When did you come out? Did you find the process easy or difficult? What are your feelings towards homosexuality now?

-- Michael (dreamboi81@yahoo.com), November 14, 2000

Answers

my feelings on the topic sound a lot like yours. i first came out when i was in grade 10... which means i was 16. i told a good friend of mine who's gay... i came out as bisexual at first, and was adamant in declaring that i would NEVER date a guy, that it was purely a physical thing, and that girls were still where it was at for me.

a few months later, i told all my close friends... i jumped RIGHT into the game and started dating the friend that i had first come out to. within a few more months i'd told my sister and i'd admitted to myself that i was gay and not bi. now it's about a year later and i'm out to my parents and my brother.

a lot of your feelings on the topic really echoed mine. i never had problems with being gay... i accepted it pretty easily myself, all my friends are extremely accepting, and so is my family. i am still of the philosophy that being gay isn't who i am. it's a part of who i am, but there's a lot more to me.

i think it's all about striking a balance. i don't let being gay overtake me, and i don't throw it in people's faces, but i don't put a concerted effort into being totally straight-acting. i just try to let it take it's place as a piece of my overall persona. i dunno, i'm finding it hard to describe what i mean... it's not everything, but it's not nothing either. and i'm still afraid of the gay scene :)

btw, i just found your journal, and it's great.

~ danny

-- danny zinman (tallguy@better.net), November 14, 2000.

I came out so messily you'd think I'd need a closet organizer.

See, I came out to myself by puking my guts out in a girls' bathroom. I was in an all-girls chorus for the first time and I noticed that I was checking em' out...and not just for competition's sake. It was then I realized my train didn't run straight from Hoboken to the City and back, but had some interesting bends along the way.

This messed me up pretty big, since I was a diehard Christian at the time, and was planning on becoming a minister. [Boy, how funny would that be today! But I digress...] My friend Jamie, good old, ultra conservative Catholic big mouth Jamie, seemed to notice I was depressed about something and before drama rehearsal took me down to the cafeteria to buy me a soda and find out what was going on. It came spilling out of me like cum during a one night stand. I made him swear his secrecy, but being the jerk he was, he told almost the entire school.

So much for dealing with it on my own.

My bisexuality today is no big deal. Everyone, including my grandparents and cousins, knows all too well. Even the polyamoury is out, after I danced with my girlfriend at my wedding. And you know what, you're right: if you treat it like a big dramatic thing, so will everyone else. Whereas I treat it like any other adjective that might apply to me: fat, redheaded, actress, bi, poly, pagan, weirdo...you get the picture.

-- Delirium (delirium@unscene.com), November 15, 2000.

I NEVER HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO COME OUT....I HAVE LIKED MEN FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER AND FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER I HAVE BEEN COMFORTABLE WITH THAT FACT...SO IT SEEMS TO ME IT MUST HAVE BEEN OBVIOUS ALL ALONG THAT I WAS GAY. I ONLY EVER HAD TO CONFIRM MY MOTHER'S VERY STRONG SUSPICIONS AFTER SHE READ MY EIGHTH GRADE SIGNATURE BOOK AND AFTER A BRIEF CONVERSATION IT WAS OK, THANKFULLY. I WAS HAPPY WITH WHO I WAS AS A YOUNG GAY MAN. I WAS FORTUNATE IN THAT I GREW UP IN A FAMILY WITH GAY UNCLES AND THAT MADE LIFE EASIER FOR ME I AM SURE....NOT TO MENTION I GREW UP WITH AMAZINGLY DIFFERENT, HEALTHY AND NORMAL ROLE-MODELS OF WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A GAY MAN. I AM SO LUCKY.

-- JAY (HOBOY13@AOL.COM), May 15, 2001.