And a Very Merry Christmas to You Too, Martha! Last Updated: November 07, 2001 10:39 AM ET

By Steve James

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Martha Stewart -- the doyenne of domesticity, the empress of entertaining and good taste -- is having a little trouble getting her own employees to RSVP.

Many of the more than 600 people who work for Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia were unfashionably late in responding to her idea of a series of intimate dinner parties at co-workers' homes this holiday season, instead of a traditional company Christmas party at a hotel or restaurant.

Stewart, who always knows the correct way to word a thank you note, set a table or carve a radish, was a little peeved when told that less than a quarter of staff had responded to her invitation.

The arbiter of modern taste invoked the Sept. 11 attacks on New York when she told employees that a lack of enthusiasm for the dinner parties would be a sign the terrorists had won.

"A lot of the higher-ups have volunteered their places, (but) no one is into it though," one employee told Reuters on Tuesday.

Indeed, Stewart fired off a memo to staff on Monday chastising them for not signing on immediately, two employees said. The original invitation had gone out last Tuesday.

Company publicist Allyn Magrino countered by saying there had been "tremendous support." She could not say how many employees had accepted invitations, but said nearly two-thirds of the 65 needed hosts had signed up. She said last year Martha Stewart Living had a sit-down meal for 660 employees but this year, in the somber post-Sept. 11 climate, Stewart felt smaller, more intimate gatherings were de rigueur.

Stewart, whose media and retail empire includes magazines, books and TV shows and sells everything from bed linen to paint, invited staff to small dinner parties this Dec 10, rather than one large holiday party.

She said she had asked 65 employees to each volunteer their homes in New York, New Jersey or Connecticut, to host 10 employees chosen at random so they could get to know each other.

Stewart, whose company just reported a 25 percent rise in third-quarter earnings, said the soirees were meant to be in keeping with the post-attack sensibility of more private and less extravagant celebration. She even said she would host a dinner at her own new Manhattan apartment.

And, to help with the costs, the company would give volunteers $300 each for their parties which could have a theme or not and could be catered or not.

-- Anonymous, November 07, 2001

Answers

>She said she had asked 65 employees to each volunteer their homes in New York, New Jersey or Connecticut, to host 10 employees chosen at random

What garbage! I wouldn't want strangers in my home. As it is, if life calls upon me to entertain people from work, I take them to a restaurant or plan a picnic at one of the metro parks. I started to write, get a clue, Martha, but I know she'll never GI. Anyone who cares about the "right" way to serve a radish wouldn't last more than 30 seconds around my house.

-- Anonymous, November 07, 2001

I'll bet you don't have grape scissors, do ya, Meems? LOLOL! I even have individual lemon wedge squeezers, ROTFLMAO! But we don't entertain any more, not unless people like cats and pizza.

-- Anonymous, November 07, 2001

That damn woman will do anything for money. She even posed starkers for the cover of Spy magazine a few years back.

-- Anonymous, November 07, 2001

Sure sounds like she's going on the cheap to me! I have always heard she has one NASTY temper. It was publicized that her neighbors don't even talk to her, because of scuffs. You reap what you sow. She just doesn't like the crop!!

-- Anonymous, November 07, 2001

CNN

Neighbors snub Martha Stewart

WESTPORT, Connecticut -- Martha Stewart is moving out of her wealthy Connecticut suburb, fed up with what she calls an "unfriendly neighborhood atmosphere" and a difficult commute to Manhattan.

The homemaker extraordinaire has lived in Westport for 28 years, but the community "just doesn't work" for her anymore, she wrote in a piece for The New York Times Magazine.

Stewart says she's barely friendly with any of her neighbors anymore, adding that she offered fresh eggs or garden produce to newcomers, and was rebuffed twice -- "once with a slammed door!"

Stewart plans to take up full-time residence in Manhattan or another town near there, but her Westport neighbors shouldn't relax just yet: She's not selling the house.

