Praying for a safe escape of friend

greenspun.com : LUSENET : domestic violence : One Thread

I am afraid for a friend with two children in another state. She has a plan and is in the process of escaping asap. She can only contact me when it is safe. Her husband has been verbally and physically abusive over the past 10 years. She has had prior restraining orders etc., but he is a controller. Over the past two weeks the abuse has become dangerous. He has threatened her numerous times he is going to blow her brains out or put a bullet through her head. He has done this infront of his children as well. She was supposed to go yesterday to the domestic violence office in her town yesterday to ensure a safe escape. She already has a home in my state to come to. God I hope she went. There are two real concerns once she escapes. 1. When she gets to my state and gets the restraining order, the belief of one of his malefriends is, nothing will stop him he will come after her. He exact words were he is the type that would walk right up to her infront of the police and shoot her. What the heck is that saying, is this a real nut? Will she really be safe? 2. The male of friend of his is very concerned he will also come after me because he will blame me for assisting her. I will go to my local office here for assistance once I now she has left her home. I asked this friend of theirs to go to the police with me now if he truly beleives she and I will be in great danger. He does BUT . . . He has told me this same man had told him he will blow his brains out once, (He was his supervisor at one time.) Within the last month my friend came home and her husband was in the den. When she walked in he had a rifle under his own chin and said he was going to blow his brains out. She begged him not to and went upstairs. She heard a blast and ran back, he blew a shot through the wall. Over the weekend she was in my state trying to secure a place to live, he thought she was here looking for a job. He called non-stop screaming he was going to blow her brains out when she got home. Isn't this insane. I think he is really dangerous but his male friend I think is gutless to stand up with me un going for help. I asked if you are in such fear for my safety then what you are saying is you beleive he is dangerous? I would call the child abuse hotline but she is already in process of escaping. I had also been told if any legal process starts in her state she can't take the children out of state until it goes through the system. She needs to run and run far from him. I have to trust she can gauge her and her childrens safety (hopefully going to the DV office in her town) until she's out. She has been dealing with this for 10 years she knows. Bottomline who has advice on the next step I should take because I am not sure.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2001

Answers

You might want to call the domestic violence hotline yourself. It might be a good idea for you to get a restraining order on him... it's very easy to do. Call a local domestic violence shelter and explain the situation to them.

You can only hope the best for your friend, but you do need to worry about your own safety. Do you want me to remove your name from your post and make it anonymous?

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2001


If she comes to your state and he follows her for the purpose of abuse, or possibly even calls her in your state, this then becomes a federal matter and she can go file a complaint with the F.B.I. rather than relying upon local resources which may or may not be all that good. There is a federal law against following a person to another state for the purpose of abuse and in such a case I believe she would be able to take the children as well. An abuser who can not get to their victim will often take the anger out on who or what is at hand, whether children, pets, or anything else.

-- Anonymous, May 06, 2003

Moderation questions? read the FAQ