21:39 2001-11-13

FORESKIN CAN MAKE YOU FACE LOOK YOUNG AND GOOD-LOOKING

Every old freak will have an opportunity to become forever young and good-looking. Forever indeed. The secret research of the scientists from the university in Wisconsin has been recently exposed. A remarkable discovery has been made incidentally, as usual. The scientists were looking for a way to make ageing process of skin cells go slower. They used foreskin of the Jewish boys as the experimental material – the circumcision wastes so to speak. They used the foreskin cells to test their medications.

One of the tests became a bad one. The foreskin, on which it was applied, wrinkled up instead of becoming younger. But the scientists found a colony of living cells under the microscope among the dead cells. They started studying them and discovered those cells did not age at all! The further research indicated, the cells obtained the double DNA structure. The miracle of nature was then tested on rats. The rats were feeling very fine with the human flesh, while the cells-mutants started an active reproduction process and filled all test-tubes and bottles within the period of four years.

The experimental period was over, it was about time to enter the world market. The scientists established a firm to grow the wonderful cells and they are going to make a perfect business on the rejuvenation operations. The face, made of the foreskin cells will not be ageing! This discovery is a revolutionary event in the field of plastic surgery cosmetology. It is going to take quite a while until this method becomes popular, though. But there is a problem: the people with the anti-Semitic views. It will be very hard for them to make up with the idea that your face is made of the pieces of Jewish penises.

Can't Help Myself :)

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Answers

Dickhead!

I could help it but wouldn't.

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

gives new meaning to 'a hard jaw line.'

Dare I mention pouty lips?

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

[Ah, maybe not this one, BF. Love, OG]

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Does Martha "gracious living" Stewart have anything to say about this development?

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Wonder what happens if you "blush"????????? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

SAR!!!

-- Anonymous, November 15, 2001

I'm not going to touch this one, for fear I might spurt something out all over my monitor. ;)

-- Anonymous, November 15, 2001

ROTFLMAO... ought to take these comments and post them over at Pravda :)

-- Anonymous, November 15, 2001

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News In Brief

U.S. To Arab World: 'Stop Hating Us Or Suffer The Consequences' WASHINGTON, DC— In a strongly worded ultimatum Tuesday, President Bush warned the Arab world to "stop hating the United States or suffer the consequences." "You have exactly 10 days to put aside your deep-rooted resentment and rage toward America and learn to like us," said Bush in a message broadcast live to 17 Arab nations via Al Jazeera. "If you fail to comply, prepare to have the full might of the U.S. military brought down upon you." Bush also threatened to carpet-bomb any Arab region whose populace continues to be angry about America's longtime bombing campaign against Iraq and the decade-long U.S. sanctions that have led to the malnutrition deaths of tens of thousands of Iraqi children.

Ugly Man With Huge Penis Unsure How To Get The Word Out

AUBURN, ME— Overweight and balding Ira Groff, 37, is unsure how to get the word out about his 11-inch penis. "In theory, I could fumble around in my wallet for something and then—whoops!—an extra-large condom falls out," the acne-scarred Groff said Monday. "But that would come off as staged." Groff has also pondered wearing tighter pants, leaving penile-reduction-surgery brochures around his workspace, or sporting a button that reads, "Ask Me About My Huge Cock."

The Onion

-- Anonymous, November 15, 2001

Hey Barefoot, e-mail me the one OG censored, I didn't catch it in time :)

-- Anonymous, November 15, 2001

I missed it too, but after reading the "nuts" thread, I suspect that I didn't miss anything, so I won't ask for a copy

Are we all getting punchy because we missed our naps?

-- Anonymous, November 15, 2001

Will this bring turtle-necks back into fashion?

-- Anonymous, November 16, 2001

ROTFLMAO... wonder how long this one lasts :)

-- Anonymous, November 16, 2001

Sorry Meemur, I was feeling a little squirrly that day :(

-- Anonymous, November 16, 2001

You took the words out of my brain, Carl. (;

-- Anonymous, November 16, 2001