chores at home. I live very frugally.

Hope I was some help. Whenever you feel overwhelmed, drop me an E- mail. Best of luck.

-- Marci (ajourend@libby.org), May 13, 2000.

Pat, an all the rest of the ladies, My hat is off to all of you. It is hard being a single parent regardless of where you live or your lifestyle choice. Deciding to do the homesteading life is even more work. I believe it is worth it but a lot of work. It is a matter of priorities and choices, what to leave in and what to leave out and of course the children are the best and most important part. You can do this so think positive and know there are lots of jobs out there, and employers really appreciate the older worker. Sonda from Kansas, just where in Kansas do you live? there are a lot of homesteaders in Kansas. karen

-- Karen Mauk (dairygoatmama@hotmail.com), May 15, 2000.

Hi Pat, I honestly feel for all of you single parent women homesteaders and I wish you the best of luck. But I just want to say that I am a 47yr old single parent Dad farmer/homesteader raising 2 boys 12&13 on our 120ac farm in Co. Believe me it is not any easier for a man then for a women. Yes the physical demands are a lot easier for me but doing all those household chores, cooking 3 meals a day, patching blue jeans.....etc and tring to work a farm with all of the demands it requires definatly takes its toll on this man. But if we are doing what we waht to do, trust in the Lord, and believe in ourselves Iam sure everything will work out someday. So to all you single parent women; keep your head up and remember there is a man out here in the same boat that feels for you and can relate to the hardships. Stay strong!

-- Monty (ripp927@juno.com), October 26, 2000.

Pat, Sounds like you have done well in spite of your loss. I was a single mom on a farm to. But at that time didn't have Countryside or the computer for help. Reading over some of these responses it sounds as if you are definitely not alone! Is there any possibility that some of you could get together and form some sort of an intentional community? That way no one would have to give up the country way of life that is so precious but there would be neighbors nearby to help out with other things such as child care, farm work, etc.. I know this would mean relocating which isn't always possible nor desirable, but if you could get a group together and buy some acreage but still maintain your own home it could work out. I know that there are legalities that would need taking care of and of course theres always the risk that someone will back out or not carry their load but I really believe it could be done. If I would have found you 5 years ago I certainly would have teamed up to help you solve the problem! Good luck and please don't give up! Barb

-- Barb (WILDETMR@YAHOO.COM), October 27, 2000.