Okay, I thought that maybe it would be time to inject a little humor into the proceedings of late. A friend of mine sent this to me. She sends me lots of 'southern trailer' humourous e-mails, since, as you might guess, she lives in the south and in a trailer... And since we're so much in touch with our cosmic selves, it seemed like a good way to consolidate that with our down-to-earth roots.

SOUTHERN SIGNS

What's your "Southern Sign"? Some of us (especially Southerners) are pretty skeptical of horoscopes, and it has become obvious that what we need are "Southern" symbols:

OKRA (Dec 22- Jan 20)
Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies. Can you say "Okry"?

CHITLINS (Jan 21-Feb 19)
Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okry.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20-Mar 21)
You have an overwhelming curiosity. You are not satisfied with the surface of things and you feel the need to bore into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven, as if you had some inner hunger. No one in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it. Think of beautiful nights and Moon Pie.

MOON PIE (March 21- April 21)
You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Or---maybe not. You are beautiful as you are.

POSSUM (April 21-May 21) When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you are dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work and you may find your problems actually running you over.

CRAWFISH (May 22-June21)
Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend to be not particularly attractive physically but you have a very, very good head.....for a crawdad. Think about how good it is to have green blood.

COLLARDS (June 22-July 23) Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. as far as your personal life goes, if you are a Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH (July 24-Aug 23)
Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies. Catfish be's cool.

GRITS (Aug 24-Sept 23)
Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel, though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24-Oct 23)
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best--your friends and loved ones-- may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are already much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because, in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN (Oct24-Nov 22)
Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies. ESPECIALLY MY MOON PIE.

ARMADILLO (Nov 23-Dec 21)
You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another, if somewhat kinky, mating possibility. You are crazy for Moon Pie. Let it go.

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The strange part is that mine doesn't seem all that inaccurate...and I be's cool.

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2001

Answers

I's a cool catfish myself!

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2001

I quess I must be slick as boiled okra, Now that's slick. Sherry

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2001

Too, Too funny! Thank you! Well rounded Moon pie here. I am beautiful as I am. Yep,sure enuff.

Do I get to moon people too? Huh? huh? Gotta print this off for my friends.

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2001

I am a moon pie an I like em, 'specilly with a R C Cola and my puter room and horticulture lab is on the enclosed sun PORCH and Lynn is always reminding me how lucky I am she said yes :>)

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2001

Icky icky Crawfish here. Ick. And, ahem.....not particularly attractive physically.............but I CAN swim like a dolphin.

And I am married to an Armadillo......prehistoric in his behavior patterns, and Polly can vouch for that!

Wasn't there any cute animals?

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2001

Grits here, married to collards...........mine seems right on but Sherri will have to me the judge of the collard man when she comes. Doesn't seem to quite fit him These are really cute, I too will have to print them off.

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2001

Cindy, you're not saying that you think you REALLY aren't attractive, are you? Going strictly by your picture, I think you're very attractive. You also look like you could be related to my sister-in- law. Hmmmmm.

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2001

That's what it said about the Crawfish, Joy. Your's said you have wiskers!

-- Anonymous, July 15, 2001

Shush! No one has noticed so far!

-- Anonymous, July 15, 2001

I'm a butter bean...OK, what's a butter bean?

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

Hah!! I know the answer to that one! (Since Diane and Sharon clued me in...) It's a baby lima bean!

I'm grits and Hubby is armadillo - really amazing at how right those descriptions are for us!!!

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

This is so funny! Armadillo is actually a very good description of me but I'm not married to another Armadillo - he's a Butter Bean and what an accurate description of him too.

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

I just got around to reading this, Hm I'm one of them weevels. I do seem to want to drill into the middle of things , don't I ! Yah, that's right I"m not satisfied with the surface of things! YAh,no sane person would ever marry me, I married three crazy guys.! My Jimmy's a good crazy tho. Third one's a charm! Actually he is a Gem, sounds just like Jim , and all. grin Tren

-- Anonymous, July 20, 2001