So, about this business of The One.

There are people who believe in the idea of "The One"--a person who is absolutely perfect for you. A soul mate, if you will. My question is: Do you believe in The One? Or is that all bullshit?

Me, I don't believe in it. There were moments when I thought I could, or when I thought I did, but something always happened that made me wake up and say "what on earth was I thinking?"

I consider myself to be quite the romantic optimist. I do believe that maybe someday I'll find someone who can stand me for an extended period of time. But I think that if there's only one person out there who fits that ideal, well, my chances of meeting him are very, very slim.

Now YOU talk about it.

-- Anonymous, November 13, 2000

Answers

eh, well, i find it too disheartning to believe in the theory of "the one" because there is too much that could possibly go wrong, where you would never end up with your soul mate. you may never meet them, you may totally flubb your chance when you meet them, you may meet them and have break up over something silly and hate each other for ever. it would just be too horrible...so...meet someone, make it work, compromise, learn to love their faults as well as their flaws.

-- Anonymous, November 13, 2000

yeah...so this is a hell of a topic, huh?

i used to believe in things like "the one." you know...until about halfway through a two year relationship that ended in flames. how it struggled on for that final year, i'll never now. but i thought she was the bomb. i was in love, and i was a moron.

and after that, i spent a good year and a half being detached. emotionally distant, etc. i wasn't as interested in "the one." hell...i though i had found "the one" and she just turned out to be a total bitch.

but i'm back into things these days. my heart has something new to ponder, and things are quite a bit better than before.

but you know...is it "the one"? i don't think so. i don't think there is a "one." it's just a little too much wishful thinking.

and besides, it takes two to tango. or something like that...

-- Anonymous, November 13, 2000

There probably isn't a "The One" but a distribution of people between zero and One. Maybe it isn't as exciting to wonder, "Could this person be 'The Fifteen-Sixteenths'?"

-- Anonymous, November 13, 2000

Of course I believe in "The One." Guys and girls both have "The One". "The Female One" is named Michelle, and "The Male One" is named Rob. They're nice people, I met them. I guess this makes them "The Two." Oh well. So all the guys in the world wind up fighting over Michelle (cuz she's "The One"), and all the girls wind up fighting over Rob. And the kicker is, "The One" never gets married, he/she eventually runs off and joins a monastery/convent. So everyone winds up fighting over some guy/girl they're never going to get. Talk about anarchy. Damn The Two.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2000

This begs the question, what is "ideal"? Obviously, your ideal and my ideal will differ, so what I mean is, how do you know when you've met the ideal?

I've met plenty of men who match pretty closely with a list of attributes (ranging from the silly [baldness] to the absolutely necessary [sense of humor/ makes me laugh]) I think I desire. Certainly, this narrows down the field considerably, but it has yet to point toward one and only one particular person.

I've had my heart shredded on more than one occasion. I've given thought to weddings and babies. So I wonder, were each of the boys considered not The One? Meaning, was Fate (which I don't believe in) playing its hand unbeknownst to me at the time? Or were they missed opportunities? Or, as I believe, was it simply a matter of timing? My most recent endeavor was a perfect example of bad timing, but my realization of such doesn't make it hurt any less.

I think, like the notion of a god, or an afterlife, belief in The One is a means to give us single people (or alternatively, those of us who "just aren't ready") some degree of hope.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2000

I don't think there is One person that is meant for another One person. That just doesn't make sense in terms of statistics. Not very romantic, I know, but there it is. I think there are many many Ones for everyOne. I am in a very long term, very happy relationship. Do I think this person is the only person I could ever be as happy with in the whole world? No. Am I thrilled and thankful I have this person and do I plan to spend my life with him? Yes. Do I feel compelled to roam the world looking for someone else I could be as happy with, somthing I'm sure is possi

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2000

Ahem. That should be: ...possible? No. (Why does this forum thing always cut me off?)

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2000

it is a nice idea but at least from my understanding of the universe and all within it it is not possible. otherwise it would redefine our being as something very different than how we perceive ourselves.

does that make sense?

the idea of fate (in this case, a soulmate whom you're *destined* to meet) to me is contrary to the idea of free will, which we all have. or think we have, anyway.

i think waiting for the perfect person is usually going to be a very long wait. i think that it provides a way out for people who just need to learn to give in their relationships instead of waiting for the perfect person to provide everything for them.

-- Anonymous, March 09, 2001

i fell for a girl. her name was jenny. shortly after we fell for each other, she tells me she had her palm read and this fortune teller told her she'd be married within a year to someone tall dark and handsome--me. we would have a beautiful life together. knowing this, i made up some lame excuse to break up with her because i wanted to defy fate. i do believe in destiny, but i don't like being turned to the back of the book and shown the suprise ending.

-- Anonymous, May 27, 2001