That first refrigerator did it for me. It was pretty harsh, suddenly realizing I had a major appliance to tote around with me forever. (Well, for four years. Forever turned out to be shorter than I expected.)

Was there some event that made you wake up and think, "Holy shit, this is it, I'm an adult"? Have you hit it yet? Do you think you ever will?

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

Answers

Refridgerator! HAH!!

I knew I was an adult when I bought a home and started a practice in the same year and walked out of the bank one day with a *half million dollars* in personal debt!

(Adults don't sleep well do they? I didn't sleep well for five years after that hit me.)

Now that I have worked hard and paid off a good portion of that debt, I feel much less adult again. I suspect if I decide to have/adopt a child however, that it will hit me again. At least I'll be up for a good reason this time!

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

I was 21, almost 22. My father had died suddenly. One night, about a week after the funeral, I was cleaning off the table from dinner and my mom started to cry. I knelt down and put my arms around her and she put her head on my shoulder and sobbed, "I don't *want* him to be dead!"

I held my weeping mother in my arms until she quieted.

At that time, I had graduated from the Air Force Academy and was learning to fly jet airplanes, but I didn't feel like a grown-up until I had to try to comfort my heartbroken mom.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

I'm not sure I have a specific moment in mind . . . Recently I was talking with a good friend about money and paying bills and taxes and stuff, and I was all chirpy about how I pay my bills: open the bill, write the amount and the date it's due on the outside and stick in the top of the white board above my desk, pay the bill as soon as the paycheck right before it's due arrives, write "paid " on the outside and file it away. Yes, I have a file for my bills. I file the accumulated pile about twice a year, but I do have that file . . .

No one taught me to pay bills that way - it's just something I developed that works for me. And that's when it hit me - I'm an adult. I have a 401K, a checking account that doesn't bounce *too* often, a job, a car, a house I've rented with roommates for two years now (the longest I've ever paid rent anywhere), a garden that's flourishing and the envy of all my friends. I have money enough to buy what I need when I need it - usually - and credit cards (major, department store, and smaller stores) for when I don't have money. I've managed to pay for my own first trip to Europe (Spain), I make my own travel reservations and I decide 9 months in advance to go to Burning Man again this year. I make major life decisions more or less on my own (such as attempting grad school next year) and when Mom has to pay for something for me, I can send her a check right away to reimburse her. Weird. All so weird, really.

I think being a grown- up is hard. There are so many little things to think about, plan for, budget for, cover. They don't tell you about saving when you're young - how the compound interest really pays off when you start saving at 25 instead of 35. They don't give classes in bill payment, laundry, renting a place, car insurance - nope, all that you either learn from your parents or on your own. There ought to be mandatory classes in modern life - both at the high school and college level. You shouldn't be able to graduate w/out knowing how to balance your checkbook or open a IRA (I'm still not exactly sure what an IRA is, but I think I know what a mutual fund is now and I've got the 401K thing going). Life is so tricky - it's like only the keen or the lucky survive. Balancing an adult life - making room for myself to be happy and not have to constantly worry about all these things - this is what has made me feel like a grown-up.

-Heather

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

Two things. 1. Carrying Kleenex in my purse. 2. Being able to buy a roll of LiveSavers and having them last more than four minutes.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

When I was 18 and pregnant is when I "grew up."

However, after the age of 37, I reversed gears and became less mature for a while....like ten years or so.

I am now going through puberty backwards and my daughter thinks I need some adult supervision. :)

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

You know, Heather, I think you have something there about "life" classes. It would be a great equalizer.

We talked about this on another forum -- I think it was Gus's old list. Someone made the statement that many families stay poor through multiple generations not through bad luck or social inequities or bias, but because of bad habits that get passed from parents to children on down. There was a lot of disagreement with that assessment, and I'm the first to agree that it's an oversimplication of socioeconomic issues, but I think there is some truth to it, as well.

My parents are big savers, but they weren't always that way. I always remember them putting big purchases on credit cards. I also remember life being kind of an up and down of booms and busts -- either we had a lot of money and we all got great Christmas presents until it was gone, or we didn't have anything and we were barely scraping by.

I don't know much about how Jeremy's parents dealt with money, except I know they are big savers and investors. I think our family incomes were probably very similar when we were growing up, but Jeremy saves everything and never carries a balance on his credit card. The very concept of paying interest instead of earning interest makes him angry. So when we met, I had five figures worth of debt, and he had an actual nest egg -- even though he wasn't working at all and I was an attorney.

