David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.

David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything that came to mind. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got madder and ruder.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all was quiet.

David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I'm dreadfully sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I humbly ask for your forgiveness. I will try to check my behavior..."

David was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), June 22, 2000

Answers

:-)

Frank

-- Someone (ChimingIn@twocents.cam), June 22, 2000.

A young fellow was working in the produce department of the local grocery store when a gentleman asked him for half a head of lettuce. Sir, we dont sell half heads of lettuce in this store" replied the young man. "But", exclaimed the older fellow, "I only need one half a head, no more". The produce worker, sensing a no-win argument developing told the man, "Ill go ask my manager and be right back".

The young dude walked back to the produce managers office and said, "boss there is some asshole that wants to buy just a half head of lettuce a..(It was at this point that he realized the older man had followed him back to the office and was right behind him) nd this gentleman would like to buy the other half". The manager caught on to the young mans quick recovery and agreed to sell the customer a half head, and he left satisfied.

"Young man" said the manager "you almost got yourself in trouble just now but I like the way you thought quick on your feet." "We can use good people like you, where are you from?" "Canada" replied the young dude. "Oh really" said his boss, "why did you move down here to Southern California?" "Simple" he said, "theres nothing but whores and hockey players up there."

"Is that right" growled the manager, "my wife is from Canada."

No shit" said the young dude, "what team did she play for?"

-- Ra (tion@l.1), June 22, 2000.

Old but I like it,

The dogs they had a party. They came from near and far. Some dogs came by taxi and some dogs came by car. Each dog signed his name upon a special book and each dog hung his asshole upon a special hook.

One dog was not invited and this arroused his ire. He stormed into the party and loudly shouted "fire"! The dogs got all excited and each forgot to look but grabbed the nearest asshole from off the nearest hook.

And that's why when dogs roam over land or sea or foam they sniff each others assholes in hopes they'll find their own.

-- Carlos (riffraff@cybertime.net), June 22, 2000.