Are you good with change in your personal life?--Al

-- Al Schroeder (al.schroeder@nashville.com), September 29, 2000

Answers

Oh, no way. I suck at it. My significant other is heading off for the weekend to meet his grown kids (whom he hasn't seen in 22 years). This changes things, just a tad, because now he has four kids to share his life with, not just two kids and me all demanding his time and energy. And though I know this doesn't really change things, it changes things. And I suck at it. I really, really suck at it. Change and growth, change and growth. If you'd told me 12 years ago that I got into recovery to do change and growth, I would have cheerfully slit my wrists to avoid them both! So I go around muttering, "acceptance is the answer to all my problems today." And it is.

-- Sunshyn (sunshyndream@aol.com), September 29, 2000.

I'm better at it than I used to be. I've moved enough, changed jobs enough, etc, etc, etc. that I should probably be more good than I am, considering the practice I've had. But on the whole, I'm pretty flexible.

-- Joan Lansberry (joanlansberry@hotmail.com), September 29, 2000.

I think I am reasonably good at accepting change, at least when it is not some really big loss. But I do rarely initiate change. I do not particularly like it, either. I still work at the same place where I got my first job nearly 21 years ago.

-- Magnus Itland (itlandm@netcom.no), September 30, 2000.

I'm terrible at it, and it's had a lot of negative affects in my life. I was in a destructive relationship for 3 years because I feared change, dated other people I loathed, and lived in places I detested because a new address and wallpaper would unsettle me for months! I think being the child of an alcoholic made me seek some kind of rigid, unchanging routine in order to feel secure. I'm getting better at it though-in a great marriage, I'm changing colleges to get my masters degree, and were looking for property to buy. I think all these changes will be positive in the long run.

-- AJ (joijoijoi@hotmail.com), October 02, 2000.

Pondering about a lifetime of coping with change, gee, somehow I have weathered it with many happy times mixed in with the humdrum and tragic.

Am I good at handling change ? I guess you could call it that, though it is saddening to us when Heather and I go out to go somewhere, with plans in mind and find on our arrival that that place has vanished and some new yucky thing slapped in there. Or to go past something we were familiar with and loved from our childhood to see it all boarded up, disconsolate amongst the young sprout buildings which have risen around it.

Sure I am good at handling change and rather than trying to blame things on fate, karma or destiny - much differently take the, "shit happens," attitude and make the best of it.

The alternative is to be depressed and brood or take the dog in the manger, beastly attitude toward the whole world.

We have a daughter who has been in custodial care far too long until we got her into a assisted care home. She is happy, recognizes family, enjoys being taken to her favorite spot -- Mac Donalds and to family gatherings. She can understand us and answer questions yes or no -- but cannot speak. She will not allow herself to become too closely involved with things. So, we make the best of it and enjoy being with her and being thankful that she is at last, with people around her age or younger and lively kind people at that.

There have been bad spots and still they come along even now, but like driving over a corduroy road , after a bit we get back on the blacktop and relax.

Of the many things I learned while going into the process of being, "an alcoholic in recovery," was the precept of, "one day at a time," which eliminates the worry about what might happen and take all possible precautions that what might happens doesn't and living with Murphy's Law of this life.

-- Denver doug (ionoi@webtv.net), October 03, 2000.

It depends. I can move, change jobs, rearrange the house, etc. with no problems. But on the other hand, I'm terrible at letting go of the past. I think of things, relationships, people from years ago, with a good deal of nostalgia, and almost regret.

-- Mark Brown (kickaha23@aol.com), October 05, 2000.