Br Rich Thank you for responding to my question. I believe in the eyes of the Church that my marriage is vaild. My husband and I took part in the marriage prep classes. We both knew what our vows meant and I thought we were both committed to them. So does this mean that in the future if something in my life changes I can never re-marry? I love the church but I don't understand how it can tell me that I may never be able to re-marry.

-- Debra J Tembreull (josephjt@up.net), December 17, 2000

Answers

Marriage to a Catholic is, simply put: "One man one woman for life". The reason that a Catholic cannot enter into another marriage if they are currently bound to a valid one. Is that being married to two people at the same time is a no no and a grave sin called Adultry and polyandry or polygamy. I must say however that you should allow the church to rule on the validity of the marriage. Many marriages that look valid are not and many that look invalid are valid. You need not be alone you have many friends and many of them in high places.^8^

-- Br. Rich SFO (repsfo@prodigy.net), December 17, 2000.

Before you panic, Debra, I would speak to your priest at length about this first. And I don't think you *both* knew what your vows meant or else your husband would not have left you that way. I won't go into detail here, Debra, for privacy reasons but let me tell you something. Someone I know was married in the church. Many years later, they divorced. This person went on to find happiness with someone else. He had the same story. They went to their priest and discussed this at length with him. He knew (and as he said, God knew) where their hearts were and helped them in the process of remarrying in the church. I want you to know that I understand how you are feeling right now. I love the church, too, but I do have to admit there are some things that I don't understand, either. We're only human. :) Best of luck to you, Debra and God Bless.

-- jackiea (jackiea@hotmail.com), December 17, 2000.

One more thing to remember about marriage in general: It was originally invented by people whose life expectancy was somewhere in the mid-40's.

A life-long vow simply didn't mean then what it does now.

-- oh any (by@the.way), December 18, 2000.

Hi By the way,

By the way marriage was instituted by God not man.

-- Br. Rich SFO (repsfo@prodigy.net), December 18, 2000.

Debra:

While you believe your marriage might have been a valid one; you may not have been aware of other factors beyond your control that may have invalidated it from the start. Your case is a valuable lesson to all who are contemplating marriage and points out the seriousness of such a decision.

I would recommend you take the following steps: Pray! I know it sounds corny but I can assure you Our Lord is listening and feels your pain. You are not alone. He wants to help if you will let Him. Does a mother not suffer along with her child when that child is not feeling well? When you pray, please be sure to take the time to listen, for Our Lord is very polite and will not interrupt you when you are speaking. If you pray for three minutes, I would suggest you take the time to listen for three minutes afterward. It's a good habit to get into. Secondly, jackiea is correct, you should see your parish priest. He can provide you with a great deal of comfort and consolation as well as counselling and answers to most of the questions you have. Please ignore some of the callous and uniformed comments that have been made in this thread. Contrary to what you may have read here, marriage was not "originally invented by people whose life expectancy was somewhere in the mid- 40's". The individual who made that comment should take the time to read Genesis. My point is, you will not find all of the answers here in this forum and may even find some that might harm you, so I heartily recommend you see a priest for assistance Thirdly, don't rush into anything. Time is on your side. You have done nothing wrong. You shouldn't feel you have to rectify this situation immediately and all by yourself. Good luck! The prayers of many in this forum are with you.

Ed

-- Ed Lauzon (grader@accglobal.net), December 18, 2000.

Hi everyone I would like to say thank you for the responses to my questions. I have spoke with my priest. His advice is to pray and wait. I guess my question is how long does one wait?????? I am very confused. Suddenly everything is left in my lap and I have to scramble to get a full time job to make the house payment and by food. I think often about God's forgiveness and how we expect him to forgive us our sins, but how hard it is for me to forgive another. I don't know how to reconcile this in my mind, my heart or my soul. I pray for understanding. I pray for a job. I pray for the deep anger inside of me to be released. I pray that my husband is safe. I pray that God will bring him back to the Church. I haven't prayed for him to come back to be. I don't know how to listen to God. My mind is such a rattle trap of thoughts swirling in many directions searching for answers that only God can answer. Thank you again for responding and allowing me to ramble on. Please pray for me. Deb

-- Debra Tembreull (josephjt@up.net), December 18, 2000.

Hi Debra:

I am pleased to see you have consulted your parish priest. Since he knows your situation best I would strongly recommend you take his advice to pray and take things slow for awhile. Don't force the prayer. Our Lord has a way of letting you know what He wants for you in His own time. Please don't succumb to what most people do and blame Him for all your misery. Your situation was not a result of anything He did but rather is a product of the world Adam and Eve handed us. Our Lord may not be interceding as fast as you would like but He could be testing you to know what is in your heart. We all can benefit from some of the experiences we go through, even the tough ones. If you find praying difficult you can try different things; pray the rosary, read scripture, attend daily mass for awhile. All these things help you to remain focused in this very trying time. A positive attitude is a "must" right now. Seek out the company of your friends and family, they can be a comforting influence. I don't know your skill level or your financial situation, however, there are many agencies ready to help women who find themselves in your situation. You might want to seek out what resources are available to you, re- training programs, counseling groups, financial assistance and the like. Take one day at a time. Don't make any rational decisions just yet. Use the holidays for a time of reflection and prayer. Get in touch with Jesus and I can assure you, you will feel much better in a few weeks. Good luck! Have a blessed and peaceful Christmas! We will continue to pray right along with and for you.

Ed

-- Ed Lauzon (grader@accglobal.net), December 19, 2000.

Ed I'm glad you contributed here as I would not make a very good Pastor and can always uas a "Pastoral" hand. I'm sure Debra appreciates the balanced answer too. It's important to lay the foundation but it is also important to build upon it.

-- Br. Rich SFO (repsfo@prodigy.net), December 19, 2000.

Jesus Christ! The hearesy is still upon us. Laws imposed by mankind, exist as long as we allow. Cast off the stones, and realize we all, are forgiven. To Hell, with mans' or Church religion.

-- Church Fan (hand@waver.com), December 26, 2000.

Dear Church Fan,

You said, "we all, are forgiven".

Do you realize that forgiveness is predicated on being repentant? That means being truly sorry for having sinned AND turning away from sin, no longer yielding to it. The Lord's grace is not a license to sin sir.

When you so glibbly curse and use our Lord's Name, I wonder if the hypocrisy of your statements are understood.

David

-- David Bowerman (bowerman@blazenet.net), December 27, 2000.

Church Fan,

Jesus Christ is the greatest person who ever lived.

From the beginning of His life, Jesus demonstrated unfailing grace, amazing wisdom, and astounding understanding and knowledge. He consistently pleased God.

The crowds found His compassion constant, and He was humble and meek before His enemies. He treated the poor with respect and the children with love and tenderness. His character was pure, selfless, and sinless.

Jesus also proved His divine character through His immeasurable love, and unconditional love unique in history. He willingly offered Himself as a sacrifice for all sin and evil, and He gave the free gift of everlasting life to every person who would accept it. Only God in the flesh could have embodied all these characteristics.

Why anyone would be disrespectful to Jesus is unfathomable.

But, His love is also forgiving, ..............ask Him.

-- SSM ( Follower of Christ ) (heartwjesus@yahoo.com), December 27, 2000.