NYPost ‘GARY' NOT A FATHER FIGURE

By SUSAN EDELMAN

September 9, 2001 -- The odd practice of Gary Condit's children calling him "Gary" and referring to him as "Gary Condit" suggests family dysfunction and hidden emotional problems, psychological experts told The Post.

It also may help the wayward California congressman "feel like a young stud," noted one psychiatrist.

Cadee Condit, 26, told CNN's Larry King last week that she's called her father "Gary" as well as "Dad" since childhood, and "he answers to both."

In an earlier interview, Chad Condit, 33, frequently referred to his father as "Gary" or "Gary Condit," and rarely spoke of him as "Dad."

"It shows there's been some distance between them," said Los Angeles psychiatrist Robert Butterworth, who has closely followed Condit's actions since the disappearance of Chandra Levy.

"Kids get p- - - -d when their dads have affairs and cheat on mom. While outwardly defending their father, they could be showing the world they're upset and angry at him, and distancing themselves," he said.

Parents who encourage kids to drop the titles "Mom" or "Dad" may feel uneasy about parental responsibilities, or may harbor hostility toward their own parents, psychologists and psychiatrists say.

"We know Condit's father was a pretty strict minister," Butterworth noted, referring to the Rev. Adrian Condit, who recently blamed his son's woes on "Satan."

Other experts agreed. "Whenever kids call their moms or dads by their first names it shows a dysfunctional relationship," said Beverly Hills psychiatrist Carole Lieberman.

If Condit wants to be addressed by his kids as "Gary," he is "abdicating the role of parent, a role he probably didn't feel comfortable in," Lieberman said.

Manhattan child psychologist Susan Sherkow said adults who work with their parents in a business or professional setting may refer to them by their first names so they won't be seen as "children" in co-workers' eyes.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 2001

Answers

Did the psychiatrists ever dissect the habit of Bob Dole referring to himself in the third person as "Bob Dole"?

-- Anonymous, September 09, 2001

For some personal (family) reasons I have had the experience of having to deal with both psychologists and psychiatrists over the last 6 years. I went into that "arena" with the highest hopes. But those hopes are all but dashed now. What I found were a lot people who range in intelligence from average to above average and have a lot of time invested in that career choice. Some were Ph.Ds and MDs.

But, they are (with only a few exceptions) struggling to understand human behavior the same as the rest of us. The have theories, tons of theories, and more theories every year as the old ones dry up and die on the vine, worthless. They have key concepts and jargon like "disfunctional family" which is used liberally. They also have a dismal success rate. Most of the people who go to them are not "cured" of their problems at all. After paying a ton of money you end up with a lot of common sense answers at best, or gobbledegook terms to try to understand. If auto mechanics, or surgeons, provided such a lousy service for the money people would run them out of town.

Perhaps the greatest irony of all is that they often totally miss the most obvious part of a behavior problem. Take this item above, about Condit. See dysfunctional being used. See suspicion being directed at why the kids use his first name. But the key issue is totally being missed and that's that he is a dark shadow politician, like so many of them are, and all the other stuff is merely a normal part of that sort of negative life style. They could find the same thing in various church groups, for that matter. Condit behaves the way he does, and his family supports and enables that, because they enjoy that sort of life style, all of them. The only thing that went "wrong" in their life is that the spotlight stopped too long there.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 2001

Gordon, you have written the most illuminating insight here, akin to "emperor has no clothes."

Phil Gramm, on retiring, was very tearful when he thanked his sons for not making him feel guilty for missing so many of their important milestones. I too missed a lot of my son's important milestones because I had to work and very often couldn't go to school for Report Night or whatever (and the school psychologist slammed me for that!). But as long as the kid knows you're doing it for good, unselfish reasons, it's okay with him. I think Gramm's kids know that without a doubt; I think Condit's kids know his behavior and actions weren't and aren't for good, unselfish reasons.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 2001

Good points, Old Git, and I agree with you. It's tough to make a living in the field of psychology, probably because their patients become so disenchanted with the lack of progress or "change" over a *lengthy* period of expensive counseling. I think that's why some of them take jobs in government, or quasi-government, like the school system. They get paid without having to build a customer base. They are fed the "customers" by the system, every week.

I have run into some very pleasant psychologists in the school system who turn out to be good gurus or counselors to the students. But only to the students who are looking for some simple guidance. The really troubled ones are still adrift in that school, since the psychologist doesn't really know what to do in that sort of critical situation. And jargon doesn't cut it with those who need real help with some emotional/behavioral misadventure.

Another irony is that the marriage and/or kids of the psychologists are so often troubled as well. They have as many problems within their own family as the general society does. And they can't manage to deal with their own family problems either. Yet they still show up for work and have the nerve to inject themselves into the lives of others.

One of the psychiatrists (MD) that I ran into in one clinic was a real piece of work. I called him Dr. Shadow because he was always passing by like some ghostly apparition. You couldn't stop him to talk to him. You had to schedule an appointment there. And then, during the appointment, he would listen to you and promptly recommend some drug or other. He medicated his "troubled" patients, period. I found out from one of the patients there that Dr. Shadow was divorced, and now openly living a homosexual lifestyle. Great, huh?

-- Anonymous, September 10, 2001

For a number of years I worked in social services, latterly as a counselor. It was an eye-opener, especially the way they looked at what federal grants were available and then designed programs to fit them so they could get the money. (Isn't it supposed to be the other way around--perceive a need and see if there's funding available?) I did know one psychiatrist who was really good but the rest were, as Eric Berne often pointed out, only "making progress," rather than curing people. Needless to say, Berne was not very popular with his fellow psychiatrists.

Your remark about psychiatrists/psychologists having problem families themselves is spot on. Most will admit they chose their career because they knew they had problems and wanted to know how to solve them. I'm sure there are some good people around, probably in private practice. I can only speak from experience with those in the nonprofit agencies.

Even so, the remarks about Condit by Sherkow above, who opined that "adults who work with their parents in a business or professional setting may refer to them by their first names so they won't be seen as 'children' in co-workers' eyes," may be close to the truth. I got the feeling that the Condit family is a kind of a business, making money from the government (aka "us taxpayers"). We know that Chad was going to run for office and Cadee probably would have sooner or later. I wonder if Chad thinks he's now going to run against that nasty ol' Gov. Davis? I guess we'll find out. Anyway, if you look at the Condits as a business and each member as an employee of that business, then it makes a certain kind of sense for the Condit children not to condemn a fellow employee for screwing around.

-- Anonymous, September 10, 2001