I realized today that I'm at my breaking point...

I can't stand this one woman that I work with. She started here a week earlier than I, so she was given a priority position over me. In fact, I'm the only person that she's in charge of, but that's aside from the issue. I've worked with her for over a year now, and in the beginning I only "slightly" disliked her, but figured I could manage working in an environment with her. HAH! Little did I know!

The problem is that she talks waaaay too much. Instead of getting any work done, she floats around the halls and chit-chats with all the other employees, telling them about her 2 kids, her cat, and her Uncle Bob's fricken gold tooth! I mean she's constantly talking SOMEone's ear off about HERself. She then will pile the work that was assigned to her---to me. This burns me up because I figure if she has time to be a social butterfly, she should have time to do her own work.

So I always end up busting my ass doing my work, along with hers...while she prances and giggles up and down the hallway.

I tried talking to the head boss here about her, but she pretty much said she wasn't going to get involved, and that I have to take care of this issue alone. That was about 8 months ago.

Today, I find that I'm completely sickened by her. When she arrives I have to hold my tongue till she leaves. I am soo close to saying something purely evil to her. I am so close to just saying screw it and walking outta here!

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with these type of people in the workplace?

-Zhyla

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2000

Answers

Horrible position to be in - try once more with the head boss.

If that doesn't work - spruce up your CV and start looking - better you start now while you're still there then after you leave.

I know how you feel though - I was in a similar position a year and a half ago - except my boss was causing the problems - I was lucky inthat I found a new job in two weeks - but it was the best thing I ever did. I love where I am now.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2000

1. Go get one of those books about how to deal with difficult co-workers. They really do work. Sometimes it is a matter of sucking up your pride, but I really look at it as something I choose to do to manipulate her.

2. Quit taking her work. Get some assertiveness training class.

3. Don't hold it all inside. Next time she asks you to do her work, tell her once, firmly & with conviction "no, I will not do your work. You have ample time to complete your task throughout the day." Or reword it to something else. My first statement would be strong, unequivocal, and tacit. My second would be whatever came to mind and probably wouldn't be nice. But I'd say it anyway - keeps people on their toes.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2000

I'd use a two step strategy.

1. Do not agree to do her work. If she asks, say you won't have the time, or make up any excuse you can think of. It is important you never agree to do her work, so she can't blame it on you when it goes undone.

2. Don't do her work. If she assigns it to you despite your protests, just don't do it. Drag out your own work, have chats of your own, do whatever it takes. Make sure any work of hers that she assigns to you remains undone.

Do these two things, and she'll soon be doing her own work, or paying the consequences.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

Re "books about how to deal with difficult co-workers" - a recommendation: anything by Marilyn Moats Kennedy. After reading it you will feel shaken but empowered.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

Another thing that's very helpful, in dealing with problems that have started out as personality issues, but have morphed into actual work issues is to document everything.

It might seem petty and stupid to write down when you're doing her work, and she's off to the break room for her 16th cup of coffee, but when I was a manager, there was nothing at all that could be done to an employee of mine if I didn't have documentation to back it up. Send your boss e-mail "progress reports" and save copies of those e- mails to disk. Attempt to work out the problem, writing up your issues with this co-worker and ask your boss (or Human Resources, if you have an HR department where you work) to moderate. At the end of the meeting, write up a work agreement, so that it's down on paper where your responsibilities end and hers begin.

And then document whenever she attempts to make you do her work.

It's a lot of work in itself, but I've found that it's a very effective way to deal with someone who's being unreasonable. When they say, "You're always falling behind," you can dig out your work log, show them the spreadsheet of just what you've done and where they've fallen behind, and offer to take the matter up with the next- highest person on the totem pole.

Nothing shuts people up like facts.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

That's such good advice from Patrick. It's always wise to cover your back if there could ever be problems afoot.

I only really communicate with difficult people at work via email now, because it means there's always a record of what we said, and because talking to stupid annoying people stresses me out!