He's rubbed off on me, but it's been a long process. The whole concept of delayed gratification, saving up for things I want to buy, not thinking of credit cards as a convenient way to get what I want right now, paying bills on time as a matter of course ... it was totally foreign to me. I mean, none of that stuff is real money, right?

Life would have been a lot easier if someone had explained the concept of compound interest to me when I was seventeen.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

It was my debt load that awakened me to adulthood, too. I realized that I couldn't take any of the jobs I wanted because my student debt load was too heavy. Bummer, eh?

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

When I got married and my husband behaved less like a grownup than me. Somebody had to do it. (sigh)

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

I was stopped at a stop sign and looked over at group of junior high kids waiting for the bus. One girl was dressed in full Madonna-wannabe style. (Yes, this occurred some time ago now.) I thought, "What is her mother thinking to let her out of the house like that." I had to pull over for a moment to get over the shock. I had gone over to the other side. I was one of them.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

In the first year we were living together, 1993, when I was 25, Rich I had that ol' consumption itch and went to the mall to scratch it. I had wanted pretty underwear from Vicky's or a new dress or something like that. We came home with only a food processor. Shopping frustration happens: sometimes you just can't find the right dress. I knew at that point I was an adult, because that *small appliance* had gratified my materialistic urge.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

Considering the number of people who graduate from high school with minimal literacy levels, I don't think the limited amount of time kids spend in school should be given over to "life skills". Hopefully, that's the parent's job.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

Like Tracey, I became a grown-up when my dad died suddenly. My folks divorced about five years before his death, so dealing with the funeral arrangements, the estate, taxes, probate, etc. fell to my shoulders. I had to deal with the problematic tenants, the lawyer, and all kinds of other stuff.

Inheriting a mortgage is very different from buying a home; when you buy, you have (hopefully) some idea of what you're getting yourself into when you sign the zillion pieces of paper for the mortgage. When you inherit one, it lands in your lap with a pronounced "thud"; Responsibility with the capital R.

Since this event, I've also had to deal with my mother's recurring depression. I've had to make sure she eats, takes her meds, goes to therapy, do her grocery shopping, etc. Having to take care of a sick parent will turn you into an grown-up if you aren't one already.

My definition of grown-up, at least for now, is the person who steps up and takes responsibility in a situation that demands it. It's not so much having the appliances to lug around; stuff can be discarded. Choosing to hang onto things and making choices about what matters or not in my life is part of the grown-up thang. And I'm totally with Heather; I could've done with less bullshit stuff in high school and more real life stuff. Learning to balance a checkbook, read a contract, give a good interview, negotiate. I haven't used a lot of the stuff I got in high school, but these skills would have been essential.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

At my high school they did have training in cooking and balancing check books and stuff, which I was required to take. None of it really registered with me, though. It took me years to take things like this seriously and realize something like yeah, this isn't a rehersal, this is real.

I haven't had a moment of thinking "holy shit, I'm an adult." And we bought a house and got married last year, and I bought my first refridgerator years ago. I guess deep down, I'm still hoping somebody else will take responsiblity for things.

PG&E gives rebates for energy efficient refridgerator. Check out their page at http://www.pge.com/customer_services/business/energy/express/ to see if it applies to you.

Why do you like a side by side fridge? I hate those - my mom has one and it always feels like you have to take stuff out to get at things in the back, and it won't hold big things like a turkey.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

I LOOOOOVE my new side-by-side fridge. It feels like I never have to shift stuff to get at things from the back (grin) and since we're vegetarian, the chances of it ever being required to hold a turkey are remote.

(Although it did do just the thing that Beth's did last week: the relay blew, and the damn beast heated up inside. Fermentation city, boys and girls. However, because it's less than a month old to us, I'm waiting for my $200 value-of-food-destroyed cheque.)

We got one without ice-maker (that seems to take up an unwarrantable amount of space). Far as I can see, they're ideal for a childless couple (like us) -- lots of freezer space and so forth. If we had or planned to have kids, I'd have got something else.

Oops, what was the question again? Grownup? No. I still don't feel like one. Then again, I'm also still working on resolving my little tax problem, too. Own a house, own a fridge, yeah, yeah, but still have a rackfull of toys sitting round my office.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

Like so many other folks up here, overnight I became an adult, not just realized it, but had to take hold of the responsibilities and never look back.

