Mike Mule was having a bad time with flies, horse flies, and gnats. He let me shoo the flies away, but they just resettled on his opposite side. The horse flies left bleeding cuts on the poor fellow.

What to do? I had a shaker of powered garlic. Garlic powder will help repel flies -- at least on the area where the powder sticks. Mike Mule was hot and sweaty, so the powder had a good chance of sticking.

So out I went to defend the mule. Mike Mule always comes to me when he sees me, and this day was no exception. He was interested in the garlic powder shaker. Was it a snack? No, I told him, it was fly repellent. I slowly took the lid off of the shaker and held it out to him. He didn't care for the smell. I slowly eased the shaker closer to his back and gave it a t-i-n-y shake.

Mike Mule exploded. He teleported from his position near me to a position thirty feet away. He screamed. He pawed the earth with his front hooves. He stamped with his back hooves. He snapped his teeth.

I waited for him to get tired. When he calmed down, I told him to come back here and get it over with. Mike Mule slowly plodded back over to me and stood rock still while I shook garlic powder all over his back.

The flies left him alone after that. He's still wearing the powder two days later. And he and I proved that he understands plain English.

-- helen (nope@nope.nope), June 26, 2001

Answers

ROTFLMAO!! I had this vision (you are a WONDERFUL writer; you illustrate things PERFECTLY) of this really cute, but miserable, mule LEAPING in an instant.

It's quite a picture in my mind; had to be even better IRL.

Poor Mike :-) (But at least it works.)

-- (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), June 26, 2001.

Poor Mike! If he had open cuts, I wonder if the garlic powder burned when you first applied it?

Helen, you ARE a great writer! :-)

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), June 27, 2001.

From the reaction Helen described, that's what I thought. That can't be "soothing". Ouch.

Hey, but at least it works. That has to feel better than all those stupid flies.

-- (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), June 27, 2001.

Gosh, I never thought about it burning his cuts! But on the other hand, I think he teleported out from under the 3 flakes I shook on him before they ever touched his hide. He has gotten sour tempered to match his smell, though, so maybe I'd better give him a bath. Oh, the horror of it all. I don't have bath toys big enough for him to grip.

-- helen (mule@high.noon), June 27, 2001.

Helen, if you have one of those Dollar-Type Stores near you, go to the "beach toys/pool toys" section. I'm sure they'll have something appropriate(ly large) for Mike.

(Try to stay away from the inflatable ones. I shudder at the distance of teleportation should he burst one of them. You may have to phone in an APB to the next county.)

-- (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), June 29, 2001.

I've heard of inflatable dolls....but I've never tried to herd inflatable mules.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 29, 2001.

Mike "Who ME?" Mule was a perfect gentleman after spending a day in timeout in his playpen. This morning we were enjoy our normal morning preambulation, conversing about nothing in particular, when a jerk in a passing vehicle threw a firecracker out the window.

Yup, his problem is fireworks.

-- helen (a@b.ccc), June 29, 2001.

Dear Mike.....( and Helen),

Robert Cook is on vacation to San Antonio next week...he will continue his punny business when I (oops, he) returns.

This is an official note from his current-in-mother-in-law's oldest daughter, where he will be staying for his current-youngest-sister's- in-law's wedding to his nearest-future-brother-in-law, unless he doesn't go on vacation next week.

(In which case this is a note from his future widow.) ......

Signed,

She Who Must Be Obeyed.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), June 29, 2001.

Wow! A note from She Who Must Be Obeyed in person! Robert wasn't making it up!

-- helen (in@w.e), June 29, 2001.

Welcome, She Who Must Be Obeyed. J

Did Robert really stand on a platform in town and admit he was wrong about Y2K? (We were all wrong, too, but we weren't so, um, bold when admitting it.) LOL

Vacation in San Antonio? You'll be in my neck of the woods. Going to Fiesta, Texas? (Don't ride the Poltergeist Roller Coaster!) Sea World? River Walk? I hope you're ready for the heat! At least the mosquitoes shouldn't be as bad there as they are in Houston since the flood. Have fun, and feel free to post anytime.

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), June 29, 2001.