Girls and boys : LUSENET : zootzie : One Thread

Well, is it true that men and women can't be 'just friends'? (let's just pretend the world is straight so it's not so complicated)

-- siobhan (, June 16, 2000


goddamnit mike. close up your html tags, lol.

-- siobhan (, June 21, 2000.

I think it just depends on the situation silly.I`ve had lady friends that I never wanted to be *intimate* with but maybe I just wasn`t "attracted" to them. Perhaps I never allowed myself to feel "that" way with them.Your question may raise more questions than answers.Its a tough call because you can`t really generalize.I think it all depends on the individuals I guess.But if the woman is attractive it be hard not to think about other things.I mean I am a man after all.I was going to leave that last comment out but we being honest here aren`t we? Thats not saying I would disrespect her in any way,but I maybe appreciate her beauty and keep it to myself.I think I`d let her actions or lack of actions dictate how I behave.Now I`m going to shut up before I get myself in trouble.I should of waited for other ppl to answer 1st.................

-- Jeff (, June 16, 2000.

I don't think it's true, but it's rather hard to say for sure. I've got plenty of guy friends for whom I have nothing but platonic feelings, even though I love them loads as friends, it's always only "as friends." And I seriously doubt they've all got "feelings" for me, so that would make us mutually 'just friends.' I seem to find no problem at all finding plenty of guy friends who would never be romantically interested in me :P

-- Jamie (, June 17, 2000.

Wow... what a topic... i dont even know where i stand on this issue...
the first time i saw 'When Harry Met Sally'... it was with a girl that i secretly wanted to be my girlfriend. So i thought it was so true when Billy Crystal said that men and women cant be "just friends." i thought that for a long time.
but now that im older and wiser... i am still clueless on this issue.

-- mike (, June 18, 2000.

innocence, siobhan, is apparently one of your shining traits, if only mildly observed by a conspicuous chat person.. the 'harsh reality,' however, is that people have feelings, while maybe you don't.. you must take responsibility for your actions, however shocking as that may sound. The vibes you give off, your charm.. all lend themselves to creating an attraction for others, whether it be platonic or intentional.. so you cannot be upset when someone actually responds to it (gasp!) in an emotional way. Many will not be so bold as to express it in such a blunt, awkward way, but that's the main difference between youth and your 20s.. things get less and less wildly expressive.. feelings get subdued with self-doubt.. so while it may be awkward for you, at least embrace the fact that you inspire such ludicrosity (sp?) from said boy. And be wary of the vibes you give off; I know it sucks that everyone isn't hormonally vacant, but.. be aware of the power you have, and cut the innocence crap! ;p

-- panic oh my panic (panic@panic.pan), June 19, 2000.

Hmm... basically, yes. Only perhaps when they both are otherwise taken, I'd say. I mean a relationship is like the ultimate social goal rite, so why is it so strange that the thought comes up? Don't see why that should be a problem anyway?

-- michel (, June 20, 2000.

well... i can say from experience that you can have the perfect girl right under your nose in the form of a platonic friend and be completely blind to this fact. You can be perfectly happy with them as a buddy... and never have the thought of anything more than that, especially a relationship, even cross your mind... but then POW! one night... maybe a full moon... whatever... something happens and you see them in a completely different light entirely. siobhan, if you think this is causing you stress... believe me the guy is feeling it 10 times more cuz hes the one with his balls on the chopping block. I know this because this has happened to me tons of times and it hasnt always been pretty.
but i can say this... i dont regret anything... i couldve missed out on some of the greatest times and best relationships in my life had i bit my tongue about my feelings... and even in the times where i crashed and burned... it was a good thing because you can really learn the value of the friendship... its almost always hurts for a while but eventually people get over it like yesterdays news and you can be better friends for it...
I mean i know this is not some big news flash... its not like some big secret revelation that im revealing... this has probably been going on since the beginning of time... and sometimes it hurts and sometimes people live happily ever after... in any case the worst thing is to waste time feeling angry over it... cuz later youll regret about that.

-- mike (, June 20, 2000.

oh... and it works both ways... for guys and girls...

-- mike (, June 20, 2000.

That was well put Mike. It's hard for me not to sympathise with the guy side of this because it has happened to me many times as well... and when the girl just isn't interested you have the choice of walking away or hanging around- and they are both painful. One's feelings can't be helped, so it seems pointless to get angry over it. The only surefire way of this not happening is for you to surround yourself with gay friends who won't get crushes on you. So, in a way, it would be less complicated if you didn't pretend that the world was straight.

-- andres (, June 21, 2000.

this is all so... sooo.... RIDICULOUS! It IS possible to have an intimate relationship without sex, it is possible to have sex without intimacy and it is possible to not be intimate and not have sex and still be friends. If your mind is clouded with thought then i suggest you try and categorize your relationships... starting with that boy you kissed in grade 3. i wonder how many people go through life wondering what would have happened if they slept with a guy or girl they had a crush on after the prom.... or one that they didn't like at all. did they end up as friends or was their a certain lack of maturity? you can be friends even with your ex....though sometimes painful and annoying..... just ask me :op all it takes is for you to view a relationship on any level to have some sort of significance in your life. maturity teaches when to cut your loses, to recover lost ground, to admit you were wrong (or right) about someone or something that affected a relationship. for example.... i broke up with my blankie when i was 4... and it crushed me for life. but i still harbour no resentment and blankie still has a place in my heart and home. :op Of course.. i realize now, time was a huge factor in enabling me to overcome such a crippling tragedy. but here's the secret to successful relationships: Knowing when to keep your mouth shut, knowing when to express your innermost feelings, knowing that with every word you say to someone you care about, either romantically or platonically, you risk being misunderstood in a way however small, you must remember that your feelings are on the line and you must make the other person very aware of that. That way you will be treated with respect and if you get upset or hurt, it wont hurt forever. Also : Do un to others, as you would like them to do to you. your attitude to life is what makes it work.

-- Zipzamzerpople (, October 09, 2000.

eeeek! did someone not close their html tags??? i hope this works

-- Zipzamzerpople (, October 09, 2000.

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