AAADD (Humor)

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Subject: AAADD

I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it goes . . . I decide to clean off the front patio. I start to the patio and notice mail on the desk that needs to be taken down to the Post Office. OK, I'm going to the Post Office . . . BUT FIRST I'm going to go through the mail that was delivered. I lay the car keys down on desk. After discarding the junk mail, I notice the trash can is full. OK, I'll just put the bills on my desk . . . BUT FIRST I'll take the trash out. But since I'm going to be near the mailbox, I'll address a few bills . . Yes, Now where is the checkbook? Oops.. there's only one check left. Where did I put the extra checks? Oh, there is my empty coffee cup from last night on my desk. I'm going to look for those checks . . . BUT FIRST I need to put the cup back in the kitchen.

I start to head for the kitchen and look out at my balcony, notice the flowers need a drink of water because of the extreme heat. I put the cup on the counter and there's my extra pair of glasses on the kitchen counter. What are they doing here? I'll just put them away . . . BUT FIRST need to water those plants. I head for the door and . . . Aaaagh! Someone left the TV remote on the wrong spot. Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants on my balcony . . . BUT FIRST I need to find those checks.

END OF DAY: The patio has not been cleaned, bills still unpaid, cup still on the counter, checkbook still has only one check left, lost my car keys . . . And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because . . . I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!

I realize this condition is serious . . . I'd get help . . . BUT FIRST . . . I think I'll check my e-mail.

AS THE DEADLINE for a major project drew near at our publishing firm, both our facsimile machines were put to the test. Secretaries were sending and receiving messages, making last-minute corrections and additions. One young assistant, holding a handful of new instructions to be distributed to various departments, asked the office manager, "Whatever did we do before fax machines?" A man of few words, the manager replied, "We did things on time." -- Contributed to Reader's Digest "All In a Day's Work" by C. Richard Cotton

Today's CyberSmile. . . THE WEEK I started a new job, my husband was out of town. On the day he was to return, I thought it would be fun if he picked me up at work and we could go out to dinner. I left a note on our dining-room table with my new number and this message: "For a good time, call 555-1234." When my husband failed to show up, I took the bus home. "Where were you?" I asked. "Didn't you get my note?" "Oh," he replied with a sheepish grin, "I wasn't sure who wrote it." -- Contributed to Reader's Digest "Life In These United States" by Gloria Swanson Anderson

I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.

"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch." The desperate customer turned to me and begged, "May I please have those roses?"

"What happened?" I asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"

"It's even worse than that," he confided. "I crashed my wife's hard drive!"

QUICK WIT

"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, Sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready."

"Good, what are we having for breakfast?" asked the new husband.

"Toast and juice," she replied.

-- Anonymous, November 07, 2001

Answers

A husband and wife were watching the devastation on TV of the World Trade Center and videos of different countries around the world crying with Americans over the events of the past few weeks. Reporters were attempting to analyze political strategy and President Bush's speeches.

The wife turns to the husband and says, "I'm so thankful that Bush is our President. He is doing such a wonderful job."

The husband turns to the wife and says, "Shut up, Tipper!"

-- Anonymous, November 07, 2001


Today's CyberSmile. . . WHEN MY FATHER was a car salesman, one of his best sales pitches promoted the superior brand of tires supplied as standard equipment. Even as someone took delivery of a new car, Dad would hand over the keys and say of the tires: "Guaranteed to give you miles of smiles." One day, a man returned to the dealership ten minutes after getting Dad's usual send-off. "You know those tires that are guaranteed to give miles of smiles?" asked the man. "Well, one of them just burst out laughing." -- Contributed to Reader's Digest "All In a Day's Work" by Patsy Slemmer

-- Anonymous, November 08, 2001

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