Howdy from NM, all. First of all, this is really a heartfelt "thank you". I want to echo how much this Forum supports and encourages me to continue with my dream to homestead. In spite of all the bitching back and forth elsewhere on this website, it is truly a blessing for me and I do consider many, if not all of you, as a sort of extended family.

I contributed an article to Countryside a couple of issues back, singing the song of how homesteading is an ongoing process, a circle, if you will. Still so. However, life has a habit of taking twists and turns, while in process. That 'wonderful man', with whom I was sharing my dream, decided that he didn't want to share it with me after all. Remember the pre-marital questionnaire thread? Thanks again... actually, it may have been a catalyst in letting him realize that marriage was more than just playing house. So, I am moving on to Plan B, which was the original Plan A before I met him... NOT moving to his family's old farmstead and 80 acres, but starting to search out my own home in southwestern Colorado. 50 and on my own; a brand new blank canvas before me.

A friend lent me a book called "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron, a Buddhist Nun... wonderful, wonderful book. I opened it up and fell upon the page that explained that there are only two ways things can go: they can come together or they can fall apart. But when they fall apart, they are in the process of coming together again. There is no other way, life is in a constant state of coming together or falling apart. It's the tide coming in and going out. When the tide stops, all life stops. It's the circle again.

Ladies out there homesteading alone? YOU GO GIRLS! We ain't waitin' on me! dh in nm

-- debra in nm (dhaden@nmtr.unm.edu), January 19, 2001

Answers

I am a believer in all things happen for a reason .My right is out there and you will find him when the time is right .You need to be happy alone before you can be happy with someone .I'm keeping my fingers x that you have a safe and happy journey to your dream.

-- Patty {NY State} (fodfarms@slic.com), January 19, 2001.

Oh, hey, make no mistake about it... I've been single all my life & am very content with my own company. I'm not one of those that's nothing without a man... still would'a been nice to have a partner. I'm also not one of them that thinks that was my last chance! I've had 30 good years of men friends, just very few of them were 'keepers'. At any rate, Mr. Would'a-Been-Wonderful and I are still friends and will remain that way. Thx. dh in nm

-- debra in nm (dhaden@nmtr.unm.edu), January 19, 2001.

Too bad there isn't a singles forum for homesteaders here :) I think there used to be one? In any case, I'm in Texas and single but liking it because I don't necessarily have to discuss things with another person before doing something but it's nice to have that kind of feedback though :) I'm in the process of deciding if I wanna stay in Texas or move elsewhere. In any case, best of luck to you. You're young like me (29 years old here)but don't feel like it to me! I feel young.

Ted

-- Ted Hart (tedhart71@hotmail.com), January 19, 2001.

BTW where's that pre-martial thread at now? I tried to locate it so I could understand what you were talking about but....

Ted

-- Ted Hart (tedhart71@hotmail.com), January 19, 2001.

I'm 54 and I've been married and I've been half a pair several times and I've been alone. Been alone the past 15 years except for a few months mixed in there. It seems the alone way works best for me. I like being able to sit around in my drawers and scratch wherever it itches without offending anybody.

-- Joe (jcole@apha.com), January 19, 2001.

Debra... you will make the best kind of homesteader there is... determination with a goal and not afraid of hard work...

I hope they run your article in Countryside... as we need the encouragement...

homesteading alone... yea, the last 6.5 years... and let me tell you it has been eye opening... (I'm a widow that was homesteading prior with a hubby for 19 years... and ya kinda get used to the other person to give that proverbial "extra set of hands")...

being alone hasn't stopped me from learning new things... I empowered myself with finding the correct person, whether male or female, to help make this place go or be put together... and I have had lots of great males help me in this journey...

Debra... need an ear... not quite 50 yet.. but right behind you dear friend...

blessings on the journey called life..

-- Mary Ann in Wisc. (peanut@wi-net.com), January 19, 2001.

