Well, I practically swore I wasn't going to post anything today, but a friend sent me the following, and I just had to share it with y'all. I haven't verified it yet, but...ya know, somehow -- sad to say -- in a scary way, it kinda rings true...

WASHINGTON, DC -- There's a new contender for the year's dumbest proposed law: A bill in Mississippi that would make it a crime -- punishable by a year in jail -- for a man who is, ahem, sexually aroused (but fully clothed) to appear in public.

"Talk about hitting below the belt!" said George Getz, Libertarian Party press secretary. "Are phallic felonies really so frequent in Mississippi that the state needs a Private Parts Police to patrol men's underwear?"

The bill in question -- SB 2013, introduced by Republican State Senator Tom King -- is currently being considered by the Mississippi Senate Judiciary Committee.

It would redefine public indecency to include the showing of "covered male genitals in a discernibly turgid state." Violators could face up to a year in prison and a $2,000 fine.

But wait a second, say Libertarians: Is public tumescence really a problem that is, ahem, popping up all over in Mississippi?

Not even the bill's sponsor thinks so. State Senator King says the bill is intended to regulate the behavior of patrons at strip clubs.

"Unfortunately, King followed the First Rule of Politics: When in doubt, legislate," said Getz. "That's why America has so many of these kind of absurd laws."

In fact, the proposed Mississippi law joins a long list of laughable legislation, he noted:

* In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.

* In St. Louis, Missouri, it's illegal to sit on a street curb and drink beer from a bucket.

* In Arkansas, it's illegal for the Arkansas River to rise higher than the Main Street Bridge in Little Rock.

* In Pocatello, Idaho, "the carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited in public view."

* In Utah, it's against the law to fish from horseback.

* In Wilbur, Washington, it's illegal to ride an ugly horse.

* In Jonesboro, Georgia, it's illegal to say, "Oh boy!"

* In Devon, Connecticut, it's illegal to walk backwards after sunset.

* In Harthahorne, Oklahoma, it's illegal to put a hypnotized person in a display window.

* In Frankfort, Kentucky, it's illegal to shoot off a policeman's tie.

* In Zion, Illinois, it's illegal to give cigars to cats or dogs.

* And in Bexley, Ohio, it's illegal to put a slot machine in an outhouse.

What SB 2013 and those other laws reveal, said Getz, is that politicians have too much time on their hands and too much power at their disposal.

"Unless someone is putting Viagra in the water supply in Mississippi, a bill that regulates what goes on in your underwear sounds like a silly solution in search of a non-problem," he said. "Of course, if this legislation applied to Bill Clinton's White House -- where presidential priapism is a perpetual problem -- it might be a little more understandable."

On the other hand, there is one good thing Libertarians can say about SB 2013, said Getz: At least it's just limited to Mississippi.

"Thank goodness this crime hasn't been federalized yet," he said. "If that happened, we'd all have to worry about the Federal Erections Commission."

-- eve (eve_rebekah@yahoo.com), July 06, 2000

Answers

*ALERT FOR ANITA*

Women break the law in Ohio if they dare to wear patent leather shoes.

{If it's on the internet, it must be true}.

-- flora (***@__._), July 06, 2000.

Thank you, Eve. Thank you, Flora. I've just had more laughs than I've had all week.

Way back, in the dinosaur days, when I was young and newly married, my husband and I met for dinner [or just drinks...don't remember] with some guys with whom he'd gone to high-school. He went to a private military school. It wasn't a BOARDING school or anything. His friends lived in his area. It's perhaps a minor aside that he got kicked out of this school before he graduated, but I'll continue on anyway with the story on this "first meet" with his friends.

Here we all were in a bar/restaurant. ONE of his high-school buds came alone. His wife's parents had sent her to Tokyo, where she would get treatment for a "cancer" she had. Duh? Her folks were REALLY wealthy [as opposed to the "moderate" wealth required to support tuition in a military school.] This was his excuse for why her parents were getting their marriage annulled. Her parents didn't want to see HER die on an operating table and have HIM inherit.

Bud #2 came with his wife. These two had been married considerably longer than we, and had a child perhaps 6 years old. The guy had been a football player and had that macho thing going for him UNTIL he began ragging about women who go in for the breast transplants. At that point his wife chimed in with how some MEN she knew could use some transplants as well, and he retorted with something about "Well, if YOU weren't like the Grand Canyon", etc.

