O.K. I have some really great neighbors, they might not understand me nor agree with me, but they are friendly without being too friendly. But there is this one lady and she happens to live behind me,and is the closest to us,who absolutely snobs me.

There used to be a sweet little lady who lived there , then they moved and these guys moved in, they are a childless couple, about our ages. When they moved in I went out of my way to welcome them to the neighborhood, I took her a bouquet of flowers, and told her if there was anything that she needed to just hollor, well she just frowned at me and it has been that way ever since.

One morning about a week after they had moved in I was out in our back yard, when I looked up and saw her standing between our yards, looking over our gardens with her hands on her hips, when she saw me, I was ready with a smile and a wave but she just turned around and walked off real fast as if she was embarrased that she had gotton caught. Any time that I happen to be out there and she is around she just ignores me and acts like I am not there. And when they drive by in their car they either just look and frown, or stare straight ahead. Now, I don't know maybe it's because they don't like our dog, our chickens and our general full landscape, for they have the typical plain, ride mower two acres, I'm sure she doesn't understand our jungle. But Why does she have to act like that! We arn't dirty or anything! Maybe messy at times. But Gee Whiz!

You know I try not to let it bug me and just let it slide , I have tried sending very loving thoughts her way, tried to think about and appreciate that they are not noisy nor disturbing neighbors and to be thankful for that. I have tried thinking that not everybody grew up in small friendly towns like I did, and thought that maybe she never learned how to be friendly, maybe she had a tough childhood,but then it will happen to me again, like yesterday I was out mowing in the back and she was out on her property beside us, I kept looking up ready to smile and wave and she just turned her back and huffed off like she was mad that i was there. Now, I couldn't help it, I did a very childish thing , I actually stuck out my tongue and put my thumb in my ear and gave the little swish swish with my fingers, to her retreating back. Can you believe I did that! She makes me so mad! Why does she hate me! She doesn't even know me! Funny thing is that she will be real friendly to my little Lea when she gets a chance. I tell ya! Why does anybody want to be that way???? How do I get over this?

I will appreciate your thoughts on this. Tren

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

Answers

Tren, I didn't know that I was your neighbor! I have to confess, I act the exact same way with my neighbors. I'll even look out the front door to make sure no one is out before I go out to the mailbox. She probably doesn't hate you at all, she's just very shy. Especially since she is nice to your daughter. We had to put up a privacy fence because I was afraid to go into the back yard if anyone else was outside. I'm trying to do better, I can at least say Hi to them if they say Hi first but I still run back inside as soon as I can.

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

Hi, Tren,

There could be any number of reasons your neighbor is acting this way. Maybe, as the previous poster mentioned she is shy. Or maybe she's just not a people person or maybe she's jealous of your "jungle" or maybe she's just a nasty person. Hopefully, you'll not take it too personally which is hard to do I know.

We had a neighbor (who thankfully has moved) who acted much the same way. One weekend, DH & I were doing some yard work and a small strip of her yard was adjacent to ours. In fact, it looked like it was part of our yard. It was grossly overgrown with lots of trash, etc. Thinking of how pleased she would be to have it cleaned up and what good neighbors we were, we cleaned, trimmed, mowed and pruned one whole weekend (she was away). After it was all done, we admired our handiwork and nearly broke our arms patting ourselves on the back. A few weeks later, we got a letter from her attorney saying she was sueing us for trespassing and DESTROYING her property. I got spitting mad and wrote a 5 page letter to the attorney outlining all the crap we'd put up with from her and what an ungrateful witch she was, etc. Fortunately, DH didn't allow me to mail it and instead wrote a very unemotional letter explaining what we had done, etc. We never heard another word from her or her attorney but we also never touched that strip of land again! Some people just don't make good neighbors.

My suggestion is to feel sorry for anyone with that kind of attitude and just remember that your neighbors here on the forum love you.

Wishing you enough.

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

Let's see...be glad she is nice to your daughter. Be glad she's not a sneak thief. Be glad she doesn't prowl around on all the neighbor's properties at night trying to agitate. Be glad you do not live next door to Renee and her neighbor or in my neighborhood. I'd be thrilled to death to have a neighbor who just ignored me. But I'm a hermit, anyway.

Count your blessings. Put a flower on her mailbox from time to time. Drop off some veggies now and again. Melt the ice cube, over time.

