Neighbors: What happened to being a good neighbor?

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What has happened to the concept of being a "good neighbor". Yesterday the person who lives behind me stopped by and informed me that he was taking down his fence to repair it. I have 4 horses in my pasture right now and this fence seperates the properties. No problem with a little warning but no, he was taking it down right then! I mentioned that it was awful short notice but his reply was "It's my fence, it's two feet onto my property and I'm taking it down now." I called the sheriff but of course all he could do was talk to the guy, legally it was his to do with as he wanted. I ended up getting hold of my friend and putting up a run of field fencing across the back, a temporary installation, to keep the horses in. Of course this was after they had gotten loose and into another pasture, running across barbed wire that had been taken down and left on the ground. I was so upset about this. There's someone here at the house all the time, 24 hrs notice would have solved a lot of problems. These are 2 1/2 acre lots...and the dividing fences keep everyone in their place. I am just leasing the land so I don't want to refence permanently. I've never had any run-ins with this man and just am shocked by his behavior. Is it just me? What's happened to being polite and using courtesy in dealing with your neighbors?

-- Deborah (bearwaoman@Yahoo.com), April 30, 2001

Answers

well,, it would have been nice for a longer notice. But, when was the last time you talked to the neighbor? Has it been awhile? Have you been "neighborly" ? Just a thought,, it take 2 to be neighbors

-- stan (sopal@net-port.com), April 30, 2001.

Well, when it is your fence it is your fence. Apparently this one wasn't. He didn't have to say anything to you. Be glad he did. When you count on a fence to keep your livestock, be sure it is yours. Then there is no question. Imagine yourself in the other's shoes....

-- Anne (HealthyTouch101@wildmail.com), April 30, 2001.

Sorry even if it is his fence there was no need to give a few mins notice .That was uncalled for .I would have given a week or two .But then again I try to think about others ,

-- Patty {NY State} (fodfarms@slic.com), April 30, 2001.

Well you can look on the bright side.....at least he is repairing the fence. If I'm not mistaken (at least in Tx) the owners of adjoining properties are supposed to split costs on maintaining all boundary fences. I have never ever had this happen. I used to ride fences on my family's large ranch in Tx and then I'd come back and repair any breaches in the fence. Our neighbors never once fixed or put up new fence. We had one neighbor that had a bull...no cows...just a bull. Every year he would tear down the fence to get at our cows. This was not a pretty bull but I must say he was quick! We'd spot him the first day he was in our pasture and have the neighbor come get him.....we still always had some ugly calves...like I said he was quick. Anyhow you are correct that common courtesy would demand that he give you a bit more notice especially since he knew you had livestock on it. I suspect there may be something else going on here. Maybe this man wanted to buy the place you were leasing and was refused. Maybe your dog irritates him....it could be any number of things.

-- Amanda in Mo (aseley@townsqr.com), April 30, 2001.

if the fence is 2 feet on his property,, then she is using 2 feet of pastuire for free,,

-- stan (sopal@net-port.com), April 30, 2001.


The old time way of dealin with these fence things goes back many years. The normal agreement, around here anyhow, was to split the cost of the fence, maybe one furnish the material and the other install it. Who knows what the agreement was with your neighbor as you've only heard one side. Even if he owned it totally common courtsey and friendship would warrent him tellin ya'll first about his intentions.

Just a few days ago I happened to remember a "devils fence" south east of my place. Drove by it on the way home from ole Jeeps house and in fact, took a picture of what remained. For all you young whippersnappers--a "devils fence" was actually 2 fences separated by 4 and sometimes as much as 6 feet. These were used when the property owners couldn't agree upon a dividing fence and therefore both built their own. Much easier and cheaper to get along with neighbors if at all possible. Matt.24:44

-- hoot (hoot@pcinetwork.com), May 01, 2001.


hoot, I am the same age as you and I never heard of that. Thanks, that explains to me what the fencing across the back of our land is. I never could figure out why the fence was like that and now I know. We have never met the guy that owns the property back there, some guy leases it. As the Amish say, good fences make good neighbors.

-- diane (gardiacaprines@yahoo.com), May 01, 2001.

Patty I agree about thinking about others. However, calling the sherrif to come and talk to me about my fence wouldn't be a neighborly thing to do either. I'm just reminding us that there may be more to this story.

-- Anne (HealthyTouch101@wildmail.com), May 01, 2001.

