Okay, we all know of at least one person who sucks all your emotional energy. This is the person who runs to you for support when a crisis hits (which is often), but can never offer you the emotional stronghold in your times of need.

It's exhausting to talk to them. But you're too nice of a person to turn away a friend in need. What do you do (besides recommend they see a therapist)? Have you ever considered that maybe you put out an energy that attracts these emotional vampires?

Rant about your emotional vampire.

-- Brad (brad@scriptbrads.tv), February 16, 2001

Answers

There was a time in my life (about five years ago) where every new friend I made turned out to be an emotional vampire. I mean, most people only deal with one vampire at a time. Dudes, I had three simultaneously.

They all had their share of problems, most of them serious. And for whatever reason, they looked at me as someone who was stable, "normal." And ergo, the best person to turn to for advice and support.

My husband was convinced that I was putting out some calming energy, which is what appealed to them and they befriended me.

I am proud to say I am now vampire free. I just had to learn to be a bitch.

-- Brad (javagirl@scriptbrads.tv), February 16, 2001.

Hmmm... five years ago... HEY!

That's when you met ME!!! I get it. This board is just a sneaky way for you to get back at me, isn't it?

-- Reginald Squirrel (rsquirrels@prodigy.net), February 17, 2001.

Same thing happened to me -- I had at one point, two raging vampires and one or two mini-ones, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why on earth they thought *I* had a clue. It got so to the point that I had to really just break the friendship completely with both of the majors. It was hard, they made me feel like a total bitch, they whined. Nasty. The mini-one I thought was getting better... but now she's regressed into another major vampire and I just can't go there day after day, week after week. I don't mind listening -- in fact, I like to think I'm pretty good about it. (Hey, Brad, you're a good listener, too! Maybe that's it?) Anyway, this last one knows the problem, knows the solution and has a million excuses why she can't follow up on the solutions. She makes no effort whatsoever, and it's ruining what's left of our friendship. (Ironically, she's the one who pointed out to me the major vampire-ness of the other two and woke me up to the fact that I was being sorely used.)

I'm not sure what I'm going to do about this curent one. I have told her nicely, tactfully, to get help. (She has *major* relationship problems which are destroying her and her marriage and her child.) I've told her not-so-tactfully that I cannot be her therapist and that it's ruining our relationship -- that I genuinely do not have the answers to her problems -- only she does and maybe she really does need that therapist to help her work out her issues and then strategies to fix things. So far, these comments have fallen on deaf ears. I hate to end a friendshp of nine years, but it's coming to that. (Well, actually, I'm just fading in the woodwork because I've made it a point to not have time.)

(and for those of you who know me in real life... all three of the above were offline, real life friends.)

-- toni (toni@la-lagniappe.com), February 17, 2001.

of course, the above answer is not to be confused with the normal give-and-take of friendships, all of which have their ups and downs and sharing of bad news and bad times as well as the good (and standing by each other through it all)... But you all knew that, right? Right. Okay.

-- toni (toni@la-lagniappe.com), February 19, 2001.

What? I've know Reggie for five years? No. It can't be. Why, it seems like it was yesterday when we met.

No, Reg, you're not my emotional vampire. However, I think I'm yours.

-- Brad (javagirl@scriptbrads.tv), February 20, 2001.

Agggh. Know those vampires well. I think we attract them and that learning to say no to them is something we have to practice. Thing is, we wouldn't attract them if they didn't serve some purpose in *our* life. So ask yourself... what do I have this vamp in my life? What purpose does it serve ME or what do I have to learn from this?

Signed, Shrunken

-- mimont (mimont@aol.com), February 20, 2001.

I think Brad said it best -- we learn how to be... well, you know.

Mine was a person I was warned about -- "don't get mixed up with *him*," they all said. I didn't listen. He was deaf, and I felt sorry for him. I ended up having to tell him off through a relay service, one of those government-funded things that translate TDD into speech. It was traumatic.

-- Jared (jared@jaredg.org), February 20, 2001.

Jared,

God, I hope that was a joke because I am laughing my ass off.

Ummm...if it wasn't, I'm still laughing my ass off, but I'm also sorry it was so traumatizing.

-- Brad (javagirl@scriptbrads.tv), February 21, 2001.

So, like, my dad is the black hole for all negative energy in the universe. Does that count?

Cheers, Tim

p.s. how can I read him the riot act through a TDD? Especially if he's not deaf?

-- notfamous (notfamous@notfamous.com), February 21, 2001.

It's all true; I was the third or fourth person that did this, too. I apologized to the relay operator, and she said she'd done this sort of thing before. I wasn't sure if she was talking about telling people off in general, or telling this particular guy off. She then tried to describe the gibberish that was coming through on the display screen. She figured he was pounding on the TDD keyboard, having a tantrum.

All you'd have to do to use this service is look up relay services in your phone book, get theiir TDD number, and then go and use one of those airport TDD terminals.

-- Jared (jared@jaredg.org), February 23, 2001.

Jared suggests: "then go and use one of those airport TDD terminals. "

Good idea. That way it can't be traced.

-- Reginald Squirrel (rsquirrels@prodigy.net), February 24, 2001.

Greetings: I write this because are society is reaping evil from the movies and songs that are being made. These are leading people into sin and rebellion to God. Its just etertainment, fun, thats not true because people imatate what they see and hear, Satan knows that. The word of God decalares that all who cause people to sin shall be condemed. Woe to the the world for things that cause people to sin but woe to that man through whom they come. What does it profit a man to gain the whole world to lose his own soul? The word of God also declares that it is from the heart that these things are made, let us read Mark 7:20-23 And He was saying "That wich proceeds out of the man, that is what defiles the man. " for from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of of conveting and wickedness, as well as deciet, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. " All these things proceed from within and defile the man" Not only are the people making these things defiled, but those who watch them. Does God love you, yes, but that is no excuse to live is sin, He shall judge sin. Jesus died for us and rose again to save you to reject that is to pay the penalnity for your own sins. Are there hypocrites, yes but the hypocrites arent the ones who save sinners. Jesus said I am the way the truth and the life no one comes to me the Father but through me. In the same way, no movies can be made without a camera, no one can be saved without Jesus. The Lords judgement is coming may God open your eyes that you turn from your sins and be freed by Jesus!

-- Jesus saves (Jesusislife@Christianemail.com), July 11, 2001.