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

Patrick has the right answer for you, I think, about documentation. As well as documenting, I would suggest that after you have a week or two documented, you bring it up with the offending party, or request a joint meeting of you, the jerk, and the boss.

Lay out exactly what work you have done in the documented time. Show that some of it was assigned to her. Tell them you don't mind helping out a colleague occasionaly, but if you have to do it on a regular basis there is a problem, and you are hoping that *they* can help you out with that problem.

Make sure you stress that they have to do something for you - that this is not your responsibility. You are doing your job, and doing it well, and your boss is responsible for ensuring that, day to day, there are no encumberances to you doing a good job.

Also, you might try just confronting her. I read once that people that behave badly often do so because nobody ever confronts them on it and tells them it is unacceptable. Sometimes people also behave badly as a power play, and confronting them can knock them down a peg or two, and make them behave.

Being quiet isn't working.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

I agree completely with Patrick when he says to document exactly what you're doing and when you're doing it, and what the other person is doing while you're working.

HOWEVER.

First, this isn't likely to get you anywhere. Your "head boss" didn't say "Document this and I'll see what we can do". She said "I will NOT deal with this". A lot of documentation may make the Head Boss change her mind, but this is doubtful.

Second: do NOT refuse to do the work your Icky Manager gives to you, even if it's all her own work. You said that this person is at least nominally your supervisor; this means that she has some legitimate claims, at least, to be assigning you work to do. Refusing to do the work will only get YOU into trouble. If she were simply a co-worker, then you could legitimately refuse, but since she's your supervisor, you have no real option but to grit your teeth and do the work.

Look for another job. That's pretty much your only realistic option at this point.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

Heh. Iain, ever the optimist. :)

Actually, it would help to know how much of a supervisory role this other person has over you. I know that where I work, there are several levels of "supervision," and the fact that she holds a position where she can nominally tell you what to do doesn't necessarily make her your "boss."

But Human Resources can be your friend! Honestly! A lot of the time, Human Resources can help in ways you don't even know of. It depends, of course, on how their department is structured, and how your company is structured, but HR, in many companies, is there to help with just this sort of difficulty.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

First off I'd like to thank everyone for their comments & suggestions. I'm heading off to Barnes & Noble to try to find one of those dealing with people books. Even if I leave this place, I'm sure I'll find it useful in the future.

Now to clear up a few things:

She's officially my manager as far as the paperwork says. Her position was newly created when she came here, but her responsibilities were not clearly defined (I still don't believe they are). However, when I came in, I was filling in the position of someone who had left the company. My position was somewhat defined, but a bunch of things got tagged onto my job description because of my additional skills.

Anyhoo, she is technically allowed to assign work to me. I have my general duties that I have to perform daily, as does she. I just feel she crosses the line when she "dumps" all her crap on my desk after spending hours chatting up a storm. I've never asked her to help me with any of my work, because I don't waste my time when there's work to be done.

I can't really come out and say "no" to her, because she is my "manager". I also don't want to come across looking like the asshole, or the non "team player" because I refused to help someone out.

She and the head boss are really "buddy buddy" by the way. She spends a lot of time in the head boss's office also talking about mindless crap that has nothing to do with work. I think this is the reason why the head boss doesn't wish to get involved. They've got a pretty tight friendship established. I know the head boss wouldn't want to see me go, but I think she wouldn't want to ruin a friendship either, by putting the "dumper" in her place.

I really don't want to quit working here, but I've never worked with someone with such little class, consideration, and common courtesy. The thought of coming here everyday and seeing her face makes me ill. I think my time remaining here is numbered, and few.

-Z

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

It sounds like their friendship is the problem. The first thing you have to do is destroy their friendship.

There are so, so many ways to do this. For example, you could steal things from her boss, and plant them among her things, where her boss is sure to notice them. Nobody likes somebody who steals from them.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000