Well, this is totally off of homesteading - but tough! I'm alone tonight, my kids are up north with their cousins and uncle. They're camping on an island on a flowage for opening day fishing. It's been tradition for us for over 20 yrs. Since my husband died, just can't get myself back up there. This is the third "opening day" he's been gone. Really stinks!! Been really hard for me this weekend!! I tried to busy myself with other family members who live close by, tending to the animals, trying to get the excitement to start the garden, etc. But in the back of my mind, I knew who was missing. Life sure can be hard at times! Oh I know I'll get past this one again. I somehow always do. I know Tom is with the Lord. But for the girls and I each new season brings another reminder he isn't with us anymore. For any of you "believers" out there, I sure could use an extra prayer right about now. I know the Lord is gonna bring him back with Him when He returns to meet us in the air but - in the mean time - gets mighty lonesome! Thanks for thinking of us!! I appreciate this forum and the many new friends.

-- Pat (mikulptrc@aol.com), May 06, 2001

Answers

Pat...I will pray that God surrounds you with his love. I'm glad you wrote in the forum, it's great to come hear and read what people have written. It makes you feel a part of this group. You can email me you want.

-- Joanne (ronandjo@sisna.com), May 07, 2001.

I understand what you mean, I lost my father when I was 8 and have lost more than one child, now when the memories come, I let myself feel them, and reach out to Jesus for comfort. He is always there.

-- Thumper (slrldr@aol.com), May 07, 2001.

Pat , sorry you are down .Try to remember the good .I am sure Tom is still with you .He would not want you to be so sad .Try to celebrate the life he had each day .He still lives in you and his children .Going it alone is a tough road , but you will be ok .You are one tough lady .

-- Patty {NY State} (fodfarms@slic.com), May 07, 2001.

Hi Pat,

It must be rough going thru all those feelings, I can't say I know how you feel, because I haven't been thru it, but it sounds like you loved your husband very much. The only thing we can take with us when the Lord calls us home is the love we leave behind, and it sounds like your Tom was a very good man. I quess what I'm thinking is we still here on earth can only hope and strive to leave as much love with others as your Tom did.

Steve and I have only been married 4 years, and we're both around 40ish, and he is just now really learning what it means to have that unconditional love, and I've tried very hard to show it to him in all that I do and say. But he has never expierenced it before in all his life, even from his family, and he has a hard time even believing that people can love like that. My parents are both with the Lord, and sometimes when I'm crying, I just want to see them so bad. They really were wonderful parents to me and taught me that love means everything in this world, nothing else really matters.

There is allot of comfort in knowing that Tom is with the Lord, and I'll send some extra prayers up for you and the kids and the rest of the family. I know the Lord is holding your hand thru this, just take one step at a time. I'll be thinking of you.

-- Cindy in KY (solidrockranch@msn.com), May 07, 2001.

Pat We will pray for you and your kids .I am not good at what to say to someone but I do know god listens to are prayers. Indiana Country Friend Jack Bunyard

-- Jack Bunyard (bunyard@cnz.com), May 07, 2001.

Pat, I hope that you can feel the prayers and love I am sending your way. Nothing can replace the "love of your life" but friends, family and most importantly the Lord can offer comfort. (and thankyou Ken and Dave for leaving this one alone.....this is so a part of what our "community" here should be about)

-- diane (gardiacaprines@yahoo.com), May 07, 2001.

Pat,

Our hearts and thoughts are with you. Always remember how fortunate you were to have had such a special relationship with your husband.

-- Bernd in NC (Bernd001@aol.com), May 07, 2001.

Pat,

It's hard to know the right words to say to someone who is experiencing something that you've never experienced yourself. I must say that losing my husband or children is my biggest fear in life. Still I know that God has only loaned them to me for awhile. I also know that God does NOT make mistakes. No matter how much we don't understand, no matter how lonely we get or how much pain we suffer, we must CONSTANTLY remind ourselves that God doesn't make mistakes. We may never understand the why's. But it isn't for us to question God. He knows what He is doing and we must trust Him. I lost my father to a terrible accident when I was only 11 years old. Yes, I still wonder what if.....? I still sometimes wonder why? But those questions are stilled by my Savior's comforting voice saying, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." While others can't possibly understand the anguish you are going through, God knows. He will ALWAYS be there to comfort you. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

-- Greenthumbelina (sck8107@aol.com), May 07, 2001.

Dear Pat, I sounds like you had a relationship with your husband that only some dream of having. You were very lucky indeed.

Although I have not lost my husband, it is also my greatest fear because we also have one of those wonderful relationships. When we were young we took it all for granted thinking we would be together on earth forever. We were busy with our careers, raising children, etc. Life and all those years just went so quickly! Now we are middle aged and reality is setting in. Let it be a lesson to those who are also so fortunate to never ever take it for granted. Cherish and nuture every moment you are together.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you, Pat. We will be praying for release from the lonliness and heartache. God Bless.

-- Karen (db0421@yahoo.com), May 07, 2001.

When I read Karen's response, I realised that Ann and I too have a special relationship, that I take for granted far too often.

Pat thank you for humbling me, in this round about way. When I become impatient or testy while working on projects with "the world's best helper", she'll only need to remind me to remember Pat and Tom.

Please try to make it to the opening next year. I haven't lost someone so close like you have, but I think you will feel better in the long run if you can make it up there.

Peace and grace be with you,

Rick

-- Rick K (rick_122@hotmail.com), May 07, 2001.

Thanks for all the comforting and caring words. I really appreciate them!!

-- Pat (mikulptrc@aol.com), May 07, 2001.

Close to 30 years ago, my youngest brother died instantly in a construction accident at age 24. I was 12 years older and his only sister, so I took a lot of care of him when he was a baby. We never did really "outgrow" the closeness. For a long time after he died, I would sometimes suddenly get homesick for him. It would be such a heavy feeling, then I would realize that I only had to ask Jesus to carry the burden because it was too heavy for me. The heaviness would lift almost instantly. I will never forget Frank and still think of him often, but am less homesick for him. One of these days, I'm gonna see him again. He was a real believer in Jesus as I am. What a comfort to know that we believers will be reunited for eternity but best of all will finally see Jesus face to Face! Take comfort that you know where your husband is and where you are going!

-- ruth in s.e.Illinois (bobtravous@email.com), May 07, 2001.

Hello Pat,,I can say I have experienced similar feelings,,there is just no pain like it. And it never goes away..always lurking in the background..Taking one day at a time has helped me,,and focusing on the wonderful memories, smiles, hugs, fun, special times. Isn't it wonderful that prayer is open to us at all times. A great comfort. We don't have the same faith, but the comfort offered in God's word is for all of us. Take care and rejoice in your girls, a special gift. John 5: 28,29,,,,Patsy

-- Patsy, MT (cozyhollow-gal@care2.com), May 10, 2001.

You have my heartfelt love and sympathy, Pat. Twelve years ago I lost my father to Parkinson's Disease. I thought the wound in my heart would never heal. But time and the tender hand of God does heal and He has taught me that nothing, even grief is for naught. If we let Him He will take this sorrow and turn it into something wonderful for nothing is without a purpose. It may take time, perhaps years, but you will eventually understand His purpose in the path He has laid. God bless.

-- Sandra Nelson (Magin@starband.net), May 13, 2001.