There is an male individual who had a history of arguments and mild physical contact with wife during arguments. Wife and Husband both participated in disputes. Wife, on one occasion, hit Husband in stomach with her pocketbook, knowing he had two prior major stomach surgeries, one in same year of attack by Wife. Also, Husband had hot coffee poured on his back and was knocked to floor by Wife following confronting Wife re: online relationship with another man.

Eventually, Husband left residence and moved to an undisclosed location, leaving no phone number nor address for Wife to find him away from work. Husband eventually filed for divorce. Wife maintains that Husband's actions of leaving home in style described was indicia (evidence) of abusive nature of Husband despite fact that Wife was never hospitalized, nor saw a doctor (Husband did so as a result of stomach problems), nor did Wife ever file assault charges nor has Husband ever been charged or convicted of any type of assault, domestic or otherwise, ever.

When Husband came to home rented by he and Wife to pick up personal belongings, Wife called police on both occasions. Police refused to send Husband to jail, and Wife pressed no charges.

What do you think based on these facts? Is there concrete evidence of spousal abuse of Wife? Of Husband?

Thanks.

-- Anonymous, December 04, 2000

Answers

It depends on what type of concrete evidence you're talking about. It seems to me, however, that it is the man being abused in this situation.

The way I usually look at it is: who is doing the manipulating? Who is being harmed most in the relationship?

If she feels abused because Husband left her, the crucial question is why he left. It sounds to me like the Husband left because he couldn't stand the abuse.

I think you should join the safe-support list. We'd love to have you there, and there are many more people than me who can provide their perspectives.

BTW, I don't really know your situation, but am basing my opinion purely based on what I read here.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2000

The first four sentences says it all. She was the Physical and Emotional Abuser. You need not go farther than there. She should be charged and he did the right thing. Leave,...if he values his life.

-- Anonymous, March 31, 2001

Misconceptions about women always being the one abuse. I am a female and had alot of built up anger from my sister hanging herself, my mother over-doesed and died and my son was born with alot of health problems. The long trips to the hospital everyday, tired, stressed and wore out emotionally and physically played it's toll. Anything set me off quickly and my husband got the blows of it all. We later divorced, and I was totally in the wrong. I threw things at him, cussed, yelled and screamed at times, just to release all these built up feelings. It can be a women just as much as it can be a man who abuse.

-- Anonymous, January 06, 2002