Yesterday I watched an episode of JAG, a rerun on USA network at 7:00 pm., the plot was about a wife beater who cimmited murder. The shows female lead stated that as a woman: "she must be allways on the alert, with keys in hand, ready to escape to her car, to avoid a male attack. And that she must allways be alert to an attack (from a male) because of a males presence might be hostile, seeking male gratification"; is this true? Or is this Hollywood? As an older male I never had any problem understanding when a female wanted attention, physical or otherwise, what are we talking about here? Is there a world out there that I do not understand?

-- mitch hearn (moopups@citlink.net), November 15, 2001

Answers

I think this is a case of Hollywood creating the world in which we live. Guys (a small percentage) watch this stuff on tv and go out and try it out. I may get some flack for this, but the typical male "predator" has usually been feasting on porn, as well. I do not see all men as evil, lurking in every shadow, but there are enough bad guys out there to make me very careful going out after dark. I know of at least one rape victim, however, who partly blames herself because of how she was dressed. I told her I didn't think that had much to do with it; she was only 12 at the time. And she was wearing jeans.

-- Cathy N. (keeper8@attcanada.ca), November 15, 2001.

I see it in the news papers every day and have been attacked at gun point myself. It is a real threat, but I do think we get paranoid quite a bit,but on the other hand if I had not have been paranoid, I might not have made it out unhurt,I wish I could have said the same of my boyfriend at the time. His jaw was broken in two places,dislocated shoulder and was beat up pretty bad. We have to be thankful no one was killed!I am always ready when I go outside. Even if I am going to feed the chickens. I am sorry to say though, even in well lit parkinglots with lots of people, if there is a man near by I will wait or get security to walk me out.

-- Micheale from SE Kansas (mbfrye@totelcsi.net), November 15, 2001.

I am not normally a person to be afraid, but I think you need to use common sense if you are in a situation like dark parking lots, car broke down at night etc... You would naturally like to trust people but a little wariness can be helpful as well.

But I really believe most attacks on women are by people they know (like husbands, ex-husbands, boy-friends etc..) I can't quote exact percentages but I have read this before.

-- Melissa (me@home.net), November 15, 2001.

I hate to feel this way, but I'm always on guard when I'm anywhere near a man I don't know. It's not that I think all men are evil - very much to the contrary - but it's just impossible to tell who will hurt you and who won't. After being raped several years ago, I still can't bear to be in the same room with a man who is angry. It absolutely terrifies me. Even if it is someone I know very well, who I know would never do anything to hurt me - it doesn't matter. If it is a man and he's acting like he's angry, I'm petrified. Thank God my husband is a very gentle man!

The statistics state that one in every three women in this country will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. A rape occurs every 46 seconds. I don't think it's unusual that we so often feel threatened, even in situations where we may actually be safe.

-- Cheryl in KS (cherylmccoy@rocketmail.com), November 15, 2001.

As a former battered-wife, being overly cautious goes with the territory. I believe you must get out of the situation and then let time and your own internal healing put a bit of perspective to the picture. It took being on my own for a while and totally depending upon myself to realise that most people would not "hurt". I am grateful for all the lessons I learned during those awful 9 years of pain, as well as the ones I learned the years following. I can look at people in a healhty manner now. During that time alone I did learn a martial art, which helped with my sense of security. I'd recommend a self-defense class for everyone.

-- Iris (Sar_India@msn.com), November 15, 2001.

By nature, I'm a cautious person. As a handicapped female, I take precautions when I'm alone. My doors are always locked. the truck doors are locked whe I'm driving anywhere. In public, I watch people all the time and when I'm using my electric cart, I check who is behind me a lot. In a public parking lot, I try to park near the building and never by a van or truck. If I feel uncomfortable in a situation, I get out of there! Women should remember to follow their instincts! As I told my daughter...if you are somewhere and you feel uncomfortable, GET OUT OF THERE! Oh, and also, if I'm going to the garden, I've been known to pack my trusty 9 millimeter!

-- Ardie/WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), November 16, 2001.