I am a non-Catholic man who married, divorced, then married a Catholic woman. We have been married for almost 10 years and have been trying to APPLY for an anullment for about the last 5 years.

I say "trying to APPLY" because in the first parish I submitted my paperwork to, the priest spent almost two years claiming the paperwork had been submitted, then that it had been lost, then had been submitted, etc etc.

I finally contacted the Diocese and they suggested we try another parish, which we did.

The priest in this parish claims there are EIGHT of us in the parish filing for anullments and he hasn't had time to write the necessary letters for any of us...yet...

So far it has been over a year....

I am wondering at this point if I have not followed the correct protocol. Is it customary to....um...grease the skids a little? Should I have presented the priest with a check? The Diocese says this is not necessary, but I'm wondering if perhaps there is an upspoken rule...

Both of the priests I've worked with agreed that I probably have a good case for an anullment, yet neither has shown any interest in helping.

Any advice would be appreciated!

Chris

-- Christopher Thomas (kickaha@workmail.com), July 14, 2001

Answers

Response to Protocol for Anullments

Jmj

Chris T.,
Sorry to hear that this has happened to you, especially because you have done all the right things.

Going by what you have told us, without benefit of hearing from either priest, it seems as though the first priest really messed up badly and that the second priest needs to put in a much better effort. I have never heard of this kind of thing happening. You may be living in a diocese that is in deep trouble, due to a shortage of priests.

I would recommend that your wife remind her pastor that you have a GRAVE need for this matter to be resolved as soon as possible. Please excuse me, Chris, but I have to be totally frank, so that you understand how serious this is. Unless you and your wife are living "as brother and sister" (i.e., temporarily celibate), the fact is that -- objectively speaking -- you are in an adulterous, mortally sinful relationship. The priest knows this, and he should therefore desire to move heaven and earth, putting in extra hours if necessary, to help you and the other couples to resolve these problems, so that you can return to a state of sanctifying grace (making it possible for your wife to receive Sacraments). If the priest keeps procrastinating, the number of couples is just going to rise and rise, making the situation even worse.

No, please do not "bribe" the priest. That is neither required nor appropriate. When the case has been filed or resolved, the priest will request the diocese's customary donation. If you cannot afford it, you don't have to pay. The amount requested is usually a "pittance" -- not even covering all the expenses -- considering the number of hours that various people will be devoting to handling the case.

St. James, pray for us.
God bless you.
John

-- (jgecik@desc.dla.mil), July 14, 2001.

Response to Protocol for Anullments

I hate to say this, but yes, you probably need to encourage more cooperation from the pastor by supplying some money. Do not consider it a bribe, but rather a means of rewarding him for the time he spends on your anullment.

My sister-in-law waited a year on her pastor for her fiance's anullment request without much luck. Then she offered some money and almost immediately the request was forwarded to the diocesan office.

-- Glenn (glennsmith@excite.com), July 16, 2001.

Response to Protocol for Anullments

This sint a reply actually. But I am very concerned abt something. My husband has recieved anullment witness papers from a old friend. He cant fill out those papers for this friend as the friend wishes. The man wants a lie obviously. Neither of us are Catholic. But this bothers me just the same. I dont think my husband sees the seriousness of his answer. That bothers me on several levels. But. This man who wants to get the anullment has been divorced from this lady a long time.And has even a 2nd divorce behind him but he says it wasnt a Catholic wedding so it doesnt count. Is that true? Should my husband just refuse to fill this out and send it back? Instead of filling it out truthfully?

-- Lisa Stubblefield (RACHLISA@BELLSOUTH.NET), April 06, 2002.

Response to Protocol for Anullments

Mr. Smith, I beg your pardon! :-)

David S

-- David (asdzxc8176@aol.com), April 06, 2002.

Response to Protocol for Anullments

Hello, Lisa.
I think that it is very noble of you, especially not even being a Catholic, to take the time to look into this.

The following is my opinion, which is not authoritative:
If your husband has factual information that may be relevant for the tribunal's solemn work of determining whether or not a valid marriage existed, then he should act as a witness and provide the testimony. This is in service to the truth. But he should do this only if he can speak with moral certitude, as if he were on a witness stand in court. If he is not sure, or if his memory is cloudy after the passage of years, it might be better for him not to get involved. And there is nothing to prevent him from phoning the diocesan tribunal to get better advice than I can offer.

God bless you.
John

-- (jfgecik@hotmail.com), April 07, 2002.

Response to Protocol for Anullments

I do not know the answer but my Daughter is going thru this problem now, she is a catholic was married to a non catholic for 17 yrs in a non catholic church now his new wife wants him to anull their marriage so they can marry in a catholic church [she is catholic]to my way of thinking I don't think they need to do that to be able to marry in acatholic church am I right?

-- Trine Daniel (Danielbt@ev1.net), February 24, 2003.