Your parents are the ones who mainly make you able to continue feeling like a youth, and when they are the ones who need someone to make sure they eat, pay bills, get out of bed a few days a week, and scour the house for any ammo while their working it's a shift kick in the ass.

My mom left in the middle of the night and my father came home to an empty house. I had to cradle him like a child while he cried and screamed for "his Laura" back. Up until this point, he had been the source of terror and pain in my life. Then I was his lifeline.

We've never looked back, and our roles have reversed back to normal, if you want to call it that. If not for these tings happening, we probably wouldn't speak much. But we talk everyday.

But I still haven't shaken the adult thing, it's not something you can put on and take off. I can't let dirty dishes sit anymore. I stopped going out at that time and never picked the habit back up. Wearing revealing clothing makes me cringe and big jewelry makes me see spots. Before that night, these were all staples in my life.Can't say as how I miss them though. People my own age usually make me feel embarrased for them. I do realize that I'm still a mere bebe at 23.

That, and I paid taxes instead of getting a refund for the first time this year.

Sarah
The Delta/Piehole

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

Joy said: "Considering the number of people who graduate from high school with minimal literacy levels, I don't think the limited amount of time kids spend in school should be given over to "life skills". Hopefully, that's the parent's job."

Hmmm. You could just incorporate it into math class - I've heard of teachers getting students to "invest" imaginary money in the stock market over a term and track it, and make trades, and so forth. You can learn a lot about all sorts of useful things that way - fractions, how to read balance sheets, compound interest, etc.

I think it's distinctly odd that we teach things like sewing and cooking and woodworking and metalwork (metalwork?) but not basic money management. Everybody has to manage money - most people don't need to build their own cabinets.

Joanne (Parietal Pericardium)

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

When a large man who looked very angry came to my house with chains clanking one morning to reposess my car. It was 5:30 a.m. (who knew they got up that early?) and I heard a strange clanking and there he stood- Adonis with chains taking my Honda away. No one to save me anymore from the little things in life like car payments. Or when my cat got very sick and I had to use every penny I had in my savings to try and save him. I guess adulthood hit me right about then. I'm still trying to get used to it. I think I liked it better before.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

I'm still getting over the shock of being an adult.

There's the fact that my money isn't called "Disposable Income" any more. I earn it, and it goes toward bills, food & rent. There is rarely anything left over for fun stuff, like clothes or rock concerts.

The fact that I haven't been out clubbing in over a year, because I hate being with all the 18 yearolds.

The fact that I'm the one who has to pick up the peices when things go down the toilet. Mom and Dad can't just swoop in and pay my rent anymore. Not like they ever did, but anyways...

The fact that I was discussing with my best friend (who considers my parents to be hers, too, since hers are both dead) what we were going to do when my parents got old. How were we supposed to care for them?

The fact that my summer vacation happens on long weekends, not the three-month period between semesters.

The fact that I make WAY over minimum wage, and it's still not enough.

I might not be in debt, but I have no savings, either. I'm going to be 25 in September. I'm still young yet, but I feel so scared. I have to start thinking about RRSPs and taxes and investing and insurance and bills and whatnot. I miss the days when my big worry was "Will I get my sociology paper done on time?"

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

Two things:

(1) I had to kick some teenage skateboarders out of my office's parking lot. A former skater himself, my boyfriend was completely up in arms about my kicking the skaters off of the property. I tried to reason with the skaters, telling them to go skate over here (and indicated a place), telling them that I was being forced to do this, etc. I hated that. The entire time they were looking at me as if I were some ancient, decrepit grown-up coming to ruin their fun. *sigh*

(2) Two weeks ago, in New Orleans. The condo is two blocks away from Bourbon in the Quarter and we spent the majority of the time in the condo. Every trip down Bourbon street was made into a living hell by the swarms of drunken kids. Every trip uptown ended up with us in some bar where we felt positively ancient. Every other place is entirely too tourist-y and just downright annoying. Plus, the stink of the quarter got to me in a way that it never has before. It used to not bother me but it was positively disgusting last time and it was even an off-weekend since we had missed Jazz Fest the weekend before.

