Self-evident Truths About Pets (Which We All Can Relate To)

* Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it forever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

* A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

* An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

* Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

* Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

* Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

* Dog's have owners. Cat's have staff.

* Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

* Dogs shed, cats shred.

* I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?

* If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket then giving Fido only two of them.

* No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.

* Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.

* Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

* I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

* Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

* Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

* People that hate cats will come back as dogs in their next life.

* We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: Why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls?

* Women and cats will do as they please ... men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

* When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

* In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

Answers

We used to have a cat (Sam) who was a bladder-jumper. Every morning, he would climb to the top of the chest of drawers and jump down on top of me--always landing right on my bladder.

Boy howdy, if that doesn't get you outta bed in a hurry...

Then there's Lucy, who taps me on the mouth if I sleep too late. If that doesn't work, she bites my nose.

JR pushes things off the kitchen counter (he prefers loud, breakable objects) to get our attention.

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

Lucy must be related to Polly. Our dear old Nelson used to sprint down the hall and take a flying leap onto the water bed, landing between us and grinning. He was heavy enough that he would create wave action and wake us up.

I hate when the clocks change because their clocks don't.

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

My cats would gladly fire their staff if they could figure out how to replace us. (We're SUCH a disappointment to them...)

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001