And so as not to clutter up Clarky`s excellent `How other people see us` thread, I thought you might like to know what happened with the horse this morning.

Firstly, no we don`t have a garden the size of Windsor Great Park, but yes, the riderless horse was circuiting the garden at a flat out gallop! Not just once or twice, but at least twenty circuits - but he did vary the course and managed to land in most of the flowerbeds. Very, very concerned when it hit the top of the drive where the cars are parked - I really expected it to come a cropper on the tarmac and slam into Pete`s car. Amazingly it didn`t and in fact executed a very impressive leap up the wall and into our shrubery! It managed to get itself wedged between a large fuschia bush and the magnolia tree, and God damn it, I`ve just realised that would place in slap bang on top of my treasured tree peaony! (Bastard!)

It transpires that it was one of the horses from next door, which must have taken fright coming out of their gate and bolted into our garden, where it proceeded to let it`s discomfort be known by charging through my precious garden like a freakin lunatic. I, as you know, was having a quiet and lazy morning catching up with the BBS, and was therefore still in my dressing gown and slippers. However, though I was not prepared to make a lunge for the reins and risk a serious case of ostlers foot as it trampled my beslippered feet, I was also not prepared to let it leap the small fence around our patio and have it careen through the patio doors and into the lounge. So, I stood at the little fence, making myself as big as possible and uttering calming horsey noises - which incidentally it took no notice of, and possibly didn`t understand because I think it`s Spanish.

Meanwhile, the bloke from nextdoor, who I assume was in charge of the horse stood at our gate doing a fair impression of Frank Spencer and didn`t venture up our drive until he could see the horse was trapped in the foliage. Eventually, he makes his way up the drive, squeaks an almost inaudible `sorry` and compounds the damage to my plants by tramping into the shrubbery from an entirely diffent entry point - actually straight over my rather rare toad lillies!

Seconds later his mad wife (all horsey people are mad) stomps up the drive wailing at her husband such things as `what happened`, `is he alright` and wringing her hands and saying ` Oh God let me check his legs` - whilst totally ignoring the fact that she had just walked within three feet of the woman who`s garden her horse had just trashed. No apology was forthcoming from this pony princess!

I meanwhile am stood there opened mouthed at their sheer front! Yelli at this point is stood at the patio window with a cup of tea in her hand, vowing that she was getting up early every Sunday morning `cos she didn`t realise it was such fun!

No doubt as soon as Champion the Wonderhorse`s legs had been checked she would have been throwing her 10 yearold daughter back up in the saddle and sending her off down the main road, regardless of the fact that it is so obviously a fluppin headcase!

-- Anonymous, November 26, 2000

Answers

Champion the Wonderhorse! Now there was a bliddy great programme. They don't make 'em like that anymore.

Sounds to me like you've got a good case for war. Just think of all the poisoned meat pies you could make from this. And how much doggy food as well. I think you should have it shot. Do what you like with the horse, but I'd have it shot as well.

-- Anonymous, November 26, 2000

Thank you Galaxy. I'm still not sure though, I think some of the phraseology reveal your aristocratic background.

Next time send out the footman to deal with this. I also believe you may have a viable case agaist Peregrine and Marjorie for reclaimation and damages. There is perhaps a Lawyer watching?

-- Anonymous, November 26, 2000

Screacher and Champion the wonder horse reminded me of a true horsey story when I was a kid. I cannot remember excactly at what age but I guess 8/9 my favourite cowpoke was Roy Rogers all white with tassles astride Trigger (the originial wonder horse). Roy bless his pearly grin had this knack of disposing of the baddies, before heading off into the foothills to team up with Camp Fires Ltd, where surprise, surprise Dale Evans would be brewing up for his backing group, a guitar would appear and they were off.