I'm tending to agree with you, Joe. No bad vibes directed toward my once-intended, we are lucky we realized this now. And, you know, it's a thought: maybe I'M the one that's not the keeper! dh in nm

-- debra in nm (dhaden@nmtr.unm.edu), January 19, 2001.

It don't mean you ain't a keeper. It just means that maybe that's the way it works best for you. You get to be our ages you gotta start thinking about yourself. You gotta make yourself happy and sometimes that won't work with somebody else to consider. Selfish? Maybe. So be it.

-- Joe (jcole@apha.com), January 19, 2001.

Debra, I am really glad to see this post from you. I was wondering where you went and considering posting that as a question! You seem to be handling this change in direction well. How nice that you have a former Plan A to return to.

I've been a "single" for that last 20 years (and I'm also around your age), but have only been consciously moving towards the homesteading- type life for the last few years. Not there yet, but working towards it. I also revamp my plans rather frequently, trying to tailor my plans to my abilities as an "only" who's moving into middle-age.

-- Joy Froelich (dragnfly@chorus.net), January 19, 2001.

Hi, Debra. I'm another single woman on the path towards living my dream. I've been married a few times, and I like the idea of being married, but I just can't pull it off. I like what Joe said. I'm getting older and I'm not willing to make so many concessions, and work so hard at a relationship. This is easier. Sure, I wonder if I'll be able to handle certain parts of homesteading. I've never used a chainsaw, and I have a real hard time lifting much more than 50 pounds. I know next to nothing about plumbing. It would be nice to have someone to help. But.....I'd rather be alone, if being half a couple means constantly not getting what I want and need. That sounds selfish, even to me, but I guess I've compromised my dreams too many times. Now I get to do what I want to do, the way I want to do it. It'll all work out.

-- Cathy in NY (hrnofplnty@yahoo.com), January 19, 2001.

Having been married and divorced and married and divorced,and having raised three children mostly by myself, I agree with the overall idea that single is better than being half of a mismatched couple. I would have liked to celebrate a 50th anniversary like my parents just did. I would have liked to have a partner to share the dreams, the joys, the disappointments of life with. Didn't find that and gave up the dreams for many years. NOW I get to dream and plan for the homestead I've always wanted. I'm 49 now and hope to be able to sell my home here and have enough to buy what I dream of where I want to go when my youngest graduates in'02. I also worry about those things that I know will limit me, like physical strength and lack of certian skills, but I know that I have been able to do what I set out to do over the last eight years (go back to graduate school and get a new credential and Master's degree in Special Education with a specialization in children from birth to five years old). That took 4 years of working full time and going to school 3 to 4 nights a week- SO I know that I can do just about anything. GO for it- all us deserve our dreams no matter what year we were born in. betty

-- betty modin (betty_m9@yahoo.com), January 20, 2001.

Hi debra! I'm in about the same place; we bought the land I dreamed of for so long, lived in a camp trailer and started the homestead...and ended up having to leave because of divorce. I'm not so sad about the divorce, dealt with it while it was happening. But the land! Once again I am starting over and not getting any younger, and because I used to live in Taos I am thinking of sw colorado too.Pretty good land prices up there! Maybe we can start a colony for the likes of us! One good thing; having done a great deal of the homestead stuff on my own anyway, I'm not afraid of going it alone anymore like I used to be. IT IS GOING TO BE SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

-- maureenb (firegirl102@hotmail.com), January 20, 2001.

I don't know what it is about " turning 50 "--but after almost twenty- five years of being married--now divorced four years--the last two kids at home, I am beginning to feel almost like I did when I was twenty--got the world by the tail! That is--if you don't look at me too close and see all the wear and tear--this old girl is just beginning to live those homesteading dreams--if you see a 1985 red Toyota pick-up 4X4 with a winch in the front and cattle racks on the back--that'll be me!! :)

-- Lynn Royal (homesteadmama1@aol.com), January 20, 2001.