Sorry to not be more supportive,but from my perspective,you got it made in the shade(if the tree don't fall).

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

Trendle, please rest assured that it isn't you. I'm certain of it! My guess would be that somehow what you are doing on your property makes her feel somehow deficient. Maybe because you seem happy and have a happy family. I bet she really loves what you are doing but doesn't feel able to do it herself. Maybe fear of not being able to do it as well, you know fear of failure. So then it would just be easier to be mad at you or tell herself it's not important or to just ignore you and just plain feel hateful. Because then she doesn't have to pay attention to what she perceives as being deficient in her own life or psyche. So in other words, you point out what she feels she is lacking herself and wishes she has. maybe you could ask her to do a project with you that where she could learn something new and have something to take back with her. What's the worst that could happen? sShe might say no! That wouldn't make it any worse than it is now. But she might say yes! Maybe some canning or something as long as you don't can poor Lea like in the dream. Then she'd be really horrified of you!

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

Oh my gosh, Tren, you got yuppies for neighbors now!!! But at least she is kind to Lea, so she must be alright inside, she just dosn't know how to act around folks who are DIFFERENT than her, she should get a bit kinder in time, given a chance.

She doen't hate you, remember, she is a yuppie, and doesn't know how to act around country folk YET, she will learn. In the city and suburbs it is considered POLITE to ignore your neighbors.

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

Actually she could be emotionally challenged and only feels comfortable with children. Perhaps you could send her little things via Lea, like a little veggies etc. The world is full of people that we will not understand and I work hard at sending them love and not taking it personally. Sure isn't easy.

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

Heres where patience comes in. I give people 5 years before I kiss them off as jerks. All thats needed is that I don't react to the negativity. Make it a game but never hate back. I think some people are more comfortable with hate first to keep people away.

As for making her like you forget it. Your job is not to change people its only to try not to hate back.

Of course if they are destructive then forget what I said!! Ha! Fight back!!....Luv...Kirk

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

I give people 5 years before I kiss them off as jerks.

Five years?!?!?!?!

Good Lord man, you should be nominated for sainthood!

I should take a lesson from you, Kirk... five minutes is about all I'm good for lately - then it's "off with their heads!" LOL! ;-)

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

You know, Trendle, here is something you might try. Some time during the daylight, when you're the only one home, and you're pretty sure she's the only one home, see if you can find something to do that's not too difficult, but is much more difficult to do alone than it would be with two people. Maybe you only have one vehicle, and that one has a dead battery, and you really need to use it to go into town or something like that. Something that would take a little more time would be even better. Maybe putting bird netting over a largeish fruit tree. Then go over to your neighbor's house and very apologetically ask for some help. Offer to pay for her help. I'm guessing she will help you. If she refuses money, which I think is more than likely, be sure to give her something else - produce, fresh bread, etc. Sometimes all it takes is an unaviodable excuse for one- on-one contact for a few minutes to break that thick, thick ice.

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

Set up a table and chairs out in the garden and put on some floppy hats and beads and send Lea to invite the neighbor to a tea party.

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

Gosh SHERRi, are you really that shy? I guess I am not as openminded as I thought I was, maybe it is I who needs to see and accept the differences.

Trevilians, telling me that my neighbors on this forum love me, that was so nice! Thanks for the lift! Sorry about that terrible neighbor that you had! Glad that she moved!

Sharon, you have no sympathy at all! Can I send her to live next to you? Well OK , sometimes the truth is tough, tough love, huh Sharon,I know that I should count my blessings, I know that! I am really searching inside of myself and trying to figure out why her snobbing me makes me so angry, I'm sure that it shouldn't.

Thanks Denise, for saying that it isn't me!

Annie , yep you are probably right. I think that they did live in the city before they moved here. So, maybe she thinks that I have been very rude by not ignoring her! Oh dear! What a world!

Dianne, thanks for understanding that not taking it personally isn't easy!

Kirk, You point out a very important thing and what scares me, I don't want to get angry about this, and I know that isn't the right thing to do.

Jim Thank you for making me laugh with your response to Kirks reply. I enjoyed that!

Laura, very interesting idea, but don't know if I have the guts!