I'm adjusted to the bills, the bank accounts, etc. I was doing that at 18 and still didn't consider myself an adult so there was never a big epiphany revolving around money. I've also never been in a large amount of debt, either, so I can see how it could be a big reality check. Mostly, it's when a twenty-year-old or something gets on my nerves for doing something that I did at the age of twenty. Then I just want to smack my head against a wall.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

I went to a small, private liberal arts college and it always astounded me how everyone was "stressed" and couldn't get it together to get their papers in on time. You know the ones. They ALWAYS have an excuse/need an extension. They ALWAYS have a crisis/emotional turmoil preventing them from working. By no means did I have a tough childhood, but even I realized that college was not the "real world" and soon enough more serious concerns would crop up.

There is something up with education and this entitled attitude. My mother teaches high school, and my sister teaches basic english comp at a community college. It sickens me to hear their stories of disrespectful students who try to garner pity, outright threaten, or manipulate my mom or sis into excusing them from doing their work. When you are at school, writing papers, taking tests is YOUR WORK. DO IT. And somehow, the kids get away with it...if the kids fail, who is to blame? The teachers!

Yet these same kids are as docile as lambs at their jobs at the local Wendy's or Friendly's because if they acted as they did at school they'd be FIRED. Oops. No more pocket money for my CDs. Guess I'd better straighten up and fly right. DO MY WORK.

When was the last time any of you just didn't show up to work with no explanation?

"College kids" in my sister's class don't show up for WEEKS with little or no explanation as to why, and they are baffled and hostile to my sister when she gives them a failing grade.

Sorry, this is getting a bit off topic. My face is flushed and I'm typing like a madwoman...yeah, I guess I get pissed when I hear these stories. So, THAT'S why mom said "bad idea" when I said I wanted to be a teacher.

Perhaps being a grown up is leaving behind this idea that the world owes you a living, and that your problems are so great they excuse you from exhibiting decent behavior.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

I've been a grown up for a long time because of my family situation - I basically raised my sisters and I was at the most just under 4 years older. I'd had a taste of adult hood buying my first new car a few years ago - the whole consumer reports thing, etc.... My mother failed to file her income taxes for oh, !!!5!!! years and the IRS seized her assets the week before my sister's wedding - *I* was the one who wrote out her to do list to fix the mess.

But I *REALLY, REALLY, REALLY* aged the day I started listening *religiously* to NPR - All Things Considered, Market Place, etc.... I mean, come on, how ****old**** is that!!!

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

A lot of little things i think, things that don't seem like a big deal until you sit down and think of them all together.

Hugging my dad because he was crying - because for the first time in his entire life, since the age of sixteen, he was unemployed.

Being the strong one and taking my sister out of the emergency room so that she could break down and cry after my dad had his second stroke. She didn't want to cry in front of him. I never cried about it in front of anyone.

The first night that i sat in my apartment after moving out of my parents' house.

Being scared of the clothes in "younger" stores.

Being terrified by the trendy clothes each season and choosing to buy more "sensible" clothes.

Buying my first suit.

Attending my first meeting at work.

Realizing that i really want a house. And that i really do want kids someday. And that i definitely want to marry George.

Getting excited over birthday/xmas gifts that consist of things like blenders, towels, coffee makers, etc.

Little things and not-so-little things, but all combined together it makes you realize, "dammit... i grew up."

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

The "adult" realization hit me last year. First, I would like to say I am NOT a princess. OK,I went to visit a friend in Chicago. We are both in our early 30's and have semi-dealing jobs. I get there and she tells me she is soo excited, she just found this couch on the sidewalk and its really comfortable. The couch is dirty and smelly (I have a couch from the 50's that I just love, there is vintage and there is garbage). All I can think is where has this couch been and do I have to sleep here? I'm to old for this!

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up, but I don't feel like an adult yet.

Of course, my parents would turn that around and tell you I was never a child.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

I had that horrid "oh dear lord I've become a grwon-up feeling" not when I bought my first real new car, or even my house, but the first time I got laid off. I suddenly realized, bizarre it took so long, that I had a job not because I wanted one, or I thought it'd be fun, or I needed some extra cash -- but I HAD RESPONSIBILITIES. There were people out there, mean anonymous people who I had to send money to so I could continue living my life how I wanted. Ugh and woe is. THAT sucked.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

The first time I called a group of kids from the upcoming generation "Kids these days".

I almost swallowed my hat.

And the day I finally did the math and realized that at the rate we were paying it off, it would take more than 5 years for us to get out of credit-card debt.

I swallowed my pride and went to my father to ask for help. That took all the courage I had stored up for a while.

That may not seem like the adult thing to do -- but we were already on consumer credit counseling. I figured it was better to admit that we needed help, than to run around getting nowhere for the rest of my life.

