This is not really related to homesteading... My parents are having their 50th wedding anniversary soon. In recent years, my mother has expressed that she has not been happy with the marriage, that she and my father were not compatible, etc. They don't really have a lot in common. However, the three of us children would like to celebrate in some way...after all, the marriage produced us! The question is, what to get them? They have no joint hobbies. My Mom can't sit for long periods because of lower back problem, so a trip is out. Nor can she do a lot of walking. She doesn't even like going out to eat...says she has a small appetite, etc. They are financially comfortable, so a money gift, though possible, won't mean much to them. Any suggestions? (their anniversary is on Thanksgiving, so we will all show up at my sister's as a surprise that day)

-- Christina (introibo2000@yahoo.com), October 10, 2001

Answers

What about "memory books" -- if they are financially comfortable and not in need of anything, and you said that your mother has expressed some doubt about her choice of husband, perhaps reminding her of all the good times (and your dad too!!!) would be good. Done in a scrapbook format with treasured pictures and stories pasted or written in, it can be a real eye-opener to refocus on the good times. Not only might it jog good memories for both of them, but I guarantee that you and your siblings will have a wonderful time compiling it. It's amazing how the act of remembering can mushroom -- bringing things out of memory that you would otherwise never have thought of!

For our anniversary this year, because of the sale of the business and our purchase of new property, cash money wasn't plentiful -- so I made up a "memory book" for my DH -- with pictures and little remembrances...a few "Remember the time..." stories to jog his memory about wonderful times in our lives. After the previous horrible year we'd experienced, it helped both of us to focus on the good stuff.

-- Tracy (trimmer31@hotmail.com), October 10, 2001.

When I saw your comment I thought I wrote it but forgot I had. My mother expresses similiar sentiments when I tried to discuss a 50year anniversary party.We did give her a 25th one and I thought they both really enjoyed it.She did however say that all of us (6kids and our familys)could go to a restaurant one day together. I think you all going to your sister's that day will be adequate.You can celebrate in thanks to them the gift of life they gave to you. You know even I rather not get gifts unless something homemade or to eat because I have so much stuff and if I want it I buy it. Good luck, let me know how it turns out.Terry

-- Terry Lipe (elipe@fidnet.com), October 10, 2001.

My Mom had kinda the same problem with a gift for her Mom; last year she solved it with a picture quilt. She took photos to the print shop, and they transfered them to material, and she cut them into squares and I helped her design the quilt. Mom pieced it in pretty coordinating colors. Grandma loves it; it's hanging on the wall of her assisted living apartment, now!

Leann

-- Leann Banta (thelionandlamb@hotmail.com), October 10, 2001.

I was going to mention the picture quilt as well. They are very popular anniversary gifts. If you don't quilt, you could contact your local quilters guild and find someone who would put it together for you if you give them the photographs. Since there is not a lot of time, you could make it the size of a wall hanging which would take an experienced quilter that long to make. I am doing one now for myself which has pictures of all of the houses we have lived in and the gardens and outbuildings, etc. It is fun to make and I will treasure it greatly once it is done as it depicts our homesteading life.

-- Colleen (pyramidgreatdanes@erols.com), October 10, 2001.

We found that quality (Wiltshire) gold-plated cutlery was surprisingly inexpensive. Not cheap, but well within reach when all we "kids" pooled our resources. That meant a joint gift from all their children, which sort of says something about the result of their marriage. The grandkids did sort of the same thing - clubbed together and got some silver-plate trays with gilt handles, engraved; and some gold-edged crockery.

-- Don Armstrong (darmst@yahoo.com.au), October 10, 2001.

If money is a feasible, but unneccessary, gift, perhaps you could all get together and donate a sizable chunk in your and your parents' names to the terrorist attack response funds that are out there. There are many different types of funds, from the well known Red Cross to lesser known charities that may be in some way connected to your parents' life, like funds that are raising money for the families of food workers in the Trade Center towers (which would be more personal, if one of your parents had worked in the field), for example - any type of charity, for that matter. Any gift would be appreciated by the recipient, and it would be a great way to celebrate the life-giving aspects of your parents' marriage without pointing up their troubles or demanding more from them than they can give, behavior-wise.

-- Soni (thomkilroy@hotmail.com), October 10, 2001.

On the memory book idea, you could contact as many past and present friends and relatives as possible, and ask them to send you pictures or a short note about some memory they have of your parents, and make those into a book, also. Did that for our parents' 50th, and they were pretty surprised. Jan

-- Jan in CO (Janice12@aol.com), October 10, 2001.

We did the memory book thing for my Husband's parent's fourtieth, but slightly differently-in addition to pictures, we had each grandchild draw a page about him/her and grandparents. We also had a digital camera and was able to secretly take pictures of the days activities- we had a barbeque, and a couple of computer guys quickly printed them and included them in the book which we presented at the end of the day-Poloraid instant pictures would have been great but we couldn't find that type camera. We also had some pockets to hold anniversary cards-They loved it. _ My MIL is ill-she couldn't go out and in fact, didn't eat with us, (she has a feeding tube) but we gathered everyone there for a day. Regardless of feelings for each other-your folks will probably love haveing Kids and especially Grandkids come see them.

-- kelly in Ky (ksaderholm@yahoo.com), October 10, 2001.

My folks had their 50th anniversary a few years ago. My sister was coming in from out of town and - try as we might - life is tense when she's around. All mom and dad wanted was the family together. What to do for entertainment? Well we hit on an idea that worked great - 50 gifts - one for each year of their marriage. Some were freebies, one was expensive (a computer) but the rest were basically inexpensive. We gave them some Green Bay Packer popcorn in a tin (green and GOLD), several other "gold things" including such odd ones as composted manure (gardener's gold) and a jar of home- canned "golden" peaches. My parents get along great but the advantage to all these gifts is that you can address their separate interests. And it takes a LONG time to open 50 gifts, providing entertainment. Two gifts were champagne which we opened first (of course). They were thrilled with the idea and they loved it. It also helps make them the focus of attention which is difficult with a bunch of kids/grandkids around.

-- Bev Carney (sinkcar@yahoo.com), October 10, 2001.

Thanks for all the suggestions. The quilt and memory books are possiblities, although unfortunately, Mom and Dad are three hours away and most of the photos are in slide form, so I should've started this months ago. Maybe I'll be able to round up a few. Thanks!

-- Christina (introibo2000@yahoo.com), October 10, 2001.

I would think that a "this is your life" type program, like the old tv. program; would fill a needed trip down memory lane. Such as locating the neice of the preacher that married them and was at the cerominity (sp); or the children of the first landlord that remember them as newlyweds; or a collection of the music from their era and the equipment to play it on; maybe everyone wearing era clothing complete with jargon; any of which would show appreciation and hard work intended to please; something without price.....they might rekindle.....would this not please everybody....

-- mitch hearn (moopups@citlink.net), October 10, 2001.

A frame with a special picture. That is what I gave friend of the family for thier 50th anniversery. I wrote in the card that the picture was taken at what used to be my grand fathers farm. And that is what I gave my aunt for her 80th birthday. I also gave her a basket with bathsalts, lye soap and scented soaps that I had made. I gave my cousins and 2nd cousins home made bathsalts also.

I like to give something home made as well as store bought. It is a little more personal...Red Hen

-- red hen (redhenfarms@rovin.net), October 10, 2001.