Polly, What a beautiful idea, wish that I had you for a neighbor!

thanks everybody, thanks for being there. Love TRen

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

I don't know that I have much to contribute in way of solution, but I do have a long-time friend (geez, I think it's like 22 years now?) who has got some real mental/social problems that sound sort of similar to what may be going on with the one neighbor. Severely shy is part of it (I don't think she has allowed anyone to take her picture since highschool), but she has gone through some really weird manic-depressive episodes over the years that can leave you puzzled or tearing your hair out. Irrational fear of cherries was one of them. On top of it, she has some kind of eating disorder and very nearly starved herself at one point (but it's not anorexia) -- ate a mayonnaise on white bread sandwich every third day or so, and consumed nothing else but lukewarm & flat Mountain Dew the rest of the time. A diet like THAT alone would make me pretty squirrelly.

She's gotten better over the years, but whenever I talk to her, it's always Medication of The Day -- she's been on some pretty heavy-duty ones. She has chronic pain and just had a nerve block done, plus they changed her antidepressants, so I'm never really sure what she's going to be like when I talk to her.

She'd definitely do something like turn around and walk away from a new person, and she too was famous for making sure no one was around when she'd go out to the mailbox (and they lived in a little farm town with something like 46 people and 2,000 cows!), especially their neighbors (but their neighbors were no prizes, so that's not all that astounding).

It could be that your neighbor too has troubles like my friend...say, you don't live somewhere in rural Wisconsin do you? If you lived next door to my friend, then *I* could introduce you!!

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

Wow, I've only got one neighbor, and he's mostly gone all the time. I could run around the farm dressed as a hula dancer and no one would ever see me! And even if he did see me, he's just get a good chuckle going!

He doesn't even drink coffee, but he bought some just in case I need to "go nextdoor" to borrow some because I gave him such a hard time about not having any once! For real.

He dosen't eat eggs, no milk either, but he did take some ham and sausage when we had it. I'm sure he'll like the beef when it comes. He likes all the stuff from the garden.

He's a cop, and a couple times he's screamed all the way up this half mile gravel road at full blast in his BIG cruiser, throwing dust, and I didn't know what the blue blazes was going on! Most of the time he drives a regular car. He hides his car in the barn so I never know if he is really home or not. I know he does it just to get me cause he's smiling when he waves!

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

Maybe hubby was the one who wanted to move there and she didn't. Maybe they both wanted it, but now they're having other troubles. Maybe she thought she wanted the place, but now she doesn't and doesn't want to tell hubby because she worked so hard to get him there. Lots of maybe's. And some people are just weird. I know Julie's friend -- she CAN be very strange. Her sister is worse though.

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

An irrational fear of cherries? I like that one............

Trendle dear, do you have this problem with anyone who you think doesnt like you? Do you want everyone to love ya? Or is she stickin in your craw cuz shes next door?

If you're fightin the ol demon 'taking things personally' again, even though you know intellectually that its not constructive, maybe its time to review the chapter on 'never take anything personally' in Don Miguel Ruiz' THE FOUR AGREEMENTS? (very essential book to anyone's library, imo.)

I think stickin tonques out and suchlike (behind closed doors!) can be very constructive sometimes; relieves a little pressure and maybe you can crack yourself up cuz you feel so silly).

Great suggestions folks.......

Now as for you Sherri, goodness gosh...are you scared of people in general or just at home? What about at work? You were very brave to admit how shy you are; I find this intriguing, and I woulda never guess it of you!

And yes, we do love ya here, all of ya, just like you are.

Blessings,

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

Poor Sherri, before everyone thinks you absolutely must be agoraphobic or downright nuts or something, I have to admit, more than once too, that sometimes I have "pretended" to not be home when someone shows up unannounced in our driveway, if I didn't feel like being "social" right then for whatever reason! Of course, it helps if you have a huge barking-like-he-is-going-to-tear-your-leg-off German Shepard roaming lose about the farm to properly complete the effect! And, I too, keep my little Toyota pickup up in the bank barn out of sight, so no one can tell we're home or not by just looking in the driveway.

But, you all got to be a little this way, or you wouldn't be living out here in the boondocks in the FIRST PLACE, would you???

Boondockers tend to be a might anti-social, at times, I guess, as a whole!

I KNEW she was a yuppie, thanks for tell us more, Tren!

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

I'm late to offer my pearls here but I will anyway.

My guess is the person is not from the country where people kinda rely on one another. I liked the idea of using Leah as a bridge, you know, sending some garden veggies over with her, stuff like that. Breaking the ice sometimes takes time and sometimes it never happens. Also, good advice to not take it personally. Ya never really know whats on someone elses plate emotionally and if you're being harmless to them then the problem is obviously theirs, not yours.