Deborah, since you are leasing this property, I hope that you will mention to the property owner, if you haven't already, about this little flap. I can't think of a reason why a man would deliberately put a fence three feet into his property, and so I am wondering two things. One, maybe he just said that to try to justify his lack of consideration, or two, perhaps there is a property line dispute going on which he is now taking upon himself to "rectify" without your landowner knowing this is going on? If the discrepancy does in fact exist, the landowner probably knows about it, if the guy just thought this up, it might be time for a new survey or something. I don't believe, as Stan seems to suggest, that the fence line was three feet in as a coutesy to you.

-- mary, texas (marylgarcia@aol.com), May 01, 2001.

Oy vey! It takes all kinds to make the world go around. I wonder if the man isn't angry that the fence is into his land. Also, he may not see you as a "neighbor" since you're leasing the land and don't own it. Also, my thoughts are that those are your horses, it is your responsibility to have fencing up that holds them. If it would have been me, I would have notified you, but, as I said, it takes all kinds.

-- Ardie from WI (a6203@hotmail.com), May 01, 2001.


Nope its not just you. Everyone has a neighbor like that... Of all the wonderful people I've been surrounded by, there is always that 'one' no matter where I go. Just fuels the desire to be out as far as possible on enough land that I don't have to deal with them!!

If any of your horses were hurt (please say they weren't!!), you can then go back to that same sheriff... He is legally bound to file a complaint and you are entitled to vet bills from that neighbor. He is required to remove the fencing and store it in a way that will not injure others or their property.

Sorry, but there isn't anything you can do about the neighbor other than contacting your landlord to see if he would fence the place for you. You might want to offer to put it up if he buys it....

-- Sue Diederich (willow666@rocketmail.com), May 01, 2001.


Is it possible that maybe your horses were damaging the fence in the first place? If that's the case, it may have made him angry enough to not give you notice. Not saying it was right either way but...Just an idea.

-- Dee (gdgtur@goes.com), May 01, 2001.

Treat others the way you want them to treat you .Anne my comment wasnt dirrect at you .It was in general .

-- Patty {NY State} (fodfarms@slic.com), May 01, 2001.

According to local law enforcement (who may be exagerating) most of my neighbors are part of the rural boom of the black tar heroin trade. Don't think I want to even personally verify that, let alone try and make friends with them. Not sure how to be a good neighbor to a county road full of addicts, other than leaving salable goods out on the road for them to pick up in case they develpo a "need" for quick cash!

-- Soni (thomkilroy@hotmail.com), May 02, 2001.

Thank all of you for your replies. This wasn't over boundaries or getting back at me for a perceived slight. The horses hadn't damaged the fence....that had been done by his horses over the past year. These four had been in the pasture less than a week and were quite content with were they were. And yes, it was his fence so he could do whatever he wanted with it. None of my horses were seriously injured, a few wire cuts on one gelding from running thru barbed wire he'd taken down. No, this is just a reflection of the loss of manners, a societal wide problem. I'd have gladly helped them replace the fence...if they had said something. That's the good neighborly thing to do. I've caught stray horses, in the middle of the night, and gotten them back to their owners....helped people who are stranded, etc. It's the right thing to do. My whole point was that he could have given me a 24 hr notice, he certainly had to have planned this ahead of time. It was simply rude, inconsiderate behavior, 'cause he could do it.

-- Deborah (bearwaoman@Yahoo.com), May 03, 2001.


Society in general seems to have become exceedingly self-centered and unkind. It seems the more we promote self-esteem, the less we have of others-esteem. We have a society now which is steeped in violence, as they are hypnotised by it daily in their living rooms on TV. How can we expect a class on "sensitivity" to undo what people meditate on for hours a day?

The world isnt getting any kinder. This run-in with your neighbors is only symptomatic of the larger problem. And the only way to change it is one heart at a time.

I had a neighbor like that once. They owned the lane which serviced our land as a right of way. They were not nice at all about our use of it. They watched our every move, and let us know when we didnt please them. We were NOT comfortable in that place, you can be sure! But before we moved from there, we had actually made friends out of those folks!

