Share your stories of medical ineptitude.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2001

Answers

I don't think that's it, because it hurt when he was inserting it, too. I think he just had it angled wrong.

And I think that someone should tell every doctor I've ever had that you're supposed to warm the speculum. I think that's a well-kept secret.

But hey, Cory, at least now, you know how to do a pap smear! A very useful skill.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2001

Why do they have to call those things "blades"? Yikes!

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2001

I was in Mt. Sinai hospital (in NYC) a few years ago and I had to have a series of blood transfusions. One night, the nurse came in and seemed to have trouble finding a vein she could stick properly. (Other nurses and told me I had "good" veins.) Finally, she got the needle in and left.

About 25 minutes on, I noticed the underside of my forearm was swelling up and getting quite hard to the touch, so I buzzed for the nurse, already suspecting (correctly) what was happening.

Sure enough, upon her arrival (with a colleague), she inspected my arm and the I.V. and discovered she had missed the vein, (or had pushed the needle all the way through and out the other side, I'm not sure), and the blood was draining in the intramuscular areas of my arm! They quickly removed the needle and successfully inserted it into a vein. (I'm sure they were nervous I would report what had happened. But, humans make mistakes and this was comparatively minor, especially as it had been corrected quickly.)

Other than that, the rest of the care I received was excellent.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2001

I knew a woman who got paid $100 an hour to be a guinea pig for med students to learn to do pap smears and cervical exams. She got paid that much not just for the pain but for having to instruct students in how to do it (she was trained for this) There's no excuse for a paying patient (even one on health insurance) to be the guinea pig for that. Thank goodness that woman corrected him. I mean, its not his fault he didn't get prior training, but that's totally unfair to the patients. and I agree completely with "warming the speculum". How heinous.
I am just concerned my doctors write the wrong prescriptions, so I read them aloud nowadays. They sort of hate that, but c'est la vie. I am a very nice patient otherwise.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2001

ALLLLLL of my doctors, except my ob/gyn, suck suck suck.

Why not read about my most recent experience with an optometrist?

Or, when my cardiologist and doctor make me beg them to actually care about me.

OR, when the stupid doctors run about 2000000000 tests on me and still don't know what's wrong so they call it "self resolving". (That's related to: http://alibee.linex.com/journal/2000/001130.html http://alibee.linex.com/journal/2000/001208.html http://alibee.linex.com/journal/2000/001227.html )

Anyway. I'm not trying to do self-promo, I'm just saying that I have this ability to choose the dumbest doctors ever. For example, I don't really think that my neurologist is even alive anymore, since I could call him 400 times and he wouldn't call me anyway. Argh.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2001

Oh, I could probably do the exams. But how do I keep out of jail?

I think it's appropriate you used the term "inept". Even though my dictionary aligns it with incompetent, I think *that* word should be saved for those professional people that "should" know what they are doing, but don't.

You start out inept, and in time you become incompetent.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2001

My first pap smear hurt like hell. I haven't gotten one since, although it's been four years, so I probably should!

On the veins note...I have "bad" veins. I'm not obese or anything...they look pretty visible to me, but I was on a medication that required blood tests every week, and I always acquired a crowd of about three phlebotomists as one or the other poked and prodded at both elbow joints. Of course, with so many pokes, my veins had shrunk as much as they possibly could for dear life (veins can shrink, can't they?).

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2001

My first pap smear was at the health department- I didn't have a regular gyno yet. I truly wouldn't recommend a free pap smear, it felt something like sex with a bit metal hairbrush (not that I know how that feels). By the way, this is a very cool site, I'll be stopping by often. Asher

http://www.angelfire.com/vt/myworldowonder

-- Anonymous, April 15, 2001

The story started out ok, a naked JW waiting cooly in the examining room loosely covered by a see-through paper gown (sha wing!), but then you lost me. Blades, pain, vaginal discomfort, pap smears conducted by greenhorns -- ug.

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2001

... and black toenails -- ewwwww.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2001

My worst gynecological exam was at Mass General, but considering that I was earning no money and was therefore at the free clinic, I couldn't much complain. Also, the nurse-practioner herself was darling; it was the woman who came in to see what was going on who had the bedside manner of three-day-old toast. (And the NP agreed with me, though she did so under her breath.)