I sent a letter to his fan club in Hollywood requesting photos etc, this would be in 1949, by 1957 I was well into my James Dean mode so when I received this envelope of a request long since forgot containing a 8 x4 of my hero, rearing up astride the immaculate Trigger, my street cred plummetted, on reflection he must have had a massive fan club. Of no use whatever to a young man whose tastes had turned to Cyd Charisse, Mitzi Gaynor, Wild Woodbines and Wm Younger and sons. Horsey people doncha luv them!!

-- Anonymous, November 27, 2000

Cyd Charisse eh Buff ? You're giving your vintage away there mate. When I was but a spotty youth my Nana (who used to own a ballet school - keep your Billy Elliot jokes to yerselves thanks folks) took me to London to see some stage show she was in. I was amazed to see what was obviously an old lady in dancing pumps trying desperately to recapture her lost youth (and a fairly impressive one at that, or so I'm told and as Buff will doubtless illuminate).

Funniest moment was when the old darling fell right on her jacksie. How I laughed. Me Nana never bothered taking me to any more shows after that, though I can't quite put my finger on why !

-- Anonymous, November 27, 2000

>>charging through my precious garden like a freakin lunatic

Woah there Galaxy !! That's the strongest language you've ever been known to utter on here. I hope Yelli booked herself onto a horse- whispering course and fixed you a stiff gin after all the trauma.

Howay Gus - let's get Queen Gal to swear a bit more, it'll be fun. You go fetch the pepper to put in her corgi feed ;o)

-- Anonymous, November 27, 2000

Gus - `next time send the footman to deal with it` - I wish! No I`m sorry to disappoint you, but definately no blue blood in my veins. Mind you, when I was little my Dad took me to Chipchase(I think) Castle and spun me a line that, by rights, the castle should have been ours. He kept it up for months, until he finally admitted that most families in the North East also thought it should have been theirs! I was really disappointed!

Buff - wonderful true story! (:o)

Loony - no, you won`t goad me into swearing on here - the matchday thread is the closest I get. That doesn`t mean I don`t swear though. I actually get into more trouble by using words which were I remember from being a small child, but which have changed meaning. I`ll give you one example, though there are worse ones. When I was little if someone in the family did something daft, or misunderstood something, Dad used to say `Yer big stiff`................pause while you climb back on your chair.............BUT I know that Dad`s was using the word to mean `corpse` and meaning `incapable of thought`. Imagine Pete`s face when I used that expression for the first time! (;o)

Screacher - I loved Champion the Wonderhorse, and My Friend Flicka! In fact I love horses - just not in the flowerbeds. But I can`t stand horsey people!(:o)

-- Anonymous, November 27, 2000

BTW - those were the days eh Buff? Uncomplicated, moral films - goodies dressed in white, baddies in black.....(:o)

-- Anonymous, November 27, 2000

Come on the oldies.....a couple of questions for ya...

1) Who sang Champion the Wonder Horse?

2) Give me the first four lines of the song from the TV show....

I only know this stuff cos I was bored about a week ago and spent the day finding the song, downloading it and changing it into a ring tone for my phone :))

-- Anonymous, November 27, 2000

Champion the Wonderhorse! Champion the Wonderhorse

Like a streak of lightening flashing `cross the sky Like the swiftest arrow (something) from a bow Like a mighty cannonball that seems to fly You`ll hear about him everywhere you go The time will come when everyone will know the name of.. Champion the Wonderhorse.

Frankie Lane (?)

I`m just guessing, of course, it`s before my time! (;o)

-- Anonymous, November 27, 2000

Well done mum!!! it's whizzing from a bow :)) and I think it's Gene Autry that sang the song....at least that's what my search told me ;))

-- Anonymous, November 27, 2000

I was guessing about the singer! That was a firm favourite on good old `Uncle Mac`s Childrens Favourites - along with such classics as `Nellie the Elephant`, `Little White Bull`, `There Was an Old Lady`, `Tubby the Tuba`, `The King`s New Clothes`.....any more anyone? (:o)

-- Anonymous, November 27, 2000