I received this today from a friend in Chicago. I know the first one is true, as a friend in Canada has a sister who STILL isn't speaking to him 5 years after her marriage to the fellow in question, but what about these others?

My apologies for the formatting.

Australians are well known to take the groom and go out for a really big night on the town before his wedding. Below are some amusing quotes taken from actual bucks nights.....

1)- We tied him up, put honey on his old boy and got the cow to lick it off. We didn't know cows have such raspy tongues. It took the skin off.

2)- He was stripped, plastered with toothpaste and bootpolish and any other substance we could lay our hands on, and tied to the bus stop opposite his house.

3)- When the buck was totally sloshed, we stripped him and drove him out to the cow paddock. There was this cow, it had been dead for 3 days. We gutted it, it was all green and maggotty. We shoved him in the belly, pushed his right hand and arm out the arse, then sewed up the belly. We left him there to wake up!

4)- We covered his dick with superglue, but forgot it would also cover the hole. He couldn't piss. We had to rush him to hospital for an emergency operation. He thought he was going to die.

5)- He was wandering disoriented and naked down the median strip, painted blue all over.

6)- "The buck was stripped naked and tied to the end of a boom gate at a railway crossing. A train was coming and the boom gate went up, with a naked buck tied to the end. He bounced about a lot."

7)- It wasn't good that the guys got me drunk as a monkey, stuck me in a packing crate, and sent me on the Ghan train to Alice Springs. Lucky there was a plane back on Saturday morning in time for the wedding.

8)- He was tied spread-eagled on the wire fence at the drive-in cinema, totally starkers. The headlights of every car picked him out.

9)- We got him totally pissed, stripped him naked, and tied him up to the front bull bar of a semi-trailer truck. The look of sheer terror on his face as we shot at high speed down the highway in the dark was bloody hilarious.

10)- I got to the shed and the buck's there, up to his chin in a 44 gallon drum of pig shit.

11)- They held me down and creamed my old boy with industrial grease. Didn't know there were fine steel shavings in it. I discovered agony!

12)- They threw him in the fountain. One,two, three, heave!!!! He landed smack on his back. A huge sheet of water went up. Then he got a strange look on his face, and they saw the blood spreading everywhere. He had landed on a spiky water jet. It had impaled him. He was D.O.A."

13)- They tied him to the top of the car and went through the carwash. Nobody thought that he'd die.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), July 03, 2000

Answers

Amusing Quotes? I had trouble grinning at the impaling and car wash fatality. But then Im not you, Anita.

-- The (fact@fan.attic), July 03, 2000.

Mates will be mates

-- (nemesis@awol.com), July 03, 2000.

Attic:

Where did I say I grinned at ANY of this? I consider ALL of this an atrocity.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), July 03, 2000.

Anita,

Buck's night or bucks nights usually take the micky out of the bridegroom. Usually held the weekend before the wedding because the larks might get out of hand and a recuperation time required. I've heard reports like those you've tabled here. Indeed I've played along with some in the past when we were indestructable. Sometimes I get the shudders recalling the daft things we got up to. As a fatalist I did a pathetic job of the pranks. I'm yet here. I've no idea why. My mission was to selfdestruct and I failed.

The OZ ladies are even more lively. They spring hens'parties for the unsuspecting bride. These get to be whispered about.

Mostly we get blotto on the hooch and homebrew, do the whacky-tobaccy and take the 'ute for a few circles. Nothing worse than a head for panadol with running googie chaser in tomato juice-n-soya sauce...,and a revealing photo for the collection memento. Rather boring bunch of social misfits really.

The greasing of the armoury equipment is called 'scragging' and boot polish can be a bugger to remove.

Hope that sort of helps the conversation in the Northern Hemisphere.

Regards from Down Under

-- Pieter (zaadz@icisp.net.au), July 03, 2000.

I have a riddle:

What is the Australian national slogan?

Answer: "No NO not there, in the WASTEBASKET!!"

-- Honorary Kiwi (and@proud.of-it), July 04, 2000.

Oh my god.... no wonder Aussies want to get rid of the royal family... too tame!

