Animals winning turf war--hilarious!

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Hilarious till it happens to me, that is.

Elec Telegraph

Animals winning American turf war By Andrew Alderson in Los Angeles

AS American urban development spreads, a war is gathering pace between humans and wildlife. People are increasingly ending up second best.

Last week, the Insurance Information Institute estimated that animal-related damage to property was running at more than #2 billion a year across the United States, and rising. "You have so many people living in areas not designed for human habitation," said Steve Goldstein, a spokesman for the New York-based organisation. "Sometimes people find themselves cohabiting with creatures they never planned to cohabit with."

While armadillos are a menace in Oklahoma, where they are destroying gardens, there are tales of wolves roaming near Minnesota homes, a cougar prowling an estate in Colorado and feral chickens pecking out at people in California.

Even when man loses patience and takes the law into his own hands, he is in danger of making a fool of himself. In Michigan, one local tried to shoot a possum invading his kitchen, but hit a gas pipe. The consequent explosion caused #31,000 of damage.

Raccoons are top of the troublemakers' list. One group did tens of thousands of pounds worth of damage to a property in Ohio, when they entered through the chimney as the owners wintered in Florida. They ate all the food in the cupboards, clawed their way through hardwood floors and soiled furniture.

Ask Sean and Lisa Rankin how they fared when a raccoon with attitude invaded their home in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. In short - not well. It broke into their kitchen, fought their pet cat for food and used their boat as a lavatory. When it made unfriendly advances towards their 11-month-old son Sydney, the Rankins fought back.

"I started throwing fruit from the tree at him," said Mrs Rankin. "He caught it. I pictured him going back to his raccoon friends and saying, 'You won't believe these stupid humans - they're throwing me breakfast'." Unable to win their own war, the Rankins turned to one of an estimated 5,000 US firms now helping home owners deal with unwanted pests.

Business is booming for Joe Felegi, whose Critter Control company handles 200 calls a day. He usually traps his prey in cages using bait. Then, depending on the species, he either kills them or releases them into the wild. Yet urban sprawl means that his release spots have dwindled from 30 to three over the years. "I'm trapping where I used to release," he said.

A generation ago, animal intruders might have been shot and eaten. Today, gun laws are tighter and animal welfare groups are on the side of the assailants. Stephanie Boyles, a wildlife biologist for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, urges home owners not to harm "innocent, defenceless" creatures. "The animals were there first," she said.

Many residents now resort to more humane deterrents, supporting a $250 million-a-year industry supplying everything from home-made traps to warning devices with intriguing names such as MoleBlaster and The Garden Cop. Disastrous tales of DIY critter-controllers abound. A Fort Lauderdale man who tried to exterminate a land crab by pouring petrol down its hole and lighting it had a much closer brush with death than his intended victim. Others have tried more old-fashioned measures, but with no more success.

Patrick Christmas, a lawyer, resorted to squirrel-bashing when they invaded the attic of his home in Washington DC and chewed through electric wiring. He dressed for battle, donning a hockey helmet, mask, gloves and padded jacket. He then pursued the pests on the roof of his three-storey house and started swatting. "All I could think of was being found dead at the bottom of my house, wearing a hockey mask and a ski parka in August," said Mr Christmas.

The squirrels are still there.

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), September 09, 2000

Answers

A few moth balls will frequently deter the critters from the attic, but be sure there is plenty of ventilation. They can impart a distinct stink to the house.

Anybody who thinks he can catch a squirrel on the roof of his house is a few bricks short of a full load.

I was attacked by a chicken on several occasions. The last time he attacked was a big mistake on his part.

gene

-- gene (ekbaker@essex1.com), September 10, 2000.


What a relief! I thought my animals were the only critters walking all over humans.

-- helen (home@home.home), September 10, 2000.

I like the number of accidents around here that are caused when people swerve to avoid squirrels, chipmonks, deer, and ducks in the road. I think it's about 50% of them. My husband always gets mad at me when I swerve to keep from hitting a squirrel...but I just can't help it. I'd rather hit a tree then run over a cute fuzzy little creature. I ran over a male duck once by accident, and the female duck stood over his dead body for days until they carted him away. The guilt I felt was unreal. Here..I'll just GIVE my house and belongs to the squirrels.

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), September 11, 2000.

Oh Kritter, that is sooooo sad...... You are such a tender heart...... You know, I always suggest a donation to a wildlife rehab unit as a way to alleve the guilt and sadness for accidentally killing wildlife with the car. They need it so badly, and I think that God notices when we do some kindness to helpless animals who need our help so much. We do it, and also do it when we bring in a bird who is injured on our place here.

My only exception: moles. I know, it is hypocritical of me, but we only ever got one, even though we set out 4 traps. I think it is my destiny, or the freak weather or something that brings them to my lawn. Maybe it's the lack of Chem-Lawn, I don't know. I did feel plenty of guilt with just the one in the trap......

((((Kritter)))

-- (sis@home.zzz), September 12, 2000.


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