Constantly choosing to do what you have to do over what you want to do has been the big "grow-up" factor for me.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

I felt grown-up the first time I pulled an all-nighter and then didn't instantly recover. How dare my body demand sleep!

-------------------------

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

1990, I was 20. It was Spring Break and I was home from college in Houston. I was getting ready to go somewhere and my mother started crying. It turns out they were about to lose the house and she needed help. I had enough in my checking and savings to make two complete house payments, which would buy them a bit of time. Driving to the bank and whipping out my checkbook to make house payments for my mother and step-father made me grow up.

I never told my mother, but I had that money because I'd won a full scholarship to spend the summer in Mexico at a special program. I was the only one to win a complete scholarship, and the woman in charge told me I'd only need spending money for lunches, some breakfasts, and other things. I'd been saving for a while. I had to turn it down because I didn't have a cent left. I've still never been out of the country, but that's okay. My mother still doesn't know that I gave up that scholarship or that trip, and I hope she never does.

Douglas http://members.xoom.com/DisquietMuse/

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

(Looking at his comic books, his children's books, his love for going to Toys'R'Us...)

I'm an adult??????

Al of NOVA NOTES.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

I look young for my 37 years and 8 months - I do I do - but the other day on the bus I stood up for an woman in her fifties with a small child and she said - the words are burned on my brain - "No, let someone young stand up".

Oh god. It was awful.

cheers

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

Heather: I really shouldn't address this to you particularly, because it really does relate to everyone. Being an "adult" and being an "older person that is young at heart" can be the same thing. How fucking cliche is that? I am such a geek. What made me think that though, was that you said you were planning for Burning Man nine months in advance. No matter how far in advance you plan for it, or how long it takes you to recover from it, You have a special kind of spirit if you are going to Burning Man at all! I can't imagine looking at ANYONE at Burning Man and saying, "They are just way too old to be doing that!" If you can go, you are young enough.

Erin: I have had that exact same feeling. I rode street and vert for 10 years. Competed for awhile, and was lucky enough to travel a bit with it. I have argued, ran from, and made fun of more cops in my day than I care to remember. But, that day did come when I was the guy running the skaters off our office parking lot. I felt like such an ass. No matter how much I tried to plead my case and how sympathetic I was to their plight, all I could do was shrug and tell them we couldn't handle the "liability" if they got hurt. I wanted to tell my employers the same thing those skaters wanted to tell me. "Fuck off! We could be out doing drugs or stealing cars, but instead we are doing this!" That, of course, would have led to me getting fired.

All I wanted at 18 was to be older. For someone to consider me an adult for a change. Damn, I was wrong about that one.

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

I have another - on the same line as the all nighter...

Not going out on "work nights." Gone are the days I had a 7am English class (don't ask me why I registered for this!) and came home from the bar when it closed at 2. And still made class.

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

I came to the realisation one day about five years ago while waiting for a bus. I'd finished at university for the day and was now going to get my bus home early afternoon, not many people at the stop so my bus rolls up and this kid in school uniform goes to get on the bus and tries to beat on ahead of meand the bus driver snapped at him, and said "wait until the gentleman gets on first". Gentleman. And yet only two and a bit years earlier I'd have been in my school uniform and she'd have been snapping at me for trying to beat the paying adult passengers. I felt somewhat older than my 20 years after that

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

Just recently. When I realized that the level of debt we are sinking into had to be worked on. No more dodging creditors. We're moving(back to my hometown, which I hate), getting rid of a lot of our stuff, and just sucking it up.

That combined with just turning 25, has made me realize that I'm not 'playing' adult, I am one.

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

When the arrival of June no longer meant a 3-month vacation...

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

last christmas when my mom asked me what i wanted for a gift, the only thing i could come up with was money toward my car payment. there were no toys or cds that i wanted, just a car payment.

but it really hit me when i found myself referring to my parents' house as "your house" instead of "our house," even though i still lived there. it was a realization that i was more like a guest in their home.

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

There are other things besides the debt load. There are things I used to do all of the time that I haven't done in years now, like ice skating, going for a drive to look at the foliage in the fall, spending a day on a porch with a good book, sleeping in to recover from a hangover (all right, I know that broke the mood, but we had a farewell party for a departing worker last night and I would pay real money for two hours of sleep right now).