I was already feeling pretty uncomfortable by the time we left this place, but once outside, the THIRD guy [a pinball machine repair-man, working for the mob with a wife and three kids who everyone but ME knew weren't HIS] got this enormous erection. It didn't seem to bother HIM, but *I* didn't know WHAT to do. Is this like an open fly that one should mention? The boys in school tried to COVER themselves if they had to stand up in this state. This guy just let it stick out, oblivious to anyone who noticed. Or maybe he WASN'T oblivious, and only feigned oblivion. They were ALL a weird bunch [IMO], including my ex-husband. That was in Illinois, BTW.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), July 07, 2000.

These Bible-thumping Southern Republicans are a very strange breed, like reptiles from another planet. Guys like these and Kenny Starr are the ones who will be making the rules if Shrubby gets in there. They're jealous because they can't get it up so they are planning to neuter all healthy males before they finish their term (take that back, they have been known to get it up for choir boys with cute butt cheeks).

-- Hawk (flyin@hi.again), July 07, 2000.

I have seen accusations that Hawk is what we would call (ahem.....massive clearing of the throat) a confirmend bachelor (ahem.....massive clearing of the throat). I never believed these rumors, but Hawk's last post does not help his case ;-)

-- Butt Nugget (catsbutt@umailme.com), July 07, 2000.

But what will they do with people who just like to carry a spare cucumber in their pocket?

-- I'm Here, I'm There (I'm Everywhere@so.beware), July 07, 2000.

I guess this would mean that if passed, Bill could no longer go to Mississippi campaigning for Al,fundraising,trolling for new interns etc..other states should consider laws of this type..

-- justa, (ponderin as I stay seated@Mississippi.com), July 07, 2000.

Eve:

Some things are too ridiculous to not be true, eh? Here's your verification.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), July 07, 2000.

Anita,

Thanks for the verification. I just knew it! And your "down-home" stories, while not quite Norman Rockwell, almost made me feel like I was there.

Getting to the proposed law: The operative phrase is "discernibly turgid." Can you imagine if the guy tries to fight it in court? I mean imagine the charts and diagrams the prosecution and defense might come up with! And I'll tell ya, I'd pay for a transcript for sure!

I don't know...the penalties seem kinda "stiff" to me. (drum and cymbal hits; only one guffaw, from some drunk in the back row; stony silence from the rest) Hey, but at least there's no "hard" labor! (drum and cymbal hits)

(at this point we have massive groans, boos, and miscellaneous fruits and vegetables from the audience, while I shield my face, turn around madly fumble for the curtain part, disappear behind the curtain, turn around, briefly stick my head through, tongue out, and give the crowd my best "raspberries", quickly close the curtain again and take off just as what looked like an eight-inch diameter tomato has been flung right at me. Then finally out the back, and into the safety of my waiting limo...)

-- eve (eve_rebekah@yahoo.com), July 07, 2000.

"...not quite Norman Rockwell" is an understatement, if there ever was one. (Norman Rockwell filtered thru Larry Flynt, maybe.)

I'm curious about this 'fighting it in court' stuff. Are we referring to fighting the charge, or fighting the... well... you know... never mind...

-- I'm Here, I'm There (I'm Everywhere@so.beware), July 07, 2000.

EVE: LMAO thanks dear, I sure needed the laugh....omg unreal.

----sumer

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), July 07, 2000.

Eve,

You got me crackin up, I can just see you in your short tight red dress and stillito heels getting in the back seat of a Limo laughing your arse off, while the audience demands a refund.

-- Cherri (sams@brigadoon.com), July 07, 2000.

"I have seen accusations that Hawk is what we would call (ahem.....massive clearing of the throat) a confirmend bachelor (ahem.....massive clearing of the throat). I never believed these rumors, but Hawk's last post does not help his case ;-)

-- Butt Nugget (catsbutt@umailme.com), July 07, 2000."

Sounds like you got a serious problem with your throat there Nuggy, what's up, swallow too much of your boyfriend's jizz?

What's all this about "accusations" and "rumors"? I'm not real keen on innuendo, but I'll be darned if it don't sound like you're trying to insult me. What's up with that? Are you a big supporter of these Southern Republican hypocritical pervert politicians? Don't play games, speak your mind boy!

-- Hawk (flyin@hi.again), July 08, 2000.