my violent ex-husband has remarried. what are the statistics on his chances of violence in this current marriage where my children visit. any idea on how long before the new relationship turns sour? How do i detect signs in my children?

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2001

Answers

I don't know the stats, but my daughter is in a similar situation with her daughter (my 28 month old grand-daughter) and her ex. It took 6 months for abuse to occur. I should say, 6 months before we had third party verification. My grand-daughter has said "Daddy punched Jill in the mouth" and she cusses like a sailor when she comes home from his house. One of her new picked up phrases about a month ago (keep in mind this is a young 2 year old) was, "Go to Hel* you F**king Bitc*" That was it, even though there is a court order for visitation my daughter is not sending her daughter back and she did contact the Dept of Children's Services to have an investigation of what is going on over there. But, she's been told by almost every lawyer she had talked to that she will lose this battle because there has been no abuse of her daughter directly (that we know of)...apparently, they don't take things like living in a war zone, being held by her father while he was attacking his girlfriend as a situation that could prove very dangerous to my grand-daughter's physical and emotional well-being. And obviously, they don't take one felonious assault and 2 domestic violence convictions into consideration when deciding if in fact, a man or woman is able to provide a decent environment for a child. And I do THINK that the odds are much greater for child abuse to occur from a man who is already a proven abuser of women.

-- Anonymous, March 03, 2001

The pattern of abuse can be traced from my great mother-my grand father, mother and step dad, me...

-- Anonymous, April 22, 2001