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

I am with Jim 5 min. and I know if I like you or not.I veiw neighbors alittle different because of all the problems here so my opion is live and let live.Be friendly but do not push it she will come around if she wants.

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2001

Well thanks everyone, guess you are opening up mine eyes a bit. Maybe I scared her, maybe she just wants left alone and she was afraid that I was going to be over asking to borrow sugur every day or something! Gee Whiz, didn't realize that so many people are this way. Guess I am probably way too friendly, makes me want to cry! Give me back my small town!

Earth Mama, Oh! I love your insights! Yes, I want to leap over this hurdle, I don't want to waste energy being mad at her for her attitude towards me. But how do I stop, how do I get my mind to stop saying" Oh there goes her fat ass" everytime I see her running away from me. I don't know if it bothers me so much because she doesn't like me, or the fact that she is so rude about it. I smile and acknowlege people I don't like, so why does she think she can get away with it! Another book I need to read , huh, oh well I have so much work to do on myself, it's like my messy house, I don't know where nor how to start. I am really trying to think if I get upset everytime somebody doesn't like me. What does it mean if that is true? It seems with me that people either hate me or they love me, doesn't seem to be an in-between. I really think it is just the rudeness that I hate. Man! And here I have always been so proud of being unjudgemental. I can be unjudgementel of drunks, druggies, poor people, rich people and a whole slew of people, but my golly I am judgemental of rude people. I think that it sould be against the law to be rude! O.K. I really need to work on myself!

O.K. all you sweet people who had ideas about melting the ice, well you know I don't think I even want to try. I think that she has made it pretty clear that she doesn't want any thing to do with me. Maybe I should give you a few examples. O.K. for some reason that I don't understand, they have this whole big lawn of 3 acres or so, and most of it is seperated from us by a big stand of spruce trees, except for one little part that is down by our vegetable garden, well guess where she put in a small vegetable garden, makes no sence to me, why she did that if she wants left alone. Well one day I was out there working and she came along and asked me what I was doing, I told her that I was harvesting Motherwort for tinctures,and noticed that she had tomatoe plants in her arms, oh great your gonna plant tomatoes, maybe we can have a first tomatoe contest. Oops wrong thing to say! She mutters something about she is gonna put up a big fence then, and walks away! Oh dear! Then one time she was confused about pruning lilacs and she was talking to me about if you do it in the spring or the fall. Well I told her that I didn't think Lilacs need ed pruned at all. " Well you are just a real live and let live arnt you" she says and walks off. Thats about been the extent of our conversation and now I get the cold shoulder.

I appreciate you guys, for letting me blobe about this, for your ideas and insights, and for maybe getting me to see a different perspective, if it will sink into my think brain that is!

I know that there are problems MUCh bigger then this, and that I have lots of blessings to count. But maybe by talking about this it will help me grow and evolve , so's that this kind of thing won't sap my energy any more.

Love ya all TRen

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2001

Ha Ha, that was soppose to be thick brain instead of think brain. ! Ha! I hope I have a think brain! Tren

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2001

I have an irrational fear of balloons, and my friend Karen has an irrational fear of Jello, especially lime Jello. She says that it's just not natural for food to be able to move on it's own. Of course, she's from Kentucky and you know how folks are down there! ;-)

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2001

Hmm..interesting.......sounds from your interactions with her that she may very well be envious of you and intimidated by your expertise in areas she feels inadequate. Might also be competetive by nature, and instead of choosing to utilize your experience as a learning tool openly, she reacts as a child might, by berating you and playing games.

If I am right, it doesnt mean she's a bad person, just has self- esteem issues about her competence, and hasn't learned how to recognize and address them. I'd say there's hope there, but please remember none of this is because of anything YOU are doing wrong. It's because of her own pain.

Love will probably overcome eventually, but it will take lotsa time. A gardening competition probably wouldnt help! :)

I'd say keep doing what you're doing; being friendly, but not intrusive. A good rule always: unsolicited advice is rarely appreciated! Hopefully when she comes to trust you, and feels she will not feel too foolish around you, she will try conversation again.