In addition, where has all of my time disappeared to? Until we had our son last summer, there always seemed to be time to get our housework done. Now, we're lucky if we pay the bills and vacuum the carpet in the same week, let alone the same day. I go from task to task all seven days, and if I have a day off I spend it cleaning and consider it a nice break. It seems like life is a continual run on a hamster wheel -- is that why they call it the rat race?

Frankly, there are days adulthood doesn't look like such a great deal. Maybe I should have stayed in the seminary and avoided the big world. Naah, that's just the hangover talking.

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

who you callin grownup!

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

When I realized I could not fully digest whole corn the way I used to.

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

Coupla things...

1. Using the phrase 'Hey you kids, get off my lawn.' to some kids who were setting off firecrackers on the edge of my lawn.

2. Buying a house. That kind of debt really makes you stop and think.

3. I paid off my student loans and my car. At the time, 10 years to pay them off sounded like forever and I was lucky enough to pay them off early.

Coupla other things --

Beth -- I just bought a fridge about a month ago, and had the same size problem you described. We only had 33 inches too, but we wanted a side by side that wasn't small. We found a series of Maytags at Sears that fit the width requirement but were still at least 25 cubic feet. I think they make them a bit taller (we have to shave a bit off that cabinet) and make them stick out a bit more. If your kitchen can handle those things, check them out. But beware, they're really not cheap -- side by sides just aren't cheap.

And on a funny note, Sara -- I can still polish off a box of tic tacs in under two minutes :)

Colleen

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

Well, I won't cop to being grown up yet, but some major turning points:

• The first time I earned over $1500/month.
• When I bought a house.
• The first time I had movers, instead of friends and a U-Haul, to help me move.

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

Well, up 'til recently, I pretty much felt like I was a kid playing grownup... until I starting having to deal with getting a divorce. The realization that this situation is mine and mine alone to deal with, and that there is no one who can "fix" it for me, or take care of me, was very sobering.

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

I still haven't had this godawful moment yet...though all of this is exactly what I was referring to when I said adulthood wasn't fun.... What is bothering me is simply, the cost of food. I used to be able to just eat and enjoy myself, now I can't look at food without thinking like a cash register. $5 per meal to feed myself, unless I go out with friends and then with drink and tip it always somehow comes out to be $10 per meal. I can't afford the money or the time to eat every day (with my schedule I can't spare 15 minutes to wolf down food) anyway, and yet my stomach keeps growling and growling even after I've eaten $5 worth of food...ARGH! Looking forward to getting a paying job, believe me...maybe then I can eat lunch without financial guilt.

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

I have a house, and a husband, and a healthy dose of debt, but those haven't really made me feel grown-up yet. Some things that have:

* When I realized that kids born in the 80's were starting high school - or, before that, making a mix tape for the girl I babysat (born in 1986) because she loved those oldies from the 80's.

* When my high school friends and I actually spent a full half hour discussing our health insurance benefits.

* When husband and I went to Sears and picked out a washer and dryer - just like that. Buying major appliances was much more disturbing than buying the townhouse.

-- Anonymous, May 27, 2000

Getting married. And buying a flat. And realising that the songs of my youth were now considered vintage music. And figuring out I was too old for some clothing styles ... that really sucked.

However, I still eat lots of sweets, always have pudding, and sleep with a teddy bear (or four), so it's not a terminal case of adulthood yet.

Beth - re the fridge - can you guys get Smeg appliances over there? They're bound to have a website - I'd guess www.smeg.com - and they are the sexiest fridges in the world. We're going for a pale blue one when we get the kitchen rebuilt.

-- Anonymous, May 30, 2000

Oh, man, those are some mighty hot refrigerators ... but I don't think you can buy them here, because I've never heard of them. Anyone who wants to check them out, see here:

http://beau-port.co.uk/acatalog/Beau_Port_Home__Smeg_50s_Style_Refrige ration_117.html

We ordered ours. It's nothing fancy, just a Frigidaire, but it's stainless steel and moderately sexy. And it fits.

-- Anonymous, May 30, 2000

When I got the letter in the mail. The one that told me that one of my favorite kids to babysit, a child whose _diapers_ I had changed, was graduating with honors.

From Stanford.

No. Way. am. I. that. old. No, really. I'm not even 30...quite. He's a damn genius. But still - that was the one that really threw me for a loop.

That and realizing that my monthly rent was more per annum than many people earn, gross. That made me feel somehow...responsible. For what, I'm not too sure.

