Assuming you are older than, say, 20 or so, what would you tell your 18 year old self? would you have listened?

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

Answers

I would tell my 18 year old self... Cut your hair. Work on boosting your self-confidence. Appreciate your friends more.

I managed to end up being who I wanted to be, but this advice would probably have helped. :-) Would I have listened? If I knew this was my future self telling me these things, probably. But if this person giving me advice was unknown to me, I probably would have tuned him out. But I'd still have ended up right here anyway. :-)

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

I would have told myself that I would, in fact, NOT die if I skipped one night of going out.

I would have told myself to go away to college because my plan of getting the hell out of Dodge in the following year wasn't going to work.

I would have told myself to watch my drinking because I was in for many humiliating drunken episodes.

I would have told myself that, in actuality, high school really wasn't that much of a pain in the ass and why didn't I actually learn something in all of those art classes?

I would have taken that cigarette out of my sweaty little palm and stomped it out, right then and there.

And no, I wouldn't have listened. I was an exceedingly rebellious, stubborn, self-righteous 18-year-old. The worst kind. Better as an adult and lots of learning experiences later....

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

Oh, where to begin... Get over yourself.
Guy #1 and Guy #2 are both losers. Stop wasting your time.
Don't spend so much money on makeup, trips to Chicago and expensive meals.
Someday, you won't live in the same town as your Dad and brother. Hang out with them more.
Your Dad is right -- about everything.
Cut your mother out of your life NOW, so you won't have to do it in four years.
In four years, you will not give two shits about 80% of the people you now spend your time with; drop them.
Get your oil changed at exactly 3000 miles, or else.

I could go on, but this is depressing me.

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

that I am talented and good that I dont have to be in a hurry that I should not waste my time on losers that I should experiment more that I should not worry about what other people think about me that I should follow my bliss

(Which is basically what I'll be telling my children...)

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

I'm going to be 29 in about a month and I was realizing the other day that I don't really feel any older than I did when I was 19. It made me wonder if I've really learned anything in the last 10 years. That's why I asked the question. Basically, what would I tell myself to look out for or to do? Thankfully, I don't have that much to regret, but if I had the chance, I'd tell myself:

1. Travel. Travel anywhere and everywhere you can and do all the stupid things travelling young people do. Kiss a frenchman, smoke some stuff in Amsterdam, sleep in a hostel.

2. Don't fall in love with a boy just b/c he's the first person you slept with. There are, in fact, many fish in the sea. People who say there's One person for everyone, one true love are full of crap. There are about 50,000 different possible true loves for you out there, don't get hung up on one just b/c you think you'll never find anyone better.

3. Be more open to different careers. Don't dismiss certain things just because you had one crappy math teacher. 10 years from now, you'll wish you had become a veternarian.

4. Stay away from those people offering student credit cards. Take their shirts or their sippy cups then just WALK AWAY.

5. If you live in a town where people expect you to be married and/or have children by a certain age or else you'll be considered "damaged goods," MOVE.

6. When someone says, "I'm not good at relationships." Believe. Them.

7. Stay out of the sun. You're gonna look like a leather handbag if you don't start using some SPF.

8. Think twice about anything that costs more than $50.

9. Get used to being a bridesmaid. Don't tell them how ugly the dress is. Do not believe them when they say "you could wear this again." Do not try to catch the bouquet.

10. Keep a journal.

I think that's it. Maybe something about picking proper footwear or flossing, but that's mostly it.

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

(Gardanna: great topic idea!)

"It doesn't really matter WHAT you major in! Just pick something, stick to it and for God's sake, go to class and make time for studies. In ten years, no one will give a rat's ass what kind of degree you have, and if you don't finish now, you never will...and yes, it will TOTALLY affect the rest of your life."

"Yes, I know it sucks that you don't have any financial support to get you through school, but later in life, you will be very proud of how hard you worked. In fact, that hard work might sometimes be the only thing you have to be proud of, especially if you don't quit screwing around and get your damn degree!"

"That car is a piece of shit. Sell it now and get a bus pass."

"You might be able to lose weight doing aerobics, but if you don't put on some muscle mass with weight training, your metalbolism is gonna DIE and you're gonna have HELL TO PAY in your 30s!"

"Yes, the drugs you are doing now will have in impact on your short term memory later."

"Your father is an arrogant bastard, just like your mom says. Your mom will grow up eventually. Switch sides now. Your dad is ruining your self esteem and he doesn't care."

Of course, there probably WERE people telling me these things, probably my mom -- but I wasn't listening at the time. I can see all of this coming around full circle in another eight years with my son. Sigh. Wine for dinner tonight, definitely!

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

If I had attempted to give my 18-year-old self advice as I am now, my 18-year-old self would have prolly spit in my eye and told me to f*ck off, oldie.

I wasn't very into listening back then. Especially to what I considered corporate assholes. (Which of course I have become. Ain't that a laugh.)

But if I was into listening to my elders, I'd have told myself, "Those people are assholes. Get out of there NOW. New York is a lot of fun, but it would probably be better not to move in and hang out with a raging alchoholic/psychotic. Definitely take women's self-defense courses. Listen to that little voice in the back of your head that says 'Maybe you shouldn't be doing that.' Because it's almost always 100% right."

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

I'm 33 2/3 (exactly, to the day, today) years old.

I would tell 18-year-old Kelly to savor the new relationship she was in. That summer with her first-ever boyfriend, newly in love, for the very first time, was an unforgettable and special time. I would want her to suck the life out of every moment, because all that lay ahead of her was heartbreak after heartbreak. And she would never be with a boy who loved her as much, or as sweetly, as her first boyfriend did.