My sister is kinda like this. I'm sure you've all experienced something similar. Whenever a 'homesteading' type subject comes up, like canning/freezing, gardening, really anything domestic, she gets kinda snotty and sarcastic. She's pretty much leads a stereotypical yuppie lifestyle (and I dont believe in berating yuppies, we are all on our own journey), and I think she's jealous of all the skills I have obtained over the years, so she acts dismissive of their value. She even hates Martha Stewart! heehee

Bottom line, Trennie, she's very likely JUST JEALOUS OF YOU!!

Try to find the humor in this......when she acts silly, it really can be funny!

Maybe kid gloves are in order......you'll be fine......you have way too much love in you for it not to work eventually! But remember, if you dont manage to get through that shell of hers:

EVERYTHING HAPPENS AS IT SHOULD!!

Happy Tuesday!

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2001

Hi Tren,

I hope I'm going to be able to say this right without making you feel worse. I'm guessing you might feel the same way I do about people who don't like me. I can't help but feel like they SHOULD like me because I've very LIKEABLE!! I'm friendly and nice and very polite so what's wrong with me that she doesn't like me. As nice as I am it really hurts my feelings when someone doesn't like me. (I'm not spoofing you; I really am likeable and nice.) Does this make any sense?

Hang in there because I really like you and I don't even know you!

Wishing you enough.

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2001

Hey Cindy,saddle up.Them Hoosier Hicks are dissing us hillbillies again. We're heading out to Bloomington(I think that's where Sherri lives.) Bring that garbage can shield and tin foil armor.I have an old satalite dish here and my Kevlar suit that is left over from CS is around somewhere. Bring Steve. He should know how to feud.Serbs are always up for a fight,so I'll bring Nick. I think we can take her and Kevin. Bring lots of balloons,too. In animal shapes. That should scare her into submission. Oh and some clowns,just in case she calls on julie for help. Our local politicians should fit that bill nicely.Won't even have to slap a red nose on them,since there're all total drunks anyway!

Let me know your departure schedule.

Well at least it isn't those really bothersome Ohioans mouthing off.Or worse yet,snowbirds from Michigan and Wisconsin.:oD

Man are there ever a bunch of amateur psychoterrorists here? Good Golly,Miss Molly,sure is alot of speculation and supposition based on little info. Maybe she just plain old doesn't like you and your messy house and wild yard.And that really is her problem,not yours. Let it go.

Now if you do have a messy house and wild and free yard, then I like you! So,there! Tough,love. You're stuck with me. Heeheehee

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2001

Well, I guess that it'll be a long haul with that neighbor of yours. I had minor trouble for years with the neighbor who didn't like the way my horses smelled, or the flies that were attracted (they put up one of those BIG Bug-zappers, you know, the ones that only kill beneficial insects?). Didn't like the manure heap out back that their dog liked to lie on because it was nice and cozy warm. Didn't like the horses making ANY noise right near their bedroom window (hey, horses were here first!).

As far as lawn care went, she was out with a fork practically, down on hands and knees picking out every smidge of dandelion in existance, and he was out spreading tons of Scott's Weed And Feed all over the lawn. I tried to give advice on what kind of flowers would survive the northern winters, but no, she wanted to put in big showy things where they had NO chance of survival. Next spring, it'd all be dead.

The hard part was that it was my brother and sister-in-law.

They've moved away now. (I don't know WHY, the horses moved out years ago...)

Now, if you can't even figure out the people that you were raised with, what are the chances that you're ever going to figure out this neighbor? Maybe a big fence IS the answer after all. (hey then you can dance around the back yard in your underwear doing the hula, if you want!!!)

On the other hand, I've been in therapy now to deal with my fear of clowns (so that won't work Sharon! So there!!). But I don't think that Fear of Lime Jello is unreasonable at all!!! That makes perfect sense to me. (my mom used to make it with gingerale and put oranges in it...bleah.)

P.s. the proper slur for folks from Wisconsin is Cheesehead. Unless they're from Milwaukee, then you can call them a Bratwursthead if you prefer. Just another helpful tip from Insulter's Quarterly.

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2001

P.s. the proper slur for folks from Wisconsin is Cheesehead. Unless they're from Milwaukee, then you can call them a Bratwursthead if you prefer. Just another helpful tip from Insulter's Quarterly.

Where can I get a subrscription to that magazine? Sounds good. ;-)

BTW, My dad used to call you Wisconsinites "Wisconsin Haymakers". He would mutter that whenever we'd get behind a slow-moving vehicle with Wisconsin plates. But he was a curmudgeon - it must be where I got it from... hee, hee.