-- Anonymous, November 07, 2001

grape scissors! Yep, you're right, OG. I didn't know they existed. I've always torn my grapes apart . . . there's another reason Martha wouldn't last long at my place. She'd have to process food with a minimum of tools. Grape scissors . . . my word! (:

-- Anonymous, November 07, 2001

Re the article . . . well, I wouldn't be so rude as to slam the door in her face, but I wouldn't invite her in, either. What's the deal with her martial status? Divorced? I can't say that I ever cared enough to read about her life, but now I'm wondering.

-- Anonymous, November 07, 2001

Eh? We pop our grapes into our mouths whole.

-- Anonymous, November 07, 2001

http://www.eye.net/eye/issue/issue_05.11.95/NEWS/nec0511.htm

MARTHA STEWART DISEASE

by DONNA LYPCHUK

Here are some early warning signs that you may be suffering from "Martha Stewart Disease."

You have an obsession with hanging swags of brightly colored fabric from curtain rods.

Your house is decorated with plaster-cast gremlins and angels.

Every shoebox and empty tin can in the house has been decoupaged with flowers cut out from old wrapping paper.

You float candles in the punch bowl at parties.

You use a gold ink pen to sign all your cards and to leave little notes around the house.

You have glass jars filled with dried rose petals everywhere.

There are pots and pots of herbs on your windowsill, and each herb is painstakingly labelled, along with a hand-drawn picture of the herb.

You've made a doormat with a sunflower design on it out of old bottle- caps.

If given the choice, you would rather spend your weekend in Canadian Tire than be taken out for a good dinner.

DEFINITE SYMPTOMS OF MARTHA STEWART DISEASE

You polish every lettuce leaf with a clean white cloth until each one shines like a newly waxed car fender before you put it in the bowl.

You save snowballs from last winter in your fridge, in case you need them to create an ice-sculpture centrepiece.

You have tie-dyed all of your T-shirts with dyes made from vegetables grown in your garden.

You've made wind chimes out of old coconut shells.

Your hedges have all been pruned to resemble chess pieces.

Your salads consist mainly of nasturtiums and pansies.

Every chunk of cheese on your cheese tray comes with a toothpick and a little flag upon which is clearly labeled the cheese's country of origin.

Your hair looks like a bonsai tree.

You hoard cookie cutters in all sizes, shapes and colors in a kitchen drawer and nobody is allowed to touch them.

You insist on using ostrich eggs instead of regular-size eggs for the annual Easter egg hunt.

You put rouge on your children's cheeks so they'll look all fresh and rosy and apple-cheeked when company comes over.

ACUTE CASE OF MARTHA STEWART DISEASE

All of the grass in your front yard is braided.

You serve entrees in an attractive real bird's nest you found in a nearby forest.

You make your own Jell-o from calves' hooves rather than buy the powdered stuff.

You decorate your cakes with pieces of ceramic, bundles of chiffon, buttons, marbles and other inedible stuff just because "it looks so pretty."

Each and every flower in the back yard is wrapped in raffia and sports a shiny red bow.

You serve wine to your guests in conch shells.

You've smeared the walls with yogurt so that over time, a natural- looking greenish mould will grow, giving your home the fashionably distressed look of an ancient Greek temple.

You dress all of your children, despite their gender, in white chiffon dresses and white straw fedoras with white satin ribbons and haven't fed them for days in case they grow into an awkward, gangly phase.

You've macramd yourself a computer cozy from hemp and recycled plastic.

Before you go to bed at night, you spend hours on your hobby farm putting the wool on your sheeps' bodies in hot rollers, so they will look more fluffy and glamorous than the neighbor's.

You sleep outside the house, in a tent, so that you don't spoil your perfectly made bed.

THE CURE

Remedy No. 1: Tie the afflicted woman in a chair and brace her head with slabs of plywood so that she is unable to move her head. Force her to look at a painting of dogs playing poker for one hour the first day, two hours the second day, three hours the third day and so on ...

Remedy No. 2: A night on the town with Don Cherry and his pals.

Remedy No. 3: Buy her a one-way ticket to Bosnia, Bangladesh or any Third World country so she can appreciate the real meaning of "lifestyle."

-- Anonymous, November 07, 2001

ROTF!

I have a sweatshirt: "I AM NOT MARTHA STEWART." I usually wear it to Lowe's and get lots of VBGs.

-- Anonymous, November 08, 2001