*sigh*. :/

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

I empathized sooo much when I read, "if someone tells you they are not good in a relationship, believe them". I have had that said to me more than once I'm embarrassed to admit. God, I hope I teach my daughter to not put up with shit from anyone. I would of NEVER listened to my mom. No, its not the listening that was the problem, it was the believing. She was from the old school that my goal should be to get married, have kids, be a secretary. She convinced me I wasn't smart enough to do anything else. In fact, just recently she reminded me about how I was just "average". Living her kind of life is fine if that is what you want to do, but I liked science and medicine. She told me she was intimidated by intelligent women, which explained a lot. I would of gotten a M.D. instead of a Ph.D. I definitely would of stayed far, far away from the men whose lives crossed paths with mine, because they also contributed to my low self- esteem. (WARNING BIG DETOUR AHEAD!!!) I would of spent more time with my dog. I would of asked my grandfather a lot of questions. He embarrassed the hell out of my mother (who is VERY apperance oriented) because he was brillant and would do all kinds of things that got him in trouble, like teaching evolution and putting a white and blue dome-home in the middle of a neighborhood in a small town. But to me, he was just Grandpa who would walk with me to the park. I rudiment too much about "what could of been". I think I'll add a topic.

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

I'd tell myself to go to class, stop smoking so much pot, quit smoking cigs, and that I'm not fat. Still, except for the fact that I never finished college (yet! I'll go back someday, I swear!) I wouldn't actually want to change anything. Things turned out better than I ever would have expected then.

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

1. Do not pay your bills with credit cards.

2. Do not pay your credit cards with credit cards.

3. Do not take being on your own for the first time as license for living in a pig sty.

4. Do not forget to take your birth control pills.

5. Do not go to an expensive private college and take out humongous loans, assuming you will make enough to make your payments later.

I'm sure I'll think of more later.

-- Anonymous, June 25, 2000

I'd say, "Quit worrying about your looks. You look fine. And have sex with more older guys. Everyone's going to assume you did, anyway."

-- Anonymous, June 25, 2000

1) Very, very few people are watching what you do. Even fewer care, so do what makes YOU happy.

2) You do get do-overs in life. And you really do learn more from mistakes than easy success.

3) Pick men to be your roommates. Sure, they're messier, but you can always fix them up with your friends, and they'll always be over at her clean and tidy apartment. And they don't worry about who used a fork to cook scrambled eggs on whose teflon pan.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

First of all, I'm relieved to find out someone else made the fork/eggs/teflon pan mistake. Gawd. Needless to say, I bought a new pan, but had to endure pointed commentary about it for MONTHS, and the 'ruined' pan (we're talking three one-inch-long swipes, people, but, alas, they're definitely scrapes) was kept around (may still be around for all I know) as a prick to my conscience. Damn it.

I would tell my 18 year old self that moisturizer is, actually, necessary. I have dry skin. And that I was thin enough, pretty enough and smart enough and that I was indeed a decent human being and to stop beating myself up so much. I STILL carry so much unnecessary guilt and angst around all the time, and have minimal self-confidence and it sucks.

Maybe my 40-year-old future self will pop in today and tell me the saem things.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

Milla: ha! Good point. My 40-year-old self probably would say the same.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

Oh yeah, and, don't go to college until you can take it seriously and appreciate it. It won't be worth it.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000

When you start drinking, don't waste years with rum, vodka, grain alcohol or beer. Southern Comfort and Coke is going to be your drink that doesn't give you an iota of a hangover. You will be able to drink about six of them and still function socially. And senior year in college, don't have any kind of relationship with the pasta cook at work. He's the worst possible news.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

I would tell myself to stop worrying about everything and try to let go of my guilt issues. Actually, I'm still trying to tell myself that.

I would also tell myself that people who look like they have everything under control and have no problems, really probably do have problems and nothing for them comes as easily to them as I imagine.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2000

When he hits, it's time to go. Just because you no longer live at home, it does not mean you should spend every waking hour planning the next party. Go to college NOW. I don't care if you don't feel like it. Just go.

-- Anonymous, July 01, 2000

Now that I'm old and decrepit, rode hard and put away wet, I tell my two 21 year old buttheads, "Life gets pretty precious when there's less of it to waste". Thanks Bonnie. James

-- Anonymous, September 04, 2000

Oh yeah. And next time you want to complain about how rotten you feel or how dem blues has got tyo down, make sure a gal in a wheel chair isn't in the grocery line behind you. Yeah I didn't look first before my mouth grabbed and swallowed both my feet to the knees. I can still hear her now. "oh you poor thang". Or was that my wife? James

-- Anonymous, September 04, 2000

Milla, all that for scratching a teflon pan? You sound like you have a few issues girl. Here lay on the couch and relax. Now, what seems to be the problem? Dr. James

-- Anonymous, September 04, 2000

i would'nt change a thing cuz i like my self the way i am. james are you a real dr?

-- Anonymous, September 04, 2000

Depends on who's asking. James

-- Anonymous, September 05, 2000

Re: stupid teflon pan. You missed the point, James. I didn't bring it up repeatedly long after it had been replaced. I wouldn't have thought about it at all except someone else mentioned doing the same thing. (Heh. :) I had actually succeeded in forgetting about it all over again until I saw my name invoked and re-read why.)

-- Anonymous, September 07, 2000