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2001

Hey Jim, here in Wisconsin, we curse the Illinois folks -- flatlanders is one of the ones fit for polite company. I'm seeing more Minnesotan cars over here in recent years -- only half of them with drivers know how to drive. Of course, probably the same could be said of Cheeseheads . . . . . . . I don't have a lot of experience driving in Minnesota, but I do know that in Minneapolis and environs, they're mean and dangerous. Big cities are mostly to be avoided.

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2001

Ditto on Twin Cities drivers!

Since I am soon to be one, I feel qualified to comment.........Minnesota prides itself on "Minnesota Nice", which means people are basically polite. However, they must use up all their nice when off-road cuz once you get em on the freeway, LOOK OUT! I lived in Los Angeles for 12 years and never encountered such rude drivers (except the truckers........don't get me started on LA truckers) in my life.

If you signal a lane change, they consider it a challenge to prevent you from your request; tailgating is considered good form, and dont even think about obeying the speed limit!

I love Minnesota, (and Wisconsin, or as we call it here Minnesconsin), but theres some disconnect between the home/office and the freeway..........???

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2001

Sharon, I don't know if you realize it but your comments are hurtfull instead of helpfull. I thought that this forum was a place that we could share, not only the good stuff, but also the stuff that bugs us.Do I have to be cheerful all the time, or am I allowed to talk about and work out things that bug me without being told to "let it go",or to "count my blessings" , Sharon, would that really be what you want to hear when you are having troble with something. I was having trouble letting it go, and counting my blessing thats why I posted about it, trying to deal with it. Maybe there is something extremly wrong with me! Because now I am letting this bug me! If you just don't want to hear about this stuff then why don't you just not read it, as your "let it go" comments , dont help!

Gosh! TRen

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2001

Oh Tren, Sharon was just funnin' with me and Sherri, and everyone else did kind of get silly too. We're just silly, we can't help it. We love you. I guess we try to see the lighter side of things and you know how we are about thread drift! And Sherri did get in that pun about Kentucky.....then balloons......then jello....yeah, I guess it got kinda off track huh. Forgive us, we are an unruly bunch.

If your neighbor dosen't even really know you, then how could she make a judgement as to wether she likes you or not? You have to know someone before you can say you don't like them and it seems to me she hasn't even tried to get to know you. I wouldn't ever take it personal. She's just that way, non-socialble. Allot of people are.

My MIL hates my guts, and talks bad about me ALL over town. And I didn't DO anything. I have learned (the hard way) to not let it bother me, I used to cry about it allot and wonder why she hated me so much. The truth is she hates everyone! But she pretends to like you to get some juicy garbage she can trump up and have something to gossip about. Miserable people want everyone around them to be miserable too. Don't let her suck you in.

One day I just said, "I am not going to let this woman ruin my days anymore!". And I haven't. Please don't take it personal about the neighbor, she's the one being snotty, not you. Do like I did with my MIL, be so happy it makes her mad! Maybe she'll get it sooner or later.

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2001

Hi again, Tren,

I don't understand all that stuff about aluminum hats or lime jello or "cheese-heads" or weird drivers, but I do understand that your feelings have been hurt. More importantly, please remember(IMHO) there is nothing WRONG with YOU! You're entitled to your feelings and wanting your forum friends to be understanding and supportive. Hopefully, this forum IS where you can state your thoughts and feelings without criticism. That's what friends are for.

Wishing you enough.

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2001

hugs to you tren (((((o))))) Hope you are feeling better............sometimes even the best of friends can be insensitive to their friends needs. love and friendship from me to you. diane

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2001

Dianne, and Dianne Trev, and Cindy, Oh thanks guys, thanks for putting up with me. I'm being far too sensitive ! I need to lighten up! How's come I can be silly, but not light! Gee Whiz! Hugs to you all, and have a good day! (((((((((((0))))))))))))))))). Tren

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2001

Well.Trendle,I'm just sooooooo mean.What can I say?

Why do you think people should be just like you?(I smile at rude people.Why can't she?) What,are you perfect? BTW,you didn't smile at me.Uh oh. Guess you are not.Bottom line...People are different.They come from different cultures.She doesn't need "fixed" She's different from you. Celebrate diversity.Apparently she doesn't,so you be the bigger person and do it,instead.

