well.. i'm going out with this guy. and he abuses me, i don't know if i should report him or not. I'm so scared to even go out of my house. PLEASE HELP ME,

~ Serena ( e-mail me any suggestions of what i should do!?)

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2001

Answers

Serena, have you tried calling a domestic violence hotline? They can give you a lot of help with your situation. What you'll probably want is a restraining order...

Also consider joining safe-support. Directions are at safe4all.org

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2001

I completely understand your fears. Less than a week ago I had to be picked up at the hospital by my father and sister. The best advice that I can give you is to do what you feel is safest for you - you know your situation better then anyone - and you alone know the triggers - but please don't think he will change just because he says so - my first attack happened the night before I got married - my impulse was to leave but I was threatened into following through with it - I don't know how many times I endured abuse in my 2 year (almost) marriage but I do know that if I had listened to myself instead to the fears he caused the number would have been a lot less.

My Prayers are with you.

-- Anonymous, March 30, 2001

SERENA, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. MY HUSBAND IS VERY ABUSIVE. I KNOW EVERYONE PROBLEY TELLS YOU TO LEAVE HIM, I'M NOT SURE IF THAT'S WHAT YOUY WANT, OR NOT. I KNOW FOR ME I LOVE MY HUSBAND, AND LEAVING IS NOT AN OPTION. JUST KEEP PEOPLE INFORMED IF YOU CAN, IT'S NICE TO KNOW YOUR NOT ALONE SOMETIMES.

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2001

Serena, We cannot tell you what to do only be here and support you in your decision. It is frightening, believe me, I know, it took a week in the hospital to get me to act. If you need to talk please write, maybe we can even talk by phone, we'll discuss it. I want to help but the internet can be so impersonal.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2001

I know how you feel. I have been married for almost 7 years, and it's been hell. I have suffered domestic violence, and am currently trying to get my own place. I have a 6 year old son, and all I can tell you is that it doesn't get better, only worse. Take it from someone who knows and cares. Please leave the situation. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to E- me. amy

-- Anonymous, June 13, 2001

Serena I can relate to your situation. I know it is hard to leave a abusive relationship, but it only causes your spirit harm and you are worth more then that. Get out its hard but worth it and you can contact local agencies for help and support. Report him as he will only do it to the next women if he doesn't get help.Good luck and take Care

-- Anonymous, June 17, 2001

Serena, I was in an abusive marriage for 13 years until he did what he thought was the ultimate in emotional abuse, he filed for divorce. He expected me to come crawling to him, begging him to change his mind, instead I packed my car and moved 500 miles away. I never looked back and did the entire divorce by mail. It has been three years and I am remarried to a wonderful man. In fact he gave me the strength to move back, face my ex, and take back my children. It was a nightmare at first but after a while I made sure to call and thank him for the divorce. It was the best thing that ever happened to me and the worst for him. Good luck. You know what is right in your heart, you know what your friends and family are saying. They will be great support to you and will respect you for doing the right thing. Trust and depend on them. Accept help. I did it on my own at first but when people found out they were wonderful. Lynda

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2001

Well I see you are still abusive Linda. I recently read your posting to frank. When did you decide that you were abusive? Have you always been abusive or is it something that you have recently picked up. From the sound of your letter, you are a natural. After reading that, I see why your husband finally left. Excuse me why you left.

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2001

Please feel free to also check out our site for our online support and resource group for all victims of domestic violence. at http://www.silenttears.org

STNEwsletter@aol.com

-- Anonymous, August 07, 2001

hey girl, I know how u feel to my little brother abuses me. and he is younger than me and stronger then me so he over power me. all i can say is try and tell someone you confide in that won't say a word to no one. sometimes parents don't always help my parents ignore me. you need to stand up for yourself and let him know if he keeps doing this you are gonna leave and that is probably one of his worst fears if he really likes you. then again if he really liked you he wouldn't hurt you like he does. I am so afraid of my little brother he has threatend to kill me and I can not stand to be in the same room as him alone. so call i can say is get some help. if you need someone to talk to email me my email is skittles_69_420@hotmail.com I am here for u girl. bye. and goodluck in the future. love Roz

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2002

Altough i dont know what it is like to be abused.I have a friend that has an alchoholic mother and an abusive father. i have told her to talk to someone but she says although her father does this to her she still loves him and doesnt want him to go to jail. i am asking you all to help me. what should i do to help my friend before it is to late. i love her like a sister. i dont want to loose her.

-- Anonymous, November 30, 2002

Serena- I am 19 years old and I think I am being abused. I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year and he is the first person I have ever fought..We hit eachother when we get angry it almost feels normal. I feel like I cannot leave him.I love him! When we play around he always takes it too far..Today we were joking around and he begins to pull my hair as hard as he can and pulled out some hair. When I started to cry he did nothing. No remorse nothing..When we fight it's usually over stupid things.He is a lot stronger than me. It started out just being something he did when he was drunk now it is not uncommon for one of us to get hit..Believe me you are not alone I have no idea what to do either..Good luck!

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2003

gurl i know wat u goin thru im getting abused by my use to be friend and just b/c we are in a argument she keeps abuseing me and the reason she hits me alot is b/c she told me she dont watn to be me friend and from now on she comes to my house and hits me and leaves once she shot me in the chest with a gun and my legs too and now i cant walk and im over wieght b/c all i do is eat

-- Anonymous, June 11, 2003

serena you know that whats in your heart, is what you have to do, its take a lot of guts to do it, but its worth it in the long run. trust me it will be worth it

-- Anonymous, July 22, 2003