-- Will (righthere@home.now), July 04, 2000.

Read Larry McMurtry's "The Last Picture Show".

It's not Ausies, it's men.

Being a hetrosexual female, I'm still hopeful.

What other choice do I have?

-- -- -- (bugsquisher@yuck.com), July 04, 2000.

Anita,

Been mulling over this topic and I reckon certain pranks in the list are rather drastic, almost in the 'urban legend league'. I do know that once the kegs are speared and the miracle box is iced sanity is forfeit.

At one memorable occasion the groom, suitably attired with a bow tie in a rather dapper knot, was dunked in a large plastic ice bucket where he remained for awhile, jammed firm. He went in a man and came out...err..., quite humble. The sullen bowtie surrendered, fell off, floated briefly and sunk. Everyone nudged the next keg then, took due notice for the photo opportunity and called for a warming device, generally a bottle of something like Bundy. The rest of that nights business is censored. I might add the bloke in question got himself killed in a single car road accident a few years ago. Some time earlier he had won XLotto with a syndicate of alcoholics and it all came a bit easy I think. Those were the days!

Regards from OZ

-- Pieter (zaadz@icisp.net.au), July 04, 2000.

PRANKS!!!

Somewomen loved him.

And was WAITING!!!!

-- ** ** (icare@stillbother.com), July 04, 2000.

OK! High spirits then, not pranks.

As a matter of interest I don't reckon Anita's list is true. Who ever heard of tying down someone on a car for a cleansing in a car-wash? It's just too ridiculous. Much better to do a mainie on a treadly with the unfortunate candidate and skedaddle before the scalies on candy wheels throw a fruitie at the full monty. Once we hung someone on the German Club's reception clothing rack because he fell over in the taxi ramp and his lady, the august Austrian hell-maiden Helga, would've butchered the lot of us with one piercing gaze if we had left him just lying around outside. It was better to hang him up to drip dry. When I see Madeline Albright on TV I am reminded of this maiden's dangerous moodswings that appeared from nowhere when we'd pop around. Mind you that was a long time ago and I've sobered this 8 point 5 years and the mind does plays tricks.

Indeed I think this Anita list is a trick too. OZ blokes don't play rough 'cause they're on an emotional budget mostly - but you got to watch them Kiwis bikers doing the traditional Maori hungi fare.

Likely lads them Kiwis, at least they were when I owned a pub and threw an odd buck's night todo. They probably mellowed since as well, after the last hungi in the yard. Required a riot squad to clear the debrie. The groom made it through fine when I guided him via the fire escape into Stan's potato plot next door. Best man was a sorrow though. They usually are. No staying power what-so-ever. Had to fetch him from the dog-pound and cost me fifty quid as surety for the magistrate circuit. Bloody circus these bucks do's.

Anita,

How come you post this for me in the thread title? I'm a sedentary type in an art studio with a server. What's percolating in your fine mind?

Regards from provincial boredom in OZ

-- Pieter (zaadz@icisp.net.au), July 04, 2000.

Pieter:

I posted YOUR name in the title, because you're the resident Australian on this forum. I figured if ANYONE knew if these things actually went on, it would be someone from the country involved. I would have dismissed it all as urban legend had not a Canadian friend shared what they did to his sister's mate. He's a mild-mannered fellow himself. :-)

There are many pranks associated with marriage in the U.S., usually initiated by the bestman. Typically, they're involved with delaying or ruining the honeymoon. When we left for ours, every handle and knob in our car was smeared with gel, the distributor cap was missing from the car, my nightgown was tied into knots, and something had been spilled in the car that puffed up all the rice grains. The pranks are typically meant to ANNOY, not humiliate.

Anyway, if you say it's urban legend, I believe you.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), July 04, 2000.

Anita,

I know OZ types are prone to tall tales. Last night someone dropped by the studio and he read your post. Nearly killed him. These things rarely happen and balloon out with the beer talking. There are vivid imaginations at work here. Did I ever tell................

Regards from OZ

-- Pieter (zaadz@icisp.net.au), July 04, 2000.