Now when I'm pissed at my sneak thief neighbor,you say that back to me.I must realize that he was born with a kleptomaniac gene.It's a cultural thing. Repeat over and over.....

I will trade you neighbors, even up.Deal?

You cannot make everyone like you.You indicated that it is unlikely you will suceed at making her like you. You asked how to get over it.Thus "count your blessings" 'cause she could be lots, lots, worse.She could be your Mother in law. And just let it go and move on.Don't let it get to you. You are the only one who can make that choice.What else is there left to do? What DO you want to hear? You want to hear you have a right to feel the way you do? Well, sorry,not going to get that from me, bc that is just a lot of wasted emotion,in this case,IMO.

And Trendle,I joke around.Everyone knows I joke around. You know I joke around.If it offends you,so be it. Not my problem. Understand?

See,I don't have to have everyone like me.I definitely let that go a long time ago.Good thing. Instead,I concentrate on being true to who I am,for better or for worse. Reformed doormat. Nope,will never go back to having to be nice all the time so everybody likes me.Won't happen.

You asked what I would like to hear if I asked a question.The answer.The truth. Period. I value that above all else. My answer was honest,as I saw it. You seem to want your butt kissed,instead.

Yep.I am sometimes blunt.I worked with abused women as one of my do gooder jobs.Sometimes you could be gentle and understanding,and sometimes you just had to tell it like it is to get thru. People frequently do not want to hear the very thing they need to hear the most.Do you need to hear what I said? Don't know. Since,I really don't know you.

This is not exactly a support group,Trendle. I've said that before.Don't expect it to be.You may get all sorts of responses,depending on how people handle things. I handle most things with humor.The more I'm joking,the more I'm hurting.I've been joking around an awful lot.Get it?

When were you last accused of being the forum Jackass on two forums? Let's compare notes.

If I upset you so much and you prefer I not respond to something you write,I have no problem with that. Your call.

I meant it when I said I like you if you have a messy house and wild yard.My kinda of people, 'cause I do too.Did you think I was being a smart ass? And your neighbor probably DOES NOT like you for the very same reason.C'est la vie.

I'll go take my meds,now.

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2001

Looks like we posted at the same time.Weird,Huh? Hope you are ok with me( I'm way too sensitive too. More so then ever. Not going to change for some time,apparently.) But if you are still pissed at me, again,so be it.

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2001

If we would illuminate the sacred in each other as women becoming the most valued "elder priestesses" that we have waiting to be liberated within us, the aging process would become a joyful journey. I am channeling blessings and light to you sharon and I hope that you can receive it. In love..........diane

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2001

Thank you diane,I'm trying.... not succesfully right now.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2001

Trennie, I'm really sorry if you thought that my joking was belittling your situation because I didn't mean it that way. Guess I'm just too much of a smart-alec sometimes.

There could be any number of reasons why your neighbor acts like she does, or maybe she's just a b**ch. I used to work for a woman who had no concept of other people's feelings. She would say the most incredibly hurtful things about the people who worked for her and when we talked to her about it she had no idea that her statements were hurtful and really didn't care. You mentioned that it was a childless couple, what's the husband like? Maybe she wants kids and can't have them and she's so incredibly jealous of you that she can't act nice.

Whatever the reason, try to remember that it's HER problem, not yours. It's really hard to ignore the need to have everyone like you, I know. All you can do is be true to yourself, if you start remaking yourself to please other people you just end up in a twisted-up mess. Does it make you uncomfortable to be around her since you think that she hates you? It might help to imagine yourself safe inside a beautiful shiny pink bubble that only lets loving thought in and reflects all her mean thoughts away. Think about all the people who do like you, are their opinions any less important than this woman's opinion?

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2001

No No No Sheri and Cindy. I'm not THAT uptight that you all joking and thread drifting bugged me. Here's what bugged me , it's like if you step on a tack, and someone is standing there saying, oh count your blessings, you didn't get bit by a bear after all. Well, as I am pulling the tack out of my foot, it feels like a pretty big deal to me,even tho. I know that a bear bite would be worse.

I feel pretty bad about how things turned out here, I don't know what to say or do. Thought maybe I should just shut up,. Will what I just said just throw more logs on the fire! I don't know!