What happened as a turning point, was I began to lose hens. I suspected that their dogs were getting loose and killing them. I didnt have any proof, but I saw signs of it. Once, I caught their dog chasing a hen. I chased him back home. I didnt tell them about it, dont know why; just didnt feel it was the thing to do at the time. The hens werent that good of layers anyhow. Two weeks later, their little dog was let out to pee, and he made a beeline for our place, and went after a hen. He had hold of it, and was shaking it for all he was worth, when both I and the neighbor got to him. The hen was almost naked, but unhurt otherwise. lol

It was funny, how that neighbor was scared of me, as he caught his dog. I just grinned at him, and said, "I thought it was him lately. Thats ok, I know you try to keep him in." He absolutely didnt know how to act! Later, I took him some corn from the garden to show him I truely didnt hold ill-will. After that, we couldnt wish for better neighbors.

Jesus' words truely do work: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." The world would be a better place if we all did it His way.

-- daffodyllady (daffodyllady@yahoo.com), May 03, 2001.


Hi Deborah. I agree with those who believe there is more to this story, there may even be more than you know. What I am thinking of is called 'adverse posession'. Here in Minnesota, if a person uses someone else's land for 7 years it becomes his! "Using" usually means mowing it, fencing it, or grazing your animals on it. If the neighbor's fence was really 2 feet inside his property line, he could lose that land! Other states laws probably differ. Our township board has recently acquired 0.28 acres in exactly this way. Sandy

-- Sandy in MN (jpevans_56353@yahoo.com), May 03, 2001.

hi deborah, i agree with most of the comments on here about it just isnt right. nobody has to do anything but it is just the right thing to do to notify you that the fence is coming down even if you are a renter. you are in a bad position renting and owning horses and especially that the fencing is not yours. people might say and do things they normally wouldnt do to you if they know you are an owner and are not going to leave anytime soon. it is strange that he put the fence back 2 feet.???? there is something more to it than what is showing on the surface. actually HE could have it on your landlords property by 2 feet and has been made to move it and this is his way of getting back.

surely he knew for even a day that he had to get new fence and posts or notify someone to come out and do the work. actually it shows what he thinks of horses to just let them be turned loose. has he ever seen a horse that has been hit by a car, i have. its pretty sick. to be fair and be on the other side ( of the fence) you might have gone over to any neighbors that fenced your property and said "hey, how ya doing, im going to be getting some horses and i know this is your fence, if there is any kind of problem would you let me know and give him your phone number.

most of my neighbors havent been friendly to me since i moved here either. i have been bit by a neighbors dog while going to get my mail, almost bit by anothers akita on my property,my dog was bit by the new neighbors dog on my property that replaced the one whose dog bit me (while trying to break it up while blood was flying i was bit dont know by which dog)i know stupid of me 8-), my chickens have been completely wiped out by yet another neighbors dog. but the new neighbors are really nice people and we have the same vet i went over and told them my dog was bit and i was bit and i was concerned about rabies shots. they just had moved in and have since put up a fence and they wave and smile when they go by. people, there are just all brands and types. last but not least i agree with the one person go for as much property as you can afford. hope it works out better for you.

-- janice in indiana (marigold1gold@aol.com), May 06, 2001.


Boy, this is unreal. If someday, I decide to seperate my neighbor from myself, I will also put a fence two feet inside my property as to allow myself sufficient room to maintain "MY" fence without having to acquire permission from someone else!! I would say he is under no obligation to notify you at all. If you previously exchanged niceties every once in a while, I would expect you would have experienced a different outcome. If in fact you did and do act kindly, then I would guess this individual was PO'd about something. Who knows. I see the world as a place full of people going about their own business. Their concerns are their's and mine are mine. I don't expect anything from anyone, although I do not expect to reap worse than what I sow. I sow a lot of good and if it comes back so be it. If it doesn't......oh well.

-- Glenn (gj_usa1@yahoo.com), May 06, 2001.

Neighbors are interesting creatures. They require cultivation, nurturing, and frequent kind treatment. An old story:

A man flagged down a farmer who was plowing near a county road. He told the farmer that he was considering purchasing a farm in the neighborhood, and wondered what the local people were like. "Are they good neighbors", he asked the farmer? The farmer asked, "What were the neighbors like in your old neighborhood?" "We had good neighbors in our old neighborhood", the stranger replied. "Then you'll have good neighbors in this one", said the farmer.

I hope you can make amends with your neighbor. Maybe you could simply ask him what prompted his actions. In my area, if the fence is on his property, he can do anything he wants with it, but I think a little notice to allow you to get your horses in the barn would have been appropriate. He should have made sure that you knew that the fence was not a shared fence from the git-go. Good luck with your neighbor. Neighbors are wonderful creatures.

-- Paul (hoyt@egyptian.net), May 09, 2001.


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