Jennifer, as for the woman giving "moral support"--I suspect that was a euphemism. I believe that it's mandatory for a third person to be in the room when a male doctor does a pap smear. This sounds rather Handmaid-Tale-like, and I don't have any documentation, so can anyone else confirm it?

-- Anonymous, April 29, 2001

What I hate about pap-smears is that stuff that dribbles out afterward - it makes a real mess of my panties.

I have no problems with pain, though - my doctor gives me something so that I'm out of it and don't feel any pain - I don't even remember the procedure afterward. I feel lucky to have found such a nice doctor. It's a good thing, too, because he says I have a condition that requires close monitoring with monthly pap-smears.

-- Anonymous, April 30, 2001

It's a doctor's office, not a 5-star hotel. What a bunch of whiners.

-- Anonymous, November 29, 2001

I have been ticked about this for 12 years--so I suppose it is time to have it out and get it over with.

I had severe menstrual cramps as a teenager--enough that I had to take 4 advil tablets at a time just to get through the day. When I was 13 we decided it was time to see the GYN. I went willingly--I also wanted to know why I could not get tampons in.

I tried to tell this jerk before the examination that since I could not get extra slim tampons in, it stood to reason that larger objects, like male fingers and metal speculums, were not going to go in either. He was not having any of it. To him I was just another hysterical kid--and the sooner he got the job done the faster he could get on with the rest of his day. To make matters worse my mother was in the room with me--and offered me no support. She had the same attitude the doctor did--let's get this over with so I would quit crying.

So I lay on that table, covered with that oversized napkin-- screaming and crying to anyone for mercy. The "chaperone" stood there staring at me like I had sprouted eyes from my nether parts. Finally the doc gave up, gave me a rectal exam, and sent me on my way with some painkillers that did not work.

Fast forward to age 16--same problem, same mother, same doc, same room. This time though I was close enough to the age in which I would have to start having these things every year that the doc decided to be a little more stubborn.

So there I was, on the table--playing cat and mouse with his finger and my crotch. For the life of me I cannot understand why this guy did not LOOK and see if I actually had a hole there. I though an external examination was supposed to be part of the whole deal. I screamed and cried for mercy--and finally the doc told me he was going to find the hole with a currette (a long Q-tip).

The hole was just barely large enough to accomodate that currette.

It seems, ladies and gentlemen, that I knew my body after all. Will wonders never cease...

I had to have that hole surgically widened before I could be examined again. The surgery actually was not that bad--they put me under total anaesthesia and the recovery was not as painful as one might think.

But now I had another problem...trauma induced vaginismus.

I kept going back to this guy because I was terrified that someone else would hurt me even worse--and because my mother would not hear of me not going. Besides, the birth control pills really helped the cramps.

But every examination since has been so painful that it has reduced me to the point of tears. After I moved out on my own I decided that the pain and humiliation just was not worth it--so I never returned I had been traumatized so many times that I could not bring myself to find another practitioner.

But then I met this guy last year....

--time to go back (to another doc)--or stay forever abstinent. This fellow has already coached me beyond the vaginismus-- so now I just have to face the fear--and tell the next doc exactly what I expect him or her to do in order to treat my body and feelings with respect.

I don't know about you all--but I really think a male doctor needs to go through the experience of having a urinary catheter passed before he is allowed to do pelvic exams. The two experiences are roughly similar in their potential for pain and humiliation. But that is just my humble opinion.

-- Anonymous, February 05, 2002

Okay, I don't know if any other guys feel this way, but I have to get this out, even if no-one reads this. My girlfriend had her first pap- smear at age 14. She was still a virgin. Now, not only has she had a history of rape and molestation, she also had to have this pap- smear at age 14. And another one at age 16, 4 months after I started dating her. Now, the way I feel about all this includes the following, I hate feeling like every-damn-guy in this world has to share his girlfriend with her gynecologist/and or her family doctor. I think I've shared my girlfriend with plenty of fucking people and I can't stand knowing that every year I have to share her with this fucking Jeanette Pilotte bitch at the damn Dell Webb Center Fuck this I Fucking Hate PAP SMEARS. FUCK. I'm sorry.

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2002