-- Anonymous, May 30, 2000

The realization that I was truly adult came with the birth of our children. Before that was the thought that I can handle whatever comes up. But realizing that there were people depending on me to take responsibility for their welfare - - - - who couldn't do it because they were babies. Not a depression at all, just the knowledge that either I become an adult or go crazy.

-- Anonymous, May 31, 2000

It was at a concert that I first had the jolting realization I was becoming an old fogey. Surrounded by teens with fake ID's who had consumed way too much beer, I found myself giving them the evil eye and checking to make sure the one who looked ready to puke wasn't getting too close to me. When I realized I was paying more attention to them than the band, I told Charlie I wanted to go ahead and leave to get away from all the obnoxious kids. My face hurt from scowling. I had become my mother at the age of 26.

The other day, Charlie and I were walking to the car after doing some grocery shopping (which included purchasing Pepsid AC, hair coloring and a new toilet scrub brush). I was so happy that paper towels had been on sale that I didn't even get upset when the hot looking guy who bagged the groceries called me "Ma'am". We were breezily discussing a home equity debt consolidation loan and we giggled as we figured out that we could probably sneak money for a jacuzzi and some lawn furniture into the loan amount.

Last night we discussed options for life insurance, and made plans for the trip to NC to deal with my father's cancer. Being an adult means that reality really does bite sometimes. Facing my own mortality, and the mortality of those I love is something that never crossed my mind until I was an adult.

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2000

There were all different stages. Some were scary, some exhilarating. For me, they were:

1. When people started calling me "the nice lady" to their kids when I was cashiering. ("Now, give the nice lady your toy so she can ring it up.") (Not that scary. I wasn't a grown-up so much as the parent was silly.) 2. When one carload was no longer enough to carry all my stuff. In particular, gaining ownership of that heavy hide-a-bed. (Scary.) 3. Grown-up sounding stuff which I never had a clue how to do, or even what it was, as a kid, like refinancing my house, opening a Roth IRA, and buying stock. (Exhilarating.) (By the way, none of this is that hard--it's easy to learn how on the web.) 4. Grown-up sounding injuries (like throwing out my back). (Scary.) 5. When I filled out the paperwork to get my first business card. Yes, these are in chronological order: this just happened two months ago. Amazing how much more I felt like an important adult. Even though I still haven't exactly gotton my business cards yet. (Exhilarating.)

At my parent's house, the definition of grown-up, for purposes of deciding which table you sit at for Thanksgiving dinner, appears to be "person with kids." If you don't have kids, you sit with the kids. The "adults" get a break from the kids. I enjoy being middle aged and sitting at the kiddy table, letting the kids eat whatever they want, etc. Much more fun than discussing those boring adult topis.

I also enjoy saying I'm middle-aged. It freaks people out when they see me. They act like I have low self-esteem and am insulting myself, but I only do it for humor purposes. Plus I really am middle-aged according to Social Security's definition (35+).

About refrigerators. I started with a used refrigerator which went bad in one year because the door became so warped that it would no longer close at the bottom. I looked at used refrigerators, but they all had that same smell that I could never quite wash out of my previous one. You'd think everyone used their fridges for kitty-boxes before selling them. I got a shiny white fridge with separate adjustable glass shelves on each side (perfect for roommates). Oh, happy day! With new fridges, you can adjust the temparatures within ranges which fall almost fully into the acceptible range! You can keep your ice cream exactly how hard or soft you want it! (Yes, I am an adult. Um, see, ice cream is important as a motivator to eat healthy in the boiling hot summers we have in the south--blend it with fat-free dairy products and fresh/frozen fruit or peanut butter.) And the milk stays good for over a week, even when you store it in the door, the warmest part of the fridge! And they make doors big enough to hold gallon jugs! And, obviously, no more manual defrosting! And when something broke on my new fridge the very first month, I just called the number on the paperwork, and they sent a new part for free, which has held up since then. Just think of all the money you're saving now, not having to throw away spoiled food!

And about education. Balancing my checkbook and doing my own laundry were easy to learn after I moved away from parents. The checkbook registers tell you several ways to use them, and both the washing machines at laundromats AND detergent instruction explain how to do laundry. I think it's important to learn reading, math, and PE in school, and then anything else can be learned from those academic foundations. Other important foundations are responsibility, caring about others, and dealing with frustration (learning that it's normal for things not to go right the first time and that you can do them anyway). I'm not sure where or how those are supposed to be taught.

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2000