I sure don't want to cause any hurt feelings in anyone. I know that I sure don't feel as at home here. I think I'm gonna go to my cave now. And I promise not to ever, ever talk about this neighbor , ever again, in fact I don't think I can ever even think about her, it's all burned out of me. And I will keep all personal things to myself, or only share with friends. I am really sorry everybody , after you were all so helpful,that things turned out this way. TRen

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2001

Tren, I didn't think you were that uptight, but if there's a chance that something I've said has accidentally upset someone I'd rather apologize and work it out rather than assuming that it's no big deal when maybe really it is. Does that make sense? Please don't go into your cave, I'd miss you.

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2001

Hey Tren.........................have you felt some hugs and light and love the past couple of hours???? Been channeling to you sweetie, as one occasional cave dweller to another........peace, love, joy and come out when you can. love yah

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2001

Sharon, I want to tell you that you are absolutely right. Of course you are! And you know i just got so frustrated because, me the catapillar, I couldn't sprout those wings that you were telling me to fly. I'll get there someday.

To Sharon,

You speak in riddles and I talk in rhymes,

If we could get the beat together,then we could sing in time.

You speak in riddles and I talk in rhymes,

Maybe if we work together, we could have a real good time.

Last night I had a dream. I was in a dark dimensionless void. Like a cave without light. Directly in front of me there was an opening,windowlike in the air. Through this window I could see a swimming universe full of blue skies, black planets and shining stars.It was breathing, moving, spinning, and filled with shimmering light. The dark place that I was in was of no importance. Only the breathing universe had any meaning. I was saying to myself," I can get there from here, if I only focus. I didn't reach my vision before I woke. But hey, someday.

My husband e-mailed me this quote today by Ralph Waldo Emmerson. Now that man had his wings!

Finish each day and be done with it.Tommorrow is a new day, you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old dealings.

WoW

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2001

Sherri Celtia, Sherri, I really like your pink bubble idea. I have actually used that image when family has traveled away from me.

I had to let my Bre at the early age of three, go to her Daddys for weeks at a time, as we lived far apart, and he would get his time with her. Every time she left, and he would speed off in his car taking my baby farther and farther from me, down the long highway. It was then that I would envision her encircled in that beautiful protecting bubble that you speak of.

It always helped me if every time I worried about her, I saw that pink, soft loving protecting bubble. Now, why in the world had I not thought of using that bubble for other things! Thank you so much! Tren

-- Anonymous, July 20, 2001

Sharon,Is that what you were saying, were you saying what Ralph Emmerson was saying. I'm sorry Sharon, that I wasn't ready to understand. I wish you all. Tren

-- Anonymous, July 20, 2001

Trendle,What lovely words! You have a way with them.I'll try to find time to write more later on.I'm glad we were able to understand each other better.Arguments can be helpful. They can clear the air,sometimes.

Gotta run down to the garden to pick some flowers needing dried while it's still somewhat cooler(if that is possible!).Then off to the beach for another bluegrass concert.Yea!

-- Anonymous, July 21, 2001

SherriSkye, I can't stop thinking about what your friend Karen said about green jello, about it not being natural for a food to move on it's own. I can't get it out of my mind, Oh Gheez! That probably means that I am going to dream about it! OOOOOOOOhhhh Noooooooooooo.grin Tren

-- Anonymous, July 21, 2001

Diane.gard, and Trevilians, thanks for being there , like fortress's of peace. Love Tren

-- Anonymous, July 21, 2001

Well I just had to come back and say that I have been cured. I have! Thanks everybody, You saw me through it! My neighbor drove by me the other day, and gave me a scowl. And you know what ,I didn't feel it, it didn't reach me! I gave her a big wave and a smile. Because that's how I am, and I don't have to be like her, and she doesn't have to be like me. The other day I was in a store and its all crowded up and not much room to get through, and a young girl, who was working hard, gave me a tentative look, I glanced at her and gave her a smile, she then asked if she could push her big cart through my way. I said Of course, she said "Thanks, I thought that you had a friendly face or I waouldn't have asked." I'm glad , that she felt like she could ask, I'm glad I have a friendly face, and can help those who aren't afraid to ask me. Love Tren

-- Anonymous, July 22, 2001

Good for you Girlie!

Next time she drives by, do one of those funny touchdown dances right there in the yard, smiling and waving! Sooner or later she's got to crack a smile! I just love being silly, it's such fun.

-- Anonymous, July 22, 2001

Cindy, your so cool! grin Tren

-- Anonymous, July 22, 2001