Way to go, gals (and guys,too)! I know just what you're talking about, about the determination to reach for those dreams, esp. as the big five-o looms, (or recedes, as the case may be). Even if the dreams have to be modified now and then they are still dreams. I'm not solo, and have plenty of responsibilities to generations up and down as well as to hubby, but we're working on a compromise that allows me to take my 16 year old 'baby' to Alaska for a year. After that, we'll see. It may be that a taste of the wild life will have to last me for a long time. But, hey, half a dream is better than none.

-- Nina in E TX (nchick4997@aol.com), January 21, 2001.

I've been married three times and divorced twice. So, it's not a question of "which one is the keeper" but are both partners willing to concide, and if so, how much is neccessary. The current (and final!) Mrs. Frankel, also one divorce in her history, has decided that, even with my faults, she's willing to put up with me (a large 2x4 helps keep me in line :) ).

Actually, what we've found is that two-way communication is not a job, it's how we live. We talk about our day, our aches & pains, the kids, the commute, the news, dreams & hopes, etc. With my first two wives there was very little in-depth communication between us. Yeah, the physical stuff was there (pretty damn good, too), but that will only sustain a relationship so far.

Debra, Joy, Joe, and the rest of you that walk through life alone (but not always lonely), you are all keepers. And if you're lucky, the one that want's to keep you will find you and you'll both put up with the quirks, itching & scratching, etc.

Take care..

-- Barney (bfrankel@home.com), January 24, 2001.

Hi, guys! I'm 54 and about ready to give up on the one I have, after 17 years. His health is not waht it used to be and although I don't expect a lot physically out of him but to be there and give me advise, support, he wants me to give up all my animals and the things I have been working toward the last 10 years! I keep hoping he will change is mind, but his eys has begun to wander (if not more). Spending almost every evening at the bar or just sitting in front of the tv is not for me.

-- (phyllis.warman@twcable.com), January 26, 2001.

Hey, you all! I'm back from a sojurn to Shiprock on biz... and a 6- day stint with the flu amid a barrage of snowstorms tacked on to that. What a nice thing to come back to work to: your wonderful and encouraging input!

Barney... what a sweeeeeeet thing to say! Awwww! You really made me feel good with that.

Joy F. Hey, cowgirl, I'm alive.

Maureenb. Then, we shall be neighbors in SW Colorado. Like I said, I've just come back from the area. The real estate climate there is pretty hot... well, high. If you're really interested, e-mail me and I'll give you the poop. Looks like I may have to settle for a little less than I wanted (but the REAL bottom line here is, I gotta be able to afford to have a horse again!). I'll probably be looking around Cortez, but there is quite a good supportive network of women-folk around Mancos & Dolores. Nice bunch of people up there.

I'm not man-bashing when I say this, but I do have to say it... and it should have been my first clue. In 2-1/2 years, any time I needed help around my little farm, it was offered by my partner, but somehow never followed through. All the help I got with building, hauling hay, or handling livestock was from my female friends who never hesitated or failed me. He did hook up my horse trailer lights, and for that, I am grateful!

Thanks to a little help from my friends (you), I am back to being my old self again. The dogs were so happy to see me when I got home. I am loved! Yes, now I can read or flip on the tv at 1am without bothering anyone. I can let the cat eat on the kitchen cabinet. I can wear the same clothes all week. I can wear my nasty barn jacket that only the goats could love. I can keep the thermostat on 58. I can have all 5 cats and 2 of the dogs in bed with me (no room for the 3rd). I can cook the things I like. I can have dinner with the horse-pals at the Tastee Freeze or go to Santa Fe for an "art day" by myself without hurting 'someone's' feelings (who would hate it anyway). I can eat garlic again! Life IS good. And you guys are great! C'mon, girls, we got hay to haul and goat fences to mend! dh in nm

-- debra in nm (dhaden@nmtr.unm.edu), February 01, 2001.